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The future wasn't something she liked to think about. On one hand becoming Heda would be no greater honor but that meant her fellow Nightbloods would be dead. Those who she grew up with, trained with, spent time around, all gone. When Luna sat upon the bed, Lexa moved a little closer to her, closing the small gap between them. There wasn't often a lot of time for contact and that alone was hard. Sometimes all she wanted was a hug, or a simple touch of the hand and often that couldn't happen.

Their future was sure to keep anyone up at night, even Lexa who was adamant in doing her duty as a nightblood. She was a good litte natblida but even so, she was still allowed to care and feel, it just wasn't shown as much. She took Titus's teachings more to heart mainly in hopes that he knew something that would help quell the inner emotional turmoil. He was their teacher and she trusted him to know it. "That's enough to keep anyone awake." Lexa commented with a slight nod of her head, her heart seemingly twisting it an unknown grip.

Aside from the other nightbloods, she didn't really have anyone. An only child, her parents out of her life, she had come to Polis alone. Lexa dipped her head, a small smile on her features, one of relief and full of her grateful feelings. "Thank you. I really appreciate that." Luna asked the question that even Lexa didn't have the answer too and as she stared ahead, her mind whirling with thoughts buzzing like flies, it was hard to pinpoint an accurate theory. "I'm not sure. I was tired earlier but when I tried sleeping, my brain just wouldn't shut down."

Lexa paused to take a breath. "Is there anything I can do to help distract your mind?" Her fingers reached out for Luna's hand to draw a half circular pattern, her own way of asking for a hug because frankly, that was what she needed right now. Well, one of the things she needed right now.

Kane was right and she dipped her head in understanding, not at all pertubed by the held up hand. She took it for what it was - friendship not an order considering he was one of the few that seemed to understand and respect her and her tough position. They'd done things they regretted in the name of protecting their people and though many didn't see it that way, it was the truth. All her life, her training had been for her people. Her people came first, their safety and protection and if that meant doing things that they might not agree with then fine. Didn't mean she couldn't feel about the effects, and the mountain was just one of them. Though she regretted it and felt guilt, she had thought it was the best course of action at the time.

Just as the summit and inducting Skaikru into the coalition was the best course of action for their future. Like it or not, they had to share the earth now and some of her people(and she used the term her people lightly) were highly against that. She understood them to a point, and even more so if they were the enemy but they weren't. And if they wanted a future they needed to work together and have peace.

Gently she took the patch, her fingers running along the stitching. It had been years since she paid any close attention to it, but she paid more attention to the fingers that wrapped around hers, her eyes flicking up to stare Kane in the face as if to ask why did he dare grab her in such a manner? The tension that flared in her shoulders abated slightly as her mind shifted, telling her this wasn't a threat and to calm down. Her mind also began to form thoughts regarding their conversation and it was at that moment did she realize that he might know her. In fact she was sure of it, the way he breathed the question in a shaky voice. "Amelia."

There was a pause.

"You knew her didn't you?"

Lexa allowed herself a small smile at the words, trying to keep herself from expending too much energy from movements and gestures. She was tired and it was a tired that went deep into her bones. A sense of tiredness that she had never felt before, as it her very soul had become weary. "It's very rare for us to do what you have done. Not many have been able to chase away death, not even our most gifted healers."

Okay, so the bed wasn't exactly huge like the one in her room but she was actually meaning for Clarke to be on the bed, not stuck in the chair. Lexa thought of the logics behind it, and although she didn't exactly like it, could understand. All she wanted was comfort and Clarke being in the chair would be comfort enough because she was there. That was all she could really ask and technically it was staying there, right? Clarke left the bedside to fetch a fur blanket, of that they had plenty and didn't move even as she left her line of sight.

With Clarke there, Lexa felt safe. If anything happened, not that she planned for things to happen, but if they did, Clarke would know what to do. Lexa was astounded by her skill, a skill that went above even many of her own healers, and wondered if she would impart any wisdom to their healers. Maybe not too.

For now she was content just to be alive, to have Clarke near her. It wasn't every day that Lexa got to rest and as weird as it felt, her body seemed to crave it. Her eyes fluttered, closing as sleep took over the commander, her sleeping form looking younger than she was.

Lexa had no idea just how close to home her comment was. For her, Lexa had only said the importance because if something happened to either one it wasn't going to bode well. The consequences of Lexa getting injured would be retaliation. The consequences of Ontari getting injured, though she wasn't Heda or even a leader could cause retaliation. Not that it would but it might. Ontari was technically Nia's second and that was important enough in Lexa's eyes. If her second got injured or killed while showing a guest around she'd be pretty pissed. The Queen herself didn't enjoy her pets being hurt unless she was the one doing the hurting. Lexa had learned that first hand.

Those that knew her knew that she thought several steps ahead most of the time. She had to, though even she couldn't see all the potential outcomes. Lexa getting injured would mean retaliation. Ontari getting blamed for something that wasn't even her fault was even worse. While they'd gotten away from most of those in the marketplace, it didn't mean they were still safe. Someone could easily come by and launch an attack and it was those she was more wary of rather than those in the marketplace. "I want to avoid anything that will get us both harmed." Lexa responded flatly. She wasn't going to give her true answer in this case and it certainly wasn't to get information about Nia.

"We both know how angry she can get." Lexa spoke calmly as if they were merely talking about something like the weather and not the leader of Azgeda. "Though I've never had that anger turned on me quite like you have, I've still experienced it." Nia had not been able to unleash her fury when Lexa demanded she banish her only son. It wasn't something she wanted to do but needed to in order to reign in the Queen who thought she was all powerful. Aside from the mountain, Azgeda was the biggest threat to herself and the coalition so the less power they had the better it was for the rest of them. "You don't, of course, have to say anything." She didn't need Ontari to confirm or try to deny such a thing especially when she figured Ontari might think this was a trap.

They were on opposing sides, Lexa from Trikru, Ontari from Azgeda. "I'm not going to do anything that would endanger you." Why was she still talking?

The conclave had never invoked as much fear as it had that night. It was a very real possibility of having to do her duty though she thought their commander would live longer than this; not to mention her fear had amped up when she had fallen in love with Ontari. It was why she never thought about the conclave, as much as humanely possible. She avoided talking about it too much, focused on other words instead when Titus brought the subject up. She had mastered the art of looking as though she was paying him attention rather than ignoring certain words and phrases.

"If being a good little natblida means killing you then I don't want to be a good little natblida anymore." Lexa replied, her emotions slipping through her voice rather than holding them back. Being the good little natblida was what she knew. What she was and the words didn't hurt as much as they reminded her what would happen if they entered the conclave. A shiver coursed through her body, making her tremble and she didn't bother hiding that either. Instead she curled up closer into Tari's frame, gaining comfort and warmth that otherwise eluded her.

'We can't do our duty.' Lexa agreed with Tari's words, giving a quick nod to show she agreed with her. But how would they not to their duty? What could they even do? It was Tari who had the answer it seemed, to run away and yet Lexa wasn't sure where they could run to. She wasn't saying no to the words, thinking about it more on the side of where they could go to. If they ran, they'd be dubbed traitors of the blood and could be hunted down and killed if the next commander wished for it. Lexa wasn't worried about herself but for Tari, her Sun though she knew this wasn't a choice based on just fear alone. Very real thought had been put behind this just as she was thinking about it now. Thoughts such as a small village half a days walk from Polis had horses that they could use to travel further rather than rely on foot.

Or part of the rivers that crossed through Trikru, the point shallow each to safely collect water and deep enough to fish for eels. Was it crazy that she was even considering it? Leave everything behind that she knew fot a future where her and Tari survived? A few years ago she had asked Tari if she trusted her. Though she hadn't been asked that question, Lexa felt it deep within her bones. I asked her if she trusted me. Now it's my turn to trust her. It was a crazy plan, absolutely insane. And yet as she looked into Tari's eyes in the dim light of her room, all she could do was nod her head.

"I'll run with you anywhere." Lexa spoke, clearing her throat since she had been so quiet. "I'm not sure how much we can take now but remember those villages south of Polis? We can pick up supplies there." The village that helped people on their way, no matter who they were. Of course Lexa had never been there; she just heard stories from those that did whenever she milled about in the markets. Slowly she uncurled herself from Tari to pull herself to her feet, her hand still clasped around hers. "We leave together."

The news had been shocking and terrifying all at once. Their Heda was dead, cut down in their prime and Lexa had felt the tril of grief at her fallen teacher and commander, the shock of the death and then the terror of what it all meant. When the current heda died, the natblida novitiates entered the conclave with the winner being chosen by the spirit of the commander. When the natblida entered the conclave, it meant a fight to the death - all of their training was not only preparing them for leading but for killing each other.

Killing each other.

Killing Luna but most of all, killing Ontari. When the news broke all she could think about was Tari, about the light and love of her life. So distraught that she barely ate and then when she bathed and went to bed, she spent half the night staring up at the ceiling, her body trembling and digust pooling in her stomach. She couldn't kill Tari and she couldn't let Tari kill her either - the guilt would eat her alive no matter how strong she was. Lexa made no mistake - Tari was strong and she was so proud and in love that her heart ached. She'd fallen asleep, what miracles of miracles that was, and this time she wasn't dreaming but a nightmare of darkness and being utterly alone dominated her mind.

Her name was called, beckoning to her as she walked through the darkness, alone. Her eyes snapped opened, green visionaries peering at the figure before her and her heart began to race and slow down all at once with the nightmare falling to the wayside. Immediately she sat up, letting her body go from restfulness to alert. The use of 'star' sought a smile upon her lips, reminding her of the night under the skies where Lexa had woken Tari up just to sneak out to see them.

Lexa had struggled to find a nickname for Tari because all the ones she thought of sounded really bad. She thought about moon to be opposite her nickname of star but then it hit her. Sun. The true opposite of the moon and stars. The sun was bright, beautiful and warm - the same things that Tari was. Because without Tari, her life would be dark. Tari was that bright shining light and she needed her more than air itself.

As corny as that sounded.

Lexa's own fear was hidden behind her own mask though she saw Tari's fear as plain as day; much like Tari would probably be able to see her own fear in her eyes, the only place where her true expression showed. Not to mention they'd spent enough time together that Tari could read her unlike any of their other siblings. "Hey, it's okay, I'm awake now." She paused, reaching over for her hand for reassurance. "Talk to me, Sun. I'm not going anywhere." There had to be one reason why she was woken up. Fear of the conclave. What else could it be?

Oh how little did she know.