Offline
Nov 26, 2020 21:43:23 GMT
Tag me @clarke
|
|
Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 8, 2015 17:43:27 GMT
“Soulmates don’t necessarily have to be romantic.” Clarke replied. They didn’t have to be, but they could be. She knew she could easily love him romantically. Maybe she already did, she couldn’t tell that at the moment. But what she knew was: She loved him in every other way. She needed him. He held this power over her, if she wanted it or not, if he wanted it or not. And in her not clear mind that scared the hell out of her. She already had no control over herself, but a man who could easily break her apart or keep her together. “I know what you mean. It was easy to run, I was broken anyway, I wasn’t whole, so… nothing haunted me. You were missing the entire time. “ She had needed him and had made perhaps the biggest mistake ever by just leaving him. But she could not take it back. At least she knew now he felt deeply about her as well, which meant they could fix it, if they put work into it. And hell she would, as much as her body and mind now permitted.
“You did protect me.” There was nothing more he could have done. He did his best and she had been so damn unappreciative up until now. Now she knew she needed it, but she needed to let him know how much – in those moments of clarity of course. She needed to make it up to him somehow, because she fucked up by leaving. Once their roles were reversed and he stayed for her. And she left. What an idiot she had been.
“Live? How… How do you live, Bellamy?” She didn’t know this anymore, if she ever did. Clarke reached out for his hand, barely being able to get to it to begin with. Once their hands were joined again, she felt safer, grounded again. God, she had been an idiot. “How do you live, when your own mind is suddenly your worst enemy? I get scary, Bellamy. You’ve seen me yesterday. I get really scary. My arm… that’s not the first injury I sustained from that. I hate when I get like that. And you should probably… stay away from me then. I could hurt you and I don’t want to.”
Bellamy Blake
|
|
Offline
Nov 26, 2020 21:43:23 GMT
Tag me @clarke
|
|
Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 8, 2015 16:10:52 GMT
“It’ll be fine.” She said again, but she didn’t know if it could be fine. How could it? Neither of them could go back and change anything. This weight would forever be upon them. Nobody would carry it with them. They were on their own with that, but of course she wasn’t enough. It was all she could say. They could go back to the friendship they had, right? To the respect they shared. This didn’t mean they would have to lose it. She could rise above the fact that he didn’t want her, eventually. For now it just hurt – a lot. It was just all so much right now. Clarke just didn’t know what to do, where to start to put the pieces back together, that felt like they have now fully fallen apart, now that it felt like he’d no longer hold her together – he didn’t want her and why would he? She got up.
“I’m getting them, then. I’ll… see you.” It was good to get out of there. Once outside she could let go of the tension. Even her face could relax, letting the sadness and pain show that she held back for him. It didn’t matter to the others anyway, so she’d be fine. As she suspected the looks given to her were all the same, at least they felt the same. Hanging her head slightly she went to find Miller and Monty, who immediately pulled her into a hug between the two of them. Their whispered words touched her. For the first time since Mount Weather she felt like someone else apart from Bellamy might actually care about her.
Once the two were on their way to Bellamy – after having agreed to stay with him for the night, Clarke returned to their tent. For a moment she considered just moving herself out of it. For another she considered leaving, leaving everything behind, for good this time. But eventually she just lay down. She felt defeated and small and insignificant and so she lay on his bed and cried, wondering when it all went so wrong. What she had done and what she could do to undo it all. This night Clarke cried herself to sleep.
Bellamy Blake
|
|
Offline
Nov 26, 2020 21:43:23 GMT
Tag me @clarke
|
|
Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 8, 2015 14:47:44 GMT
One of the Grounders came to her, to grab her again. Anticipating what would happen, Clarke tried to push him off weakly. But as she pushed at his chest the face changed, revealing Bellamy, not a Grounder. She heard his voice, confirming what she saw. It was Bellamy. Clarke looked around, trying to see the Grounders, but they were in the dropship. There were no Grounders here. It was just their people, just them. What she saw wasn’t real. It made sense to her then. She had been poisoned. It must be a symptom. Hallucinations. “Bellamy…. I hallucinated, right?” there was no other explanation. She was safe for now, but this poison would kill her. It was just a matter of time.
“You… you need to have your wounds cleaned, Bellamy. They need you. They can’t lose both of us.” And that meant they would have to take care of him. Despite how much she was shaking, how weak she felt she tried to get to the prepared tea to clean his wound. But she stopped, feeling like she could no longer go on. This task, that was once so very easy to her was now next to impossible. She was really dying and there was nothing she could do to take the guilt from him as she wouldn’t live long enough. Instinctively she reached for his hand, trying to steady herself on him.
Bellamy Blake
|
|
Offline
Nov 26, 2020 21:43:23 GMT
Tag me @clarke
|
|
Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 8, 2015 0:28:52 GMT
He was right. It wasn’t much sleep, but more than he expected, probably. He was probably expecting her to have gotten 0 sleep. He would have been right if it hadn’t been for his sister and Lincoln. They were the only people she could possibly trust with him. Even if Octavia hated her, they both knew the other would go to certain lengths for Bellamy. Did she know why? Probably not. And Clarke would not tell her. Their relationship was not like that anymore. Her words still rang in her ears. All the words still did, but hers were just true. Everyone was counting on her, but she was just not good enough, just no worth counting on. Self doubt crept up on her. She felt like Octavia was right. She had tried hard, but it didn’t seem to be hard enough. It was never hard enough, not good enough.
Bellamys words about what he said didn’t help the pain she felt over knowing she wasn’t good enough. He shouldn’t have said that. He could just put it aside like it was nothing. Maybe it was nothing to him, not of consequence, just another word. Love, but not enough maybe, not in that way probably, not in the way she felt it for him, where the pure thought of him dying made her feel like she could die. Clarke pulled her hands back, running them over her arms as if to warm them. She nodded. “Yeah. Okay. Sure.” Clarke actually began to feel cold, but she knew it was not because of the surrounding air, it was from within her. He didn’t feel the same, it hurt. It made her feel so cold and empty inside. For a moment she considered leaving, but she couldn’t. It would just make him realize that it hurt her. She pulled the blanket up around her on the chair.
“I don’t actually know what time it is. Or what day.” Why did this hurt? She shouldn't feel rejected, but in a way, he had rejected her. Friends, that was all they would be then. "I guess I could see if Miller and Monty are up, if you want to see them."
Bellamy Blake
|
|
Offline
Nov 26, 2020 21:43:23 GMT
Tag me @clarke
|
|
Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 7, 2015 19:16:04 GMT
“Mh, I don’t know? The furthers back tent in the camp?” Meaning theirs of course. But she also had a bit of another idea on their honeymoon. They wanted to avoid having to move into the station and with that having to reveal their marital status. “Maybe we should spend out honeymoon by building a cabin?” They were both young, probably the most unaffected by the cold, building could help ward the cold off as well. It could be really good for them. They’d have a permanent home then, figure out the kinks of building as well.
“Bellamy, don’t call my mom, mom, she’ll probably rip your head of. Call her Abby. Gosh, don’t call her mom, please.” That was weird, even to her. She loved him, so much, but that… crossed all the lines she knew of, even though it didn’t officially. “It’s not like you’ll then be blood relatives. I’m not about to start calling Octavia sister. Then again she might decapitate me if I tried.” She was still not her biggest fan, despite them warming up to each other again, very, very slowly. And probably for the sake of Bellamy mostly. “Will we have Lincoln there too? I mean he’s… basically your brother in law.” Minus the law thing yet.
Bellamy Blake
|
|
Offline
Nov 26, 2020 21:43:23 GMT
Tag me @clarke
|
|
Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 6, 2015 14:44:02 GMT
“I have rested, I’ll have you know.” Clarke managed a grin at that. “Lincoln and Octavia made me.” It wasn’t too much, he was right, but had they not made her rest, she would have sat with him, awake, the entire time. This way she actually got a bit of sleep, even if it was laced with terrible nightmares of the things she had done. She had no intention of sharing that detail with him. But once he would no longer need oxygen for his lungs, she would be more than happy to take him back to their tent and care for him there. The others could then come and see him as well. They would need it as well, especially Miller and Monty who were probably shook with guilt. They needed to see Bellamy. And she needed to stay close. She had been way too worried about him, had been before, too.
As soon as he asked about what he said before he fell into the coma, she was glad she was running her hand through his hair. It made it easier to focus, it was soothing her and maybe the task would allow her to reply without giving away any emotion. Lexa could read them easily despite how guarded she was around her. Could be? Maybe not.. She didn’t know if her face betrayed her hesitation or the flicker of emotion in her eyes as she thought of the possibility.
“Of course you did. We were speaking. You were pretty out of it.” That was it, wasn’t it? He was out of it. No point in declaring it anything its not. He couldn’t feel for her. “Said you loved me.”
Bellamy Blake |
|
Offline
Nov 26, 2020 21:43:23 GMT
Tag me @clarke
|
|
Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 6, 2015 10:38:17 GMT
Clarke felt slow. She could hardly follow his movements, though not because he was too fast, but because her mind was either still feeling the aftermath of being knocked out or it was the poison. Either way it took her a moment to realize why he was suddenly without shirt – showing of the multiple wounds on him. He was giving her his shirt. Only then did the awareness really settle in her that she was just in her underwear still. Jasper and Bellamy had been clothed. The blonde turned the shirt over, to put it on. For a moment her eyes rested on the blood, his, some probably hers from when he held her, some Finn. Like on their bodies, his shirt was a map of what they had endured. Due to their size difference his shirt covered down to her thighs. The almost artistic burns and cuts were still visible on her arms and legs.
They walked in silence, each lost to their own thoughts. Clarke knew she had to speak to Bellamy. She had to try and take a bit of his guilt from him. He did what he had to do. Finn knew that. They all knew it. Had he not done it, they would have all died. He saved their lives. Finn was dead either way. But for now they just needed to get back home. The gate opened immediately as the people saw them. They were ushered inside. Clarke only saw a flash, which she could assume was Octavia rushing to her brother. Meanwhile she refused hugs, ducked away from under them to make her way to the dropship. Someone stopped her once inside. Maybe Raven, she couldn’t tell. They commented on her running a fever, but she didn’t care. She kept walking to their medical supplies, preparing what she needed to take care of Bellamys and Jaspers wounds. She was dead anyway. She felt them trying to stop her, to make her sit, heard others saying she needed this care as well, because she was wounded as well, but Clarke just shook her head.
“Just bring … just bring Bellamy here, okay? Just let me take care of his wounds.” They needed someone to lead them and that was him. Clarke couldn’t do it any longer, but he could. And he had to. And they would know he would do whatever it took to protect them. And she would make sure his wounds didn’t get infected. Clarke was almost ready with the tea as she felt the world around her spin. She had to sit. But before she even sat she saw grounders run towards her. Clarke screamed in terror, not realizing it was just a hallucination.
Bellamy Blake
|
|
Offline
Nov 26, 2020 21:43:23 GMT
Tag me @clarke
|
|
Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 6, 2015 9:08:26 GMT
“We have the seaweed. The tea should do fine.” That was if she could get it down. Clarke, as well as Bellamy, knew that swallowing would hurt. If she had to, she would, but she knew, just by instinct, she would avoid it as much as possible. This would be a bit of a struggle, but she was alive. A bit of sleep should do the trick. And not aggravating the wound. “And we cleaned it as best as we could, so it should be fine. I might be small, but I think my body can fight of a simple infection.” At least she hoped she could. Only the night could tell. Clarke felt shocked and slightly suspicious at how… nice he was right now, caring even. He even offered food.
“Thank you, but no.” She would need to eat eventually, but the cut was fresh and it was late. She would need water, but that was it. “I can do without. But water would be nice, please.” In the days here Bellamy might have been slightly violent, but he never crossed the line of killing, not even when it would have been a good thing, so Clarke knew she was safe in his presence. Still her hand went to the bandage – despite knowing she shouldn’t touch it – she looked around. “We should probably talk about Charlotte, unless you’re tired.”
Bellamy Blake
|
|
Offline
Nov 26, 2020 21:43:23 GMT
Tag me @clarke
|
|
Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 6, 2015 9:06:46 GMT
“Sounds like a plan.” Did it mean he was up for spending more time with her? Clarke couldn’t help but feel hopeful for that. She liked him so far and something told her she’d only continue to like him. He seemed to be clever, dedicated, too. He probably worked hard for his position unlike other kids on Alpha Station. She could have taken so many positions just because of who her parents were, but he was not from their station, he probably had to fight hard, which made it all the more impressive that he was a guard or training to become one. “Okay, then. I’ll go grab a book and I’ll meet you back here asap.”
She was almost giddy as she got up. She didn’t even really wait for a reply before climbing back down and making her way to her parents apartment again. She picked the one book she was in the middle of reading at the moment anyway and put it into a bag. Clarke allowed herself to make a thermos of tea as well, packing two mugs, figuring they might eventually want to drink something and, well tea was better than water. Finally she made her way back to the little hideout of hers. She stared out of the window while waiting for Bellamy to return. Earth was beautiful. Maybe her child would one day see it.
Bellamy Blake
|
|
Offline
Nov 26, 2020 21:43:23 GMT
Tag me @clarke
|
|
Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 6, 2015 9:05:38 GMT
Even if her mother didn’t, she would go through with it. Her mother and the council sent them down to earth to die basically. She and Bellamy had carried the burden of what had been done in order for them to survive, their hands were bloody. They really deserved whatever happiness they could get. So they shouldn’t let anyone stop them from getting married if they really wanted it. Clarke placed her hand flat over his heart now, feeling the warmth of his chest under her finger. He was alive, he made her happy, so very very happy. If Clarke was being honest with herself, which was now easy when it concerned him, the quiet evenings with him were the happiest parts of her days.
“Then we got my future name.” Future for not too long if Clarke could decide. She’d love to take him to Kane, ask him, get their family and have the marriage officiated right the next night. Maybe that was the best and most uncomplicated solution. People would be asleep in the night. Nobody would see or question them in one place, officiating a marriage. Suddenly Clarke fell silent. Did he really think that? Did he mean it? She knew he loved his mother a lot, she had felt it and with every day of their relationship it grew clearer. “Really? That’s good. I would have liked to meet the woman who gave birth to you and Octavia. She must have been such a brave strong woman.”
Bellamy Blake
|
|
Offline
Nov 26, 2020 21:43:23 GMT
Tag me @clarke
|
|
Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 5, 2015 22:44:55 GMT
She wondered it, too. If it had been Monty Clarke would have said it was his plan. Monty was the kind of guy to have enough knowledge of plants to anticipate this reaction. Others? She wasn’t sure. There could be some people to know enough to actually go for his life. Others might have just misjudged the moment completely. It didn’t matter. They would get a punch in the face either way. “I wonder about that, too. We’ll find out.” Eventually they would know. And she would take matters into her hands. Whoever tried to take him, knowingly or not, would pay.
“No need, Bellamy. I stayed for you and I will continue to do so.” Wait, she should not say that. She should not imply anything that might betray what Lexa so easily saw. It didn’t matter between them. Maybe it mattered to her, but it was not the most important thing right now. The most important thing was him. Clarke ran her hand through his hair, her face soft. At least he was okay. He was going to be fine. “You know, you saying you’re feeling much better won’t get you out of here faster or out of bed.” He needed to rest now, even more so than before. Clarke knew, logically that her body was in a lot of need of rest as well. She would, once she knew he was really getting better. And then the nightmares would come, but that was inevitable. “You need to give your lungs time to heal and your body in general. Octavia needs you. This camp needs you. Wait.” Clarke had noticed the mask. It was stupid to still have him wear the mask when he was over the worst and his lung only needed a bit of help now. As carefully and gently as possible, Clarke took the mask off. She detached it and replaced it with a nasal cannula, fixing that on Bellamy as well. “Does that work? That okay?” Without even realizing it her hand had gone back to run through his hair over and over again.
Bellamy Blake
|
|
Offline
Nov 26, 2020 21:43:23 GMT
Tag me @clarke
|
|
Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 5, 2015 12:02:32 GMT
“I’m not sure.” While she was sure of Octavias slightly disapproving reaction and her eventually thinking of her brothers happiness before her disdain towards Clarke, the blonde had to really think of how her mother would react to that. What would she think of her getting married at 18? And then getting married to Bellamy? With Wells it was easy, she would have approved of him within a heartbeat, Bellamy was different, though. Clarke saw she held a lot of respect for Bellamy these days. He stood up to her and Kane for the remaining 44, as did Clarke. She could respect that. And Bellamy was skilled in what he did. He inspired the masses, which by now meant he was leading a lot more. Even though nobody said anything, but he was, officially or unofficially, a part of the leadership for their people. The blonde was positive that should it come to a threat, they would ask for Bellamys council officially and hers as well. “She will probably initially try to find a way to disapprove, but she respects you. I think she’ll be okay with it, eventually.” It might just take her a bit.
“I would want that.” And he would probably want to keep his mothers name. She understood this desire as it was probably the very, very same desire for the both of them: Wanting to hold onto something of their parents. They could just both keep their names. It made no difference. It wasn’t like they planned on a child anytime soon where the last name would become an actual issue. They could just both keep their names. But then he suggested a name with a certain ring to it. “Clare Griffin- Blake.” It had something. She painted lazy imaginary circles on his chest as she pondered the name. Clarke Griffin- Blake. It was actually the best of both worlds. She could keep her name and take on his. “I think that’s the best solution. Clarke Griffin- Blake. I kind of love it. What do you say?”
Bellamy Blake
|
|
Offline
Nov 26, 2020 21:43:23 GMT
Tag me @clarke
|
|
Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 5, 2015 11:41:41 GMT
Clarke squeezed his arm softly as a response to him thanking her. He didn’t have to. She should have to thank him. He was trying to tell her to stay. He was giving her options and he was opening up about his own past in order to protect her from a fate he knew could be damaging, if not fatal to her. He was right to have reservations. By now Clarke knew the mountain men had tried to make a deal with the Grounders, but someone in their camp had realized that this was basically them admitting defeat. It was fear and panic and so they went ahead with their plan anyway. It was the way of the least collateral damage. To think Bellamy had almost become that…
“No.” Clarke ruled at his suggestion they would tell Lexa after the battle was done and the bodies were cleared. “We will not tell her then.” Going to her to tell her that then could result in small or larger aggression from the girl. They would need a slightly different approach. If they wanted to keep the peace or at least the truce, this had to be known to all. “Let her come and offer again, in public. And then we tell her, in public, that my people need her. And the only way we would come to Polis would be with a delegation for further negotiations. We’ll use the other Grounders to make sure she can’t turn around on us. They will understand a leaders desire to be with her people after events such as this. If we play this hand correctly, Bellamy, we could come out on top. We’ll have to try this. Unless you have a better plan.”
Bellamy Blake
|
|
Offline
Nov 26, 2020 21:43:23 GMT
Tag me @clarke
|
|
Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 5, 2015 11:32:33 GMT
“For you maybe. Unity day for me was the least free day.” Thanks to being the daughter of a council member and best friend of the son of the chancellor. Clarke looked around, almost expecting Wells to hover close by, before being reminded that this was not what she should be looking for anymore. But what did it matter? Clarke knew not to go into details. It would only give them more grounds to annoy her on and she had better things to do with her time than to listen to little kids attempts to bring her down. She was aware of her own capabilities and wanted to use them as well as she could. What would have happened to the 100 had Clarke not been in confinement as well? They’d have no doctor and as good as Monty was with plants and herbs, he didn’t seem to know about human anatomy.
“If you intend to flirt while helping, go somewhere else, please. There are plenty of girls who are probably into flirting so go to them.” She didn’t want it. It wasn’t like it was getting him anywhere with her either. She was into a different type of men or women, one that was more aware of what others needed and less concerned about his own fun. His flirting would just distract her. Distraction at tasks like hers was a bad idea. “If you want to help me, then you will have to concentrate. Do you think you can do that?” Right now she couldn’t see it. He was hyper, like the rest of them. She understood, but she wanted to be sure they could survive here. And she wanted to be sure she could monitor them until the 21st day. Somehow they would have to send the Ark the message should things change in terms of radiation.
becky1
|
|
Offline
Nov 26, 2020 21:43:23 GMT
Tag me @clarke
|
|
Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 5, 2015 11:13:43 GMT
You’re alright, what a farce. What did she expect? Her to be dead? What did she care then? She left them, her and her people there to die, while they put their tails between their legs and ran. There was no point to it. Back then Lexa had pointed out she would have done the same. Back then Clarke was vulnerable, listening to the sirens song she did not know she had fallen under. Now she had nothing to lose as everything was lost already.
“No thanks to you. And I am not.” She would never be alright again. That was on Lexa and her people. What would happen between their people now would always be on Lexa. Clarke knew her people would not trust Grounders – save for Lincoln maybe – or make deals with them. She wouldn’t be surprised if Kanes and Bellamys standing orders right now were to kill every Grounder on sight. This was entirely on Lexas cowardice. “You’re a coward, Lexa. You ran away from a fight we would have easily won. Everyone in Mount Weather is dead, every innocent child. That’s on you.”
@lexa
|
|
