Not Broken, Just Bent

[Deleted]

I can't feel my senses

I just feel the cold

All colors seem to fade away

I can't reach my soul

I would stop running, if knew there was a chance

It tears me apart to sacrifice it all but I'm forced to let go

Lexa nodded to the two guards who followed her everywhere, "Stay here" she told them "i need some time alone" "Commander-" "Alone." she said firmly her heavily lined eyes boring into his. The man bowed and stepped back letting the young commander leave the camp undetected. This was something they were used too with her, she would leave when she needed to be alone with her thoughts...or clarke. 

I can feel your sorrow

You won't forgive me,

but I know you'll be all right

It tears me apart that you will never know but I have to let go

Tell me I'm frozen but what can I do?

Can't tell the reasons I did it for you

When lies turn into truth I sacrificed for you

You say that I'm frozen but what can I do?

Clarke...the mere thought of her made her heart ache, she didn't regret what she did, she only regretted that it had to hurt the girl she was falling for in the process. "I did what i had to do" she mumbled to herself as she walked through the forest towards the outcropping of rocks she called her sanctuary. She had faith that Clarke had managed without her help to bring down Mount Weather and the mountain men but still, it hurt. Though she had learned early on leader ship was pain. 

Slipping out of the belt that held her shoulder armor secure to her body she undid her sword belt and leaned it against the rock, sitting at the base she leaned against the cool stone and looked up at the sky, her people were safe...it was a new day. 

[Clarke Griffin]

She wasn’t over it, far from it. Clarke couldn’t even face her own people anymore. Words spoken in anger, but holding so much truth, kept echoing in her head, over and over. They were accusing her. They were RIGHT to do so. Those lives were in her and her wrong judgment. She should have known. She should have listened to the points the others made. She should have listened, but she didn’t and now so many innocent people had paid the price. But it was not only her fault. A part of it was to blame on the leader of the Grounders, their commander, the one who she now knew she shouldn’t have trusted. Strategy-wise Lexa had proven something and that was nothing in her favor. Since she had overstepped a lot of limits, Clarke decided to now overstep Lexas.

The blonde had chosen to walk into Lexas save place from a point where she knew no guard would bother to look. She was still armed and would remain so. Right about she would not hesitate using it, as she had seen the aftermath of what Lexa had done already. She knew Lexa was there, as she had spent a bit of time watching the spot, wanting to confront the woman with the bitter truth of her shortcomings. Her voice remained calculated, betraying no emotion – for now. “Hello, Lexa.” 

@lexa

[Deleted]

Clarke Griffin 

Lexa leaned back her head and looked up at the sky, she pressed her fingers onto her bruised ribs, wincing slightly at the pain. She was worried about how the battle went, how Clarke was, was she even alive? Lost in thought  she closed her eyes for a few moments thinking about that kiss they shared and how it felt to let someone in again. She was beginning to fall asleep when she heard footsteps, her hand slid to the knife hidden in the back of her boot and she was ready to strike when she heard "Hello Lexa" her whole body jerked to awareness and she was on her feet "Clarke!" she exclaimed "your alright"

[Clarke Griffin]

You’re alright, what a farce. What did she expect? Her to be dead? What did she care then? She left them, her and her people there to die, while they put their tails between their legs and ran. There was no point to it. Back then Lexa had pointed out she would have done the same. Back then Clarke was vulnerable, listening to the sirens song she did not know she had fallen under. Now she had nothing to lose as everything was lost already. 

“No thanks to you. And I am not.” She would never be alright again. That was on Lexa and her people. What would happen between their people now would always be on Lexa. Clarke knew her people would not trust Grounders – save for Lincoln maybe – or make deals with them. She wouldn’t be surprised if Kanes and Bellamys standing orders right now were to kill every Grounder on sight. This was entirely on Lexas cowardice. 

“You’re a coward, Lexa. You ran away from a fight we would have easily won. Everyone in Mount Weather is dead, every innocent child. That’s on you.”

@lexa

[Deleted]

Clarke Griffin

"Clarke..." Lexa's voice trailed off, she felt a pang of pain at the mention of the children. She never wanted children to get hurt "I had no choice but to leave Clarke...if i hadn't had faith in you i would have stayed. I knew you could save your people" she said her  voice desperate to explain.

[Clarke Griffin]

She had no choice? She had no choice? Of all the things Lexa could have said that felt like an insult and a punch in the face at the same time. It wasn’t like Lexa could fix it with this short excuse of having had no choice. Of course she had a choice!! Clarke herself had proven it. She would have never walked out on the Grounders, like Lexa walked out on them. Clarke might have been just a medical student, but even she saw the strategy behind Mount Weather going to Lexa and offering her the deal. She should have never accepted it, because that was, what in the end proved what kind of leader she was. Maybe eventually this action would bite her in the ass. Right now, if Clarke could do it, she would personally arrange for that. And maybe then she’d stand before Lexa arguing she had no choice, while knowing it held as much truth as Lexas statement held: None. She had every choice. She held the advantage in her hand and decided to betray her alliance and her own people. She decided to betray Clarke on a very personal level. She made promises, so many, yet in the end, she betrayed her.

“You had every choice, Lexa. You chose to abandon us. Don’t tell me you had no choice. You and I know that’s an excuse. But I was there, too, Lexa. We stood before their open doors with an army and an army inside. You sacrificed 300 of your people for this, but ran from the actual fight. Not many of your people would have died, because we outnumbered them. The deal alone was a sign of their desperation. We had them, Lexa. We had them with their backs against the wall and no way out. Had you stayed strong and true to the alliance, we would have won with minimal bloodshed.” Clarke stepped back from her.

“Jus drein jus daun. How did you explain it to your people, that they did not get the revenge your people deserved according to your culture. We had to sacrifice Finn for killing 18 of your people. The Mountain Men killed and tortured countless of them, but you let them get away with it. Don’t tell me you had no choice. You had a choice. And you chose to break abandon your allies.”

@lexa