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Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 2, 2015 13:24:20 GMT
“Idiot” she said affectionately. Over the time her saying she didn’t like him had transformed into a hidden form of a declaration of love. When she called him ass or idiot, it usually meant something like ‘honey’ or a gentle nudge to get a reaction from him. If it was any other man, it wouldn’t have affected her like that. She wouldn’t have bothered with it too much, might not even have brought it up, but this was Bellamy. Their bond survived so much already, she just wanted it to keep on surviving. She looked up again.
“Of course I feel that way, Bellamy. If… I didn’t want to lose this intimacy between us, I’d happily climb up the station and shout to the world that I fucking love you.” But that would be stupid as hell, so she wouldn’t do that no matter what. She meant it though. “Yes.” For her there was never any doubt, not since they really got committed to each other. She was in this for better or worse anyway, with a contact or without it, though in their society the contract only brought improvement for both of them. With it he would get a say in what would happen to her and she would get a say in what would happen to him, should something happen. There could be no reasons for anyone to separate them as the law then would view them as a unit, one which they already were anyway.
Bellamy Blake
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 2, 2015 13:23:20 GMT
She wasn’t over it, far from it. Clarke couldn’t even face her own people anymore. Words spoken in anger, but holding so much truth, kept echoing in her head, over and over. They were accusing her. They were RIGHT to do so. Those lives were in her and her wrong judgment. She should have known. She should have listened to the points the others made. She should have listened, but she didn’t and now so many innocent people had paid the price. But it was not only her fault. A part of it was to blame on the leader of the Grounders, their commander, the one who she now knew she shouldn’t have trusted. Strategy-wise Lexa had proven something and that was nothing in her favor. Since she had overstepped a lot of limits, Clarke decided to now overstep Lexas.
The blonde had chosen to walk into Lexas save place from a point where she knew no guard would bother to look. She was still armed and would remain so. Right about she would not hesitate using it, as she had seen the aftermath of what Lexa had done already. She knew Lexa was there, as she had spent a bit of time watching the spot, wanting to confront the woman with the bitter truth of her shortcomings. Her voice remained calculated, betraying no emotion – for now. “Hello, Lexa.”
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 1, 2015 22:35:41 GMT
Trust Bellamy Blake to ask the real questions, the hard ones that could actually make her reconsider her choice – unlike others. Her mother could address her morality, but Bellamy could do that, too. To question her way of thinking though, that was her Dad and now Bellamy, too. It sent a shiver down her spine just thinking about what she was about to do, what it actually meant for her. Lying to Bellamy was no option. She had lied to him before, to protect him. But under those circumstances there was no way she’d even consider it.
“Do you mean if I want to be with Lexa? Bellamy, she had Finn killed. She wanted to have your sister assassinated. She had Raven tortured. She had Gustus, her closest guard killed, just like that. She would probably love your head on a platter. She would have not even blinked while she had her people slaughter us. Do I want to be with her? No.” She didn’t feel something for her. She couldn’t. She had caused so much pain, so much doubt even in Clarke herself. She placed this deep guilt on her, that would make her want to cry out, if she didn’t force herself to stay strong.
“But if you mean if I want to do this as in if I really want to go give myself to her for our people? Yes. I’d do it in my heartbeat.” Clark smiled sadly at that. “Who would have thought that I’d one day consider selling myself like a common prostitute, just to protect out people? I don’t… want it, but if it saves our people I’ll do it gladly... Maybe I'm good enough for that”
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 1, 2015 19:29:37 GMT
Even though he said he felt somewhere in between, Clarke could see it was different than what he said. What she saw, what she heard as he drifted off, let every single alarm bell in her scream loudly at her, that this was not okay. She heard him, but as he closed his eyes, more important things ran through her mind than to wonder if he meant what he had said, if he truly loved her – like she him: His health. Bellamy had been really bad before, so this could not be good. Clarke exposed his foot immediately. She poked him with her nail, feeling just a minimal reaction to the pain and that being fully unconscious and would most likely cease soon. Not good. Shaking him softly, while calling out his name, she tried to wake him in vain. In her head she went through the scale of rating how deep he was in. This was not good at all. Clarke ran out to scream for her mother, gripped by a sudden panic. She had to help him. They had to help him. What felt like every medically trained person here rushed into the room. Only Jackson took pity in her, pushing her out, into the waiting arms of someone she could not look at, probably Kane. “He can’t die.” But he might be dying right now. Clarke couldn’t breathe, but she was still breathing, she knew. He just held her until she gathered herself enough, to feel the panic and pain replaced with anger and desperation. What if O and Lincoln were too late? Clarke pushed away. She rushed out to find Bellamys friends – no longer hers probably – linger close by. The blonde grabbed Monty by the collar.
“WHO gave you the breakfast for Bellamy? WHO?” she asked him, clearly upset. Miller tried to stop her, but Clarke just glared at him. “DON’T! WHO gave you the juice? YOU TWO GAVE BELLAMY POISON!!!!” Unconsciously or not, Clarke didn’t care. “AND NOW HE’S DYING IN THERE!!!!” A gasp and movement from Monty confirmed what she had thought: He had nothing to do with it and Millers face was frozen in shock. He too was innocent. But someone did this to Bellamy.
“Whoever did this better step forward and better have an antidote. He’s in a COMA by now. He’s dying. I hope you’re happy. I honestly thought we moved past killing each other. If Bellamy dies tonight…” Clarke let go of Monty. “Find who did this and make him bring the antidote.” With that she turned, to go back to Bellamy. She’d not leave his side again. To her surprise the chair had been exchanged to a more comfortable one, with pillows and a blanket waiting for her. Clarke settled in it. She reached for his cold hand again, hoping her presence would help and his vitals would stop getting worse and worse.
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 1, 2015 18:00:14 GMT
“That’s not what she wants, Bellamy.” But how was she to tell him the truth of what Clarke knew the other girl wanted. The many had been selfish initially, but through that everyone could see how protective he was of his sister and she heard he had been equally protective of his mother, of every woman in his life. He never underestimated any girl, but if he could protect them with his body and strength, he’d do it, ever underestimating their ability, just knowing there were limits to everyone. He was always willing to push his own for others, as he had done here in Mount Weather. Clarke unconsciously licked her lips. He wouldn’t like it, she knew. He would reject her reasoning and try harder t make her stay. And he wasn’t wrong. All the points he made, he wasn’t wrong at all. She could decide to hold her hostage. She could use her against them, try to control them trough her. Or Clarke could control her through it. It was all a matter of how she planned it. She could do it.
“Bellamy. I know it’s dangerous. And I know staying here… Lexa wants me to be with her. As her girlfriend. Right now that would mean I would have power with her and the others. Right now her having feelings for me is good for us. It could strengthen the alliance, Bellamy. Right now being with her could be good for us. I could try and influence her. I can try and make the alliance hold. If that’s the price, it’s a small price to pay for our peoples safety.” It was slightly terrifying, too. But she had in a way asked for it. It could backfire, Clarke was more than aware of that.
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 1, 2015 16:44:56 GMT
If she was right, they might be able to catch a bit more of sleep. Forcing down the disappointment she undoubtedly felt, Clarke wondered for a moment, if she should move, before she closed her eyes. But she decided against it. They’d move soon enough and right now she wasn’t sure if she could even go back to sleep. Maybe not. Probably not. Her impromptu proposal had literally bit her in the ass it seemed. She hadn’t even really thought it through and now she had to deal with the disappointment of it and questions of where it would actually go for them next. What if they just had no future like that? She didn’t want to think about it, but, well, she did. And she couldn’t even talk to anyone about it.
“It’s okay, Bell.” She whispered. He was holding her and telling her they should get married, but what if he just said that to make her happy? He had that in him, having grown up with only women around him, he knew how to. Clarke pulled the blanket over them, up under her nose, so he was as covered as it got and her as well. “You don’t have to say that to make me happy.” She couldn’t tell him it was just an idea right now, as it was a bit more to her, but it didn’t matter. “We don’t have to get married.” It would have been a solution, but they could do it either way. Did marriage even matter down here? To their people it might, to show them their union was solid, should they discover it, but apart from that? "We should start working on a permanent solution for out tent tomorrow. Like build a cabin."
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 1, 2015 16:01:19 GMT
“It’s not our choice, Bellamy.” Not their jurisdiction. So many Grounders died while Dante knew about it. He might not have initiated it, but he was accepting it. “We can’t deny them that anymore, Bellamy. The consequences would be to grave. They mean it when they say blood must have blood. If we deny them that, they might return to killing us. Or the other people here. There is no way around it anymore.” No way for her to stop it. Dante would meet his end, so his people could live. Something told her, he, too, would consider it a small price to pay at the end of this.
“She’s good. She’s… done a lot of good, Bellamy.” She had helped the survivors of Tondc and as luck would have it she was not within the range of the bomb killing people. She knew she had lied to him, but he had to be focused on his task, not worried about whether Clarke would reach the city in time or not. That day was something she would have to deal with still, but didn’t know how to yet. She’d figure it out. For now she had him back safely and their people were safe or as good as safe. That’s what mattered. But apparently not all that mattered to him as he stopped her.
“That’s exactly why I need to go, Bellamy For our people. Look this alliance is weak. We can’t have any illusions about this. Their leader is Lexa. She could just call it off. Right now what holds this alliance together is a common enemy, Mount Weather. Later saving the Reapers, maybe. But what then? What would we have to offer for them? Nothing. Lexa could make them turn around now and slaughter all of us. So if she wants me to come to Polis with her, I have no choice but to go. She’s the commander. She gets what she wants and right now, after that, she wants me. So she’ll get it so our people are safe!”
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 1, 2015 15:15:36 GMT
“Newborn tigers are just overgrown newborn kittens.” Clarke pointed out. Nothing in the history books suggested they were any stronger or fiercer than a kitten, but they would grow to be pretty frightening. Did some tigers survive the cataclysm? Maybe tigers existed in America again? Maybe they could see one. That would be a bit of a dream, really. That was once he was better. If he would. What if Octavia and Lincoln were too late? She shuddered just thinking of it. Instinctively she reached out to make sure the mask was firmly on his face again once he had spoken. He needed the oxygen, god damn it.
“They better be. I still can’t imagine who would want to hurt you. You risked your life for everyone here.” Because of this, she was sure Kane and her mother would help them with it The culprit would have to pay for it, one way or another. And he had used Monty and Miller most likely. “Are you feeling any better or worse?” The blonde sat back, watching him carefully. Judging by how he looked, probably worse. But what could she do about it? Maybe she should distract him. But there was nothing good to distract him with. “You can’t give up, Bellamy. Octavia needs you.” She added, almost inaudibly: “I need you.”
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 1, 2015 14:59:36 GMT
Clarke had a faint idea of where this was going. She wasn’t exactly sure she was up for that at this time. They had work to do in the morning, work she would need to do while being able to walk straight. While she relished the connection, she also quite liked her ability to walk without having to fake female problems she usually didn’t have. “Flattery, Bellamy? Really?” She had to admit she loved him saying that, but he was biased. He was in love. She could probably draw him a stick figure and he’d declare it the most amazing piece of art, just because he was… well… In love. How weird was that idea? Bellamy Blake, the oldest of the hundred, had fallen in love. With HER of all people.
“Come on, you witnessed it. Remember Harper tripping over multiple times last week? She did not trip by accident at all.” The reality was, Clarke had taken a bit of revenge on the girl for flirting with her man. Harper hadn’t gotten harmed, but she felt it. Bellamy was with her right now, god damn it. But she still didn’t want people to know. She’d love casual displays of affection, but she refused to give up their privacy for this. This included this casual rolling around in bed after sex, without having to fear people coming in to disturb their peace. Clarke really disliked that people might have the idea, that once they were a couple, they could just walk in, like they did with others.
“Get down on one knee? Technically I’m on both knees right now. Then again, you’re one to talk. Usually it’s the guys job to propose, but I’m guessing I would have gone grey until you would have done that.” He wouldn’t have proposed to her, she slowly realized. Clarke lowered herself to lie on his chest, not looking at him. “Forget it, it was just an idea.”
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 1, 2015 14:00:22 GMT
Boytoy – Clarke didn’t give too much thought to that nickname, but it was still slightly amusing. It was a complicated situation, one that had ended in more heartache than she cared to admit. Finn wasn’t her boytoy, simply for the fact that she had no intention to use someone. He might agree if he said it the other way around. Clarke listened to what he had to see. From the small recount, she could get just a fraction of a new idea and that was enough to make her pause and rethink. Murphy mentioned them being scavengers, she had not heard him say that before. Somehow it was suddenly clear to her, that he had made that connection even before Finn had started to shoot people. But what then? Murphy understood the situation, Finn didn’t and Finn ended up shooting people. Somehow she didn’t think Murphy kept silent about his suspicion there. She had heard his screams through it all. She simply let him speak for now, letting every single word sink in. He brought forth more fair points.
People on Alpha Station had it easier, she knew that. Hell she by now knew that she had more rations assigned to her for one meal than Bellamy had been assigned for an entire day, not that she always used them. But in the end, she should have done something else with those instead of just letting them sit there untouched. It might help them once they finished taking stock of Alpha, but that might be it.
“Finn wasn’t privileged, Murphy.” He had never been. He had shared his rations with Raven. But that wasn’t the point of his speech, was it? It was an elaborate accusation, which was only fair, at least in her eyes. “You’re right. The privileged hardly understand. You can see it in my mothers hesitance to go out there and help our people. But this is war, Murphy. It messes with everyone. People like you and Bellamy, it doesn’t leave you untouched, you just know how to handle it better, because you’ve been fighting even before, just for your own life. Finn couldn’t handle it and one day the privileged will understand what the struggle is.” But it was a far road. Until then they had to rely on people like Bellamy, people who knew what to do in those times, who knew desperate measures might have to be taken.
“Murphy… I know he was obsessing over me. And what I got from what you said it that you quite accurately realized he was…. Not in his right mind.” There was nothing he could have done about it, was there? Clarke was beginning to understand. “You couldn’t stop him, because if you tried, Finn would have shot you, too, right? That’s why you shouted only, because interfering… because trying to stop him would have resulted in more dead people.” Oh god. He had really lost his mind and Murphy, someone who had done a lot to survive, could have accurately assessed that. “You couldn’t have physically stopped him, because that would have just made it worse, right? That would have probably resulted in him killing everyone, you included.” Maybe even them upon revival, depending on how far Finn had gone. “Am I right, Murphy?”
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 1, 2015 1:04:36 GMT
“We can’t treat them all.” They shouldn’t. They might have the resources but a bone marrow extraction would be dangerous for the donor as well as the recipient. She was sure neither Kane, her mother, Bellamy or herself where about to risk any more lives that they had worked so hard on rescuing. “Dante and Cage will die, if they’re not already dead. The Grounders have Lexas orders to kill them as well.” She knew she didn’t even need to try to get them to spare the two of them, it would be futile. Blood must have blood and for once she could understand. They would die, there was simply no way around that, no matter what happened. While Cage was the true maniac, Dante had allowed Grounders to be drained and killed for years, causing countless casualties. It was their ways. They had to have at least him.
“Octavia came with her people through the mines.” She was probably already up in the midst of battle, proving herself to Indra again. For a moment Clarke wondered what it would mean for Bellamy. If Octavia stayed in Tondc, which she probably would, would he go with her? He was her older brother. His loyalties lay with her first and foremost, which was why she lied, back when she still thought they could save Tondc, when she still thought so. “Trust me, your sister can handle herself very well. She’s… Indras second now.”
And as such she actually had a rather high ranking positions with the Grounders of Tondc, one that made her worthy of being killed by Lexa. Her voice would have been heard and that’s what she had been afraid of, wasn’t it? Turns out Octavia was never the one to fear. But it meant she had to keep a close eye on Bellamy as well. Could she do that in Polis? Clarke couldn’t look at him as she spoke. “Lexa wants to show it to me.” Whatever it would mean for her, she had to go there. She had to try and strengthen this alliance, even if it meant... being with Lexa, despite her reservations. Whatever was best for her people.
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Sept 1, 2015 0:03:21 GMT
“Maya?” She had helped Bellamy as he had told her before, so she must be among them. From the time Clarke met her to now, things apparently changed. Maya had taken a stand and discovered a strength Clarke had not seen in her. But god, she was glad the other woman found it in herself. One just had to tickle it out of her, it appeared. She was glad that worked. Their friends were fine, the Grounders were fine, too. It seemed like he was right. They already won. They really did it. Without them, they couldn’t have. He was the key to everything and he did it. He disabled the acid fog, released the prisoners. This plan would have fallen without him. She almost grinned at him as he reminded her of their victory, despite the Grounders and their people still officially fighting.
“I hope so. But they’re not our only concern anymore. They can’t be. The people of Mount Weather have to be our concern as well. They’ve been lied to.” Clarke sighed. She had never really thought about it, but what they had planned was idiotic in the long run, the presidents initial plans, to add the kids from the Ark to the gene pool would have been the better solution and not resulted in this bloodshed. “The bone marrow treatment would have worked for this generation, but what about the next? They’d have kids on the ground and as soon as those babies would have been born the radiation would have killed them. I bet no one ever mentioned that. They have to stay in here. Maybe a few can receive the treatment, to help support them and go into trade.” For blood that they might still need. But donated, willingly given and not god damn it killing people. “We still have a lot of work to do, Bellamy. I have to go to Polis, too. We have won, but this is far from the end. “
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Aug 31, 2015 22:59:49 GMT
Miller and Monty, two people who they still trusted, the very two who did not look at Clarke like she was a coldhearted murderer most of the time, despite Monty clearly preferring Bellamy, or so she thought. They had hugged just as Clarke wanted to leave camp and Miller had actually, now she remembered, been court to her. Clarke felt even more sick now that she remembered that the two people to bring Bellamy things – she hadn’t even noticed the damn juice – where people neither of them would ever suspect, with right even. It was neither Miller nor Monty, but they might have unconsciously been the messenger. While she did not want to trouble them with the knowledge, Clarke knew she would have to interrogate them.
“I don’t know. But I will find it out, I promise.” Once she was sure he was through this. He needed to shake it off, before that happened, Clarke would not leave his side. There was no way she could leave him right now. He was weak and not in control. The months spent with Bellamy Blake allowed her to know how much he hated having no control over something, being helpless in a situation: as much as she hated it, if not more. She only knew one small way of giving him back just the faintest semblance of control. Control over her, even if it was just the knowledge that she was not about to lie to him.
“Apart from feeling like I could cry and punch a wall until my knuckles are bloody, I’m fine. Physically, I am fine. Mentally, though… I’m scared and worried about you, Bellamy. Whoever is doing that to you, they better hide. Someone should remind the camp what I’ve been willing to do so far to protect you in that damned mountain. They should be scared of me.” She wouldn’t do anything like what she had. She didn’t have it in her right now. She felt boneless and empty. “Who am I kidding? Right now I’m probably as dangerous as a newborn kitten.”
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Aug 31, 2015 21:22:50 GMT
To Clarkes absolute relief, he could hold himself up just fine. Bellamy held her in his arms, strong as ever, or as strong as could be expected. It was over. He was secure. The Grounders did not kill him, but they almost did. With her by his side, they would leave him alone. Clarke would stop them. And if anyone dared to touch him, she’d end their life soon. They almost killed Bellamy, but they thought him to be a soldier and they were ordered to kill those. Had she not interfered… he would be dead by now. But he wasn’t. She had done so much to ensure his survival and almost failed. But they made it. They won. Everything else was just mere details. But they would soon all leave this mountain, bring home their friends and then they could rest, all but Clarke, but she didn’t deserve rest anyway.
“I’ll be fine once we’re all out of here.” Once their friends were safe and the innocents as well. She didn’t care to mention that she would probably not get to join them out there for a while as it did not matter right now. Their friends mattered, they mattered. Clarke kept an arm around him as well, not even noticing how close that meant they would walk, but in all honesty, she did not care. He was safe. They were winning. The Grounders and their people were systematically swiping the place, making sure the soldiers were down and the civilians unharmed. Clarke almost pulled him towards where she had been headed. “To our people, Bellamy and to you. To make sure they’re okay. And then to make sure the leaders are down. We might have to help the people here to reorganize themselves.” So much was still to do. But right now she could revel in the relief of feeling him alive beside her.
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Aug 30, 2015 18:52:47 GMT
He was right. Even though they only had a few supplies in the camp, they’d be so much better to deal with the injury than what they had now. Though he might have to still go out hunting again with the others. They needed food and Bellamy was one of the best equipped to provide them. Finn could track, but the hunting itself? Not his strong suit. Neither was being honest, it would appear. As she swallowed the last of the food, Clarke carefully struggled to pull herself up, using the wall for support. Once fully standing she let go of the wall, finding her hip to still not support her full weight.
“I’m going to need help, Bellamy. I can’t walk without support.” So either he’d support her, which would slow them down, like carrying her would, or they would take another break to fashion makeshift crutches for her. Either way, she would not be able to walk back to the camp all by herself. “Imagine we would have actually split up.” She would have been doomed. The Grounders would have gotten to her. She shivered at that. But there was no point in thinking about that yet. “Come on, let’s get going, Bell.”
Bellamy Blake
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