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Post by Clarke Griffin on Aug 28, 2018 16:58:55 GMT
She was so very close to death, that she was sure she could have felt it, if it had been possible. This time her debatable title came in handy. As the commander of death, who was to say that she could not command death to stay away? because in some ways she could. She had trained to become a doctor after all and those, in a way could control death. Then there was the fact that she was a murderer on top of this, this in a way made her control death, too. Just coming to terms with that title was not easy. This time it was though. This time she had stopped death coming here, at the expense of her own health, a bit, but they both survived that was all she needed.
"You kind of have." Clarke said softly. She pushed her hair back and smiled, weakly because she had been sharing her blood with her and had felt the effects of radiation and the loss of viable blood dearly. But they were both alive and that was all that mattered. Clarke kissed her forehead. "I gave you nightblood after sharing my blood with you. You should eat a bit of broth and then sleep. You were out quite long, so... your body won't want to handle food just yet..."
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Aug 26, 2018 9:41:41 GMT
Clarke turned to her beloved daughter when she approached. She saw fear in and insecurity in her eyes and she could not for a moment blame her. This had been a scary night. She had to stay away while she knew Clarke was in pain, her only companion. They relied on each other in ways they had not really verbalized, but probably both knew all too well. Clarke got up gingerly from where she was crouched next to the fire to stir the breakfast she was preparing. Naturally she was still in a great deal of pain, but that was to be expected. It was perfectly normal, too, after giving birth. Her movements would remain a bit slower at the moment.
"He is perfectly healthy." She said softly to her adoptive daughter as she approached her and wrapped her arms gently around the child she had come to call her own more and more. Now they were three. Now they had a little baby to take care of, too. She thought they could do it. She thought they would be able to do it. They had to be. The little boy relied on them, now. He was helpless. He needed them both. "He is a little natblida, healthy and sleepy at the moment." Clarke went to the basket with her and carefully picked the now cleaned up newborn baby up to show her adoptive daughter. He scrunched his little face up a little as the sun hit it, but settled moments later. "Isn't he adorable?" She asked her. Adorable but she had the feeling, that he would take after his father quite a lot. That would be difficult in a few years, when the bunker opened. What if people suspected to know who his father was? How long would she be able to keep that secret? For now everything was okay. All of them were okay. "It all went well, Madi."
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Aug 25, 2018 13:26:18 GMT
Clarke had gotten rather good at hunting over the time. Living aone in the wilderness was not her first here. But this time she had a young girl with her, one that needed her in ways the girls could not even grasp yet. She was young, she would be self-taught without her. Granted given Madis knowledge, of course she would survive. But she would be lonely. She would be all alone and the she didn't know if she would be able to connect with other people. Clarke threw the spear at Madis signal and sure as day hit the animal.
Clarke smiled up at her adoptive daughter. "One more thing for the winter to take care of. We need to find more plants and seeds, too, to make durable." And they needed the smoke house desperately. But they had one and they would take care of it. They could make it. "It's getting chilly, I think. We should get that home and prepare it and you should make us a fire."
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Aug 23, 2018 19:36:23 GMT
"Madi, go to your safe place tonight." Clarke said calmly to her now adoptive daughter. She had prepared Madi for it in a way. She had told her that it would be relatively soon that the little baby would join them here in Shallow Valley. As she saw her daughter off to her little hiding spot, Clarke rubbed her belly, even though she knew fully well that it would do nothing to numb the pain she was experiencing. She knew the baby was coming. Clarke was afraid. In many ways very afraid. One: She hoped it would be quick and it would be okay. And she hoped the baby would be able to survive. There was a chance it would not be. But Clarke did not want to think about the worst case scenario. Besides her brain did not exactly allow for much thought.
Her night was long until finally her little boy screamed in her arms, happy healthy and as it seemed with black blood, nightblood, the essence of what would make him able to survive. After feeding him, she just lay holding him close until she saw the sun rise. With the baby sleeping, Clarke got up to clean up a little and wrap her son into something nice, to make sure all looked nice and well for a childs eyes when Madi came home. Putting the baby in a basket she went outside and started to make breakfast for Madi and herself. She was starving and tired, but happy in a way. She had a baby now. She had two children now. She was humming happily.
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Aug 23, 2018 16:48:58 GMT
This calls for REVENGE!!!
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Aug 20, 2018 15:03:24 GMT
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Aug 19, 2018 12:11:29 GMT
That was real. Him touching her, that was real, she felt his hand in hers, his other hand against her cheek and eventually his forehead against her as he told her they must be in heaven. But that was impossible. She could not be in heaven. Heaven did not accept a murderer like her. She tried, but she ever succeeded. Clarke smiled into the soft kiss he gave her. She still felt weak. She still felt like she could not get up, if she wanted to, her body shaking more than she could place a name on. But she could recover from it. If she survived ARS, then she could recover from this. And this was something she could do. She could heal. But the baby? She had to find out about the baby. She had to know if it was still alive. But her mind was faster than her body did: There was no way she survived this without nightblood.
Clarke gently pushed on her husband - well she had no power behind it but she trusted him to move. She reached for a needle, shaking hands bringig it to her hand, her mind focussed on finding out if her suspicion was right. One prick and black blood trickled down her finger. She held it up to Lincoln, to show him that she, too, was a nightblood now, which meant that their baby was a nightblood, too. And it meant they had the chance that they both survived, she and the baby. Somehow she felt like it was that case. "The little one is a nightblood...it can be inherited." It can be inherited and their child inherited it. "It must have... sent stem cells into my system, making me a nightblood...It saved me." It saved her but hopefully at it's own expense. Clarke squeezed Lincolns hand as she looked around. She needed to find out if the baby was okay. "Linc...that machine over there, can you roll it over?"
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Aug 19, 2018 10:18:12 GMT
Everything seemed horrible in this place. She had peace and now her friends were so changed, changed that she didn't feel like she could connect with them anymore. She had feared Leia to be similar. Why would she be the exception? Niylah was so very different, Octavia was unrecognizable. She even saw it in Bellamys eyes, he, too, did barely recognize his sister. She didn't think that look was possible. And yet it was happening. But then there was Leia. There she was, her arms around her, warm, welcoming and just as she had remembered it. A single tear slid over Clarkes cheek. She was so glad to be able to hold Leia again. There was so much she had been through and she had changed, too, but she knew the old Clarke was still there. She still wanted her friend. She still wanted to be close to Leiana.
"I...am, too." She said. "When I heard so many died, I feared you were one of them." And it was possible. But she was kind, too kind for this place, she felt. And yet she survived. She was so glad. "I am so glad to see you!" She gently stroked through her friends dark hair and smiled at her. "So much changed. I have a kid now...basically at least." And she guessed some things happened with Leia. "You will have to come to Shallow Valley with us. You will love your village. So many colors. We have berries and fish and can you believe I can actually cook now? Not half bad even."
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Aug 18, 2018 10:14:40 GMT
Clarke felt in a way safe with him. He was strong. He was compassionate and quite unlike his people in a way that she rightfully enjoyed, or so she thought. His people were set on war in a way she could not understand. Maybe not yet, maybe not ever. Because the babylonian mentality started so many conflicts between their people, conflicts they could not end in a peaceful way, because while they were ready to be diplomatic, the Grounders weren't and neither were the mountain men. Worst was, that Clarke knew a way, a permanent way, to help the mountain men leave the mountain, to live in peace, but two side in this three sided conflict were so strictly against it that now she had blood on her hands, blood she could never wipe off again.
But she was comfortable, safe leaning against Lincoln. After everything, he made her feel safe and that was rare. Clarke wrapped her arms around his arm for a moment, holding herself close, just listening to his breathing, listening to his words as she just felt good in a way. Perhaps she should rest. Perhaps she should sleep, but after Mount Weather, she just wanted to get rid of the bad feelings and replace it with the good feelings he was giving her. Clarke moved, placed her hand on his cheek and gently guided his head so she could press a soft kiss to his lips. And boy did that feel good. It felt...alive. It felt right in a way she knew should not feel right that instant, because they were both emotionally not in the right headspace. And yet she kissed him and relished in the feeling of human contact and feeling alive.
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Aug 15, 2018 16:25:02 GMT
Clarke dreamed. As she was dying - or so she thought - she was dreaming. She held a newborn in her arms, a precious mixture of her and Lincoln, the man she wanted to call her husband and in her mind she saw him as that already. What did a paper mean to them? Nothing. And in her dreams it was out of this world. They were a unit. Lincoln, her and their baby, their hope for the future. She wanted to stay in her dreams. She wanted to feel this precious soft baby in her arms, wanted to touch soft skin to her own, show the child a lush garden with more food than what they knew to do with, a night sky and tell it stories of generations before them. It was lovely.
For days Clarke Griffin rung with death. In her mind her dream of the soft child switched with images of her past, mount weather, Lincolns face when she almost locked out the grounders, the tears in her eyes as she realized that she might be the bad guy now. The pain of losing Arkadia as a viable solution, mourning people as she made a list and included him for no other reason than love and the knowledge that he could...make babies, he was fertile. It broke her heart back then, but those were her nightmares. In these bad moments her fever spiked, sometimes she even thrased, other times her heart was close to ceasing to beat. Her body fought hard, but ultimately what made her win that fight after seven days of essentially dying, was not her own body. As her fever broke, one of natures miracles had happened.
On the eigth day as the blondes heartbeat became stronger, eventually her eyes fluttered open. The lab remained unfocussed to her as confusion held her. A little bit of fever still remained but that would fade, too. Clarke looked around. She made out a sillhouette, a familiar one, one that she loved more than anything in her life. "L...Linc..." She croaked. She remembered, slowly, his last words to her, her last words to him. The radiation. It should have killed her. How could she possibly be alive? It couldn't be. Yet at the same time it seemed like it was. She was alive and he was here. Or was this yet another dream? If it was, it was a beautiful one. "Is ...death so beautiful that I get to spend afterlife with you?"
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Aug 12, 2018 15:59:43 GMT
Across the ocean. That sounded nice. This was perhaps the furthest away she could imagine. Across the ocean in the east was europe. She had seen a lot about europe. She had seen pictures, back on the ark where these pictures now seemed like ghosts, like she had seen ghosts and clung to them, hoping for a world in peave when there was no such thing to be found. Oh how she wished that romanticized view was right. Clarke put her bag down. It didn't contain much at all, not even a change of clothes. She had thougth short term, very, very short term. Then again when the sun rose that mornig, she had not anticipated how much blood would be on her hands, how many lives lost due to her being, well her.
Clarke sat against a wall and watched him. She envied his knowledge of this world in a way. Her world used to be sterile walls, stict rules, being the perfect princess, as Bellamy once dubbed her. She fell into this role, forced herself into it basically. And yet an echo of who she was remained. "Europe is across the ocean." She said softly as she moved closer and leaned her head onto Lincolns shoulder. "I have seen pictures of Europe, of mountains and planes, wild horses in...France. And the cities. I always wanted to see the cities." But she guessed those were mostly gone now. She wondered if anyone survived back there. Clarke just let her head linger on his shoulder. He was warm, he was solid, he was real, he was there. And that was ... something strangely comforting.
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Aug 8, 2018 18:04:30 GMT
When Clarke was up adjusting the satellite dish, she saw the one thing she never wanted to see: A launching rocket. It could only be one: The one from Beccas lab. Their friends were leaving them behind. For a moment she looked down at the man she shared her life with now, the man who had put his hope into her and likewise. He was her home ow, her future. But the rocket flying through the sky signalled something for her. Not too long ago there was the fight about the nightblood solution. She wanted to inject herself with it, but Lincoln beat her to it. He was a nightblood now. He had a chance to survive it. Clarke did not. For Clarke, that rocket leaving earth equalled her death sentence. And not just hers. It was just days ago that she discovered it, by mere chance even. She hadn't been looking for it, she hadn't felt anything yet, but she was pregnant. And now she would die. She and their unborn child. A tear slipped down her cheek as she finished the dish, knowing really well, that he, too had that idea. She would die of radiation and he would be powerless to stop it, because while he taught her a lot, she couldn't teach him nearly enough about genetics to survive this.
As she climbed down, she was not prepared to stop. Instead she grabbed his hand and ran, needing to save his life. She wanted him to have one more mission, one last bit of hope to hold on while living alone down here for five years. Five years would be bearable. Five years would be all it took. Or maybe Octavia would let him back into the bunker. He could be valuable there, helpfull. Her mom might be able to make nightblood for the others off him. They could help the earth grow again. And so she ran, ran to cheat death just for a few more minutes, to cheat death for him. For the first time in a long, long time, she wished she could actually be the commander of death, to command it not to take him. It was already taking her and their baby from him. Spare his life, death, she prayed silently, knowing in this future wasteland nothing could hear them.
Once in the lab, she collapsed onto her knees. She felt painful blisters on her face. She knew it was ARS, so acute, that she had mere minutes to live perhaps. And in these minutes, she had to get through to Lincoln. "Linc...." She said as she painfully turned to reach out for him, for his face. It felt more and more like she was losing the pain, like she was floating, her spirit just waiting to leave her body. "You have to...survive...you have to find the livable land and...prepare it. Our friends might rely on it and....we...we love you so much. I l...I...love...you." She grew weaker by the moment, her eyes finally closing...and yet her breathing never stopped.
Over the course of two days she progressivly became stronger again, her heart beating steadier, breathing becoming stronger, the burns on her face healed even.
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Aug 4, 2018 21:05:07 GMT
The plan was to go, fix the satellite, make sure they could get into the Ark and then go back, just in time to catch the rocket to bring them to safety. Clarke, for once just had to reboot this thing with Bellamy. They had thought it would work from down there, but it didn't. She had to climb up and lose precious time, but she tried to go as fast as she could with Bellamy steadying and helping from down there, cheering her on. But truly, she thought he was just there to make sure she made it back. Time was running out on them and suddenly her objective shifted, making it back was secondary to her, bringing him back in time, that was what she wanted. She...might be able to survive down there after all. But as much as they hurried, they had to get it done or nobody would survive. As much as they ran afterwards, Clarke felt herself pray, that what she had done was the right thing. That they were all safe up there on the ring. Even as they ran, every step to her was accompanied by a silent prayer to whatever divine deity might listen, if there even was such a thing, to let her be able to save Bellamy from the radiation that was sure to kill him, if she could not make him a nightblood. Or even just to lessen her own ARS symptoms enough to try.
It wasn't pretty. Bellamy, ever the gentleman all but pushed her into the lab before him, closing it behind him as both of them all but collapsed form ARS. But, her prayers seemed to have worked enough. She was able to push through the pain. She was able to push through the feeling of dying to get it done. Maybe she didn't get it properly, but all she could do was try. And that she did. She injected him with it just before her body finally collapsed under the pain of the ARS. There she lay, on the ground close to him, as her nightblood finally kicked in, slowly healing the burns and whatever else came with the radiation.
The light was dimmer when she woke up, somehow less aggressive than...whenever she was awake before. Yet she could not bring herself to move. She just...wanted to believe, for a moment, that all was well. And she did not want to reach out for Bellamy and find he might not have a pulse.
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Aug 4, 2018 18:47:47 GMT
It was him then? He had taken Octavia down. For now at least. That in itself showed that the Bellamy in front of her was a different man. He was different, but not necessarily in a bad way. He had done what had to be done before, but his loyalty sometimes stopped him even though it should not have in that case. Now, it seemed different. He had stopped his sister from doing something that might have ultimately killed the etire human race. But it was his sister and as he told her he had poisoned her, she felt the guilt. It was as if it was a tangible layer around him, telling her and everyone else, who would look closely, that he felt pain and deep regret over having to do that. Clarke felt differently. She had a child now. She raised Madi and had learned some valuable lessons through it. Sometimes proctecting someone meant protecting them against their own will, protecting them from themselves even.
Clarke reached out and placed a hand on his arm, hoping that pyhsical contact would ground him in this world, would help him focus on what was right in front of him and that was not her. It was what had made him do it. "Sometimes protecting someone means to protect them from themselves." She told him. "Like you tried to protect me from myself years ago." It was when he cuffed her to a table, to make her stay at home, to get her away from the grounders, to protect her from what he beleived to be suicide, her walkingi to the grounders, potentially to be killed, alienating her own people and generally putting her life at risk through her questionable choices. "When you cuffed me to the table. You tried to protect me from myself. I didn't understand it then, but I understand it now. Maybe she will understand it soon enough. But, you tried to protect her. And you tried to protect her people. You protected humanity. You did what you had to. And she had a choice." She had been given the choice to bury the ideas of war. She had the choice to lay down the weapons, march to the valley and live in peace. She could have ended a circle of violence that they had been trapped in ever since they had been on the ground and it always occured when they were together. It was time to break it. They all had families in a way. Clarkes daughter was in a dangeorus place now, thanks to Octavia.
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Post by Clarke Griffin on Aug 4, 2018 16:47:10 GMT
Clarke was so glad Leiana was on board. She was perhaps the best person she knew. That was a great relief to her. The blonde got up and reached for the few supplies. She took some of the crunchiest pieces of bread, bottles of drinks and put them in a basket. It was as simple as that sometimes. They had fought so hard and the world might just end again. Not might. It will end. There was no way around it. The damage was done. Now it was just about saving what was left of the human race. And if she was honest that was not much. Sometimes she even questioned if it was worth saving, but then again, she might be called the commander of death, but she really took no pleasure in deciding the fates of others, she just... she was there. She had this burden on her and if she didn't people might die or others might have their insides shredded, like she did.
Clarke hooked her arm into Leias and started to pull her outside. She just knew where she wanted to take her. Towards the berry bushes. Clarke had learned that this was a favorite place of someone else, too, a ghost of the past she had never met, but they had taste, she thought. "Come on, girl. We have booze and foot and the world can... be the world without us for a night." At least she hoped it could. What if someone attacked? Usually she did nto get a break. But she desperately felt like she needed one. And now they were taking one. Clarke moved to the place and simply plopped herself down.
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