Mind Over Matter

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy had just returned to the camp with Clarke. They'd revealed the guns they found, and they then took them to a secure location. The next thing Bellamy needed to do was speak to Jaha and with Clarke's support, he had been paradoned for his crimes of shooting the Chancelllor in exchange for revealing who had hired him for the job. Now, there was another person he needed to speak to. Truth be told, Bellamy hadn't expected to see any of them for at least a while -- as he had planned to leave. He knew there was a lot he had to work on.

Still believing he was a monster, still harboring the guilt of 320 people dying on the Ark. But he needed to speak to Raven. If nothing else, about business. The Grounder had escaped and despite Octavia assuring him she had nothing to do with it, Bellamy knew she was lying. He just wasn't going to call her out on it. He didn't want the others to target her for aiding the Grounder's escape. Whatever consequences came from it -- and the war that would inevitably come -- he didn't want a damn person blaming her for it.

They needed to start training tomorrow and in order to do that, they needed bullets that worked. That one very person that Bellamy imagined was rather displeased with him, was the one he needed to approach. Seeing her among the crowd of people, he walked up to her. "Hey. I gotta talk to you." It wasn't so much a question, but it was not a demand either. It was a request. He needed to find out what could be done about the bullets, and she had the smarts for this sort of thing . . . among many other things.

[cherry1]

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Raven had all kinds of ideas of what it would be like on the ground when Abby agreed to let her go in the dropship but this wasn’t it. She hoped she’d get down here, radio to the Ark in time, save 320 people and finally reunite with Finn starting their lives together on Earth. So far nothing seemed to be going the way she planned it.

She left Finn to rest in the tent. He probably wasn’t even tired, but she couldn’t stand the tension in there any longer. Raven could see that look in his eyes whenever they were alone together, but she refused to let him talk. She didn’t want to think about him and Clarke together anymore and if that meant pretending it didn’t happen then that’s what she was damn well going to do. He loved her that’s all that mattered, at least that’s what she was trying her hardest to believe. But even that wasn’t working so much anymore. Everything was different now and she hated it.

She was just getting some air when she saw Bellamy walk towards her. "Hey. I gotta talk to you." Great just what she needed now. “What do you want, Bellamy?” she said, hostility dripping off every word. Usually she wouldn’t even give him the time of day but right now she could use a distraction. She must be really desperate, she realised.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He didn't expect nor deserve any kindness from Raven. Before, he hadn't really cared, not planning on sticking around. But now, he needed to work with the others. They all needed to work together. There was a new found hope in the weapons that they had but before they could fight a war, they needed to be united. That was what Bellamy was hoping to acheive when he started their training tomorrow: some sort of unity and cohesiveness that would allow them to be a match for the Grounders. He had faith in his people, but the Grounders had numbers and knowledge of the terrain. If they were going to win, they'd have to fight smart. But that was a conversation saved for another right. Right now, the focus was on Raven and the question she had just demanded from him.

"Come with me," he instructed, needing to not just tell her, but show her the condition of the guns. He didn't wait too long, expecting her to follow until they got to the drop ship where the weapons were being contained. He picked one up and unloaded it, taking out the bullets and handing them to her. "A lot of these bullets are duds," he began to explain. "What can you do about it?" He knew that with Raven, it wasn't a matter of whether she could do anything about it . . . it was what she could do about it.

She was smart, and he wasn't going to underestimate that by assuming or suggesting that there was a possibility she wouldn't be able to do anything. Besides, he wasn't asking for him. This was for everyone and he hoped with that in mind, they could set their differences aside. Though he also knew that he would have to do better than that; otherwise, there would always be that underlying tension with her that he didn't want because of what he had done to her radio and thus, the repercussions.

[cherry1]

Raven didn't appreciate being told what to do but she followed him nonetheless. When she saw the guns she realised why he asked for her. It made sense, it wasn't like she expected it to be a social call. But she wasn't sure how much help she could be. Raven was a mechanic after all, not a weapons expert. Getting down to business, she examined the bullets Bellamy dropped in her hand. Feeling his eyes on her she looked up. "Could you give me some space?" She asked harshly. He wasn't near her but she could feel his eyes on her. "I need a minute."

She wanted to be helpful, not for him but for everyone else. With the grounder gone who knew when he'd be back. He wouldn't be back alone either. The grounders wanted a war and now they might actually have a chance at a fair fight. They were going to need these guns to protect them. But how helpful were guns without any bullets? Sitting down with Bellamy standing next to her she opened one of the bullet casings. The gun powder was a hundred years old so she wasn't surprised there were duds. She shook her head, while examining the powder, they'd just have to make do. "I can maybe try and separate the duds from the live ones, and then redistribute the powder into empty casings."

It wasn't ideal but it would have to do. That should become their new motto. She felt tense in the room with him. As much as Raven tried to concentrate on the task at hand she couldn't keep the harshness out of her voice. Bellamy was the reason her whole mission on the ground was unsuccessful. The thoughts of those people who died, 320 people, were keeping her up at night. She had been their last hope, and she failed. "Are all the guns here?" She asked wondering how many bullets they'd need.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Raven asked -- or demanded -- tht Bellamy give her some space. He knew his presence was most probably agitating her . . . but they were going to need to work together. And this just further convinced Bellamy that he needed to . . . do something to ease these tensions. He silently complied, taking a step back from her so that she cuold focus. She then provided a potential solution, and as Bellamy didn't know much about this stuff, well, it was a damn good thing she knew what she was talking about.

It sounded legitimate, so Bellamy wuold leave it in her hands. She then asked if these were all the guns and that was something he could more easily answer. "There are more," he revealed. "First thing tomorrow, I'm gonna get the rest of them." He would probably take Miller with him to do so. "They were packed in grease." Which of course helped in maintaining them. Whoever put them there were definitely thinking. "How many do you think you can salvage from one?" He asked, trying to do some quick math in terms of how much ammo they would have. They needed to be smart with this -- which was why training was absolutely imperative.

[cherry1]

Raven sighed in relief after Bellamy revealed there were more guns. That meant more ammo, which meant they would level the playing field. They weren’t sitting ducks anymore. The thought gave Raven hope. The grounders only understood violence, so that’s what they were going to get. If they wanted to survive they had to be willing to do so at all costs and she knew that.

“They were packed in grease.” Smart thinking, though it would be no use to whoever had the idea. “How many do you think you can salvage from one?" She continued examining each bullet. The gun powder in one seemed to be intact. It hadn’t degenerated yet. Setting it aside she looked up at Bellamy. “Maybe half a round from each gun,” she answered. “If we’re lucky,” which they rarely were these days. After that she was going to have to think of something else fast. Raven emptied out the rest of the bullets Bellamy gave her and handed him the live bullet she found. “I can prepare a few live rounds from the guns here for your little training exercise tomorrow but that’s all you’re getting.” They barely had enough bullets for the grounders let alone bullets to spare training the other delinquents. “After that, each bullet goes into a grounder.”

“So how are you going to train them anyway?” She asked, not turning from her inspection of the remaining gun powder. “Aren’t you a lousy shot?” Raven said taking a dig a Bellamy by referencing his attempt on the chancellor’s life again. She wasn’t a big fan of the chancellor either but she felt bitter about Bellamy and couldn’t resist asking the question, especially since everyone from the ark would be back soon. That included the chancellor who Raven hadn’t known to ever be lenient.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy listened to Raven explain how many bullets she could salvage from the gun. Half a round, if they're lucky. That was a long shot then, because luck never seemed to be something they had ample of in this place. Bellamy took the bullet she gave him, inspecting it. "Yeah we won't take much for tomorrow. Keep what we can for when we need them." When they would need them against the Grounders. Which was something Raven seemed to understand as well, considering her words about how they were reserved for the Grounders. He set the live bullet back on the side as she went on, asking about training and then telling him he was a lousy shot.

He liked to think that in his subconscious, he had purposely shot Jaha in a non life threatening area. But he wasn't going to try to justify his actions. Or explain them. "What, you think you can do better?" He questioned rhetorically, a bit sarcastically. "If you can do better or know someone who can, be my guest." To lead the training. He wasn't going to defend himself . . . though he knew he should try to make peace with her. He had almost left this place and coming back, there was a lot that he would have to try and make amends over if they had any hope of functioning as a cohesive unit.

That, would be their greatest strength. Their best strategy. "If not, then shut up about it." He paused, knowing this wouldn't get him anywhere. His words weren't overly agressive, but they were as blunt as he always tended to speak. "Look, I know you hate me," he began to say, not having much doubt in that. "But if we're gonna survive the Grounders, we all need to work together." And that included tolerating one another. He had a lot to answer for, he knew that. But energy spent in fighting was a waste. It was better to channel all their energy in their defenses.

[cherry1]

Raven rolled her eyes at his sarcastic question. She obviously wasn’t nearly qualified enough to lead any kind of training session. But who said Bellamy was either? Although she had to admit, he really knew how to talk. Bellamy kept surprising her. She still held deep resentment for him but she couldn’t help but acknowledge what he was building. Bellamy was a natural born leader, which was the last thing she expected from a janitor on the ark. That didn’t excuse his actions though.

"If not, then shut up about it." Raven turned in her seat. “Excuse me,” she began, getting ready for a fight before Bellamy continued. She didn’t interrupt him because she couldn’t disagree. She did hate him, for now at least. Looking at him made her angry because it reminded her of her own failure. Anyway, being angry at him felt better than being angry at Finn. At least she could take out her anger on Bellamy without feeling conflicted at all.

But he was still right of course. They wouldn’t survive unless they could all work with each other, but she sure as hell wasn’t going to tell him that. “And then what?” She asked him. “You think Jaha’s just going to let you go.” When the rest of their people arrive things were going to change around here. If they lived that long, she thought wryly. “You might’ve been unsuccessful, but you still tried to kill him.” And her, if she remembered correctly; and Raven wasn’t planning on forgetting anytime soon.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Her words affected him more than she may have realized. Or perhaps she did. He continued to remain his usual guarded and steel self . . . but internally, there was a battle. Clarke had asked him to come back, spoke of how they needed him. Had she not, Bellamy would have left. He had no intention of returning because of the very reason that Raven now spoke of. He had told Clarke precisely what Raven said: that the Ark wasn't just going to forgive and forget when they got down here. Jaha would punish Bellamy for what he did. Bellamy had been certain of that. Well, before they had devised a plan. One that Dax's attempted assassination had prompted. Bellamy wasn't going to announce it to everyone, his and Clarke's idea of getting him pardoned . . . but Raven had come from the Ark more recently than anyone else.

She knew the choas that had ensued. And she wasn't about to let this go. "It wasn't my idea," he explained. He was not justfying or excusing his actions. But rather, explaining them. "Someone handed me that gun. And I did what I had to do to get on that drop ship." He knew Raven was far from trusting him . . . but he also wanted to at least attempt to make peace with those he had pissed off. Raven being one of them. And the other -- which would take more time he imagined -- was Octavia. Because he had said unforgivable things to her. "Jaha's life is still in danger. And that, is what we're gonna warn him about." A name for a pardon. Clarke was confident that this would work and well, Bellamy trusted her. If he hadn't, he wouldn't have agreed to come back even before they had devised this plan.

[cherry1]

"It wasn't my idea," Raven listened to his explanation but she wasn’t having any of it. “Did what you had to do?” Raven stood and turned to him. “Like you did what you had to do when you took my radio.” She knew that was a low blow the moment she said it, but Raven stood her ground. She was in a bad mood and if that meant taking her anger out on Bellamy then she had no problems with that. He wasn’t exactly her favourite person in the world, and she was feeling especially bitter. Just because they were working together didn’t mean she had to be nice. Besides, he could take it. And if he couldn’t…well that was his problem.

"Jaha's life is still in danger. And that, is what we're gonna warn him about." That meant Bellamy had a chance of a getting a pardon. Raven wasn’t yet sure how she felt about that. “What a miraculous change of heart,” Raven stated disregarding his earlier statement of it not being his idea. She held no love for the man but she was at least sure she didn’t want to see him dead. That didn’t mean she didn’t want him to suffer at least. He was a constant reminder of her failure so maybe that was her job. Raven knew that was probably bullshit, and maybe she was being childish, but that didn’t matter right now. “Good luck with that Bellamy. The Chancellor is known to be forgiving of course,” she added with obvious sarcasm in her tone.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Did what he had to do. That really was the damn tagline of this place. They did what they had to do. Good or bad. Easy or hard. And it was usually hard. Clarke told him that they needed him, and that was what he had to hold onto. It wasn't easy being a leader; it wasn't easy making decisions . . . but together, he and Clarke could do this. They could handle anger from the others. What other choice did they have? "Yeah," he answered truthfully, even if her remark was meant to be sarcastic or rhetorical. "I did what I had to do." What he thought he had to do.

Just like taking off the bracelets. Had he known that 320 lives were dependant on that radio, he wouldn't have done it. But what ifs and could have beens were useless; irrelevant. What mattered was actions; what a person actually did. Which was why he wouldn't be able to justify it. "And now I have to live with it." Which was more punishment than anything anyone else could do to him. He saw them every time he closed his eyes. Bodies of all those who gave their lives. But again, there was no point talking about that either. He wasn't going to try to gain sympathy or expect anyone to understand. He'd done it. He'd now have to deal with the aftermath of it. The subject though was still sensitive, considering his break down not too long ago.

He wasn't sure if Raven had much faith in the plan, but it didn't matter. As long as Clarke did. "Whether he does or doesn't, its worth a shot." Because he was here to stay. Octavia hated him. Raven hated him. And he knew they weren't the only ones. But he had to work to be better. His mother raised him to be better and it was time to be the man that Octavia would be proud to call brother. "I would do anything to protect my sister. And that included shooting the Chancellor. Tell me you wouldn't do anything to protect the one you love, even if it involves potentially taking a life." He knew for Raven, Finn was a huge example. Wouldn't she do everything within her power to protect the person she loves? For Bellamy, that was Octavia. His sister. His world. He would go to hell and back for her, which was why he had even come down to this hell of a world. To protect her. And he wondered, if Raven could understand that fierce need to protect the person you love above all others.

[cherry1]

"And now I have to live with it." His response was more personal than she’d expected it to be. Raven wasn’t sure what she’d expected, maybe she’d get a rise out of him, or he’d leave, but not that. Maybe the whole thing had affected him more than he’d let on. She had to live with it too and she supposed since Bellamy had actively taken out the radio maybe it was worse for him. Good, she thought bitterly, not totally sure if she meant it or not. Raven was feeling the beginnings of sympathy for him, but quickly stuffed it down. She didn’t understand where his faith was coming from. The chancellor never forgave anyone. Hell, he even sent his son down here to die. Bellamy didn’t stand a chance. Perhaps it wasn’t faith, maybe it was desperation. Raven was familiar with that feeling.

“Tell me you wouldn't do anything to protect the one you love, even if it involves potentially taking a life." Her thoughts immediately went to Finn, and she looked down. He was her family, even after everything that had happened. She’d die for him, so it wasn’t too far-fetched a thought that she’d probably kill for him too. Raven may be stubborn but she knew he had a point. Sighing in defeat she took a step back, only just realising how close she’d gotten to him in her anger. She took a moment to calm herself down.

Bellamy’s sincerity caught her off guard and forced her to stop thinking of him as some selfish arrogant prick, as much as she wanted to. His fierce love for and protectiveness over his sister was something she couldn’t help but relate to. “None of us should have to make those kinds of decisions,” she said, finally showing a hint of sympathy rather than red hot rage. Sitting back down, she held a handful of bullets. “We shouldn’t have to be dealing with any of this.” They were kids pretending to be soldiers, preparing for war. Smacking her open fist with the bullets on the desk, Raven rubbed her eyes. She was so tired of all of this. “The ground actually kinda sucks.”

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She was absolutely right about that. None of them should having to deal with making these kinds of decisions, or dealing with any of this at all. Furthermore, she stated that the ground sucked. That, was something else Bellamy agreed with . . . but desperate times called for it. He could see her anger in that, and it prompted him to take a small step toward her, but hardly enough to invade her personal space. "For most everyone, this is the only chance they had to live." They were arrested, most of them probably not going to be paradoned for their crimes considering how desperate the Ark was to get rid of people.

He knew his sister was no exception to this. She would have undoubtedly been floated at 18 -- though apparently, the Ark wouldn't have survived that long. If the culling would have taken place, who's to say that she wouldn't have been thrown among the others as an involuntary sacrifice? There were so many possibilities . . . none of which resulted beneficially for his sister. "We just gotta suvive before that." Fight to survive in order to live. Truly live. Bellamy wanted that for these delinquents. They deserved that. A lot of them were convicted of crimes because of their desperation. Some of them were hardly guilty at all. Either way, the Ark had sent them down here to die . . . and Bellamy wasn't going to let that happen.

"These guys are survivors. Fighters. They have been for their entire lives." Life on the Ark was hardly easy and many of them had lost their loved ones. "And they proved to be so down here as well." He and Raven were older than the others, but that didn't mean he treated them like kids. He didn't coddle any of them . . . not even Charlotte. "So lett's give them the ammo they need." Literally. He could see Raven was upset about the entire situation, but he wanted to give her that focus. That drive. The necessary determination. He wasn't expecting her to do anything for him, but rather, for the others.

[cherry1]

"For most everyone, this is the only chance they had to live." His words made her think. It was true, most of the kids down here were criminals. And if the ark was so desperate that they sacrificed 320 innocent people, then without this mission to the ground these kids would have been floated for sure, even involuntarily. Finn would have been floated, and for her crime too. The thought made her shudder. There was no way she could have lived with that. The guilt of his arrest was heavy enough but the guilt of his death would have destroyed her. But as blessings in disguise go, this was a hell of good disguise.

"We just gotta suvive before that." Raven let out a hollow chuckle. “That’s easier said than done.” But Raven agreed with him as he continued saying they were fighters. They were going to have to be if they wanted to survive this war and stay alive. She had to give it to those kids though, they really stepped up. The fact that they had survived this long with grounders looming was a testament to exactly what Bellamy was saying. They were fighters, and so was she. Concentrating on the grounders helped give her a place to direct her pain and the anger she felt. And from past experience she knew just how to channel that anger into the motivation she needed. Those grounders had seen nothing yet. "So lett's give them the ammo they need."

“Nice speech Bellamy, you think of that all by yourself?” She asked sarcastically, with a smirk while glancing up at him. But instead of a malicious tone, it was more of a teasing one. Bellamy had a knack for saying the right thing to inspire these kids. It was quite the skill really, but she didn’t have to tell him that. Inspecting the bullets in her hands she noticed small imperfections in the steel coat of some bullets. Her mind was already beginning to think of more ways they could make the ammo last. “Do you have a small blade?” She didn’t usually ask for help but she used the question as more of sign that she was on board with the team. “I need to fix the shape of some of these older looking bullets.” Without her usual tools she’d have to use anything they had to make these bullets perfect. She couldn’t risk a misshapen bullet jamming one of the guns.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She was right. It was definitely easier said than done. "But we will let our actions speak for themselves. We have to." Failure was not an option. Running away was not an option. The Arkers had sent them here with practically nothing apart from each other. That, was their greatest strength. She then teased him about the speech and he slightly raised an eyebrow. Truth be told, he was glad that it was a tease that came out rather than another remark that would have indicated the tension between them was lasting. Raven was smart, and they needed her. Bellamy didn't want any animosity between them to get in the way of that. And it now appeared that it wouldn't.

He didn't expect her to like him, but she would have to tolerate him. Because, as he said to Octavia, he wasn't going anywhere. "Whatever makes you feel inspired," he teased, not entirely untrue but still encouraging the less hostile banter between them. "And it looks like its working," he added on with a bit of a smirk as she seemed to redirect her attentions to the task, and asked him for a blade. He was about to ask what for, but fortunately he didn't need to because she explained it. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a blade, holding the hilt out to her as his hand held the blade.

"Don't cut yourself," he mocked teasingly, as if she was a child unsure how to handle a weapon. It was all in joking humor of course . . . for the most part. He watched her for a moment before he spoke once more. "You should come to training as well," he told her. They all needed to learn how to defend themselves, but there were some that would be better with a gun than others. He could see Raven as being one of those capable of using it should the time require her to. While he wasn't planning on putting her on the front line . . . she should still be able to get as much practice as she could. Especially considering her boyfriend's aversion to firearms.