Ways to deal

[Alex Horan]

Faye Bates

He was working when someone came to find him. It was some quickly exchanged words, but a message that left him shaking. It left him with emotions he didn't want. It left him scared and wondering what could happen to him in the future. Death awaited him, too. Like it had gotten her. Death would probably reunite them. While it might have been something to console others, it made him feel terribly useless. He had to wait for death to get him. Or he could challenge it. He could work. He could work himself down. He might actually be able to make it a bit faster. It would happen anyway, anyway. 

So the electrician ended up working through the night. Unlike other days he didn't even lower most of the current in the wires. Only in those he was actively working on. He didn't want to kill himself on purpose, but damn what was a slight mistake? People made mistakes. Mistakes that could kill. They had to witness some of them. He was never even bothered by the light as he kept on working, not eating, barely drinking and simply fixing lines and reinstalling them to better the Arks infrastructure. Eventually he moved on outside, to work on the solar panels they had planned to set up, not allowing himself a moment to stop or grieve.

[Faye Bates]

The sight had shaken her to the core. The sight of mount weather completely destroyed was not something she had expected. Faye had heard the sound of an explosion during her travels, but at no point did she think it could be her final destination. The place she had agreed to go to so she could get some medicine, the medicine that would keep Alex alive. She found the whole thing to be a mess. Not only had he not told her about his illness, but it seemed like he had no intention of telling her. Faye had found out by accident and it had truly crushed her. But after finding out that there was medicine in mount weather that would help keep him alive, she had wasted no time in getting her things together so she could go get it. Faye had no intention of waiting until the next time someone decided to go raid mount weather. She knew farm station was currently staying there, but she didn't want to wait. She just wanted him to get better because . . . she loved him. 

Of course, she got lost on the way back to camp. She wouldn't be her if she didn't. Faye was concerned about the grounders, even if there was a small peace treaty for the time being. Faye still didn't trust the grounders, not one bit. So needless to say she had no desire to come across one in her travels. By her count, three days had passed since she had found mount weather, or what was left of it. Luckily she was beginning to recognize certain landmarks. The rock with the funny curve in it and the tree that had a huge burrow underneath it. So needless to say, when Faye finally arrived back at camp she went straight to her apartment she shared with Alex. She was exhausted but also extremely depressed knowing she hadn't been able to get his medicine. She couldn't lose him. He was all she had left.

Faye avoided everyone and anyone as she walked to her apartment. She felt utterly disgusting and needed to take some sort of shower, but she supposed she wasn't as bad as she could be. Opening the door, she looked around, a little relieved that Alex wasn't there. She still didn't know how to tell him she hadn't been able to get the medicine. After a little nap, she would think about it and then she would try to find him. Peeling her clothes from her body, Faye dressed in one of Alex's shirts and crawled into bed. It didn't take long before she fell asleep.

Alex Horan

[Alex Horan]

He had raged. A lot actually. When they came and told him to take a rest, he had raged. He had been beginning to feel the shaking of exhaustion, his body had started to feel like he might throw up from not having eaten and then it happened: The pain came back. He passed out, but luckily in the company of someone, so he could be woken easily. He was sent back to his quarters. People thought it was just exhaustion, not a serious illness. He didn't want people to know. But they knew Faye was out to get to mount weather and she had gotten there. There were only two survivors. He had seen people go to the memorial, but he hadn't joined them. He couldn't. He liked his denial actually.

Coming back to his apartment hurt, though. It was lonely now, without her. She was the life in her. He never liked being stuck in his apartment much. Not on the Ark, not here. But with her by his side. he loved it. Ever since she discovered it and they got over the initial pains, life was almost too good to be true. And it didn't stay. Not like that. The electrician dumped everything on the table, took of the pants and went to go to bed when he saw it. Her. In their bed. That was impossible. She was dead. He was hallucination. Someone way of his body to show him how stupid he was.

"You're not real. I'm just losing it. I really am losing it. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"



Faye Bates

[Faye Bates]

The sound of the door opening caused her to stir, but she didn't open her eyes or move. It was probably just Alex and while she wasn't ready to face him, she had also missed him a lot. They hadn't been apart this long since they had met and it was sort of driving Faye inside. It was silly to think about how this person could come into her life and just throw a wrench into everything. It had been forever since Faye had let someone into her life and somehow, he had wiggled his way in so easily. Sighing, Faye snuggled into his shirt and waited for him to come into the other room. Maybe she would get away with him simply crawling into bed and taking a nap with her. Well, a girl could dream.

It was the sound of him yelling that caused her to open her eyes. What the hell was he saying? She wasn't real? He was losing it? Faye quickly sat up in bed and looked at Alex with concern on her face. He looked . . . awful. It looked like he hadn't slept in days and like he had been working himself to the bone. Faye knew he probably hadn't eaten anything either, given the weak sway of his body. He was weak and she could tell. So maybe he was hallucinating because he hadn't eaten. "What are you talking about?" Faye asked, quickly crawling out of bed and walking over to him. Reaching up, her hands grabbed either side of his face. "Alex? I think you need to get some sleep."

Alex Horan

[Alex Horan]

"Sleep? SLEEP? YOU ARE DEAD! You're one to talk about SLEEP!!" Alex all but shouted. He felt himself shake, not really able to comprehend the emotions that were going through him. He had worked himself down because she died. She was dead. But she touched him. She was real. Her touch was real. How was that possible. "You were dead." He whimpered. The fight left him. He was way too exhausted for another scream. He was exhausted. He lost her but she was here. Alive and kicking and he had no idea how that was possible. "You died." And he had been helpless. He had wanted to run himself down and had all but managed it. But now she was here. And it was too much for him.

Alex felt himself shake. With a noise he didn't know he was capable of making, he lost his footing, dropping to his knees in front of her. His arms wrapped around her middle and he just held on, as if the moment he let go, she would slip through his fingers and vanish for good. He was shaking, beyond exhausted, but she was alive. The stinging in his eyes gave away how badly he was done. He was crying. "I thought I lost you! I thought... it was my fault! How are you alive? The grounders... the mountain."

Faye Bates

[Faye Bates]

Her eyes went wide as he shouted at her. She wasn't afraid of him, but she was afraid of what was going on in his mind. Something was seriously wrong. Faye's mind went to quickly put the pieces together and it didn't take long until she made the connection. He thought she had died. It was because of Mount Weather exploding, that much she knew. Perhaps everyone thought that she had made it to Mount Weather before the explosion so she had been inside at the time, leaving her dead. She felt her heart break knowing what Alex had been through, thinking that she had perished in Mount Weather with all of the others. Faye wasn't sure how that hadn't crossed her mind during her journey home. Maybe because she had only been thinking about how she wasn't able to get the medicine for Alex so he could stay alive. 

He fell to his knees in front of her and he wrapped his arms around her waist. Faye brought one of her hands to her mouth to cover it, afraid she would start sobbing at the sight in front of her. But then she heard him crying and the words that he spoke, well, they just about killed her. A tear slid down her cheek and she removed his arms so she could kneel down on the ground with him. "I hadn't made it to Mount Weather yet," Faye said, placing her arms on his shoulders and looking him in the eye. Another tear escaped and she leaned forward pressing her forehead against his and closing her eyes. "But I didn't get your medicine and now it's gone," she cried. Faye knew better than to argue with Alex about him blaming herself. She had left to get the medicine for him, after all. But it hadn't been upon his request and she hadn't exactly put the idea up for discussion either. Faye had made the decision because she needed him to get better.

[Alex Horan]

Alex stared up again, looking at her in wonder. He was surprised how grateful he could feel for her not making it in time. He was unpunctual all the time. For once he was very happy with her being unpunctual as well. It saved her life. But she still seemed so unhappy. And that was soon explained. The cure. It had been in the mountain, but with the mountain gone, so was the cure. But it was just a cure. There was a bigger picture here: Hope remained. Hope, that had died with her and hand't at the same time. Now there was even more of it. As he looked at her, her perfect bright eyes, her golden hair, light around her head like a halo, she looked like an angel, an embodiment of hope. And there had to be hope.

"Screw that." He said. He slowly got up - as to not put a strain on his deteriorating health. But the cure was something that was so close to her heart, he had to comfort her. How could he be her boyfriend if he didn't? But hope also bloomed in him. "Don't you see? There was a cure, down here. Whatever they did, they were limited to the resources of the ground, of their own making and what they had came from the ground. There was no known cure when the world ended, Faye. The cure they had was created somewhere between. Whatever was the main part - it's here on the ground. It's not lost."

Faye Bates

[Faye Bates]

She frowned and furrowed her brows at his outburst. Faye watched as he stood up, but she didn't join him. She stayed on the ground, on the floor, because that's where she wanted to be. She still felt awful and him saying 'screw it' was not going to help. "You don't know that," she said softly, shaking her head as he tried to look for hope. "That bunker was created hundreds of years before the war. I'm sure they kept it stocked with the right kinds of medicines, changing them whenever they needed to." Faye wanted to believe that he was right, but she just couldn't. She had never been one to believe in false hope. She didn't mean to be negative but she couldn't help the words falling from her mouth. Not to mention, they had tools in Mount Weather that they didn't have and those tools were gone now too. Sure, maybe some of them could be replaced with time and the help of their mechanics and engineers, but even that was a stretch.

Faye pulled both of her legs up and into her chest, wrapping her arms around them to keep them close to her body. She didn't know what else to say. She didn't want to wallow in her sorrow; she wasn't the one that was sick. But she would be the one that was alone again. "I just can't lose you," Faye whispered. Because she . . . loved him. She had never spoken the words aloud to him but she knew it was how she felt. It had been a short period of time between the two but it hadn't changed the way she felt about him.


Alex Horan

[Alex Horan]

"Actually I do know that." Alex pointed out. He did. "I have done research about it back on the Ark. We had an archive of all once currently known medicines on the Ark. Nothing that could heal me was among it. A lot that could lessen the symptoms for times, but nothing that could actually help. But this could. So this was not created on the Ark. This was created after the Arks last update of the medical database. MIR-3's database received the last update before the warheads were launched. They ran a scheduled update mere days before the end of the world, if my data was correct, Faye. That means we had up to date information on medicine for that time. You see where I'm going with this?" He asked her. He hoped she did. He hoped he could take her pain.

"We've seen so much weird stuff down here. Apparently some trees glow. Drugs can turn people into basically zombies now and a newfound medicine from the ground seems to unlikely to you? I bet there is some plant that evolved in sync with some animal, allowing that animal to digest it and do something useful for the plant that affects the lungs. We just have to find it and figure it out. Maybe... some... grounder knows of a plant like that. I might be an electric monkey, honey, but I do my homework."

Faye Bates

[Faye Bates]

His words fell from his mouth but she didn’t really take them to heart. He didn’t think it was as serious as she did. Alex’s hope should have made her feel better, should have warmed her heart. But it didn’t and she felt like she was going to slump into a depression if she didn’t at least try to get out of it. Faye had suffered from depression before, but it only really became bad when things like this happened. After her mom passed, she had been in a horrible slump for months. Faye didn’t want to cut herself off from Alex or push him away, because she knew that’s what she would do. It was how her brain was wired when it came to dealing with the depressive episodes. Her mind brought her back to the present and Alex was still talking. She heard him mention the Ark’s update of the medical database and something about the MIR-3’s database. Quite frankly, she didn’t understand any of it and she wouldn’t have even if her head was really paying attention.

Faye didn’t really know what to say. She looked up at Alex for the first time in a few minutes, her eyes meeting his. She inhaled deeply and let the breath out slowly. What was she going to do? This trip to Mount Weather was supposed to fix everything. Even if Alex believed there was medicine that they could still find or make, she wasn’t as optimistic as him. Faye wanted to point out that they could not find the medicine; it could be on a different continent for all they knew. But she knew it wouldn’t be of much use at this point. He seemed positive about the situation and if she really loved him, she knew she should believe him. Faye reached up and rubbed her eyes, banishing any unshed tears. “I still don’t want to lose you. I still wish that I had made it in time.”


Alex Horan

[Alex Horan]

She wished she could have been there in time. And he was glad she wasn't. Slowly, he pulled her to him, into his embrace, once more wondering how he could keep on forgetting how small she could be in his arms. It really depended on the moment, on her, if she wanted to be small or not. Her body obviously never changed, but the way she held it. And right now, he guessed, she felt small. She sounded like she did. "I am glad you didn't. Because if you did, you might have been dead now. And then you and the cure would be lost. You don't want to lose me... but I don't want to lose you either." And that was the thing that drove him to keep on holding her.

"I'd rather live what time I have with you, than to have forever without you, Faye. Don't you understand? I love you." With all his heart. And he would find the cure. For her. So she would not have o grieve another person. She already grieved her parents and her best friend - despite her best friend apparently not being dead. But it took a toll on her. He didn't want to be added to that list. "We will find something. To delay or heal this."

Faye Bates

[Faye Bates]

Faye felt her body being moved into his arms and she let him, not that she would normally deny his displays of affection. The warmth of his body radiated off of him and made her feel warm. She wasn't cold but his warmth always made her feel better. Faye nestled her head into the crook of his neck and she wrapped her arms around him, completely folding herself into his body, as if he could protect her from these feelings. Alex spoke of the possibility of her being dead, and Faye hadn't honestly thought about it like that. Her only thought was that the medicine was gone and that she should have traveled faster or not taken as many breaks. But she forgot to realize that if she had made it, she probably would have died. Faye was supposed to arrive at Mount Weather the day it exploded and she knew she wouldn't have left immediately after retrieving the medicine. No, she would have stayed the night so she could rest. That would have meant her death, even if she had gotten the medicine.

She exhaled at his comment. He didn't want to lose her either. While it warmed her heart, it didn't make her feel as good as it should have. She should have smiled at his declaration of caring. Instead, all she could think about how it would be her who would lose him someday. Faye pressed her face against the skin on his neck, enjoying the contact while she could. She would never forget this feeling, She couldn't. Wait. Did he just say . . . ? Faye pulled her face away from his neck and looked into his eyes, searching to make sure she had heard him correctly. "I love you too," she spoke after a moment. Faye leaned forward and pressed her lips against his, not wanting to ever let go.

Tag: Alex Horan

[Alex Horan]

The kiss was so sweet. It was long and wonderful. Warmth spread through him, like he had not felt it since she left for Mount Weather. He had felt cold and empty, only managing to start the fire for his work for as long as he managed to work. As they kissed, his muscles relaxed, his body seemed to finally loose the tension that he had to loose and that meant that the tiredness that he felt, was once more prominent in him. He was slowly coming down from those nerves. 

"Can we sleep now?" He asked her in a whisper. He needed that, actually. He needed the sleep so much and he could only imagine what she had to do to get back to him. They should both lay down and hold each other and relax - especially since otherwise she might actually notice how badly he had run his own body down in the past however long it was. "I'm actually quite tired and I just want... to hold you. So can we do that?"

Faye Bates

[Faye Bates]

She smiled at his request for sleep. She was tired as well, especially since she had already been sleeping when he had come back to their apartment. Although, Faye wasn't sure how easily she would be able to sleep after everything that had just happened. Her mind was still processing the fact that Alex had thought her to be dead, and while she hadn't said anything, she noticed how exhausted and run down he looked. As much as he wanted her to take care of herself when she was gone, she wanted him to do the same should anything happen to her first. But Faye decided to keep that conversation for another time. Right now she just wanted to relish in the fact that he had told her he loved her and she had returned the words. Right now she just wanted to feel safe and loved, something she could only feel with Alex.

"That sounds great," Faye said, nodding her head. She reluctantly pulled herself from his grasp, but only because she knew she would be in his arms again momentarily. Getting up from the floor, she pulled Alex up as well and walked him over to the bed, her hand never releasing his. She crawled back into bed and held the covers open for him to climb in as well. It didn't take long before she nestled against his body, her head resting on his chest while her arm draped over his torso. "Just please try to take care of yourself," she whispered. "I can't live in this mess without you."

Tag: Alex Horan

[Alex Horan]

For a moment he just stood there, staring down at the blonde in the bed. He almost lost her. He almost knew what life without her felt like. He knew, because for him she was gone, almost gone. "There is only one reason I am still alive, Faye." He whispered. "There is only one reason I try to survive. Without you... life would be so empty." The past days were so very empty. He only had his work left. And that was truly an empty life. It was existing, not living. It was not worth it.

"I can't, Faye. What do I have to live for when you're gone?" He asked her. "You've given me hope, Faye, hope I didn't have before." ANd he didn't know how to get it back if it was gone. And so he lay down next to her. He might be a bad person thinking like that. He might be pathetic. But he was done feeling guilty for it. He loved her. he loved her so deeply it hurt sometimes, especially when she was gone. She was the embodiment of hope in his eyes. He hoped he would get to keep that hope for a while longer.

Faye Bates