Walking In This Cloud

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Everyone in this plot

this road

CAN'T BE MINE

In peace may you leave the shore.
In love may you find the next.
Safe passage on your travels until our final journey on the ground.

Death was not something that Bellamy Blake feared enough to refrain from engaging in reckless acts. It had always been worth it. Every single time. This, was no exception. Only this time, the certainty was death. No more was there a hope of escaping it. And while Bellamy had not feared it before, not enough to stop him . . . he felt that fear coursing through his heart right now. He showed no sign. Stoic as always. But inside, he was that same scared little boy that he had been when his mother handed him Octavia for the first time.

She had been the center of his world and right now, his death came in exchange for the lives of not only her, but the others that he loved as an adopted family of heart. Brothers, friends, so many others. What greater cause was there than that? But committing genocide had not completely stripped him of a soul. It left his heart flooding with emotions. He had always believed himself deserving of death, and in this moment . . . he wished it wasn't so. He didn't actively seek it out. And he never thought it would be a man he once called friend, leading him to the outside of the fallen Ark.

His hands and legs bound, the latter with just enough room to walk. Silence ensued, and no time would be wasted. No other risk of a break out. Sentence was immediate. His crimes indisputable. Bellamy wasn't even going to argue it nor try to appeal to Pike. He saw the determination in his eyes. There was no talking him out of it. Better me than them were the words that kept playing over and over in his mind. The words that allowed him to move one foot in front of the other. The words that kept him quiet, and refrained from any tears escaping his eyes. They would be alright.

They would find a way to survive this hell of a world. Surrounded by so much death. So much suffering. They would be alright. They had each other and that was enough. Stepping outside he felt the air hit him, taking in a slow breath as if to experience it for the last time. Which, he supposed he was. There were people around but he didn't look at any of them. He feared losing his resolve. Losing the composure. Held together by a thin strand, threatening to unravel. The others were well outside the walls, but he had loved ones within them. And he feared for them. Damn it, he was afraid of what would happen. He had fought with every single breath to protect them, and this would be the last he would draw.

The hope, that they would be alright. That they would fight, and survive, and . . . live. A privilege not yet granted to anyone thus far. The escorts on either side of him stopped, taking a few steps back. Bellamy didn't have to look at them to feel their gaze. Hesitancy in this judgment. But fear to oppose it. Turning he face Pike, his eyes locked onto the man, not even bothering to try and read the emotions on his face. He knew that Pike didn't want to do this, but rather, felt it was necessary. Death . . . was sometimes necessary. For Bellamy to think otherwise would make him a hypocrite. He fought the tremble in his hand. Who knew, that this was how Bellamy would be reminded of his humanity.

That murdering nearly a thousand people had not destroyed him completely. Had not numbed him to the pain. He could still feel, because he was afraid. But not regretful. That, counted for something. Unsure as to where he found the strength, he lowered himself to his knees. A final act of submission; of surrender. But Pike had not won. Even with Bellamy's death, he would not win. The others had escaped, including the innocent Grounder held captive.

They would save everyone else too, Bellamy was certain of it. There was hope, not all was lost. And yet right now, that scared little boy threatened to emerge. The one that just wanted to hold his sister one last time. His last memory of her drugging her, saying that she was his responsibility. And now she was safe, with the man she loved. He had entrusted Lincoln with her before, and now . . . it was a final act of trust, an unwavering emotion he felt for the man. And the others. This was Bellamy's final redemption for all the wrong doing. All his wrong doing.

"Bellamy Blake, you have been sentenced to death in accordance with the Exodus Charter. Any last words?"

Bellamy looked at him, feeling the slight glisten of tears in his eyes. Emotions had always been his weakness, and right now, was no exception. He would not beg, he would not plead. All he could do was look at the man who held a gun before him, surrounded by the guardsman who Bellamy had once fought with. Worked with. Just as he had followed the Chancellor before him. But the inevitable Judgment Day had come for him. Finally. The Culling, Mount Weather, the Grounder Army, and all before, after and in between . . . his time had come.

He could do this. It would only be a few more moments. The ache in his heart, wishing he could apologize to the others one last time. Telling them that he was sorry. So many that he had failed. Some of which he was certain were standing in the crowd. Perhaps others at a distance. No words of apology were ever enough. He dedicated his life to protecting others, to living for them and now . . . he would die for them. Willingly.

This certainty granted him another strength a new found one. He slightly tilted his chin up, his gaze determined as he looked right into the eyes of the man that would soon kill him. "My people, my responsibility." Words amended, but ones that held impact. It was so often 'my sister, my responsibility' but this time, it was about all of them. They were his people. He would die for his people.

And Pike would know that there was no regret in his expression nor tone. Bellamy was not sorry for this act of treason. He was only sorry that he could not fulfill his final wish, of holding Octavia one last time. Pike reached for the hand gun, taking aim. And that was when Bellamy broke the gaze. In these final moments, his eyes scanned the crowd, seeing the faces of those he had formed close ties to. As if to give them silent assurance, a clench of his jaw, a slight nod, that everything would be alright. As if to say one final time as he had so many times in the past . . . I got this.

Bellamy had played with people's lives too long; deciding which were more valuable than others. He had made that decision at Mount Weather, he had made that decision with the Grounder army. And now, he made that decision for himself. The others meant more than his own life.

Undoubtedly. After that eye contact, he turned his head to look off into the distance. Silently speaking the other unsaid words he had often expressed to Octavia. Thinking them, without daring to breathe them in the presence of Pike. I won't let anything bad happen to you, I promise. It would be the last promise he could ever make to her. The ultimate one. He couldn't ask for her forgiveness, but to know that she was safe with the others . . . allowed him to let go. To finally let go of this life. So with that, he closed his eyes. Taking a slow deep breath, he felt a single tear roll down his cheek. He could practically hear Pike's finger as it started to squeeze the trigger. A final thought in his mind . . .

May we meet again

[cherry1]

Raven supposed she should be used to it by now. Losing the people she was closest too. That in some sick way it should get easier with each death. That she should learn not to get close to the people around her because sooner or later they would leave. They always leave. But this? Now? No this couldn’t be happening. She refused to accept it. Bellamy Blake would not die today. Raven was not about to let this happen again. She would not make the same mistake twice.

There had to be something…anything she could do to stop this. It was insane. Bellamy was the reason they were all here, why they had survived this long. He shouldn’t be executed for that…Goddammit he couldn’t be! A distraction. That’s all she needed. If Raven could just build something to distract the guards, she could get him out of there. Or die trying. Hopefully the former. But either way, she wasn’t letting him go without a fight. Or else…she wasn’t going to let him die alone. She furrowed her eyebrows at the thought, a tear falling down her cheek, before she hastily wiped it away.

No grieving…the man wasn’t dead yet. There was still hope. Making her way to her workshop, all she needed was a little time to build the contained explosion to get him out of there. Just a little bit of time. When she reached her door however, Raven couldn’t help but notice the people walking in the opposite direction. “No…” she all but whispered to herself. It was happening. She was running out of whatever precious moments she had left to use to get him out of there. “NO!” she yelled, before turning on her heel.

Trying to steady her breathing she ran, there was still time. She could think of something else. Dammit she was Raven Reyes, she wasn’t going to allow this. Not again. If he…no. She couldn’t think like that. Raven could…run across, tackle Pike? The others would help her surely. She could grab the gun off a guard. Hold someone hostage. Shoot someone in the leg. Or better yet aim the goddamn gun at Pike then maybe he’d…

Stopping dead in her tracks, she almost tripped over the people she pushed passed to reach him. The sight alone winded her. Bellamy on his knees, bound legs and hands. A gun pointed directly at his head. Her eyes raced frantically around the guards, the people, looking for anything that could possibly prevent this before they finally locked with his own. A knowing look in his eyes of acceptance meeting her own look of desperate anguish. Oh god…

But maybe if she just….

------------------

While Raven had heard more than her fair share of gun shots in her life, this particular one deafened her. Her mind couldn’t comprehend what her eyes were seeing. The first sound that registered was screaming….no it was more like wailing. Like a dying animal. Her eyes darted around to find the source of the god awful noise before she realised…it was her. She looked at her hands and found…blood? Under her fingernails. Her cheeks felt raw from what she now realised were deep scratches. The gravel dug into her knees before she fully grasped that she’d fallen to the ground.

This couldn’t be…but it was. Slowly…finally, she raised her head. To see him. Taking in the sight, as it burned into her brain forever. Along with all the other terrible things she’d been forced to witness. The hole in his head and the blood splatter beyond it. His…body, just lying there like a rag doll. And his face. Devoid of any grief or happiness, or the lines caused by the responsibility he carried. Showing...a young man...a kid. Like they all were. Or like they all should have been. His expression just empty. 

Just like she was now. Swallowing she couldn’t look away, as sob after sob racked her body. She could never save them. Why would this time be any different? Perhaps because out of everyone, the one person she never expected to lose...was Bellamy. Not like this.

Raven supposed she should be used to it now...

[Deleted]

Jasper had taken himself out of the fight. He'd distanced himself from the goings on in camp since coming back from Mount Weather. He just... couldn't do it anymore. But separating himself, drinking too much, it hadn't made him oblivious to the fact that there was unrest in the camp, that there was a divide between the many who supported Pike, and the few who resisted, and today it felt like something big had happened. There was a sudden commotion, and Jasper followed it, out to the middle of camp, watching, trying to figure out what was happening, why people were gathering, why people looked upset... and then he saw Bellamy through those who were gathered. He was on his knees, Pike with a gun to his head.

"No!" Jasper reacted, instinctively trying to rush toward Bellamy. He didn't know what he was going to do. Tackle Pike? He didn't know. His body moved forward without his mind giving the order, but someone grabbed him, holding him back. He didn't even bother to look to see who it was, he just tried to shake them off. He had to get to Bellamy. How cold this be happening? Wasn't Bellamy on Pike's side?!

"No, stop! Stop!" he shouted, uncaring who heard him as people near him told him to shut up or he might be next. Maybe if he shouted enough, though, he could be a distraction, slow this down enough for him to get to where he needed to be to save Bellamy. He made a final surge forward, breaking away from whoever stopped him before, but it wasn't in time. The gunshot that rang out seemed to ring in his ears for much longer than it should have. The world spun. Tears sprang into Jasper's eyes before he even was able to process another loss, spilling down his cheeks in unstopping streams. Not just any loss. The loss of Bellamy, someone who'd always been there for him, even when Jasper didn't want him to be. Someone who seemed to understand him, even when Jasper didn't understand himself. For a moment, all he could do was gasp, trying to breathe and failing, his knees starting to feel weak, until someone else's wailing broke through the din in his mind.

Jasper turned, his eyes unfocused looking for the source of the sound, until he saw Raven, wailing like she too was dying, blood streaked down her cheeks. The sound matched the feeling in Jasper's body and he staggered toward her. He wasn't even sure how he managed to stay on his feet long enough to reach her, but he collapsed in front of her. There were no words, nothing he could say. He'd barely had seconds to understand what was happening before it was too late, and he couldn't process. So he pulled Raven against him, burying his head against her shoulder as he started to weep uncontrollably. He didn't understand what the fuck had just happened, and he didn't expect an explanation right now. Everything about this was wrong, but for now all he could do was cling to Raven, and maybe they could keep each other from shattering completely. That didn't seem likely, but... what else could he do?

[jj]

Her thoughts reeled back to mere months before. It seemed so long ago, so much had changed, yet their early days on the ground were forever fresh in her memory. The fear as they fell. Though many kept it to themselves, every face she could see had given away at least some flash of terror. Dread of the journey, of what awaited them, if they even reached the ground at all. Once there, wild excitement threaded through any lingering fear as they'd embraced this new home and a leader had emerged. Somebody like them. Somebody to trust. 

Somebody to show her who she truly was and who she would become. As the threat of their new world closed in, each of them had failed and stumbled along the way, actions fueled by fear or anger. Or by both. But victories... there had been a few. Tainted by loss and regret but victories nonetheless. Bittersweet in their duality of relief and sorrow, and it had seemed to her that one had carried much of the weight of that sorrow for all of them. Without question or complaint. Leading the way. 

... We are warriors... 

As they waited now in harrowing silence, she cast a glance to those beside her, eyes filled with dread once again, only this time weaved with a despair she had never seen before. Yet she shared it with them. Her attention shifted as he emerged, led out before the crowd. A flood of desperation, of anguished panic surged once more, as it had again and again as this reality had sunk in. What could be done that they hadn't begged for, only to be rebuked. Clambered for a way to stop this, only for even any attempt to be crushed with threat of the same fate. Would that be it? To die together this way, each of them in their rebellion? She would. He would tell her no. 

... We are warriors...

The gun was raised and she held her breath, as if she could stop time, halt this sin from playing out. Hold the world still until it could be right again. Please. But his words to his executioner had seemed an acceptance. This would happen and they would be lost. Broken. A heart torn away to leave them fragmented. Then a look their way... a nod, a promise of a bond unable to be severed. And words to rekindle and remind her of the trust she had placed in him. Always. 

The shot rang out and stole the air from her lungs, he fell and a part of her along with him. Her legs threatened to fail her, unsteady as she swayed back a step, a scream from another though she couldn't comprehend who, only that it merged with the echo of the gunshot as if the very air itself had cried out in pain. Her leader fallen... she steadied herself, straightening and retaking the step she had retreated. A choked breath that swelled the ache in her chest. She would stand. She would be strong. She would be who he believed she was. Who he had taught her she was... and who Bellamy was and forever would be. 

... We are warriors.

[Monty Green]

When Monty had heard that they'd caught one of the traitors that had attempted to free Sinclair, Lincoln and Kane and save them from their execution, he'd quickly left his mother behind with the radio. He had ignored her when she'd called him back, he didn't care about anything at that moment other than finding out who they'd caught. Which one of his friends had failed to escape with the others, he felt a sickening feeling of dread build up in the pit of his stomach as the thought of losing one of them entered his mind.  He couldn't bring himself to imagine losing somebody else that he cared about, since arriving on the ground, he'd seen many of his friends die, he didn't need to watch another join the ranks of those that had been lost. He broke into a jog when he saw that everyone was making their way outside, trying not to let his desperation show, he just needed to see who it was, he needed to know which person was about to lose their life, even if he could do nothing to stop it.

Making his way outside, he saw the crowds and unfortunately he found himself at the very back of the crowd that had gathered to gawk at whoever it was that was about to be executed by the chancellor. He was unable to see over the heads of those that were taller than himself and not for the first time, Monty found himself wishing that he was taller. If he was Jasper's height then maybe he'd have a better chance at finding out what was going on. Not about to give up, Monty started shoving his way through the crowd, ignoring the grunts and shouts that followed, he didn't care that by shoving his way through the crowd he might hurt somebody. All that he cared about at that moment was who was on the receiving end of Pike's gun.

When he eventually managed to shove his way to the front of the crowd, he froze and his eyes locked onto the person who was kneeling before Pike. It wasn't Harper or Miller or Bryan, hell maybe he would've preferred it to be any of those three, anyone but Bellamy. They couldn't lose Bellamy and yet he couldn't force himself from his spot, he couldn't do anything but stare as he felt the tears begin to form in his eyes. They refused to fall, part of him refused to believe that this was the end despite deep down knowing that there was no way out of this. Bellamy couldn't die, something was going to happen, at the last minute somebody would come along and save him. Somebody would save him, anybody, if they just waited long enough, it would happen. He was sure of it because he sure as hell couldn't face thinking about the alternative, because he couldn't imagine a world without Bellamy Blake. Bellamy was one of his best friends, he'd been there for him after mount weather when everyone else had left him, they'd helped each other when things had been hard and Monty couldn't help but feel like Bellamy had helped him a lot more than he'd actually helped Bellamy. Monty needed Bellamy to be okay, he needed him to come out of this alive because he owed him, he needed to pay him back for everything that he'd done for him, how was he supposed to do that if he wasn't there anymore. He needed to be there.

Closing his eyes, Monty found himself praying for a miracle, he didn't quite know who he was praying to. He'd never tried it before, he'd never had a reason to pray and he never thought that he'd know where to begin if he were to try anyway. He didn't really know if he was doing it properly, he just kept repeating the same five words over and over again in his head 'please don't let him die' he couldn't die, it was Bellamy, he couldn't lose him, the one person who'd actually been there for him through it all, he refused to believe that it was happening. Suddenly a gunshot rang out and Monty sucked in a sharp breath and already he felt the first tears slip from his eyes and slowly he allowed his eyes to open and for himself to look at the man that lay dead on the floor in front of them. He found that it was harder to hold himself together when faced with the death of somebody he cared so much about and a sob shook his body, he could hear the wails of others in the crowd but he didn't know who the distressed cries were coming from. Monty was one of the people who had managed to stay on his feet and he just stared at Bellamy's unmoving form as tears continued to slide down his cheeks. He couldn't bring himself to move away, nor could he stop himself from staring despite wanting nothing more than to look away and wipe the image of his friends body from his memory forever. Bellamy Blake was dead, Monty had been wrong, nothing had come to save him, not this time and never again would he go to seek him out looking for advice or a friendly face to talk to. He'd never again have his shoulder to lean on when he needed support and he'd never get the opportunity to repay the debt that he owed him.

"May we meet again" he muttered the words as one final farewell to the man that had been such a good friend to him throughout the time that they'd spent together on earth. Bellamy had saved him so many times before, from the grounders, from the mountain men and he could not repay the favour. He'd been unable to save his friend, the only time that Bellamy had needed saving and he was right there and he'd failed him. All he'd done is stood there and prayed, what good had that done his friend in the end, none, he should've actually done something useful. It was too late now, it would always be too little too late.

[Deleted]

This is my Fight Song TAKE BACK MY LIFE SONG, PROVE I'M NOT ALRIGHT SONG Why did no one else want to run back into Arkadia? They couldn't just let this happen. Tears were beginning to pool in Harper's eyes, the blonde unable to understand why no else was running back to the exit they had came out earlier that day. There was no way Harper was going to let this happen, no way Bellamy Blake was going to die that day. Her feet hit the ground hard as she ran, sweat adding to moisture on her face as she did. Hopefully she would sweat to the point where there was no reason to think that she was crying. Just sweating, just having run a far distance in the harsh early afternoon sun. Harper wasn't one that cried easily, wasn't one that liked to show that sort of weakness around anyone if she could avoid it and even though this situation would likely bring tears to the eyes of many, Harper still didn't want herself to be known as one of those people. It wasn't that she didn't want to be known to care for Bellamy, that part was something she couldn't deny. The two had fell on different sides but that hadn't lasted and that short period of time had done nothing to lessen the feelings of respect and care that she held towards Bellamy. The man who had been there for all the delinquents when they had been discarded to the ground. The man who had seen potential in Harper that she hadn't even seen in herself, who had used her need to be a part of things and be useful, and helped her in learning so much about who she was. Fuck. Harper's tears finally broke over the edge, beginning to trail down her cheeks, to her mouth and her chin. No, no, no. If she was going to save Bellamy, the way the man had always saved her, she needed to be able to see clearly and she needed to be thinking straight.  Usually, Harper was better than this. Usually, she could control her emotions when she needed to. Practiced in the art of turning them off when danger presented, knowing just how dangerous feelings could be when in the heat of a battle. This was a battle just like any other and yet, Harper was unable to stop the emotion that was coursing through her body like a river after rain. Coursing through her and bringing pain to every part it touched. More like lightning than a river. But really, who could blame her? Bellamy had been there even when Harper hadn't expected it, even when she had felt hopeless and been to the point of almost wishing for death. Bellamy had been the one to save them from Mount Weather. He had saved them from the grounder army at the Dropship. He had saved them today even when Harper had been so sure that Bellamy was actually on Pike's side. God, was she wrong. She had fucked up and gone against that one person who had always saved her and built her up into the warrior she was. Everything Bellamy had done for her... even their hookup hadn't just been that. Even there he had been encouraging and caring, opening himself up as the person that Harper could rely on and trust and know would never take advantage of her. She couldn't fucking lose him. Not now. Not ever. When she finally arrived back at camp she pulled open the panel climbing back inside Arkadia and running out into a hallway with little care about the danger she would be putting herself in. Her own safety didn't matter when Bellamy's life was in danger. Everyone needed him more. Everyone needed Bellamy to stay alive. The hallway was full of people, crowds heading towards the outsider doors of the structure. Harper pushed through the crowds, intending to get where they were going as quickly as she could. The crowds were no less once she arrived out into the light. She blinked a few times, letting her eyes readjust to the bright sunlight before she began to break through crowds again and see what they were looking at, even though she knew exactly what it was already. She knew exactly what she would see but still, the sight of Bellamy there, tied up and lowering himself to his knees caused a fresh wave of tears to burn at her eyes, a sob escaping before she had any chance to stop it. "No, this can't happen," Harper said. There was no strength in her voice, it was hardly even a whisper and she felt her own legs shake just enough to make her think she might join Bellamy on her knees. If Pike saw her, maybe that would happen. Some survival instinct must have kicked in because before Harper noticed what was happening, she was taking a couple steps back into the crowd, putting herself behind the first row of people. There another part of her that wanted to do the opposite, to run to Bellamy screaming for Pike to take her instead of him but... she couldn't do it. She couldn't do it. All this effort, running back to Arkadia, sneaking back inside the camp and for what? To watch Bellamy die from a closer angle? No, she needed to do something. Her own life couldn't matter more than Bellamy's. Not after everything. They needed him, his leadership, his inspirational speeches, his non-stop care. They needed all of him. But Harper couldn't make herself risk her own life for him, even after it all. Her feet stayed planted on the ground, her eyes looking between the heads of two strangers at Bellamy with a gun pointed now to his head. His gaze cut out into the crowd and for a split second, it felt like he was looking right at her. Part of her felt ashamed, knowing that if he could see her, he would know that she had came back after all he had done in making sure they escaped. Part of her wanted him to see her and for her to be able to let this... this last glance to go longer, for time itself to slow down so she could silently communicate her last words. Her apology to how she had thought he had gone to the wrong side, her thanks for everything he had done for her in this actually short period of time that they had been on Earth. She tried to do that, communicate it all in that split second but then his eyes were elsewhere and as much as she didn't want to know it, Harper knew that was it. She could see Pike's finger readying on the trigger. Knew that as Bellamy's head turned off into the distance that it was all coming to that end. The end Harper was meant to stop. She was supposed to save him, to stop this horror from happening. She still couldn't. The shot of the gun rang through the air, deafening even from a distance, so much louder than any shot she had made from a gun in her own hands. It was difficult to clearly see Bellamy's body now, tears running unguarded from Harper's eyes. I failed. The thing that Harper didn't feel like then was a warrior. Everything that Bellamy had done to encourage her, to build her up, it felt like it all crumbled then. Harper felt as scared as she had when the news of Jasper's spearing had come back to camp. She hadn't let anyone know she was scared then but god, had she been. Now after all those months of training and hell, Harper felt like the same girl, the rock in which she had built her house turned to dust. *FOREVER CRYING*