Pregnant With...Emotion?

[Nina Eaton]

OR He'll say he's just not the same and you'll begin to wonder why you came Bellamy was wrong. There was plenty of things wrong with a little chaos. For someone who had always felt so indifferent towards chaos and not really having a plan, Nina was highly dissatisfied with the predicament she was currently in. This had certainly not been the plan. Nina had never really thought about this sort of thing, especially as of late and especially while she was on the ground. There were too many horrible things going on and she had no desire to bring another life into this world. Up on the Ark she hadn't really thought about it either. Despite her relationship with Bellamy, she had never thought about it and they had never talked about it. They had been young and had other things on their minds. Nina had disliked the idea of having to sit off to the side while pregnant and knew that she would likely not have a kid on the Ark. It didn't bother her and it wasn't as if she was required to reproduce. Nina should have known that something was wrong. She should have known herself and her body but even after all these years, it still surprised her. She had been jumping Bellamy's bones every chance she got, not that she had heard him complain, but she had chalked it up to things being good between them. Was she not supposed to want to sleep with her boyfriend? Sure, her libido was considerably higher than usual but things had finally started to settle down between the couple and Nina just figured that's what it was. They had been through so much together, from the Ark to the ground, to dealing with Mount Weather and everything else since then. Nina just wanted to be happy with Bellamy and she was. At least, until a wrench had been thrown in. Along with the high sex drive, Nina had been getting sick quite frequently. She had done a good job hiding it from everyone at first, but after a while it became more difficult and she found herself excusing herself from training so she could go barf her brains out. She had dismissed anyone's concerns saying that it was just a stomach bug and that she would be fine. But after a considerable amount of nagging, Nina had agreed to see Abby at medical. The news had not been something she had been expecting. She had not expected those words to leave anyone's mouth, let alone a doctor. The revelation had caused a high amount of anxiety to set in and Nina had rushed back to her room so she could be alone. Currently in bed, Nina had the covers pulled over her head and she thought about everything. She was pregnant. Not pregnant with emotion, but with a child. Her implant should have been good for at least another year, but apparently there was a chance of it being less effective the closer it got to the expiration date. That information would have been nice to know prior to her being in this position. How the fuck was she supposed to tell Bellamy? Well, maybe she didn't. Maybe she could see if Abby had any solutions to her problem and then things would go back to the way they were between the couple. Nina couldn't stand the idea of this causing issues between them. She had just gotten him back. Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Nina Eaton

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy knew that Nina hadn't been feeling well. He had his own suspicions as to what it could be with the frequency and symptoms she was displaying. Of course, some of them were vastly different than the last scenario that sparked familiarity. For instance, she had moments where she was quite willing to . . . well, engage in physical relations. Bellamy certainly had no complaints. He wasn't one to turn away sex, especially from his girlfriend. But . . . there was something different about it. Something along with her frequent sickness and sometimes fatigue. He remembered when his mom was sick like that. She had explained it to him, but he was far past that young, naive boy. He had a better understanding of things, and while he had never voiced it . . . he had urged her to go to the doctor's to get checked out.

Even offering to go with her. But their schedules didn't always make it easy to find time during the day. Whether she went or not, he hadn't any idea. What he did know was that he had just gotten back from a quick patrol. Arkadia was still healing in the aftermath of recent actions -- hell, they were always in need of recovery. Bellamy felt more out of place than ever considering, but the one constant he had, was Nina. Which was why as soon as he came back, returned the weapons to the armory and debriefed the Chancellor, he made his way to Nina's room. It would be his first stop. He casually entered, knowing they were far along in their relationship to do that. What he hadn't expected, was to see her in the current position she was in.

A slight smile crept onto his lips. Something was wrong. That much, he knew. Maybe she was still sick. It wasn't a virus or stomach bug at this point; surely it wouldn't take this long to get out of her system. He closed the door behind him, moving to sit on the edge of the bed on the side she was lying on. He didn't say anything at first. He just turned his body a little, facing what would be her upper body and head if she hadn't concealed herself. He casually put one hand on her shoulder, blanketed by the covering. "You gonna come out of your cocoon anytime soon?" He asked her teasingly. He leaned forward toward her, his head near hers even if he couldn't see her and vice versa. "Please?" He further asked, placing a kiss over the blanket, as if to further encourage her to at least poke her head out so he could see her.

[Nina Eaton]

OR He'll say he's just not the same and you'll begin to wonder why you came The sound of her door opening made her freeze but quickly relaxed a moment later. Bellamy was the only one that entered her room without knocking. They spent enough nights together to feel comfortable doing that to one another and it wasn't something Nina thought much of. But she hadn't been expecting him back from his patrol so soon. Nina had planned on trying to come up with a gameplan while he was away. Bellamy was distracting in every way possible. Sometimes it was frustrating depending on what she was trying to do, but other times it was the most welcomed distraction she could think of. But now she needed him away from her so she could think. If she saw his smile, the one that made his eyes crinkle, she would second guess everything. She would want to keep it because she would want to have a part of him always with her. But Nina couldn't do that. She wouldn't.  She felt the edge of the bed sink down and she knew Bellamy was sitting there, likely staring at her. Or rather, staring at the blob under the blanket. She could hear the small smile in his voice and she felt her heart melt. He had her heart in the palm of his hand and she wondered if he even knew it. She felt him move closer and press a kiss against the blanket and she sighed. Nina moved the blanket down so her head and torso was revealed. She offered him a small smile and leaned forward, pressing her lips to his own in a chaste kiss. "How was patrol?" She asked, doing anything to stay away from the topic of her well-being. Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Nina Eaton

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Fortunately, Bellamy didn't have to wait long until Nina pulled back the blanket to look at him. She reached up to greet him in a kiss, an embrace that Bellamy immediately responded to with a light kiss. When she pulled back, he offered a small smile. "That's more like it," he said a bit teasingly, though meant it. Leaned forward to kiss the corner of her lips before drawing back just enough to look at her as she asked how patrol was. "Uneventful." Which was always a good thing. It was a smooth patrol. No threats. No dangers.

Just there and back, luckily enough since . . . luck seldom ever seemed to be on their side. "How was everything here?" He asked. Her condition either hadn't changed, or something had. Whatever the cause, there was clearly something bothering Nina if she was in her room, under hear covers. And who knows how long she had been here like this for. He reached a hand to a strand lock of hair on her cheek, tucking it behind her ear. "How are you feeling?" He further inquired softly, an underlying tone of concern in his voice. Her well being was obviously incredibly important to him, and wanted to see if she was feeling any better or if either doctor had given her medicine to help.

[Nina Eaton]

OR He'll say he's just not the same and you'll begin to wonder why you came Nina knew she loved Bellamy. After everything they had been through together it was difficult not to. Their history was long and tangled, but only appeared to have made their bond stronger. With that in mind, in made things difficult for Nina given her current situation. Things were good between them and she didn't want to cause any issues by bringing this up, especially if she was going to take care of it. But not telling him would be a betrayal of his trust and she knew that he would find out eventually. Because with the way the universe worked, that was just how things had to be. It was a painful back and forth in her mind but she was pulled from her thoughts when he spoke and pressed another kiss to the corner of her mouth.  She shrugged her shoulders at his question. "Nothing really," she responded. Nina scooched over on the bed so Bellamy could lay down next to her, patting the mattress and tugging him down next to her. She bit her lip and curled into him at his question. At the moment she was feeling fine. She was a little overwhelmed from the revelation of her illness but she wasn't feeling sick like she had been. "I'm feeling fine," she said. She felt her stomach tighten in anticipation. She couldn't lie to him. She loved him too much and she knew that lying would only hurt him. And Nina couldn't stand to see Bellamy hurt, especially from something she had done. "Uhm." She took a moment to gather her thoughts. "Abby told me she thinks I'm...pregnant," she confessed. She held her breath for a moment before opening her mouth to quickly add something. "But I'm going to her tomorrow to get something to make this whole thing go away," she said quickly. She released a large breath. "I'm sorry. I couldn't just not tell you," Nina confessed. Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Nina Eaton

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

When she moved over to make space for him, Bellamy kicked off his shoes and lay down next to her, moving one arm so that it was wrapped around her. She said she was feeling fine, but there seemed to be more to her words. Which left Bellamy silent, not wanting to interrupt her. Instead he just listened, and the next words she said caused him to freeze. "I'm...pregnant." Pregnant. His body felt numb for a moment, but only briefly before he felt an array of emotions flood over his heart. His figure unmoved, but instead, so many things stirred within him. A child. They were going to have a child. How many children had he killed. How many fathers. Mothers -- including his own. What right did he have to be a father? And yet, it was the most wonderful gift; the most wonderful blessing in all this world.

He didn't deserve it, but knowing that they had formed a life from the loved they shared . . . was a beautiful thing. However, he didn't have time to react to that until her next words came. Ones that prompted a bit more of a reaction, no longer able to just idly lie here. He sat up, turning his head to look at her. "What are you talking about?" He questioned. He hadn't even processed the first revelation, only for her to vocalize another. One that involved a fate for their child that Bellamy could not support. Especially after all his mother had risked and sacrificed to keep Octavia.

"Why would you want this to go away" He further question. The thought of losing a child was bad enough; the thought of doing it themselves . . . unbearable. "This isn't the Ark," he added on. This wasn't a world where such drastic laws had to be enforced to save their families. The ground was far from ideal, but it was a start to something that maybe could be better. This was their chance, to bring something pure and innocent into this world. A piece of heaven in what was otherwise their hell. How could she want to get rid of that? No. Bellamy couldn't allow it. He refused to.

[Nina Eaton]

The words left her mouth and it was too late to take them back. She felt like time froze and she stayed still herself, not wanting any slight movements to cause problems. Nina felt Bellamy tense beside her and she shut her eyes for a moment, willing the moment to pass quickly. Maybe she shouldn’t have said anything. Maybe she should have kept her mouth shut. But as she said earlier, she couldn’t lie to him. Nina had no problems with lies in general, but did when it came to Bellamy. It wasn’t how she worked her relationships and theirs was finally back on track after all this time. The thought of something like this ruining it only upset her more.

He sat up and looked at her with disbelief. She saw no anger or annoyance like she had half-expected. She was tempted to roll her eyes and explain to him where babies came from. They had sex all the time so surely the idea of her being pregnant wasn’t completely off his radar. Then again, he was a guy and Bellamy tended to not notice the strangest things. But the small amount of amusement she held disappeared when it was made clear that he was more upset about her wanting to get rid of it. Nina had not expected that. She had not expected Bellamy to be upset over the idea of getting rid of it. The idea of having a child had never really occurred to her and she wondered if it had occurred to him. But part of her realized that it must have, given his reaction to her desire to get rid of it. 

Nina sat up and leaned against the wall, staring at her boyfriend. “Bell…” she said softly. “This isn’t the Ark but it isn’t any safer down here. I can’t bring a kid into this.” Nina rubbed her temples for a moment before returning her gaze to him. She didn’t think she’s be having this conversation, let alone at this point in her life. “I’m not ready to be a mom,” she confessed. She knew that ultimately it was her choice given that it was her body, but she didn’t want this to completely destroy things between her and Bellamy. She loved him but she also didn’t want a child.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Nina Eaton

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

The feeling of what it could be to be a father had been quickly replaced by the feeling of fear. The thought of losing a child before ever holding it. Family was everything to Bellamy. It was what he lived for, what he breathed for majority of his life. The thought of it being destroyed was . . . unfathomable. While the Ground wasn't safe, Bellamy still couldn't accept this as reason. Not when his family had been his whole world. Not when his universe had revolved around his sister, and then living, breathing, fighting for the others on the ground. He wanted to question whether she considered his feelings in this, but he didn't.

She wasn't ready to be a mom, and he didn't deserve to be a father . . . but he didn't believe that meant the child should be deprived of a life to live. "When my mother was pregnant with Octavia, I thought I didn't have a choice." He had been told the risks, felt the burdens and pressures, the responsibilities. He had broken the law every second of every day, sometime believing that he never had a choice in the matter. "But I did," he continued softly in a low voice. He didn't often talk about his childhood, his family, or even Octavia after the tension between them. But he felt it necessary to say it now.

"I could have left. I could have turned them in." In a way, he didn't have a choice, weighted down by familial obligations. But learning what it really was these days to be deprived of choice . . . there had been a way out there. His moral conscience just didn't allow it. "But they were my family. They were my responsibility." His blood. His flesh. His heart.

"This child," he began to say, his hand moving to rest over her stomach to emphasize his words. "Doesn't have a choice. " Just like Octavia hadn't. It was an innocent being. Pure. "But we as his or her parents, do. And I am asking you Nina, to please not condemn our baby for the world we live in." Just like his mother couldn't condemn Octavia for the world they lived in on the Ark. He couldn't bare the thought of losing this baby because he also feared that if Nina did this, he would never be able to forgive her.

[Nina Eaton]

OR He'll say he's just not the same and you'll begin to wonder why you came The mention of Octavia got Nina thinking. Bellamy and Nina had never really talked about Octavia and all of that stuff because she knew things had been a little iffy between the two since Lincoln's death. But she knew that Bellamy would still die for Octavia and that she was still the center of his world. It didn't matter that she said she hated him. Nina admired that about Bellamy; his willingness to die for the people he loved. But Nina didn't want him dying for anyone because she couldn't imagine a world without him in it. Even when they had been broken up, it had been impossible to forget about him despite how much she tried. And she supposed she had no idea what it was like to have a sibling because they weren't allowed on the Ark so she couldn't even begin to understand his relationship with Octavia, especially since he had been involved in her birth. Bellamy had a relationship with the idea of babies that Nina didn't. While Nina listened to him speak about his family, she kept thinking about how this didn't really apply to them. Bellamy had been thrust into the life of an older brother without choice and without much warning. At such a young age, she doubted he really understood what having a baby around meant. And of course he could have turned them in but they were family. Family didn't do that to one another. It was different because Octavia was already there and breathing and apart of his life. But this thing inside of Nina wasn't even real yet, at least not to her. It hadn't been brought into the world and it hadn't breathed life yet. It was different but Nina didn't have the heart to point that out to him, not when he looked so crestfallen at her decision. He touched her stomach and Nina felt her abdomen clench at his touch. He was making this baby so real and she hated it. She hated how his words and his touches could affect her in the smallest ways. She wondered if he knew that. She wondered if he was using that to his advantage. She sighed and placed a hand over Bellamy's, the one that was resting on her stomach. "This," she began. "isn't a child Bellamy. It's a combination of cells that can grow into a child. I'm not getting rid of a breathing person. It hasn't made it to that point yet." And it wouldn't. Nina couldn't let it happen.  She could picture Bellamy as a dad, she really could. She could picture how amazing he would be and how he would be the kind of dad that every child wanted. But Nina couldn't picture herself as a mom. She had never been great around kids and had therefore avoided them. But how was she supposed to tell Bellamy that he would be a great father someday when she wasn't willing to let him go? Nina pictured a future with Bellamy but she had never seen any children. Apparently he did and she should have known that, given his upbringing with Octavia. "But don't you see? That's the reason this isn't a good idea. This world is too dangerous for us, let alone a baby." She pinched the bridge of her nose, attempting to shoo away and tears that had started to form in her eyes. Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Nina Eaton

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

As Nina spoke, it was becoming abundantly clear that she didn't see this as a child. Perhaps it was some form of detachment, or denial that she couldn't understand what was growing inside of her. And Bellamy wanted to change that for her. He had learned about a child growing in a mother's womb from his mother. Granted, he had been young at the time but he understood. Even more as he got older. He wanted Nina to understand the significance of this. To realize what was happening in her body rather than just perceiving it as some impersonal growth that could be rid of.

"No," he disagreed softly, slightly shaking his head. "You have a human being growing inside of you," he began to say, knowing that this was where his focus needed to lie. "You have something, someone that we made, together. Someone we created together." He loved her, he knew he did though they were words unsaid. And he wasn't sure if now was the appropriate time to say them. One thing at a time.

"There is a life inside of you. You'll feel it Nina if you don't already. You'll start to feel him or her move." He kept his hand on her stomach, her hand rested on top. "And they will look to you. Because you're this baby's mother. And . . . " He paused for a moment, knowing that he didn't deserve to be a father, but couldn't help but raise the point. "If you'll let me, I'd like the honor of being this baby's father." A privilege more than a right. He couldn't make demands on her, but he wasn't going to give up on this or their unborn baby.

[Nina Eaton]

OR He'll say he's just not the same and you'll begin to wonder why you came Staring at the blank space in front of her, Nina listened to Bellamy's words while trying to hold it all together. Not only did Nina hate crying in general, but she hated crying in front of Bellamy. Her father had always told her that crying was a form of weakness which had eventually stuck, despite her mother always telling Nina that it was healthy to cry. It was a way to get everything out. Nina had such a hard time with feelings as it was, and this situation was not making it any easier on her. One thing he said really struck hard with her, and she found herself looking up at him. Someone we created together. She had honestly...not thought about it like that. It was probably because she didn't think about the thing inside of her as a person, but rather a 'thing'. But Bellamy was right. It was half of her and half of him. Even from a scientific standpoint, it had half of her DNA and half of his. A tear spilled down her cheek as that realization sunk in. She quickly wiped it away, as if doing so would clear any evidence that she had begun to cry. But she knew Bellamy was looking at her and she knew that he had seen the tear fall. She knew she wouldn't be able to hold them back for much longer, especially if this conversation continued to go in the direction that it was headed. But the only thing she had felt inside of her was a tiny thing causing her to throw up every second of every day. So she couldn't exactly understand his reference to her feeling it, but she knew enough about babies to know that the larger it got, the more one could feel it. But could she actually be a mother? Nina had lost her own mother and she knew how much it had fucked her up. She couldn't do that to a child if something were to happen to her. "I wouldn't be a good mom," she said, shaking her head as her voice cracked. She felt another tear slide down her cheek. But he would be such a good dad, she knew it. Nina didn't want this baby, she just wanted him. Nina didn't see how she would win this conversation without it ending in a big fight or him walking out on her. Nina removed her hand from the top of his, leaning forward and burying her head in her hands. "I just don't think I can do this Bellamy," she cried, feeling the tears leave her eyes. There was no stopping them now. Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Nina Eaton

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy noticed the tears start to fall from Nina's eyes as she claimed that she wouldn't be a good mom; that she didn't think she could do this. Bellamy reached forward, brushing away a few tears from her cheek before just softly caressing her cheek. "You won't be doing this alone, Nina," he assured her in a soft voice; as soft as his natural tone could be. "I'll be with you. Every step of the way." He wasn't about to abandon her, or abandon their child. He was committed to family and the people he loved. She was no exception to this.

"We created this life together," he continued. "We can figure this out together." Because Bellamy had never been a father either. Not technically. He was both a brother and father in terms of raising Octavia, but he never actually had a child of his own. "We can raise him or her, together." He wanted her to know that; she wasn't alone. She never would be. But he needed her to do this because she wanted to as well. Not only for him, but for the both of them. "What do you say?" he asked her, his finger still brushing along the soft skin of her cheek.

[Nina Eaton]

OR He'll say he's just not the same and you'll begin to wonder why you came The feeling of his hand against her cheek, while wiping any evidence of tears away, felt comforting to Nina. She slightly leaned into his touch, realizing that any form of physical contact with him was what she really needed. Hearing him say that he would be with her every step of the way caused a wave of relief to wash over her. It wasn't as if she was afraid of him abandoning her, so she was unsure as to why the words brought such comfort. But right now, Nina wasn't really trying to answer these questions. Nothing made sense to her at the moment. Nina knew she wouldn't be alone, but she supposed that wasn't really the problem. Her issue was bringing something innocent into this world, knowing how many horrible things could happen to it. She was afraid of her or Bellamy dying, leaving the child without a parent. Nina had her mother for most of her life, but that didn't mean that losing her hadn't fucked her up. She couldn't imagine how it had been for Bellamy, not knowing his father and then having his mother floated for having Octavia. There were too many variables and Nina was having a hard time justifying all of them. There were too many 'what ifs' that plagued her mind.  His soothing words pulled her from her busy mind and Nina looked up at him. He said all of this now, but what if he changed his mind at some point? There was only so much time she was given in order to change her mind before it became permanent. Nina didn't know why she was questioning Bellamy's words. She was second-guessing everything right now. Nina didn't know why she was having such a hard time accepting his supporting words, but she didn't care to over think them like she was doing to everything else. She still couldn't believe that this was Bellamy's argument. She had been certain that he would have been upset over her getting knocked up in the first place. His whole reaction had thrown her through a loop and made her question every choice she had made thus far. Hell, she didn't even know how far along she was given that she had spaced out once Abby had told her that she was pregnant in the first place.  Nina deeply inhaled and then let the air out through her nose as she thought about his final question. She still didn't know if she could do this. She still didn't know if she wanted this. But his words about it being apart of both of them and something that they made together were echoing in the back of her mind. Getting rid of this baby would be getting rid of a a piece of Bellamy. "Okay," she finally agreed, her voice soft and barely above a whisper. Knowing that she was actually going to be a mother scared the shit out of her, but knowing that Bellamy was the father was the most soothing thing in the world in that moment. Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Nina Eaton

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy could practically see the wheels turning in her head. Knowing she was trying to determine what she should do. Bellamy wanted them to be on the same page, and was prepared to keep fighting for her. For them. For this child. If it wasn't decided tonight, he would do everything within his capabilities to convince her. Because that was what family did. Especially when it came to him. And Nina was his family. This baby was their family. When she finally said that one word that held so much meaning, Bellamy felt himself relax. He felt himself able to breathe a little easier.

He felt his heart be at ease more. She said okay. And while she may still have her doubts, they had time to work on it. Bellamy leaned toward her, gently kissing her lips in a soft embrace, yet holding emotion at the same time. He relaxed against her, easing out of the kiss while wrapping an arm around her to hold her close. "Thank you," he told her sincerely, knowing that she wasn't just doing it for herself or the baby, but for him as well.

"You're gonna be a great mom," he told her, with a soft smile. That much he was confident of. He knew her well enough to know that. "This baby is a part of both of us," he added on. "And I'm honored, to be a part of both of your lives." Because he would never take that for granted, nor dismiss it. He had done horrific things, been responsible for so much death . . . yes this tiem, for once, he was responsible for creating a life. And Nina had made that possible.

[Nina Eaton]

OR He'll say he's just not the same and you'll begin to wonder why you came His lips were conveying emotions that were unspoken and Nina felt them. She poured her own emotions into the one kiss as well. Fear. Love. Those were the main emotions she was unable to shake. She was afraid of having a child; afraid of bringing it into this hell of a world. But she loved Bellamy and seeing how badly he wanted this child only made her love him more, if that was possible. She tucked herself into his body as an arm wrapped around her. She wrapped an arm around his neck and put her face into it. Closing her eyes, Nina thought about what she had just agreed to do. She had agreed to bring a child into this world. She had agreed to put her life second. It wasn't like she necessarily had a problem with that, since she often put those she loved feelings first, but this was a little different. This baby would rely on her for everything. It's survival depending upon her and Bellamy. She didn't say anything when he said she would be a great mom. It was still something she didn't quite believe, but she wasn't going to argue with Bellamy over it. They had just gotten out of one argument and she was in no rush to get into another one. Especially, another one that she would likely not win. Pulling her face out of his neck, she pressed a kiss to his jaw. "I love you." The words just poured out of her mouth before she could stop them. She had been trying not to say them in fear of him saying them just to get her to have this child. But it was too late now. He had no reason to lie about something like this. And again, Nina didn't know why she expected the worst of Bellamy. She loved him. But the more she thought about it the more she realized she expected the worst from everyone, so that way she would never feel disappointed. Nina released a deep breath and wrapped an arm around his waist, sinking into his embrace. Bellamy Blake