Pregnant With...Emotion?

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Nina Eaton

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Despite Bellamy being a light sleeper, he hadn't felt Nina shift from the bed. Being with her had allowed him to sleep easier than ever before. Nightmares still came in abundance, but her presence was an unwavering comfort. His sleep instead was disrupted by a sudden scream. Something that he knew came from no deep nightmare. He jolted abruptly into an upright position, noticing immediately that Nina was not by his side, the small light in the bathroom indicating where she was. He leapt out of bed, quickly hurrying toward her to take notice of the blood on her hands.

His eyes ever so slightly widened, though he did his best to remain calm. Panicking in this situation would not help, though he felt his heart flood with fear. Blood like this was not good. He'd studied up on pregnancy enough to know that. He rushed toward her, his hand going to her cheek, looking into her eyes before his gaze fell down to her stomach. He pulled the fabric from where it covered her legs to see how much blood was between them. Swallowing he looked back into Nina's eyes.

"We need to take you to medical. Ok?" He needed to see how conscious she was; or whether she was in some short of shock. He tiled his head toward her forehead, kissing it lightly as if to provide some form of comfort. He couldn't panic; he couldn't do that to her. But that didn't mean the feeling wasn't consuming him. He just had to main calm. "It's gonna be alright," he told her, reaching for a towel and putting it between her legs to soak up some of the blood. "Can you walk?" If not, he would carry her, unsure how steady she was on her feet or whether it was even a good idea for her to move herself.

[Nina Eaton]

OR He'll say he's just not the same and you'll begin to wonder why you came Everything was her fault and she wasn't sure how she was going to live with herself after this. She knew Bellamy would never forgive her and right now she couldn't blame him. How had she held such little care for the life growing inside of her? How had she believed it wasn't even real despite what the doctors had told her? She had never felt the baby move inside of her but she had always summed it up to it not being strong enough. But now she would never be able to feel it move inside of her because Nina assumed the worse. Her baby was gone.  She hadn't heard Bellamy come into the bathroom and she hadn't felt him beside her. The only reason she had been alerted to his presence was because his hand touched her cheek. She could feel his eyes gazing at her and she let her eyes connect with his for a moment before she had to look away. She felt too guilty to gain any comfort from his mere presence. She couldn't allow herself to feel better because she didn't deserve it. Nina felt utterly numb and zoned out. Her mind was racing and she felt like everything was moving so slow. Painfully slow. Nina could hear Bellamy speaking but she couldn't actually understand what he was saying. It sounded like she was underwater and he was trying to speak to her while he was on the surface.  Nina felt him kiss her forehead and she closed her eyes, tears falling from her eyes as she did so. She didn't deserve him or any of this comfort. He should be angry at her, telling her that he warned her about something like this happening. She felt him press a towel against her and she gulped back another sob at what she had done. Her fault. All her fault. The words wouldn't stop running through her mind. "I'm so sorry," she gasped, pressing her head against Bellamy's chest. What had he just said? Something about walking? Nina could barely think, let alone walk. Oh, god. Walking. Their child would never learn how to walk because of Nina. The whole thing was raising her anxiety and she felt like she couldn't breathe. Perhaps this was the universe's way of telling her that she didn't deserve Bellamy or a baby. She didn't deserve to be happy. Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Nina Eaton

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She didn't answer his question verbally, but the two words she said, the gaze in her eyes, and her body language answered it for him. She was in no shape to walk there. She looked like she could barely stand. "Keep this here," he told her, putting her hand where his had been on the towel between her legs. Reluctant to let her go, Bellamy hurriedly grabbed his shirt to pull it on and even more hastily put on his shoes.

He hurried back to her and in one swift motion, scooped her up in his arms, and exited their room to take her over to medical. They of course knew of her pregnant condition and so once they saw him enter with her in his arms, it was quite clear that something was horribelly wrong. "She's bleeding," Bellamy said, trying to keep that unwavering calmness.

"I think she's in shock." Nina had said she was sorry and Bellamy hadn't responded. Now was the time for that conversation. He needed to be calm, for her. Bellamy followed where he was motioned to lay her down, gently placing her on the bed as he stood next to her, watching, swallowing back the fear of losing either her or their child . . . or worse, both. He waited for the doctors to do their routine checks, prepared to answer anything they needed to know as he stood grounder next to his family, where he belonged.

[Nina Eaton]

OR He'll say he's just not the same and you'll begin to wonder why you came Her body did whatever he had instructed it to and she felt him leave her side. Part of her didn't expect him to come back. She wouldn't have. Nina knew how important this baby had been to him and she had completely disregarded the life inside of her. But she hadn't done any real training earlier. They had been small sparring sessions; nothing to worry about. But obviously something had happened in order for this to happen. Nina had done something wrong. Nina felt herself being lifted into Bellamy's arms and she held onto the small amount of comfort she allowed herself to have. She had always felt safe in his arms and even though she didn't deserve it right now, she had to focus on it. If she didn't, then she would just think about what she had done. Nina was laid down on a bed and she felt Bellamy's warmth leave her. Her eyes remained opened but she rarely blinked and she was just staring at the blank spot in front of her face. She felt a flashlight being moved in front of her eyes but she didn't follow the light. She heard people talking around her but she didn't pay them any attention. One of the doctors had sent Lauren to fetch the machine so they could check on the baby but Nina knew it was pointless. Why bother when she knew the baby was gone? "A little bleeding is normal, especially during the first trimester," Lauren explained when she returned with the machine. One of the other doctors took over so they could check Nina's stomach. "However, this is a little more blood than I would like to see. But it looks worse than it is." Lauren glanced down at Nina but knew she wasn't listening. Bellamy was right; she was in shock. "Was she complaining about cramps earlier at all? Was she hurt or did she fall?" Lauren was trying to rule out a miscarriage. The blood on Nina looked worse than it was, but she didn't know what the bathroom looked like so she couldn't be sure. A few of the nurses began to clean Nina up while Lauren spoke with Bellamy, seeing what questions he could answer for her. If Nina had no cramps then Lauren believed it was not a miscarriage. Clearing her throat, Lauren looked down at the file she had started to Nina. "Doctor Griffin told me that Nina's mother had a difficult pregnancy," she explained. "So while I told Nina some light training would be fine, I'm going to write down that she should do no training." Lauren looked over at the other doctor, who had just gotten the  machine running and was now moving Nina's shirt up so he could press the device against her stomach.  Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Nina Eaton

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy's eyes rested on Nina's, seeing the blankness there, occassionally averting to watching what the doctors were doing in their checkups. They started asking a series of question, inquiring as to whether she had cramps or whether she had gotten hurt or fell. "I don't know," he answered honestly. "Not since last night. But before then, I'm not sure." She could have fallen during training for all he knew. Bellamy folded his arms across his chest, listening intently as the doctor explained that her mother's pregnancy had not been easy.

It only hurt more considering the situation; the plea for Nina to be careful. He wasn't one to gloat or give I told you so's, but at the same time . . . sometimes wished that his simple requests were enough for people to comply with. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case, nor was the logic recognized until it was too late. "That's probably for the best," he agreed, though he had already known that. He had already told her. But maybe if she didn't listen to him, she would listen to the doctors.

Or now understand the risks. He just . . . hoped it wasn't too late, like all the other times his advice was ignored. Bellamy watched, his heart filled with nerves as they hooked her up to the ultrasound, looking at the screen intently, and exchanging glances between that and the doctor's face. She finally confirmed that there was a heartbeat, and breathing came more easily. Bellamy felt his entire body flooded with relief. He reached down to take Nina's hand in his own, giving it a gentle squeeze as he looked to the doctor. "I take it she should spend the rest of the night here," he both stated and asked for confirmation.

[Nina Eaton]

OR He'll say he's just not the same and you'll begin to wonder why you came Nina felt like curling into a ball and just crying until she couldn't cry anymore. She couldn't imagine how she looked right now, blood on her clothes. The nurses were trying to clean her up and would give her new pants to change into once the doctor finished her ultrasound, but the machine was still working on getting a reading. Lauren looked at Bellamy and nodded, glad to see that he was taking in what she was saying. "I had told her that light training was fine," she said, wanting Bellamy to have all of the facts. "But like I said, after this I don't think she should. This seems to be more about stress than anything physical she could have done. We'll run some blood tests to get a look at her hormone levels, but this could be a subchorionic hemorrhage. Again, I'll know more after I get some tests done but she should still be able to have a normal pregnancy. It is possible though that she is at risk for preterm labor so just be aware of that," Lauren explained.  The doctor ran the device along her stomach and watched the screen for the small flicker. Once she found it, she smiled and told Lauren that the baby was just fine. It didn't even appear to be under any stress from the possible hemorrhage Nina had just experienced. Nina was far too lost in her own thoughts to hear that everything was fine. She was too busy berating herself for everything. It wasn't until Bellamy squeezed her hand that she was slightly pulled from her haze. Nina looked over at Lauren, her face still blank but Lauren smiled at her and told her the baby was just fine. More words followed her sentence but Nina couldn't seem to understand them. Her baby was fine? How was that possible? She had been certain that she had killed her. "What?" Nina asked, her voice a little hoarse. "I just said that yes, we would like you to stay over night just to make sure everything is okay. Bellamy is obviously more than welcome to stay with you too." Nina felt . . . well, she didn't know how to feel right now. Nina didn't even feel the needle pierce her skin so the nurse could take some of her blood to run tests on. All she felt was relief for her baby not being dead and guilt for putting her in this position in the first place. "Nina?" A voice made her look back at Lauren. "I know it's hard, but I really need you to try to avoid stress, okay?" Lauren said, needing to make sure Nina understood that it was the stress that had caused this to happen. "She's fine?" She asked, still unable to wrap her head around it. Nina didn't even note that it was the first time she had referred to her baby as a girl out loud. She had always called it and 'it'. But after this, Nina felt different. She felt attached to this baby growing inside of her. Bellamy Blake