A New Dawn

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He felt relieved when she said that she didn't love Lexa. That she had no feelings for her. He knew that didn't mean that Clarke loved him . . . but at least there wasn't another in her life. He didn't know if Clarke could ever love him, knowing that it was bad enough he dared to hope for such a thing. Hope was dangerous. . . for it often led to extreme disappointment. But regardless how she felt for him, he loved her. And would always love her. Nothing could change that. Not even what he just recently discovered.

She then made mention of what she would have done . . . their baby. Bellamy clenched his jaw, feeling extremely unsettled at the thought of their child being so close to someone like Lexa, as well as the other Grounders. "I don't want to imagine that," he said, suppressing a shudder at the mere thought. "The further away you are from her, the better." Her, them, all of them. Lexa could clearly not be trusted. If she loved Clarke, then there was no saying what she would do when finding out she was pregnant. He wouldn't put anything past that Grounder commander. "She's not gonna be coming anywhere near you or our baby." Not if he could help it. And knowing Clarke didn't have any feelings for Lexa, would make it far easier to get rid of her should she ever prove to be a threat to him. He wouldn't willingly seek her out. But he would definitely be keeping an eye out for her.

[Clarke Griffin]

Neither did she, but she already had, in one of the many lonely nights in which she had no other thing to do but think, where her emotional and psychological damages came to the surface and she could not help think of the lives lost and the lives that would continue to be lost. And then there were the countless What if scenarios played out in her mind. In terms of Lexa it involved so much worry for her baby and the childs father. Lexa had something very egoistical about herself, she would not accept this, especially as Clarke knew how often Bellamy had been mentioned in his absence. She did not know what could have happened. Clarke found it increasingly hard to hold onto wakefulness, blinking hard as sleep threatened to overtake her in the middle of the conversation. Damn it. 

“I hope so. I don’t… plan on… going out.” Why would she even? This was the safest place for her and the little one. She could rest here, had food, she was protected, not only by the guards, but also by their friends and then him. And then there was the fact that she really needed rest if they wanted the baby to be born as healthily as possible. Their trust in the Grounders, though, was shattered for now, in all but one individual and in a way he might be counted as a glitch. “I’m rather…” With those thoughts the blonde slowly drifted off to sleep, exhausted from the worries she had all day and the relief she felt earlier, just mere moments ago.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She was drifting, and it didn't take much longer until she fell into a deep slumber. He watched her for a few moments, before finally moving closer to her. He carefully adjusted the pillows under her head and then pulled the blanket up over her. Crouching next to her, he continued to watch her, his hand moving to a stray lock of her golden hair as he gently tucked it behind her ear. He wanted to say those words to her, ones fully revealing of how he felt. But he couldn't. Not even when she was asleep. There was a mix of both fear and hope that she would actually hear him. He eventually left her tent, allowing her to sleep and proceeding on with the rest of their duties. He managed to quickly finish up the crib and asked for it to be moved to Clarke's tent when she was awake, as he didn't want the noise to wake her up.

It was then decided that they needed to go hunting as they were running low on food. Bellamy of course joined the group, speaking briefly with Abby who assured him that she would inform Clarke. He thanked her before gathering what he needed, and heading off with the rest of the group. It wasn't meant to be a long hunting trip. They were only designating a few hours, planning to head back before the sun went down. There were still tensions with the grounders so it wasn't safe. It seemed that that was exactly what brought forth danger to their hunting pack. They had currently found a deer who was casually eating in a small clearing. Their crew was on one side, weapons aimed at the animal. Bellamy had his gun, on the opposite side and seeking concealment in the bushes. He was looking through the lens of his gun, casually eying the area. A rustle in the leaves caused him to direct the weapon upwards, and what he saw, caused him to freeze. A Groudner in the trees, with an arrow directed at its prey. Only that prey was not the deer, but rather, the Arkers.

Bellamy moved the lens to look at the surrounding trees, seeing one more, and that was all he seemed able to find, but he knew that wouldn't be the lot of them. He looked back down at the Arkers who were oblivious, more focused on the deer. The animal stood between Bellamy and the rest of his hunting pack. Which he supposed was a good thing. A cracking of a twig warned the animal as its head and ears perked up. The Arkers suddenly hastened their actions, as did the Grounders, as did Bellamy. All hell broke loose. Bellamy shot one of the Grounders just when he fired the arrow, and fortunately, threw off his aim. His gun then immediately went to the other Grounder, shooting him as well, as both men fell lifelessly from the trees.

"Get back to camp!" Bellamy yelled at them. He was about to follow, but he heard footsteps in the not so far distance behind him. He turned around, knowing they were coming. Bellamy looked back at the crew he had come with. They weren't going to be able to make it without a distraction. Bellamy stood his ground, looking at the enemies as they came into sight, purposely wanting them to see him. With that, he darted to the side, going in the other direction rather than back to the camp. Hearing the sounds behind him assured him that the Grounders were following him rather than the others. Good. That was the first part of the plan. The other part: run like hell.

[Clarke Griffin]

When Clarke woke, the first thing she noticed was him no longer being there. The second was Monty in the corner, scribbling away at something, declaring to her once he saw her, that this was perhaps the most quiet tent someone could go to and he hoped she didn’t mind. Of course she didn’t. She welcomed his company. She let him work for a bit in silence, drawing a bit herself, before they fell into light conversations, mostly about the baby and what they still needed. There was a lot of stuff, like even just clothes that they had not managed to think about, but they were trying to salvage what came down with the stations.

Since he was there anyway, Monty offered to go for a walk with her. Clarke agreed, since Bellamy was probably busy. The two of them walked for a bit until they noticed the commotion at the gate. They walked straight up to her mother, who seemed desperate to make Clarke turn back. Even Monty fell in with that, apparently sensing that something was very, very wrong. The blonde wouldn’t have any of it. She inquired as a hunting party walked by, some limping. Finally, as a feeling of dread came over her, her mother admitted that Bellamy was with them. But Clarke could clearly see he was not with them now. Finally, to her and Montys shock her mother confirmed that Bellamy was not back, that they reported a Grounder attack. He was the only one missing, which was never a good sign. Monty then proceeded to drag her away, back to her tent. Clarke didn’t think things could get worse. Bellamy was missing, potentially all alone and hurt out there and she did not know if someone was going out to go look for him. It was cause enough for her to worry, but what she found in her tent made her release what felt like an inhuman sound. The crib brought her to her knees, literally. As Jasper proudly announced it was Bellamys doing, she couldn’t hold back tears. This crib, Bellamy had made a crib for his baby. How did he do this so fast? Once she found herself no longer crying she ran her hand over the thing, marveling at how wonderful it looked. Hope or Jake would love it. 

As darkness overcame the tent, some of the other kids came to ask her to sit outside with them. They had dragged her little resting place outside closer to the fence where they could watch the forest for any movement, for any sign of Bellamy. Sitting around the fire they passed drinks and food around and just for a moment as she sipped the freshly made juice, she forgot that she feared her childs father – unknown to most in this round – was somewhere out there, dead.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy had ran, and ran . . . and ran. He was sprinting through the woods, trying to place as much distance between him and the Grounders as he possibly could. What he didn't anticipate was that they would attack him on two fronts. It seemed that the Grounders were chashing him right into an ambush. The arrow peircing his arm caused him to stop, and that was all it took, that brief second of pain before he was knocked to the ground and his hands immediately bound. Well, that was always a good thing. They were going to take him alive. Most likely to their Commander. To Lexa. After her betrayal, and finding out about her feelings for Clarke . . . Bellamy wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. For now, it meant that he was alive. They had pulled the arrow out of his arm and quickly bound it.

Yeah. They definitely wanted him alive. They made him leave his gun, still unwilling to touch it and with that, they were on their way back to the Grounder's headquarters. His bound hands were attached to a rope that was being gripped by one of the Grounders who was on a horse, practically dragging him forward. Fortunately, Bellamy had chased them far away from it, so after a day -- and majority of the night -- of walking, the Grounders finally decided to make camp. With his hands still bound, they further restrained him by tying him against a tree trunk. He watched the others start to pull out their food and water.

"What? No food or water for me?" He asked sarcastically. One of the Grounders responded by punching him across the face and then proceeding to gag him so that he couldn't talk anymore. Bellamy stayed awake the entire night as the Grounders took turn keeping watch. At sunrise they started to wake up, preparing for the rest of the journey. He was freed from the tree, but this time, he was blind folded. It probably meant that they weren't incredibly far from the Grounder camp. Made things even worse being dragged like a damn animal. They walked, and walked and walked. He refused to let his legs give out from the lack of drink and water. He was not going to go on his knees in front of these bastards.

When they stopped again, Bellamy wondered if they arrived. They didn't take the blind fold off but he didn't hear any additional voices in the crowd. Where the hell were they going? He supposed that they were just taking him to the Commander and she could be further away than usual. What was the usual distance anyway? This time, they didn't remove the blindfold. Bellamy was really starting to hate the darkness. Unsure how much time had passed he was pulled to his feet once more, given a few drops of water; just enough to keep him alive he supposed. But they would want him weakened, that was for certain. As they continued the journey, a sound filled the woods. Everyone froze and voices broke out, but as they were speaking another language,

Bellamy had no idea what they were saying. But the growl was enough to assure him that it wasn't anything good. He was shoved back and no longer did he feel anyone holding onto the rope that was pulling him along. He took advantage of that second that presented itself. He raised his hands to pull his blindfold off, just in time to see a massive gorilla pound its fist on one of the grounders. Holy shit! Bellamy squinted, trying to adjust to the light as quickly as he could and with that, he scrambled to his feet and made a run for it. He had no idea where he was. He was just going on the path that they came, trying to determine it from memory. Fortunately, the Grounders were all distracted by the creature that joined them, which gave Bellamy ample opportunity to -- yet again -- run for his life.

[Clarke Griffin]

A day passed. No sign of Bellamy. Clarke found herself sick with worry, physically sick. She refused to leave the tent that day. One of them always stood at the gates, waiting to see if Bellamy broke out of the woodwork, but the signal didn’t come. Instead she just tried to busy herself with drawing, with drawing him this time. She sat out with their friends again that night, but there was no change. That night she cried into her pillow.

Another day passed. Lincoln and Octavia and a set of guards made their way out to go look for Bellamy. Monty and her spent the day in her tent again, him writing, her drawing, until Jasper carried over a box filled with baby clothing. The three of them went through it in wonder, Jasper frequently announcing how tiny they were – compared to her belly which earned him a slap – or two. They spent another night outside, watching the woods for Bellamy.

Yet another day passed. Another day without a sign of Bellamy. She didn’t even want to get up that day. She wanted to go out herself, but it would endanger the baby and if she was unlucky this child was all she had left of him. Clarke ran her hand over the crib frequently. That day her mother and Raven came to her. They brought her into the crashed station. Clarke knew it still all too well having come from there. Her mother brought her to an apartment, announcing that she had asked the council to allow them to stay in one of the apartments. The residents had been gone even before the station crashed to earth. It wasn’t big, but a hell of a lot bigger than a tent. It had two bedrooms, one for the baby, one for Clarke – and maybe for Bellamy as well, but that was wishful thinking, she knew. It had a sitting room with fixed furniture, even a table. Raven was currently working on building a door directly outside. The best was the window. That night they didn’t sit by the fence, but in Clarkes new apartment, where the crib and baby clothing now proudly occupied the nursery. 

Another day passed. The place felt empty without him.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

When Bellamy felt he could finally stop running, he did just that. The sounds of the gorrila on steroids and Grounders were well out of sight and earshot. He used his teeth to pull open the rope, but it was too tight. At which point he used the sharpened tip of a branch to eventually cut the rope and free his hands. He moved his hands over his burned wrists, taking only a brief second to adjust to the freedom of his hands. He proceeded to break off the branch as it would make a good enough weapon. He looked around him, trying to orientate himself. It was going to be quite the walk back to camp but the sooner he started, the sooner he would get there . . . hopefully. So he moved, quickly, the adrenaline still coursing through him. He rested at night for only a short time, not wanting to risk it. Not to mention his desperate need to get back to camp, his mind rested on a certain individual. Or well, two: Clarke and their baby.

Each day passed after the other, and he was starting to gain familiarity of where he was. Relief swept over him, knowing that he hadn't been going the wrong way and that he didn't lose precious time. He figured it had been about a week -- at least -- until he saw the familiar gates of the camp. Exhaustion was starting to reveal itself as he was only a few steps away from home. He heard someone announce that he was back, and once he stepped through the gates, Octavia ran into his arms. He hugged her tightly back, closing his eyes, immeidately relieved to see that she was alright. Kane also came up to welcome him back, Bellamy shaking his hand.

He questioned if there was anyone out right now and Kane informed him that everyone was now accounted for. Good. It meant that no one was out there looking for him. After quickly being welcomed back by everyone, Bellamy wanted to check on one person in particular and would make time for small talk later. He slowly released his hold on Octavia, as she seemed to understand. He made his way to Clarke's tent, poking his head inside and not seeing her. No one had said anything to him upon his arrival, so he assumed that everything was alright . . . but he would much rather see that for himself. He turned back around, intending to look for Abby or Raven . . . or anyone who would know where she was.

[Clarke Griffin]

She could see how defeated Octavia seemed to be when she and Lincoln returned from their rescue mission. Clarke couldn’t help it. They might not be friends anymore, but they shared their love for Bellamy. Plus, her child would be Octavias niece. She had every reason to go and talk to her. It was court, short lived, but a step in the right direction, she hoped. Clarke was clutching a new bottle of Lincolns drink when she returned to the apartment through a newly repaired door meant for spacewalks originally. It was a nice shortcut to her apartment. That night Octavia joined them again in their new ritual. There was still tension, but missing Bellamy brought them together. 

The day of Bellamys return had Clarke staying in the apartment with Raven tinkering on the door. Raven saw it first. She called Clarke to the window. Someone came in. He was welcomed with open arms, so it was definitely not a grounder. “Who was outside?” Clarke saw the answer in Ravens grin alone, long before she said it. Bellamy. It had to be Bellamy. Raven immediately moved to take Clarkes arm. She’d run, but it wasn’t exactly in the cards with how suddenly the child seemed to be very lively in her, as if it knew her or his father was back home, finally. Even Raven seemed to just want to take off to welcome Bellamy. They saw him go to her tend. Of course he had no idea she had moved into a proper apartment, how could he know? He was walking, though, which was good. Clarke and Raven just reached him when he turned around and boy, she could no longer help it. Clarke threw his arms around his neck, hugging him as if her life depended on it. She couldn’t help but grin just a little brighter as she felt the baby just kick, as if it wanted attention as well. 

“You’re finally home! I was so worried.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

As soon as Bellamy turned around, he was greeted by Clarke, the exact person that he had been longing to see. He wrapped his arms around her in return, ensuring not to squeeze too tight. He nestled his head against the crook of her neck, taking in familiar scent, knowing now that she was alright. She told him that she had been worried, and had figured as much . . . which gave him all the more motivation to return home. Causing her stress and worry was the last thing he wanted to ever do.

"You have nothing to be worried about. Not anymore," he assured her. He reluctantly pulled his head back, his hands lowering as one rested on her belly. It seemed that Hope or Jake were kicking. He looked to Raven who also quickly greeted him, though seemed to know that they needed a few moments alone. Or hell, several moments. "Speaking of home, where's all your stuff?" He inquired, referring to her vacant tent. Not only had she not been in it, but all her stuff was missing as well. When he didn't see her in there . . . he had been worried. He feared that there was something going on with the baby, or well, he didn't know what. Not having her in his sight though inevitably caused him concern. He felt the need to know where she was at all times. How else could he protect her, make sure she was safe.

[Clarke Griffin]

Not anymore, easier said than done. She really wanted to check him for injuries, injuries he tended to hide. He was selfless and didn’t want to worry people, but Clarke knew him. After Raven greeted him she nodded to her, so Clarke knew the mechanic would take a while before she returned to her task of making the door in the apartment functional. Clarke had so much to tell him. Those days he was missing, she knew she had to try. She had to tell him what she felt for him, even though he did not share her feelings. He had to know. What did she have to lose?

“My stuff. Well the Council decided the baby would be better off somewhere else. We have been given an apartment in the station. Jake or Hope will be safe from weather and attacks and all that there. You have to see it.” And she would not accept a no. She wanted to see his body, see what injuries he had and tell him something. If she had her way, she would have him stay in the apartment as well, but that was wishful thinking. “You have to see the nursery. It’s amazing.” Clarke slowly walked him inside the station towards her apartment. Once she let them in, she turned to him, smiling. It was just the sitting room, the room their kid would probably first walk in. Just as she saw him there, in the apartment she longed to share with him, the apartment his kid would grow up in, she felt all the emotions bubble up inside her, but she held them down.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He listened to Clarke explain that the Council had decided she and the baby were safer elsewhere; that they had their own apartment. The thought filled Bellamy with a strong comfort, that she and the baby would be protected within the walls of . . . well, however they built the apartment. He followed her to where it was, and as soon as they stepped inside, his eyes scanned the area in awe, a smile starting to form on his lips.

Part of him wished he could stay in here with her, just . . . to be near them. But that was out of place for him to even think about. "This is incredible, Clarke," he stated, his hand moving over the wall, the durability, and the way they had set the entire thing up. Seeing her smile, her beautiful smile, showed how happy she was with this as well. He hadn't realized that this was even possible. Hell, this place was bigger than his own home growing up was. And Clarke, their baby, deserved nothing less than the best. This, was pretty damn great. "It's perfect," he added on with a smile. "Where's the nursery?" He asked, as she had pointed that out. He was just amazed that there was even more than one room in this place. It was great. Exactly what she and Hope or Jake needed. And where he needed them to be. Somewhere safe. Guarded. Protected within the walls it offered.

[Clarke Griffin]

She actually felt excited to show him everything. He’d probably spend quite some time here, even if he did not want her. This was his kid, he seemed to want to be there for the baby, so he would probably be here often to spend time with the baby, to watch him or her grow, be there when the baby was sick or starting to walk or talk. But she wanted him here for good. Clarke went to open the door of the nursery. It was bright, a small window letting in sun. The crib was in the middle of it, a little dresser holding the new baby clothes they had found. “It’s not finished yet, but it will be before the little one is born. Raven is building a door out of the sitting room.” 

Clarke turned back to the sitting room. She sat down on the couch waiting for him to take in the nursery. Clarke turned what she would say over in her mind. A big declaration of how she fell in love, how it happened, how she’d die for him. How that night she agreed to sleep with him because of it all, but once she looked at him, knowing he didn’t even remember being with her, she decided to just throw it all to the wind.

“I love you!” she blurted out just like that. After a moment she added softer, with a shy but scared smile: “Bellamy, I love you.” Clarke felt herself go as small as possible, scared of his reaction.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He followed her into the nursury, his smile growing when he saw how it looked. He noticed the dresses, the baby clothes . . . the crib. It looked like the perfect room. The perfect place to raise their baby. "It really is amazing," he said in full agreement to how she had described it earlier. Amazing; which still sounded like quite the understatement. He was still looking at awe when she turned back to the sitting room. After a few moments, he exited the nursery to join her . . . just in time to hear her say something that seemingly came out of no where.

"I love you."

Had he imagined those words? He looked at her, finding them . . . too good to be true. Surely the past week was having its toll on him and he was just hearing things. Surely, she didn't say what he thought she did; what he had so desperately longed for. Why? Because he felt the exact same way. But he also knew how undeserving he was of love, especially hers. He hurt the people he was closest to. Octavia hated him for so long. His mother probably hated him for costing her her and Octavia's life. And Clarke . . . well, he had lost count how many times he had hurt her. Not being able to remember their night together being a major one. Because he loved her. He loved her then, and not being able to recall such a special time of intimacy between them made him hate himself. He had once told her he was a monster, and he believed that.

"Bellamy, I love you."

No. He hadn't imagined it. She said it again. Which only caused him to continue to stare at her. How did he deserve this? How did he deserve her? The fear of his feelings not being reciprocated was not the only reason that he hadn't said the words to her. He was afraid of what his love would mean to her . . . afraid that it would hurt her. Yet here she was, saying them. Here he was, discovering how she felt. And he couldn't deny the warmth that filled his heart upon hearing them. He wasn't sure how much time it took for the shock of her profession to wear off enough for him to react.

He moved in front of her, kneeling in front of her as his hands rested on her knees. He looked intently into her eyes. He should tell her that she was better off not loving him. That it was her hormones and fear that prompted this. But, there was an undeniable sincerity to them. He just continued to stare into her beautiful eyes, letting that emotional guard fall in this moment. How could he not? "Clarke . . . " He began to say. He had never said the words to anyone before . . . hell, he had never felt them before. He shouldn't now. It wasn't fair to her. But, his heart controlled his actions and any logic and rationality fled his mind. "I love you too."

[Clarke Griffin]

The words were out. There it was, she had said it. She loved him, he knew it now. It was on him to react, to break her heart. But better she knew it now than later. Better she knew for sure what was going on instead of constantly guessing, instead of constantly reminding herself not to say something, that he didn’t like her, that he forgot having slept with her. Clarke braced herself as he just stood there, seemingly progressing the idea of her being in love with him. She carried his baby, now she was telling him she loved him. But he had been gone, for a week. She had lived through hell needing him, wanting him to be safe, not just for their unborn child. He didn’t love her. Every passing moment convinced her of this more and more. She fucked up by admitting to him that she loved him, she fucked up so hard. Clarke braced for his rejection. How could he love her? It was impossible.

She watched him as he knelt in front of her, staring into his eyes, as she expected his rejection, dished out as kindly as he could. He said he loved her too. He…. He loved her, too. How? How could he love her? Clarke didn’t know how to process this. He loved her when she was so sure he would reject her. Clarke acted on instinct. She reached out to place her hand on his cheek. She was shaking from the emotion. She had heard that right, right?

“Bellamy…” She didn’t know what to say now. In reality she had never done this before. She had been with Wells before, but that wasn’t love. Not like this. “I need you, Bellamy. I love you and I need you, so much. I… the thought of losing you killed me. I need you.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy had to keep reminding himself that this was real. That he wasn't just imagining all of this. She was telling him she loved him. And hearing her say it again, continued to make his heart swell with emotions he never thought himself capable of. She needed him? He needed her. Desperately. He wasn't even sure she was fully aware of just how much he needed her. Her hand on his cheek caused him to lean into her touch, continuing to look at her ardently. He couldn't resist the temptation any more. "You have me Clarke," he told her; assured her. He moved his hands to the couch, resting on either side of her as he leaned forward.

"Every part of me," he added on before his lips touched hers. His heart, his body, his soul, his everything. He belonged to her, something he knew for a long time but now . . . he knew she wanted that. She wanted this. Him. And god, he wanted her to, though he still knew he was undeserving of it. Right now, couldn't think or focus on anything else, other than the softness of her lips and the delicious taste of them. He would never forget kissing her again.

He wanted to memorize this moment, cherish it. This world was hell, yet with her . . . it felt like it could be heaven. Especially now. He moved to sit next to her, not breaking out of the kiss. Once he was seated, his hands went to her waist and moved her so that she was seated on his lap while he continued to kiss her. When she was on him, his hand went to her cheek, caressing it with his thumb. He slowly eased out of the kiss, looking at her through heavily lidded eyes. "I need you too," he told her, letting himself be vulnerable right now, and he didn't regret it. He needed her, if not more than she needed him.