A New Dawn

[Clarke Griffin]

Bellamy Blake

---

At first Clark Griffin did not think she’d take much care of herself. She’d survive somehow, that was her plan, maybe be of use to some Grounders, but that was it. Life, though had different plans. She dismissed the changes in her body for reactions to her now changed eating habits and the stress. She could dismiss every single symptom to that. By the time – after at least three grounders pointed it out to her, too – she admitted it to herself even considering getting rid of the life growing inside of her was no option anymore, not even on the Arc – unless it endangered her life. By the time she admitted it to herself she was easily eleven weeks along. From then on everything changed for her again. The grounders she had contact with made sure to bring her good food, to help her with whatever she needed, pointing out that the life in her was innocent no matter what sins lay on the mother – or father. And so she lived for this, for her child, her innocent baby, who would not be stained by what she did. At least not the kid.

She was between 4 and 5 months when it took a turn for the worse. There was a virus among the Grounders, one she took care of and apparently caught. She had battled a low fever for a while, which opened her eyes to the danger. Her baby would be much safer if she was in the care of actual doctors. They could improvise and have proper hygiene. So in the end going back was an easy decision. Clarke packed what little she had, especially the maternity clothes provided by the grounders and just walked. The grounders escorted her as far as they could before leaving her to walk the rest alone. Maybe it was because of her being alone with her thoughts then, but as she walked and walked back to her people she felt this unimaginable sharp pain where usually she would feel the fluttering sensation of the child moving. She cried out, her knees giving in. The wave of pain washed over here soon enough, but after just moments of settling, catching her breath it happened again and she screamed out again. Clarke curled up on herself, arms protectively around her swollen stomach as she screamed through the pain. 

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Things hadn't been the same since Clarke had left. While the Mountain People were no longer a threat, and the Grounders weren't exactly attacking them . . . things still didn't feel right. And he was fully aware so why that was. He and Clarke had been leading their people for so long and without her, felt like a huge part of him was missing. They had both done things, extreme things, to protect everyone. They were the only ones who understood what that felt like . . . for they'd both pushed the lever that day. Of course he couldn't exactly tell anyone how he felt about Clarke, but it didn't mean he couldn't force himself not to feel anything.

He was currently out in the woods on a hunt, being adamant about going alone for he didn't feel like any company right now. He wasn't straying too far from camp, but hearing a scream caused him to pause for a moment, and of course, following the sound. It sounded too familiar not to. He rushed through the woods, jumping over any rocks and roots that jutted out from the ground. When he got to the source of the agonizing cry he stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes slightly widening when he saw who it was.

"Clarke?" He both stated and acknowledged. He instinctively fell to his knees next to her as he quickly looked over her. She was . . . alive. He knew she was a fighter, but he also knew there were so many dangers out there. She looked, different. Her clothes were different. She at least looked healthy . . . healthier than the last time he saw her. He placed his hand on her back, trying to figure out what was wrong for he didn't see any physical injury on her. "What's wrong?" He decided to just bluntly ask. "What's happening to you?" He further inquired, concern evident in his voice, but not panic. He knew better than to panic.

[Clarke Griffin]

Wave after wave pain hit her, making her cry out, clutch at her belly or the ground in desperation. Clarke turned as if to get away from the pain, but since it came from within her own body there was simply no way to do so. Was this what giving birth felt like? Or would that be worse? Was this what losing her kid felt like? Because whatever it was, it was to regular and irregular at the same time. It was blinding pain and certainly not normal. Clarke had learned factors that made pregnancies highly risky, she ticked off a lot of those boxes in her mind, her previous exposure to the virus, the stress, even just her damn age, on the Arc they might have declared her a high – risk pregnancy early on. Now it was maybe too late. She could loose the baby and maybe even her life, because there was no way she could continue walking while it felt like a thousand knives ripped through her body. 

And then she heard her name. For a moment she forgot the pain, looking for the source of the voice and seeing him, Bellamy. How did she get this lucky? The one person whom she could and wanted to trust was here. If they could be helped, he would. They might have a chance. “Bell-AH!” Damn it she couldn’t even finish his name before the pain his her again, making her scream out mid-word. If that was what contractions felt like, the baby should just stay in her forever.

“I’m… losing my baby.” She could barely breathe through the pain, now only moaning through it. She wasn’t sure of course, but the pain did not allow her to think straight. Strangely enough his presence helped. He protected her, he could help her now. “I’m pregnant… 4 months, it’s too early… Bellamy… help me, please.”


Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He hated seeing her in so much pain; hearing her cry out like this and not sure what to do. She then spoke words that caused his eyes to widen again. "Come again?" He said as his eyes fell to her stomach. It was then with her words and what he saw that explained the source of her pain. She was . . . pregnant. Bellamy felt his mind and body freeze from the shock of this news. Her following words broke him out of whatever frozen trance he had been in as she explained that she was four months pregnant.

Which meant . . . Finn. The baby was Finn's. He knew that now was not the time to be jealous, but he couldn't help it. He felt for Clarke far more than he knew he let on and now the fact that she was carrying another man's baby? No. He couldn't think of this right now. He needed to help her, and he sure as hell couldn't do that by himself. He had been with his mother when she had given birth to Octavia, as she couldn't see a doctor or anyone else, so he had some experience. And even he knew that four months was way too early. She could lose the baby or worse, she herself could die.

Realizing he hadn't said much amidst her explanation, he quickly acted. He moved her arm around his neck from behind as he lifted her into his arms. "I'm taking you to your mother," he told her. It was why she was so close to camp wasn't it, because she was on her way back here? "You're gonna be ok, Clarke," he assured her, carrying her to the camp as quickly as one could carry a pregnant woman in pain. "Open the gate!" He yelled desperately as he neared it. "Hurry up!" He called again, looking at Clarke's face to see if she was still conscious. "Just stay with me, princess," he told her, trying to provide some reassurance in a situation that he had no idea how to handle.

[Clarke Griffin]

It almost seemed like she had overwhelmed him or he simply did not know how to deal with it, but what did it matter? Clarke had to endure it. There was nothing she could do here or anywhere to stop this. She had not had that kind of lesson yet. Her mother knew how to try and stop contractions. Her mother could help her. But it might already be too late. Clarke felt warm liquid run over her cheek, finally realizing she was crying in fear and pain. “Please.” Finally he started to move again. He picked her up and got walking. Clarke leaned her head against his shoulder, trying so hard not to move instinctively due to the pain. She bit her lip, trying to even control the screams, bringing them down to a pitiful whimper. 

“I’m so sorry.” She whispered against his shoulder. What if she really lost it? She was losing his kid! And it was her fault then. “I’m so sorry, Bellamy. I…” They were nearing the Camp, finally. Her mother might help. She might not lose her kid. She smiled at him in relief, but said relief was probably what did it for her. Her eyes closed, head lolled forward as she passed out. 


Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Clarke crying was not a sight he frequently saw. And it only made him move faster, not that he needed more incentive to do so. Her sounds of pain were more than enough. She then apologized, and he wasn't sure for what. For leaving? For having a baby with another man? But . . . he never told her how he felt about her. Did she know? No. This wasn't it. He couldn't place the reason for her words of forgiveness, but now was not the time to ask. He noticed her hand feel limp and he looked at her face, seeing her eyes were closed.

"Don't you dare die on me, Clarke." He needed her, in more ways than he was capble of expressing. It felt like ages -- though in reality was probably only a few seconds -- until the gate opened and Bellamy hurried in. Fortunately, Abby was already hurrying toward them. "She's pregnant," he blurted out. The shock on her face only lasted for a brief moment because concern over powered all else. He was directed where to take her and Bellamy hurried to do so, setting her down on the make shift bed. He took a couple steps back, reluctant to leave her. "What did she tell you?" Abby asked, desperately trying to gather what she needed to tend to her daughter. Bellamy's eyes were fixated on Clarke, trying to process everything that was happening right now.

"Just that she's four months in." The timing . . . it made sense. At least it was better that that happened rather than a Grounder taking advantage of her. "And that she felt she was losing the baby," he added on, trying to hide any emotion from his voice. But, this was Clarke they were talking about. He could have sworn Abby was saying something else to him, as others hurried in to help . . . but Bellamy couldn't. He quickly turned around and stepped out of the tent but did not go too far. Just a few steps away, ignoring all the gazes of surprise and ignoring the others who came up to him to ask what was going on. He pushed them away and went to his tent, needing a few moments alone to just digest everything.

[Clarke Griffin]

Clarke Griffin had no concept of time or place when she slowly woke again. It felt like she was wrapped in cotton or floating. Nothing felt real, nothing hurt her. She was just floating, calm and almost happy at least for a short while. With every moment the reality became clearer. She remembered the pain ripping through her body, through her belly, but it was gone now, the only echo of it remaining in her memory. Was she really back? A look to her left confirmed it. Her mother was there noting something down. She joined her the moment she noticed Clarke was awake, joining her, holding her hand. She explained in a soft voice how it had been close, but the baby and her should be fine. She just needed to rest and stay in bed for a while. She hadn’t lost her baby. She had gotten lucky, no Bellamy had saved her, had saved them. He was the one person she really needed to speak to. She had to apologize for leaving, for putting him through all this. 

She asked her mother if she could have visitors, to which she agreed – as long as they weren’t stressing her out and letting her rest. Clarke made sure to point out that Bellamy would not do so on purpose she her mother went to ask him to come to her, since she could not go to him, not unless she wanted to risk hurting herself and the baby right after just being through this. It felt like ages until she saw him come in and the first time to really take him in. He was as handsome as before. 

“Hey.”


Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy wasn't sure how much time had passed. It felt like ages until someone came to tell him that Clarke would be fine. He would believe it when he saw it, for there was just a further reassurance that was needed to see her conscious and well. Truth be told, he had been scared to death, which was a fairly regular state for him to be in ever since Clarke had left the camp. He'd feared for her, worried for her every single moment of every single day. To have finally found her only to possibly lose her . . . well, it was indeed a terrifying thought. But fortunately, not one that would need to linger on for she was ok. Her and . . . her baby were ok.

The idea was not one he had fully adjusted to, and wondered if he ever could. But that didn't stop him from seeing her when Abby came to tell him that she was awake. He didn't waste a moment before he neared her, pausing outside the entrance to compose himself. Taking a deep breath he went inside to see that Clarke was indeed conscious, greeting him. Instant relief washed over him, to be able to see with his own two eyes that she was alright.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, that being the most important question above all else. He needed to keep his fear and feelings for her masked; suppressed; tucked away. But he felt them, more than ever. Knowing what it was to be without her was not a state he wished to re-explore . . . yet with her and Finn's baby, he wasn't entirely certain how to handle this either. So he would start with an easier question; her health was priority right now.

[Clarke Griffin]

Straight to the topic, she thought, as he went around greeting her, straight on asking her how she was feeling. Clarke had known him for long enough to know it had shaken him up, he never wanted his people, especially not people he cared for, hurt or in any form in danger. Now he could not even do anything about it. All he could do was carry her here and hope they could have helped her, which they did. The blonde knew he deserved the absolute truth. 

“I’ve been feeling better.” She had once just felt really good, ever since she was pregnant a certain level of discomfort in one way or another was Clarkes constant companion, but she had to endure it, like countless other women before her. In the end she’d hopefully give birth to their healthy baby, though the ‘their’ remained to be seen. Part of her felt like that was too much to ask of him, like he could not be expected to be there for her. She couldn’t bring it up, after all she was supposed to not stress herself. “I’m going to be stuck in the bed for a while, to rest and not stress myself.” Bedrest was against what she wanted and usually did, but she had no choice but to endure it, for the little one, her innocent little baby.

“I want to thank you, Bellamy. Had you not found me out there… I don’t know what would have happened. I should have left earlier, come back earlier, then it might not have gotten this far. I’m sorry.”


Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

It was one of the many things he liked, appreciated and respected about Clarke; that she told him the truth. If she had passively said that she was fine, he woudln't have believed her. But he didn't need to draw the truth out of her. She easily gave it. She added on that she would be in bed for a while, requiring rest and minimal stress. That, was not going to be easy to acheive considering how there always seemed to be something or another happening. However, they had lived in relative peace for the past few months, so hopefully it would continue. He remained standing in his current position, knowing that if he went too close to her, his defenses would fall and he would most likely pull her into an embrace which . . . probably wasn't wise right now.

"Things have been pretty quiet around here, so that shouldn't be too hard," he assured her. The Grounders were no longer waging war against them. The Mountain Men were defeated. And they knew how to ward off any Reapers. Yes. Things seemed calm for the time being. The conversation then took a turn when she thanked him, and then apologized. He clenched his jaw, his eyes falling to the ground for a moment. He wanted to tell her that she shouldn't have left at all; that he -- the others -- needed her here. But, she didn't need that emotional distress right now. She had left for a reason, and he had to respect that, even if he disagreed with it. "Well you're back now. That's all that matters." Only it wasn't all that mattered, but what else could he say? "You don't have to apologize or thank me for anything, Clarke. You did what you had to do," he added on.

"I'm just glad that you were found in time." He paused for a moment, knowing he was getting dangerously close to saying something far too revealing about how he felt for her. "I'm glad you're ok," he continued, using the same word for it seemed . . . basic enough. Not having to delve deep into his heart to pull out the emotions he had been suppressing for so long. "Are you here to stay?" He asked, trying to keep his tone of voice leveled. He needed to know; he needed to start mentally preparing for her to leave again if that was what she wanted . . . or at least finding a way to properly convice her to stay. He didn't know where she had been all this time, but she had remained alive. And now, she would be bringing another life into this world.

[Clarke Griffin]

Even if things weren’t quiet around, she had the feeling they would be made quiet around her. According to her mother she was carrying the first baby that would be born here on earth, so it was a bit special and they would try to make the best of it. All of them. Despite being gone for so long, her belief in her people, in Bellamy never faltered. But he was so hard to read then, guarded. Clarke couldn’t blame him. She was gone for almost four months now and then when he found her she was so painfully obviously pregnant and he had no way to prepare for it. He’d need time, she hoped. He’d only need time to process this and then.. well what was she hoping for? The chance to change it all. To explain.

“I wanted to come home a while ago.” She explained it slowly. She felt like of course she had to apologize, like she had a lot to make up for and a lot to do in order to be at peace here. But the baby, her innocent little child, deserved to be here, safe with its family, hopefully beloved. “But then I thought I had gotten sick, so I decided to stay away in case it was contagious to the people here. It took me a while to understand I had no bug, but I was pregnant. And then I was, I guess, scared of the reaction of people, you, my mother, Octavia, Raven, so I stayed away longer until.” Until she really could not hold back anymore, thinking only of her little ones health. “If it wasn’t for you, Bellamy, the baby would be dead now, I could be dead now.” But he had saved her, again. She smiled all to softly, hand resting on her stomach where the babies movements made themselves known for the first time since waking. His next words, though, broke her heart. He really didn’t believe he was staying, did he?

“Yes, yes I think I am here to stay, for good. I belong here. We belong here.” With here she knew she meant with him. She’d not stay If he left. This kid, if he even wanted it, this kid needed to have its best chance, whatever it was. The best chance for both of them to survive the pregnancy alone was here.


Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He listened to her explain that she had wanted to come back earlier, but thought she was sick. That sounded like Clarke, not wanting to risk the others . . . it was a tough decision, but if she was indeed sick, well, he would have done the same. Only she hadn't been, she was pregnant. The idea was still shocking, still . . . difficult to accept. She listed the people who's reaction she was scared of, him being in the list. He wanted to tell her that she shouldn't worry about what he thought, but he couldn't do that. Because, he cared about her. He wanted her to care about what he thought . . . even though he knew it was completely selfish of him.

"Your mom seems ok with it. She's just happy that you're alright." He was too of course, but he couldn't say he was . . . ok with this. Nor did he have to blatantly state this. He could just side step his own reaction. "Octavia is too." Whatever tension had existed between them before, he knew that she was indeed glad that Clarke was alright, everyone here was. "Raven though, you should probably tell her yourself." Bellamy had no idea how the woman was going to react, considering the baby was Finn's. She was coping with Finn loving Clarke, then Finn dying, and now Finn's baby. She continued on to say that if it weren't for him, she and the baby would be dead. "If I hadn't found you, someone else would have," he said dismissively of the fact that he had saved her.

"You're a fighter Clarke," he said with a half smile. "It'll take more than that to bring you down," he said somewhat jokingly, though the joviality of a jest was missing from his tone. She confirmed that she was here to stay, and once again, Bellamy felt relieved. She felt like she belonged here once more, a feeling that perhaps had been lacking when she left. "You belong with your people," he agreed. And they were all in this camp. A question that he had asked her the day she left resurfaced in his mind, one that she would have an answer to now. "Where did you go?" He inquired. It wasn't about how she survived, he didn't doubt her capability in that. But, where had she been all this time? She looked well -- apart from the baby pain that had suddenly come.

[Clarke Griffin]

She knew about her mother. Her mother had worried and though it was a shock to her, a smile soon replaced her frown, as she seemed happy about being a grandmother. There was a lot to be figured out here, but at the least her mother had already mumbled something about changing the law. Clarke could only imagine it was about only being allowed to have one child. They had no reason to uphold that now. They could have more children if they wanted to, not that Clarke thought she would have more. But with the changing conditions unplanned pregnancies like hers might happen more often. She listened to him, to his reasoning about it, noticing how he did not say he was okay or happy that he was back, unlike his sister. She could imagine the idea of being an aunt was a happier idea than that of being the father of a child he never wanted. Of course. And Raven was probably not here, but she was one of the people she would want to talk to about. She was close, but not too close to Bellamy. She could trust her with her worries. “Of course I’ll tell her.” This time the feeling in her belly was not a good one. He wasn’t happy with this, was he? He was so careful to… avoid. 

“You’re overestimating me, I think.” So many strong women had died in childbirth with a kid, it was not testament of her strength, just of bad luck and unlucky circumstances. Attacks and illnesses she could easily survive, though, she knew that. She was strong, had gotten a thick skin now. Again it was not lost to her how he said she belonged with her people, not ‘our’ people. God why did that hurt, more than she expected? So at least one of her fears came true. 

“I just walked for a while. I came across Grounders who needed help. They helped me settle in the woods in return. I helped heal them in return for food and what I needed. They knew long before me about the baby. Some of them actually escorted me to the edge of their territory.” She sighed. This was not at all going like it should. She felt how bad the situation was affecting her then. "C... can you go? I... I'm tired and I need rest."


Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She expressed that she was going to definitely tell Raven and he gave a slight nod at that. She then spoke of how he was overestimating her, something that he disagreed with. "Well I wouldn't be the only one." Everyone knew she was strong, that she was someone everyone respected, trusted. Well, most everyone. Making the tough decisions did have it's downfalls. She explained where she had gone, stating that the Grounders had helped her. After their betrayal they owed them a hell of a lot so at least they gave Clarke some protection in exchange for her skills. But Bellamy wasn't going to go into detail about distrusting Grounders. It would inevitably bring up what they had done at Mount Weather and he didn't want to cause her stress. It was probably a good thing that she spoke again to deter any thoughts from being vocalized.

Though her next question was . . . well, he didn't know how he felt about it. She was asking him to leave, and he knew it wasn't because she wanted to rest. It was because she didn't want him here. He clenched his jaw, keeping any emotion from his face. He knew that this would be one of the few, if only times, he came to see her during her pregnancy. It was too difficult. But again, that was not something he was going to tell her. "Yeah, alright." His voice sounded indifferent to it. The truth was, he wanted to stay with her, yet found it hard to do at the same time. It was conflicting, and he supposed her request made it easier to decide. He turned to leave, though paused at the entrance for a moment. He turned his head half way as he spoke. "Take care," he told her. Those weren't he words he wanted to say, but right now, they were the safest. And with that, he exited the tent, once again, trying to get a handle of all the emotions and thoughts racing through his heart and mind.

[Clarke Griffin]

Clarke never expected a take care to feel like such a final thing, a goodbye that meant she would not see him again, at least not for a very long time. She felt her stomach constrict, not because of the baby, but because of how her fear had come true. Ever since she found out about the little innocent life growing in her, she had feared his reaction. Part of her had expected him to yell at her, a small hopeful part had seen him happy, but no part of her had prepared for how cold he was, how obvious he was about not wanting this, about disregarding it even as a possibility. So she was alone with her baby, as she had feared. “You too” she whispered. She waited, waited until she knew he was away before she let go of the tension. Normally she wouldn’t cry due to that, but she was pregnant and it hurt. It was what she feared from the beginning coming true. Clarke turned to her side and cried, just cried until her mother joined her. She didn’t even remember the last time her mother was just there for her, rubbing her back as she cried her eyes out, whispering encouraging words to her and telling her to calm down, because she had to think about the baby! Stress was currently poison to both of them. The poison didn’t leave her though. 

Raven came to her the same day. They spoke about where she was, about everything and finally about the baby and Bellamy. Raven promised to be silent, but she also promised to come visit as often as she could. A lot of her friends did so, taking turns to entertain her while she was simply stuck in bed, breeding on the first baby. Bellamy didn’t show anymore. Once she was cleared to get up and walk a little she found her friends had set up a little place for her to sit outside and still rest. Initially she had made a point of going to the gate whenever she knew Bellamy had been out and came back, hoping to see him, to talk to him, but he was gone as fast as he came in. With every passing day spent in the company of her mother or her friends, it became more and more obvious to her that he was avoiding her. With every passing day spent wanting to seek him out and him disappearing before she could, she grew more and more weary and more and more angry. Eventually she stopped going out to the gate to see if he got home safely. She stopped looking for him in the crowd, no matter how much it hurt her. To everyone else the father was just not there, only Raven and her mother knew and they’d not do anything about it, at least so she hoped. Clarke learned to deal with the occasional contraction now, a clear sign for her to slow down and rest, but the baby soon learned another trick to make her slow down. She had fainted in the tent before, with her mother next to her. This time she fainted outside, but got caught and brought back to the tent before she got hurt. After that she weakly walked outside, to sit in her spot and draw.


Bellamy Blake