A New Dawn

[Clarke Griffin]

It felt surreal still, to be kissed by him again. Finally she felt those lips on hers again, the lips that came to mean so much to her. Finally she felt alive again. It felt like he was just breathing life and strength back into her, meaning to her life. They finally kissed again, but this time he knew her true feelings for him and she his. This was everything to her. Clarke barely noticed him shifting their position, finally feeling weightless when he moved him. She was lost in the kiss, in the sensation of being with him until even she needed to breathe. And boy did she need to breathe. She felt like he had stolen all her breath away and damn, she did not mind at all. 

Clarke kissed his cheek again. So that was it. They were in love. They loved each other, had probably both done for a while. Clarke stared into his eyes. She wanted to be with him for good. In this world anything could happen. In this world their lives could be over in a heartbeat. They really needed to make the most of it. And that, well that included just being the hell together, at least in her books.

“Stay with me, with us, here. Please? This place is huge. We have a huge bed, we have this room. Stay with us, please. I know this is a lot and fast, but… who knows what happens tomorrow?” For all she knew tomorrow their child could decide to be born early.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

As if this moment wasn't perfect enough, she was then asking him something else that he had wanted to hear, longed to, yet knew he could not ask himself. She was asking him to stay with her. Not just under the same roof . . . but with her. He smiled in response. The first time the gesture could come with so much ease; an expression that was often so strained, yet now come out in a relaxed, genuine manner. "I would love to, Clarke," he told her truthfully. There were no buts in there. He wanted to stay with her. He also knew that this would make it known to the others that the child was his or that they were together.

But he didn't care. Not anymore. Nor did he want to think about how to tell them. He wanted this moment to be just about the two of them. He wanted to be selfish, just this one, and focus on them, rather than all their people outside. These walls were their home. Their safety. His sanctuary. His hand continued to stroke her cheek, unable to stop looking at her with a softness that he hadn't allowed himself to for . . . well, since he'd fallen in love with her, or even when those feelings were developing. "This is home. Our home. So let's just enjoy it, together." For she was right; who knows what could happen tomorrow. Danger was constantly surrounding them. He wanted to take advantage of every moment they had, and not take it for granted. He leaned forward to lightly kiss her again before resting his forehead against hers. "I love you so much." Now that he said them once, he couldn't stop the words from pouring out, again and again.

[Clarke Griffin]

He’d stay. He’d actually stay with them. Now Clarke wasn’t sure if it was the hormones or just happiness, but she felt tears in her eyes, threatening to spill over. She wanted to cry, because this was happy. This was good. This was too good to be true, way too good to be true. How could this man want her? But he did. He wanted her and their baby and this home they could build together. Now more than ever she need to make up with Octavia, only she did not know how. She’d figure it out. They had a lot to figure out, actually. Being together was easy, like walking in a familiar dream. Loving him was something she knew how to, because well, it was easy. But they had to figure out what this would mean for the camp. Did he want people to know? Either way, this was their home now. Home. 

Clarke grinned into the kiss. “I love you, too, Bellamy.” More than she could say. She loved him and they had basically overtaken themselves with the order of things. Their first child would join them in just a few short months. Suddenly she laughed, feeling the baby kick again. “I swear she hasn’t kicked that strongly when you were gone, now it’s like she’s screaming for your attention, Daddy. She might have felt how worried I was.” She probably did. The kid shared her hormones after all. “But first things first. Take off your shirt.” It was about time she checked for injuries on him. He was out there for so long. She needed to see if he was okay and then, well then they might have to move him in here, because there was no way she was going to bed this night without him by her side. 

“I asked you the question before, Bellamy: How do you want to handle things. It’s more pressing than before now: What do you want to tell people, if anything at all. I mean we don't have to tell them anything, just go our way and have them guess without giving confirmation."

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He normally didn't like to see her cry, but this time he knew they were happy tears. His hand on her cheek moved up to brush away her tears. The words she said, those that revealed she loved him, could never be said enough. He still felt like was dreaming whenever he heard it . . . finding it far better than all reality had forced them to endure. But if this world had brought them together, then it was worth it. Well worth it. He continued to smile as the baby kicked, his hand resting on Clarke's protruding belly. "Changed our baby to she now?" He said teasingly. Hope or Jake. He leaned forward, his lips kissing her stomach, an action that he had wanted to do before yet only held the confidence to do now after admitting how they felt about each other.

"Well neither of you have to worry any more," he assured them both, kissing her stomach again in a lingering embrace before making eye contact with Clake as she told him to take off his shirt. He knew that tone, so didn't listen. "Unless you're asking me for certain other reasons Clarke," he said, a playful suggestiveness in his tone before his expression sobered. "I'm alright." Apart from the arrow wound, the burns on his wrists and a few cuts and bruises . . . he was fine. And he didn't want her to worry about anything.

She then asked him how they wanted to handle things, and he thought over it as she suggeste different ways. "For now, let them assume whatever the hell they want," he told her. He was too exhausted to think about that right now. "Let's worry about it tomorrow, ok?" He suggested. "Tonight I don't want you to worry about anything at all. I bet you barley even rested properly these past few days." If he knew her, she was worrying, and he just wanted to fully put her mind at ease tonight.

[Clarke Griffin]

“I’m not changing anything.” Clarke protested softly. She watched in pure awe as he kissed her belly for the first time ever. It was a sight, a feeling she never expected. His touches, his kiss it was gentle and so loving. God her kid had lucked out hadn’t it? Then again she had been careful with Finn, with Bellamy though all care had been thrown into the wind in the heat of the moment, due to, well her being emotionally compromised even back then. Clarke couldn’t help but run her hand through his locks. 

“Not in the cards. I’ll always worry.” Unless she could see it with her own eyes. And he was not allowing her to see that. Damn it. Damn him there. She just wanted to be sure he was okay and not hurt. If he was, she could easily take care of him here, if he let her. Maybe she should just casually poke him throughout the evening. If there would be an evening. He sounded exhausted, so maybe they should just sleep and make sure he got what sleep he needed.

“I’m pregnant!” She protested. Of course she got rest… after crying herself to sleep. “I am basically tired all the time. So I slept, don’t worry about that.” Of course she slept. She was save, she had to look after the baby, so she had to make sure to take care of herself. “Besides, did you forget that your baby knows where my off- button is?”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

The feeling of Clarke running her hand through his hair was a sensation far more comforting than he could have possibly imagined. She spoke of how she would always worry, and figured that much was true. It was a different kind of worry than his mother had gone through when she was pregnant though. She had been terrified, every second of every day. Afraid that she would be discovered. She had tried to hide it from Bellamy, but he could see it in her eyes. She had been determined to keep Octavia and with that, came the constant risk. Down here, there was no such threat.

They had a whole new slew of dangers to be cautious about. "Well whatever you're gonna inevitably worry about, I don't need to be the reason." He was back now, and he wanted her to be at ease with that. She added on that she was pregnant and that she had gotten plenty of sleep. He smiled a little at that, his lips kissing her stomach a few more times before meeting her gaze once more. "Sleeping and resting aren't necessarily the same thing," he told her. Resting involved having peace of mind . . . which wasn't always easy here. But he imagined it had been even more difficult for her the past few days. "Our baby still pushing your buttons?" He asked teasingly. Quite literally pushing Clarke's button.

He then adjusted her position slightly, so that she was seated next to him on the couch at a sideways angle, as he moved her legs on him so that they were over his lap. He proceeded to take off her shoes, recalling that when his mother was pregnant, she enjoyed foot massages, considering how swollen a woman's feet became during pregnancy. He had failed in taking care of Clarke in this past week. He wanted to be with her, every possible moment during her pregnancy, and now had several days to make up for . . . just as he had the months before that. He used the hand of his uninjured arm to start to massage her foot, remaining gentle in the amount of pressure he placed on it, as his thumb moved along the bottom of her heel and arch. "Where did you find those baby clothes?" He inquired, deciding on a safe subject, one that he hoped would help distract her from any other worry she had experienced lately.

[Clarke Griffin]

She could use some rest, but something told her, that this was still far far away. With the apartment and him near it would be easier though. It would work somehow. And maybe the pregnancy might be easier soon, too, though she doubted that. According to her mother a lot of it was due to changing situations here on earth with different medicine. She didn’t care, as long as Jake or Hope would be born healthily. The Grounders had babies as well, they had not problem with it and they didn’t have the equipment either. It didn’t matter. “Every single one. Cravings, passing out, mistaking my bladder for a trampoline and my kidneys for punching bags.”

Clarke let him move her, curious as to what he had in mind now, but she would have never guessed it. Nor would she have ever guessed what a relief it could be to have once feet rubbed. This was like magic to her and entirely new. Clarke couldn’t hold back a soft moan. This was too good. So good, she could hardly think about anything but his magical hands. Damn it. “The… baby clothes?” Oh right. Right they had baby clothes for their kid. “Jasper and co did. They’re clearing out the stations, making parts habitable again, like this apartment. They came upon them and brought them here. According to my mother some of the peach colored ones were actually mine once.” She still couldn’t believe she was that tiny once. Suddenly the door banged open and their friends entered the apartment. Jasper was carrying a bucket with what looked like popped rice. 

“Hey. Hey! Bellamy. Didn’t know you’d join us.” Clarke heard them say, but Ravens knowing look was enough to see at least she had made the connection. She saw on the couch with them, while the rest assembled on the floor.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He smiled upon hearing her descriptions of the baby growing inside of her. While he didn't like hearing her in pain, it was incredible to think that their small baby was already so strong. He smiled remained at her evident enjoyment over his actions which encouraged him to continue as she answered his question. He would have to make a mental note to thank Jasper for that, and find out what all else they found. "Seriously?" he said as his smile grew.

"I'll have to take a look at those," he added no, the thought of Clarke's baby clothing being among the discovered was interesting and intriguing to see indeed. He was about to ask more regarding the nursury and what else they found, when suddenly a group of the others entered the room. He paused in his actions, staring at them with a hint of disbelief and surprise at the unexpected intrusion. His eyes went to Raven who, held an expression on her face . . . a knowing one. "You might wanna think about putting a lock on that door," he suggested to her in a low, slightly agitated voice. It wasn't that he didn't like the company of the others . . . and it was only fair for them to share the space, but . . . well, Bellamy knew it was selfish of him to just want to spend tonight with Clarke.

"What the hell is this?" He asked, not angry, but more, curious as to why they all came in so comfortable with food. It was like they did this every day, situating themselves rather casually. Bellamy gently removed himself from the couch, ensuring that Clarke was still able to rest her legs along it as he rose to his feet. He didn't feel like explaining any of this, or them, to the others tonight. Instead, he just stood near the couch, looking at the crew in front of him while glancing at Clarke, assuming that this happened fairly regularly.

[Clarke Griffin]

“There is one.” She just hadn’t turned it. Damn it. Of course, after all she expected him to need to walk out after her telling him she loved him. She did not expect, but hope, that at the end of the day this would be their shared apartment, even though his belongings weren’t in here yet. They needed to rectify that in the morning or later. With a low whine she accepted him moving away from what he was doing. If he wanted to keep his distance due to irritation that was more than fine with her and Raven didn’t seem to want to spill the beans either. None of the others seemed to want to explain. Monty and Jasper were putting the rice into little paperbags and handing them out. It was almost like popcorn and it smelled – god it smelled sweet. 

She blushed as she started to speak.”We can see the gate from here. So this has been a bit of a ‘waiting for Bellamy to return’-party. Though since you’re clearly back…” Monty looked up with a grin. “Oh well couldn’t leave each other alone, could we, Bellamy? And well tonight it’s a bit of a ‘we’re sating Mums cravings’ party. We think we found a popcorn replacement.” Monty gave Bellamy a bag. “Careful, it’s sickly sweet to meet her tastes.” Clarke rolled her eyes. She knew they meant well, more than well. Raven finally spoke up. “We’ll leave you to rest, soon. We just wanted to check out if we can agree on the popcorn rice thing here.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy listened as Clarke explained that they could see the gate from here and had come together to watch and see if he returned. Truth be told, it meant quite a lot to him, even if he made no show of it. He took the bag that Monty offered as he said that this had turned into a party to help with Clarke's cravings. Now that was something he definitely couldn't reject. They were all trying to help when it came to taking care of Clarke, and Bellamy was extremely appreciative of that. He sat on the arm of the couch near Clarke, looking into the content of the snack he was given, having been informed that it was sickly sweet. He wasn't sure how good too much sugar was right now considering he hadn't eaten a whole lot . . . but the hunger was getting increasingly difficult to ignore.

"Pass some water, Jasper," he asked as Jasper promptly poured a cup. Bellamy handed it to Clarke before Jasper poured another and passed him to him. Bellamy drank the entire content of it immediately. "Well, what do you say, princess? Does it have your approval?" He asked with a bit of a smile. Was it something that would help her cravings? "This is a good idea," he said, giving credit where it was due. Coming together as a group, using what resources they had to make food. They may not know that Bellamy was the father, but he was so grateful to them for taking care of Clarke and the baby in his absence . . . and hell, even while he was here. With that, he picked up one the sweet treats and popped it into his mouth. It was really damn sweet, but it was also food. So he popped in another when he finished the first one.

[Clarke Griffin]

“Thanks” Clarke gratefully took the water. Even when he seemed to have no desire of showing them they shared more than just a friendship, he was subtly taking care of her. Only Raven could probably see the this as father taking care of his unborn. She loved the thought of it as she popped a bit of rice into her mouth. Now THIS was sweet as hell and apparently exactly what she needed. Clarke moaned around it, before taking another one and another before even considering answering Bellamys question.

“Absolutely.” Even Jasper and Monty seemed to be more than happy with her reply and consequentially with the way Bellamy, Raven and her dug in. It was brilliant. It was just what she needed, the sweetness. “It’s so easy. It’s this rice we have now. We chopped it up and forced it to expand. And then we used those berries, you remember, Bellamy? Those crazy berries that made you high after you got sick? Turns out you can make them perfectly harmless and just extract the sugar in it and taddaaaa: Popcorn Camp Jaha style.” Clarke all but froze, her mouth open around a rice corn. Wasn’t that that night? He was high? Well, it didn’t matter, so she kept on eating, while Jasper kept on chattering about the food experiments he and Monty were conducting.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Her reaction to the snack said it all and he gave a small smile at it. He continued to eat the sweet as Jasper explained how they had made it. When he got to the bit about the berries, reminding him that he had gotten high from them, Bellamy joked on the bit that was in his mouth. He started coughing which caused Monty to promptly fill his cup with water. Bellamy gulped it down, letting the food settle past his asophagus.

After letting out a couple more coughs, he finally settled. Berries that made him high. Rather quickly doing the math . . . it made sense. It was finally an explanation as to why the hell he couldn't remember being with Clarke: because apparently he had been too high. "Not used to eating something so sweet, I guess," he commented as an explanation. Which, was a lie. It wasn't the sweetness of the food, but rather, Jasper's informing of him when he had gotten high. Bellamy briefly glanced over at Clarke, hoping she understood . . . and knew that his initial denying that they had slept together wasn't a way of dismissing her. "Yeah. Never touching those damn berries again. But at least you found a good use for them," he commented, finishing the water in hi cup. Berries. Now it all made sense . . . finally!

[Clarke Griffin]

For the rest of their friends visit Clarke remained silent. Eventually after everyone seemed to have finished talking like mad, one of them picked up on the hint of her being tired. Raven ushered the younger people out, leaving Bellamy with her, claiming that someone needed to help her to her bed. Not that this was true, but it was a good enough explanation for them to not question Bellamy remaining in what they still believed to be only her apartment. The remaining popcorn Camp Jaha style had been packed away for Clarkes cravings. The pregnant woman struggled up to go to the bedroom, not really looking at her… well what were they now?

“So, you were high?” She finally asked as she looked at the bed and the rather empty room. He was high, that’s why he didn’t remember sleeping with her, while she did remember the night. Finally it made sense. It wasn’t because he didn’t want her, it was because he simply could physically not remember. They could have had this all so much easier. “I… I haven’t slept with Finn since, well before Raven arrived on earth, Bellamy.” The thing with Finn was… weird and complicated, but well over before she killed him. But those things lay in the past. Their child was their future. And this place.

“What are we going to do about your things?”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

The others didn't overstay their welcome. Raven encouraged them to leave at a decent time, sensing that Clarke was tired, and fortunately, also recognized Bellamy's desire to stay, making up an excuse for them. He gave a nod of gratitude as he properly greeted and said bye to them, considering he hadn't done so since he returned. When they were gone he turned to Clarke as she spoke of how he had been high. "I wish I hadn't been," he admitted to her. He wished their first time wasn't when his mental state was compromised. He couldn't regret it considering that a baby had come from it . . . he only wished he had made it more . . . special for her. And not done when he had too many damn berries. He followed her into her room, speaking of how she hadn't slept with Fnn since before Raven came.

He knew she didn't need to explain herself, but she did. And it made him all too aware that there was something he hadn't told her as well. He remained silent until she asked about his things. "We'll worry about that tomorrow," he told her. He'd have to shift everything in here, and would rather do so after a proper night's rest. He remained standing in the entrance, deciding to tell her for the sake of full disclosure. He never really had to explain this kind of stuff to anyone before . . . but then again, he'd never been in love before. She was telling him the truth, and he should do the same. "I had sex with Raven," he blurted out. Pausing before continuing. He new he had better elaborate. "It was after she broke up with Finn. She was pissed off and hurt. It didn't happen again." It hadn't mean anything; not a damn thing. He had told her that he wasn't the guy to tell her she wasn't thinking straight, and she hadn't wanted to hear it at the time. She just wanted something physical, and that's what he'd given her.

[Clarke Griffin]

“So do I.” It would have made things less complicated. He could have had the knowledge of at least his potential paternity. He could have been prompted to ask. He could have witnessed his baby growing, felt the first movements and all that. But this damn berries had taken that from them, from him, the child and her. Well, the past was the past. They needed to move on. They could enjoy the last few weeks of her pregnancy and then the first days with their daughter or son, the first child of their people to be born on earth and thank the window in the nursery she could be warmed by the sun. It was so different, so wonderful. For tonight then it was it. They’d just stay here, enjoy the rest of the day. Or enjoy it was much as they could.

His admittance felt like a punch to her stomach. Raven. He slept with Raven. Clarke shouldn’t feel so strongly about that, but… Finn. Finn only told her about Raven after as well and she felt so strongly reminded of that. Clarke thought back of when Finn and her broke up and that just really twisted her insides and it was not her child doing this. This was all her emotions about it. If she did the maths right, Bellamy slept with Raven after he slept with her. Then again he was drugged and… didn’t remember. It still hurt, but could she hold it against him? It was time to move on. 

“Thank you for telling me.” He wasn’t Finn. He wasn’t Finn. He couldn’t be like Finn. No, she couldn’t linger on this. Clarke needed to walk and change the damn subject. But nothing came to her mind. 

Bellamy Blake