A New Dawn

[Clarke Griffin]

The distance wasn’t lost to her. Before she left, he would have not hesitated for a second, closing the space between them, touching her, if only faintly, asking how she was. Now he was guarded, rightfully so. She was, too. Things had happened, a lot of things, but Clarke had to stop with a lot of things. Most importantly to think things would be the same, could be the same. He had had endless patience with her, had every reason to hate her. She should have been okay with him taking his distance, being pissed, but it tore at her heart and every single insecurity. On top of it she was cooped up in here all the time. They might have been okay with her going out before, but with the baby inside her, this was the safest place at least for the time being. Everything else was like asking for their death. No way she would do that. Damn that man. Clark sat up, but she couldn’t reach him, so he just reached out, hoping he understood the silent invitation. 

“I am. I also have to tell you I’m sorry, Bellamy. For this. I could blame it on the hormones, but the truth is I overreacted.” A great part of it was the hormones, still, she knew it. “So much has happened, so much is still happening. I didn’t expect to get pregnant, I should have sought you out harder, but I just took your avoidance. I should have gone and ignored your stubbornness and made you talk to me.” Before emotions built up and exploded, which they now had. She was done fighting. She wanted it solved. She wanted her friend back…. For as long as she could have him.


Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy was watching her carefully, but not in a cautious way. It was more so in a way that would allow him to try and read what expression he saw behind her eyes, or what he could read from her body language. He felt a burst of hope fill him when he saw her reach out to him. He wanted nothing more than to hold her, but things had not been that simple. They never were. He was not about to pass on this opportunity, this non verbal communication. He promptly went to her side, his hand taking hold of hers. How he had longed to touch her again. The parting kiss she had given him had made him want more. Apparently, they had done more after all. She was apologizing and he felt the guilt weigh heavily on him. This wasn't entirely her fault.

He shouldn't have avoided her, he knew that. Even if it was Finn's baby, he loved her. He should have been there for her, in whatever way she needed him to be. At the very least, they were friends. They had experienced so much together, been in life and death situations, and trusted one another with their lives. There was so much he wanted to say to her, and waited for her to finish speaking before trying to determine how to say it. Words of affection were not Bellamy's strong suit.

Screw it all. Moving to sit next to her, he suddenly pulled her into his arms, holding her against him in a hug. One hand went to the back of her head while the other wrapped around her back. He closed his eyes, slightly titling his head downward so that his lips were nestled against the crook of her neck. To hold her again, to inhale her scent, to just . . . allow himself the comfort he always felt when he was with her . . . it all long overdue.

He let the embrace linger for he wasn't even sure how long. He just basked in it, until he knew he needed to speak. Slowly bringing his head back to look at her, his hands remained in place, around her, not wanting to let her go. "It's not your fault, Clarke," he admitted. He knew when he was wrong, and he had been in the wrong. "I avoided you because I thought it would be easier. But it wasn't. It made things worse." A bad decision, and it hadn't been his first. "I wanna be there for you. For this baby. If you'll let me." He had to be mindful not to stress her out, but he also needed to say these next words. "Though even if you say no, I'm not gonna give up so easiy." Because he never wanted to abandon her. "You're not alone in this." She had her mother, her friends, the others, but hoped, that his presence would bring something that no one else could.

[Clarke Griffin]

He understood. As he took her hand, Clarke let out a soft sigh. There it was, the one thing that always somehow comforted her since they became friends: Him, his reassurance and care. He might have worn the mask of an asshole once, but a few of them had learned to see right through it. The asshole still existed of course, but he was directed at other people now. Once someone was past his defenses, he was a good person, a person someone like her could and did fall for. She had been so stupid, but now he held her hand again, at least. 

She felt so much better then and there, until he managed to make her shriek in surprise. She did not expect him to pull her up and against him like she weighed nothing, like she was still just Clarke, the seventeen year old tiny young woman he dwarfed with his size. Well the size difference was still there, but he could no longer reach around her as far as he used to with the belly being between them, the belly and the baby inside of course. Clarkes arms came around him in return, holding on tight for two reasons: One, she really just wanted to hold him and be held by him, cheek resting against his neck. Second, she knew she’d just fall back if she let go and he let go. She could not sit up like that anymore with the baby belly in the way. For a long while, time just did not matter. Who cared about time? He held her, after such a long time, it was all she wanted ever since she came back here, for him to hold her and to tell her it would all be okay. She might have her mother and her friends, but he was the one she trusted more than them. She had needed to hear it from him. And now she needed to process it, him wanting to be there for her and the kid. So it would have a father after all? She shouldn’t get her hopes up, yet she couldn’t help it.

“I’d like that.” Was it that simple? He wanted to be there for them, she wanted that. “I need you, Bellamy.” She did, in more than one way, but there was no way he felt the same for her. How could he? They were friends, they trusted each other, she’d never bring it up. She couldn’t. She’d loose too much. 

“I’m going crazy here. Our friends, you, go out there almost every day and I am trapped in the camp, with nothing to do but breed this baby.” She slowly let one arm go of him, but not fully. “I hate this so much. I can’t help my friends, I couldn’t help you, all I could was worry… and try not to kill our baby.”


Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He was so glad that she responded positively to the hug, embracing him as he did her. They could get through this, just like they got through everything else. She said that she would like that, and yet again, relief washed over him. He wouldn't have to keep trying to convince her to let him get close, he wasn't stressing her out -- as far as he knew -- by being this close to her or having this conversation with her. She then told him she needed him, words she had said to him before, only this time it felt different. More, intimate dare he say. He looked at her intently. He felt the same way.

After being here without her for the past several months, he realized just how much he relied on her, emotionally. Which was not something he did with anyone else. He brought a hand to her cheek, wondering if it was too tender and intimate a gesture. Then again, they had sex. That was as physical as it got. "I need you too, Clarke," he finally admitted. It was time he admit that, as he already admitted it to himself and now . . . he wanted her to know it too. Clarke spoke of how she was going crazy, not able to do anything but breed the baby, not able to help her friends or him.

"You're doing what you always do: protecting a life of your people." Her and Bellamy had -- and did -- live in a constant state of protecting others. Their people. "Only this time, that life is growing inside of you." He had seen the progression of it when his mom was carrying Octavia. It really was a beautiful thing. Especially now knowing that the baby was a part of him too. "These are the circumstances we're faced with. And we're gonna get through it, how we always do. Together." He had pulled that lever with her that had killed all those people -- children included. He didn't want her to do anything alone, least of all this. They couldn't change what was happening, they could only deal with it in the best way they knew how.

[Clarke Griffin]

It was getting slightly instable, but he still held her safely with just one arm – otherwise she would protest, loudly. She did not fancy crashing back to the back. She did enough of that when she fainted, which was a rather normal complication, nothing at all to worry about; it also didn’t make it any more comfortable for her. A lot of it was insanely uncomfortable to her and if he really stuck around, he’d hear a lot about it. Poor guy. Despite his comforting words, though, she felt bad, for many reasons. It didn’t stress her like the previous conversations with him had – she didn’t work herself up over this. It was just the truth, the painful truth.

“Who will protect the baby from me?” Him? Maybe, but how? Half of this was her fault, if not all of it. She had him by her side now, she hoped he would have the strength to stay. Not everyone would have, but Bellamy was strong, very strong. They would have to have multiple conversations over time, about them, the baby, about what happened before. She had confessions to make and apologies to give him. She had a lot to make up to, but for now, for now she wanted just to be safe in his arms and for one night to be okay with him. Clarke was just about to say something when the little one apparently decided to wake up and kick, heavily against her and in turn him. 

“Oof, calm down in there.” No, not calming down it appeared. Clarke leaned forward again, leaning her head against his shoulder. “The people on the Ark and the grounders made it sound so easy. Endure the morning sickness, which really is an all day sickness, and then you’re fine. Not a single word about complications. They suck.” But one thing didn’t suck, to feel it move happily in there, to feel the proof of how it was alive. “Do you feel it? The private dance party he’s having?”


Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She asked him something that he didn't have an answer to . . . mainly because he didn't think the baby needed protection from her. But he also knew that she saw it differently. "I could ask you the same thing," he told her, turning around the question: who would protect the baby from him? She was allowing him back in her life, in this baby's life . . . he was not going to screw that up. Before either of them had the chance to say something else, he felt something against him, and it brought a smile to his lips. His hand went to rest over her protruding stomach.

He put a hand on the back of her head, gently stroking it. He knew all too well about morning sickness; not experiencing it himself but when he was young, he had seen how sick his mother was. He'd been terrified, seeing her throw up so much and so weak and drained. She assured him it was normal, but that made it no easier to witness. At least this time, he would be better prepared for it. Clarke didn't need someone who freak out over it. "It'll be fine, Clarke," he assured her. He had to beleive that.

"You have good support around you. The right people in place." His mother hadn't and she had still survived. He had to believe that Clarke would be alright as well. He smiled, feeling the baby move inside of her. It was a sensation unlike any other, knowing it was theirs. "He?" Bellamy asked with a smile. "Are you feelng a boy in there?" He further inquired, wondering if there was actually some way to know the sex of the baby. And besides at least it gave them something else to focus on right now. Apart from, complications and the complexities of the situation.

[Clarke Griffin]

As he lay his hand on her stomach, the baby seemed to start aiming! Of all the things it started to aim the damn kicks against his hand. It didn’t take the touch as a sign to maybe calm down, nope, it aimed. Of course Bellamys kid would aim like that. She wasn’t even really surprised. Clarke struggled out of his grasp for a moment. She turned around, slow as a damn turtle to lean her back against him. It felt securer and allowed him to move his hands freely while still not letting her fall, so best ever. Clarke moved his hand back to her stomach and the babies dance party.

“I know. Without our medicinal supplies I would have lost it, by now.” The child, of course, not her sanity. That one was probably long long gone. She smiled a bit that thought. They somehow managed to stay relatively sane despite what they have been through. She knew she hurt him, done unspeakable things, some of which he might not know or he might have just given her forgiveness for because he was too good. He really was too good, despite sometimes being reckless and an idiot.

“No. I have no idea if it’s a boy or girl, Bellamy. I just hate saying ‘it’.” She wished she could tell him what it would be, but she had no clue herself, not yet. Did it even matter For now all that mattered was the little ones health. And to a certain extend hers. Maybe it would be fate if she died in childbirth. Now it would be okay, now she knew the kid had his father. “I kind of hope for a boy, though:” She didn’t even know why, but she did. Maybe the father had something to do with it. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to rest. She even found it easy then. “How will we do this, Bellamy? Y.. you call the shots here. We do it your way.” No matter what his way was. She knew she screwed up quite often and he went along with it, had her back. Time for her to listen to him.


Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

When she adjusted her position, he moved his hand for a moment, shifting his arms to embrace her as she leaned her back againt him. His hand then went back to her stomach while his other one casually rested on her leg. He wished he could tell her how he felt about her, but he also knew it could be too overwhelming. She was already going through enough, and they had just mended their strained relationship.

He didn't want to do anything to screw it up. She said that she hated calling the baby 'it' and he agreed with that. It sounded so, impersonal. As if it was some creature growing inside of her which wasn't at all the case. "Girl or boy, she or he will be perfect." He had to believe that. He had to believe that everything would be ok. That the baby would be brought into this world, healthy. That Clarke would be ok during and after the pregnancy. He didn't dare imagine any other alternative.

She then asked him a question that was more difficult to answer, but he didn't show any sign of his uncertainty. This wasn't the first time he was faced with a question that he had no idea how to respond to; asked to make decisions that he didn't know how to make. No. He could be confident. He could be sure. He had to be. And he would alleviate that pressure and stress from Clarke, as it was clear that she was looking to him for help.

"Well for starters, why don't we think of names. For whether its a boy or girl." Bellamy had named Octavia the moment she was born, unknowing what sex the baby was before it entered this world. "Unless you thought of any?" He hoped talking about this would help relax her; help distract her from the fears she had associated with this pregnancy. Surely naming the baby was a lighter, more enjoyable aspect of being pregnant. For his priority right now, was putting her mind at ease.

[Clarke Griffin]

He was awfully confident in that, while Clarke saw more of a worst case scenario coming. What if the baby was affected by what was happening? The complications, everything. But for as long as the kid was moving inside her, she at least knew it was alive. That was the only thing that should matter to them, it was the only thing that mattered to her, not her life, Bellamys and the babys, that was what mattered. If he really accepted the child, if he really decided to step up to his role as a father, then the baby would be safe, for good. He’d protect the baby, like he protected Octavia. If he really stepped up to his role, she could really, really rest. Then she did not have to fight anymore. 

She was surprised to hear his suggestion, a reply to a question never asked, while it steered around the one she asked elegantly. Maybe he didn’t know yet, maybe they would have to wait a little longer to figure it all out. For now it might be enough to just speak about light topics like this. They would eventually have to find a name for the child and given their surroundings they should cling to this opportunity, as it might be the only one. Clarke was fully aware of people still getting killed and injured all the time, which was why she had been at the gate so very often, just to see if he came back whole. The blonde placed her hand on his hand on her leg, wanting to feel close. 

“For a girl I had an idea…” It was a stupid idea, but it always gave her a bit of peace of mind, a bit of hope. “You know this will be the first baby born here. She will only know earth, the color of the trees and sky, she can run around outside, as long as she stays within the border. She’s conceived here and will be born here. She’s the start of a new generation, Bellamy. She’s apparently bringing the people here a new hope. And to me… I have done so many bad things, Bellamy, so many mistakes.” She’s killed people, hurt people, she didn’t even know if Bellamy knew she had been ready to let Octavia die. Would he be here if he knew? Probably not. “She’s innocent, entirely innocent.. She can do so much, maybe we manage to get peace so she won’t have to fear Grounders and other dangers. When I think about this baby, about holding it and raising it, seeing her discover her world, I feel hope. And I haven’t felt that in so long. But she brings hope. To our people, to me. So… I’ve been toying with naming her Hope, if she’s a girl. For a boy, no idea so far. What do you think?“ Clarke looked outside. She saw how it had gotten dark by now. 

“Bellamy… will you stay here tonight?”


Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She mentioned that she had an idea for a name and he listened to her attentively. She explained how this was the first baby born on earth, at least among their people. It symbolized a lot. He heard the other people talking about it, how it marked a new era for everyone. The next generation started with them and . . . well, a lot was riding on this baby. It had been part of the reason he couldn't help but feel jealous when he thought the baby was Finn's. But he now felt privileged that he and Clarke were the ones who had created this new generaiton.

"We've done so many bad things," he briefly interjected. She didn't deserve to take all the blame for whatever bad things had happened. He was with her. He had done things with her, or things on his own. Hell, he was responsible for every one of those people that the Ark killed to prolong their oxygen supply. His expression softened a little as Clarke when on to speak of raising this baby, of how she would be free of all the threats that they had initially been faced with.

He hoped to God it stayed that way, but also knew that he -- they -- would do everything within their power to protect this baby. That was when she revealed the name: Hope. He let it sink it, absorb in his mind . . . and found that he loved it. "Hope," he repeated. "It's perfect," he answered sincerely. The meaning of it, the way it sounded . . . it was the perfect name for if they had a girl. For a boy . . . well, Bellamy knew he tended to have a thing for mythology, but he wanted sentiment, just as she had given it for the name if they had a girl.

"This baby, our baby, like you said marks a new generation. So what about naming him after the first man who tried to be a hero. Tried to save us." Warn them. And ultimately, got killed for it. "Jake." Her father. He knew of him, everyone did. Even though neither tended to talk about their deceased parent in detail, he did want to honor her father's memory, knowing how close she was to him just by the rare occasions where she did talk to him. And how she had reacted to his death, based on what he'd seen in her interactions with Wells. She then asked him a question that caused him to lower his head to look at her. She wanted him to spend the night, and it wasn't something he needed to think twice about.

"Absolutely," he agreed, lightly kissing the side of her head. "I don't wanna be anywhere else," he said in a low voice. He didn't know what the arrangements would be but he knew that he didn't want to be far from her and the baby. He wanted to be as close as possible, as near to her as possible. Not let her out of his sight unless he had to. He loved her, and he loved their baby already. She was his family now as well, and he was not going to take that lightly.

[Clarke Griffin]

They. No. She. They had done things together, but she had done things…. Endangers him, Octavia, damn he shouldn’t even forgive her for this. And she was damn scared of the moment he would find out about this, scared of his reaction and so scared that this moment of peace wouldn’t last. It was why she desperately wanted to hold on to it. With however she could. Even if the secret never came out, this world could kill them. He could die when he left the camp. She could die while giving birth to the little one. They really should hold on to it. Maybe… maybe she should dare something, but she wasn’t ready yet. She hadn’t lied to Lexa back then and she knew she wasn’t ready now either. Maybe in the future. For now, she needed him, but she could make no promises, for she knew she might lose him and that hurt. 

“Really?” He liked it? Hope. “So we named our daughter.” Maybe. Maybe in the future they might change their mind, when they got closer to the due date or when they saw her – especially when they saw her and it was a him. Then they would of course not name the baby hope. Only then did Clarke realize how good it sounded – our daughter. And weird. She was eighteen and expecting a baby. Not exactly what their society used to like. But their society was dead. This was earth. This was new, the rules no longer fully applied. Maybe fate gave them this child. Clarke froze then. For a moment she could not move or think only feel the urge to turn around and kiss this man. She couldn’t. She truly couldn’t do that. 

“After my Dad.” She liked the reasoning behind it. Her dad lost his life because he knew the truth, because he wanted to safe them. Had he kept it to himself, they would have all died. Had he not discovered it, they’d be dead, this little child would never grow inside her. She’d never even have met Bellamy. He did save them. Clarke squeezed his hand. So it was settled, at least for now. They had names! She could call her kid by a name, even if it was just in her mind. Clarke moved, or struggled to move, so she could crawl back under the blanket. It was cold at night, she’d need it. She… totally forgot something.

“Bellamy – Uhm before you get in, can you just reach over and give me that bottle? Need to take another drink of Lincolns weird concoction.”


Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He gave a small nod when she asked if he really liked it, and stated that they named their daughter. It was official. They had their names. And judging from her reaction about his suggestion if it was a boy, they had their potential son's name picked out as well. When she began to move, he lowered his hands on her, trying to help as best he could as she settled herself under the blanket. He helped pull it over her so that she was covered as he sat upright next to where she lay.

She then asked him for something; a drink that Lincoln had made. It wasn't that he distrusted the Grounder -- despite his failure to follow through with the plan of getting in Mount Weather -- but he also was wary of anything that Clarke put to her lips, not having been with her since the beginning of the pregnancy. "What is it?" He asked, picking it up and inspecting it, almost tempted to taste it himself first, but this didn't seem like the first time she had taken it, so he passed it to her, a little reluctantly. When he did, he shifted closer to her, already removing his jacket to get more comfortable. Funny how things happened. He had gone from not seeing her for months, to avoiding her, to now laying next to her in bed. And things, now, finally felt so right between them.

[Clarke Griffin]

It wasn’t lost on her how doubt suddenly crossed his face, concern even. Did he actually do that? And he even asked what the drink was Lincoln had given her. Clarke rolled her eyes and reached out for the drink. She wouldn’t take it if it was unsafe. Neither would her mother let her or even advise to it. But she had tested it. Clarke drank what she had to drink before placing it on the floor next to the bed. She could reach if there easier in the morning and since she was meant to stay in bed: better decision. 

“He called it ‘Strength for Mama’ and that’s basically what it is.” She shrugged a little, pulling the blanket back up to where he had pulled it up to. It felt nice to have him around, to have him care for her again. She missed that. Clarke wanted to savor it for as long as it lasted. If she was unlucky, if all of this was over, they might drift apart again. She didn’t want that, but it was possible. She waited for him to climb into bed to her, before she face him, smiling. “Mum tested it. It can’t possibly be dangerous for me or Hope or Jake. It’s basically roots, berries with certain aspects, most of them meant to strengthen me.” She loved it after having fainted, because it really felt like it was giving her a bit of strength back. Clarke reached out to take his hand.


Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Strength for mama. Well, that was a fairly self explanatory name. As she explained, he moved to lie down next to her, putting his his head on his hand as he propped it up with his elbow, facing toward her. The names Hope or Jake caused a smile to flicker across his lips, finding it made everything feel more . . . real. When she took his hand, he looked down at it, giving it a gentle squeeze. "And it's working well?" He asked. He wanted to know everything he could now about this.

He needed to know when she was supposed to take the medicine, what the best foods for her would be. How often she ate. What she craved. He wanted to know every single detail so that he could take care of her to the best of his ability. "You got any weird cravings yet?" He asked in a teasing manner, but was also curious to hear the answer to it. His mother had gone through that; having a strong craving for a certain food in particular. He was grateful to have been there for her, with her, able to gain some familiarity of the situation now. His knowledge for those months could be applied to current circumstances . . . even if he was no expert, he didn't feel like a total idiot.

[Clarke Griffin]

Clarke nodded. It was not medicine, that was for sure, but it was good enough and working well enough. She was glad she did not need some artificial chemistry for that. “It is working well enough. When I take it I feel less tired and weak. It’s not completely gone, but I feel better. And after fainting it works exceptionally good.” Which was why they asked Lincoln to make more, which he happily did. Honestly, Clarke was grateful for his help. In the time where she didn’t have Bell, she felt lonely despite it all but the help she had gotten made it a little less hard. For a few instances she could forget. 

“Meat. This baby is a carnivore, I tell you, a complete carnivore! Steak. But no cows.” At least not in this camp. “Not to mention ice cream.” Again something they could not have. They made do. The berries they now grew did well to at least sate a part of the craving for sweets. And they had some form of meat which was good enough for the beginning. “The food is a bit of a part of the issues I have with being pregnant. What we have here isn’t fully equipped for pregnancies, but we have to make due for now.” In the future they will have figured it out. On top of it she was young and small and always full of worries. Her body just didn’t agree with Clarkes choices most of the time. 

Bellamy Blake