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Post by Emilia Tucker on Jun 2, 2017 15:30:38 GMT
Emilia rubbed the backs of her hands over her wet face some more, but her expression wasn't as sombre anymore. She found it hard to admit, but crying for those she'd lost actually made her feel a little better, relieved somehow. She'd worked so hard on suppressing those feelings of grief and pain which had actually made her feel a little guilty, as if she didn't aknowledge the love she felt for them. Now she realized that weight pressing down on her chest had become a little lighter.
Emilia looked at Hadley with a soft smile although her eyes were still shining with tears. „This has actually already made me feel a little better. Still, I don't really want to get used to all this crying.“ , she said and let out a little snort. The Arker wiped at her left eye again while she leaned forward to pick up her glass and take a sip of her wine.„I'm sorry for this. This wasn't what I imagined for our first night of socializing out of work. Well...I didn't really imagine doing that at all, but you get what I mean.“ , she continued with a nervous chuckle and drank some more wine because she was feeling embarrassed once more.Tag: Hadley Edwardsooc: Sooo sorry for the long wait! *hides*
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Post by Emilia Tucker on Feb 12, 2017 19:25:20 GMT
 Maybe what Em was doing wasn't really fair to Hadley, she could see how uncomfortable this situation was for him since he didn't know what he could do to comfort someone who was still mostly a stranger to him. Although she'd spoken more to him in the past two hours than she had to anyone that she knew for a couple of weeks. She felt a bit embarrassed as he handed her another tissue and gave him an awkward smile when she dabbed at the few tears pooling in her eyes. Still, she had to admit that it felt better actually talking about Lukas than she would have thought. She hadn't even been able to say his name out loud since their fall to Earth and now she'd actually told someone about the moment that had send her whole world tumbling to pieces.
She gently put her hand on Hadley's and shook her head when she noticed that he seemed to feel guilty about making her talk about her dead fiancé.
„There's nothing you have to feel sorry for! It's just...I try not to think about it and distract myself with work, but that moment just keeps playing over and over again in my head!“, she explained with a sigh, wondering again why she was so open with this young man when she usually wouldn't talk about this to anyone. Again, she could only find the explanation that Hadley seemed to her more removed from that awful moment of her life because he belonged to this completely different world and didn't have his own experiences of coming down to Earth like the other Arkers did.
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Post by Emilia Tucker on Feb 12, 2017 19:10:09 GMT
 Emilia had woken up, knowing that this was going to be another bad day. Her night had been filled with more nightmares that caused her to wake up more times than she could count until she'd finally given up and gotten out of bed shortly before six hundred hours. She'd avoided looking at the horizon as the sun colored the morning sun pink and orange, remembered how Lukas and her had always talked about dreams of seeing a sunrise together. It had been no difficult decision whether she should volunteer for night watch or not, even though her superior regarded her with a suspicious glance. Em had heard all of his speeches about driving herself to exhaustion and not being any good to them half-dead before, but she guessed he needed all the men, or women, he could get since he didn't comment on her eagerness to work.
She let out a sigh of disappointment when she found out that she would be joined by another guard. Usually, she preferred to work alone so she could complete her tasks quietly and stay concentrated. Of course she would never question the decisions of those ranking above her and maybe the company of a colleague could even distract her from those awful thoughts that always seemed to fight for the upper hand inside her mind. Then again, being around somebody else meant that unwanted questions could be asked, the kind that she didn't want to even think about, let alone answer. Unfortunately, some Arkers were just outright nosy, apparently having nothing else to do than to gossip, but she guessed that wouldn't apply to a fellow guard.
Emilia always prided herself in being very punctual, but it seemed her assigned coworker for the night was even more so than her she realized as she climbed the ladder of the guard tower and saw a figure standing in front of the window, the woman's back turned to her. She pulled herself up onto the platform with a soft grunt and stepped up to the other guard, her hand resting casually on her gun. Rey – that was the other young woman's name. Em remembered training with her and her name came to mind because she recalled some other girl's making fun of her name when they were kids, teasing Rey because her name sounded like that of a boy.
At Rey's declaration, Emilia let out a sigh and shook her head slightly. „As much as I hope the same thing, with everything we've experience, I'm afraid this is just the quiet before the storm.“, she replied, still looking at the darkness outside that was only broken by faint glows of firelight.
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Post by Emilia Tucker on Feb 6, 2017 20:28:37 GMT
The movie really did have some really scary parts, but it was a different kind of scary from the trauma she'd been through. This kind of fear was exciting and she felt the adrenaline rush through her after every little jump her heart made faced with each dark shadow or figure that passed over the screen. It was a thrilling kind of anxiety opposed to the deeply scarring sensation of losing a loved one and she didn't mind this sort of fear. Emilia was surprised when she felt Hadley withdraw from her and she thought she noticed a sudden change in his mood. She just barely caught his eyes graze over her hands and felt confused as to what about them could have caused him to distance himself from her. She snuck a look at her own hands to see if anything was wrong with them and noticed how her engagement ring glistened under the light thrown at them from the small screen.
His reaction to it made her wonder if he had other intentions in mind than just watching a movie, but she realized that it would probably seem very strange for a woman who was actually married to follow a stranger into his apartment and have a drink while watching a movie with him. She bit her lip nervously, hesitating whether she should speak up or just continue to stare at the screen in awkward silence. Leaning forward, Em grabbed her glass and took another big sip of wine to steal herself for what she was about to say. After putting her drink back down on the small table, she lifted her left hand, showing off the ring by moving it a little with the help of her thumb.
„I still don't know how he managed to collect enough points to get this for me.“, she started with a soft chuckle as the memory of their bickering came back to her, her always teasing Lukas and pressing him to tell her how he'd managed to get his hands on the jewel. „My fiancé Lukas gave this ring to me when he proposed, it must have cost him a fortune! We were next to each other when our station launched to Earth, he was holding my hand and kissed my pregnant belly before we started our fall. After hitting the ground, I couldn't find him at first until someone brought me to him...to his body! He looked so...broken, nothing like the optimistic and funny man that I'd grown to love“, she explained with a sad smile and tears were pooling in her eyes by now as she kept staring at the ring she was turning this way and that around her finger. It wasn't like she was fishing for sympathy or pity, she just didn't want Hadley to think that she was the sort of woman who would agree to a late night drink with another man when she was married to another.
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Post by Emilia Tucker on Feb 6, 2017 19:48:16 GMT
Em was still confused by the idea that what they were watching had actually been recorded just for the sake of people's entertainment. She just couldn't fathom the idea that anyone would have the time to just sit around for an extended period of time with their eyes glued to a screen, watching people just perform a random story. While growing up, she'd always been reminded how essential hard work was for their community and being idle was harmful to their cause. Now that she was just sitting here, doing nothing useful really, she felt a little guilty but tried to enjoy this new experience nonetheless. She would probably have to get used to this unknown feeling of having some spare time and actually being able to spend it doing something fun.
The guard couldn't help but scoff at first when he suggested turning the movie off if it got too scary. With everything she'd been through, especially recently, she didn't think anything could frighten her anymore. Apparently that had been a poor judgement on her part though, because the next minute, something jumped to the front of the screen and so did her heart along with it. She let out a high pitched scream and grabbed Hadley's forearm with the hand closest to him. When the moment had passed, the realization that she was holding on to the young man next to her hit her. Her cheek's flushed as she gazed up at him apologetically, losening her grip with a soft „Sorry!“ on her lips and looking back down at the screen to avoid his eyes as her heart beat rapidly with embarrassement.
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Post by Emilia Tucker on Feb 6, 2017 14:01:59 GMT
When Hadley got up and switched off the overhead light, the atmosphere of the room literally changed like turning a switch. Em was reminded of all the moments she'd shared with Lukas, sitting in a way very similiar to what she was now experiencing with the young teacher. The realization of this unsettled the young guard. Although Hadley seemed very nice and was quite attractive, getting herself into a situation like this started to slowly overwhelm her. She was still holding on to the memory of her late fiancé and having a moment like this, that started to look very much like a date, gave herself the impression that she was starting to let go of him, which she wasn't ready to do. Em was not only afraid of what people might start to think and whisper about her, she also had a creeping sensation of betraying Lukas.
Bearing all this in mind, her skin tingled when Hadley's arm touched her's as they were sitting so close together to share the small screen. Her breathing started to become heavier as she was getting ever more overwhelmed by the conflicted feelings and thoughts fighting for the upper hand inside her. She watched the practiced moves of the young man's hands as he was preparing eerything to get the movie started and had the feeling she might jump up any second to rush out of the apartment, making up some excuse along the way about why she had to leave. But she didn't, something seemed to keep her glued to the sofa.
Her complicated musings were interrupted by the images on the screen before her. Yes, she had seen moving pictures before, but those old educational recordings were nothing compared to what she was watching now. The lighting and mood of this movie were completely different and it was telling a story rather than just relaying information.
„So, this is just meant for entertainment? There's nothing practical about it?“, she asked, only daring to talk in a whisper, her voice full of disbelief. Every Arker was used to only seeing and hearing things that had a task, fulfilled a purpose, Emilia even more so since she was part of the guard. Most movements of their daily lives were planned out and scheduled and her people had never had a lot of time to spare for simple pleasures, things that had no significant reason like helping them fight for survival.
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Post by Emilia Tucker on Feb 5, 2017 21:04:18 GMT
The guard couldn't help but think of her job again when Hadley mentioned that his father had been presented with most of the wine he drank by his colleagues from the medical wing. She was pretty certain that a lot of those co-workers must have been involved in the procedure known as the harvest. Many of them had probably been executed by her people and Mr. Edwards could probably feel lucky that his involvement had been judged as a minor one. Still, if his son had already been estimated as a big enough risk to be guarded like this, Em felt pretty certain that the teacher's father was probably being watched as well.
Even the notion of having something to gift to someone else seemed like a luxury to Emilia though. On the Ark, they had only been able to make each other presents that were handmade or try to save up as many spare points as they could to get something at the exchange. She'd been shocked when Lukas had given her a real ring for their engagement. Even if it was a rather plain one, just a silver band, it must have costed him a frotune but he wouldn't even tell her how he'd managed to get his hands on it. She still cherished this symbol of his love for her and played around with it as she now dwelled on the memory of it for a moment.
When Hadley explained how he only had scary movies for them to watch and just this small screen that looked like some of the rare electronical devices they'd had on the Ark, which had mostly been used by the tech staff or the Chancellor and his entourage, she just regarded him with an expression that showed her ignorance of the experience of watching a movie.
„I've never really watched a movie, so I'm sure anything will be fine.“, she assured him and looked at the screen in his hands. „It looks like some of the devices we sometimes used for training or some of our missions. We didn't really get the chance to use them much more because there were only a few around that still worked and they were mostly needed elsewhere.“, she explained and remembered how nervous she'd been as a trainee guard when she'd been given one of the pads, afraid she might break the precious tech.
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Post by Emilia Tucker on Feb 5, 2017 16:05:11 GMT
Em watched Hadley perform the motions of getting both of them a glass of wine and was impressed with how much ease he seemed to pour the glasses. She had never even seen a bottle of wine, so it was strange for her to see someone open a flask as if they did it every other day, which may well have been the case for the young teacher. She believed she'd heard talk about some old bottles being stored away somewhere on the Ark when she was in training. A few bottles had apparently been saved before the Apocalypse and lay forgotten or reserved in one of the storage rooms, unaffordable for a common Arker and probably kept hidden for some special occasion like the end of all of their lives. For a brief moment, Em wondered if the Chancellor and his staff had actually opened one of those bottles once they'd known that they would have prepare for their fall to Earth, knowing of the small chances of survival.
The guard took the glass offered to her with a soft smile for the young man. "Thank you.", she said and smelled the liquid inside curiously. There was no comparison between the smells of this drink and the moonshine the Arkers would brew themselves. The latter just smelled of pure alcohol, strong and almost like some kind of disinfectant. This wine she was holding under her nose filled her nostrils with a complex mixture of scents, it was sweet and strong at the same time. Emilia took a tentative, tiny sip letting the thick fluids roll around in her mouth before swallowing and rubbing her lips together, licking them. „I've never tasted something like this before.“, she admitted and took another sip, this one a little braver than the last and she really did enjoy the taste of it.
She carefully set the glass down on the table in front of her and looked back up at Hadley. „You actually have films?“, she asked in surprise and couldn't really believe it. She'd seen a few old recordings during her training, but they'd just been short films meant for educational purposes. She'd never actually seen a movie purely for entertainment and she didn't know anyone who had. It seemed like the Mountain Men had gathered even more luxuries and old relics than she'd initially thought and she was quite intigued to find out what kind of other treasures they were keeping inside the mountain.
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Post by Emilia Tucker on Feb 5, 2017 1:25:07 GMT
When she heard the click of a key in the door behind her, Emilia's head snapped back wondering why he might feel the need to lock them in. She felt a little disconcerted, but reminded herself that she was probably only feeling on edge because she'd learned that she should always take note of each and every action of another person when she was in her training.
„It looks lovely.“, she complemented the rooms and she really meant it. None of the Arkers were used to much comfort, their homes being overall mostly practical. They didn't have any decorations they could use to make their quarter more homely or personal and the Mountain Men's dwellings had seemed quite luxurious to her from day one. Even his earlier mention of having a wine had impressed her. The only thing she'd ever been offered was a glass of strong moonshine, which was never about the taste since it was pretty awful, but about the effects of the high alcohol percentage. She smiled at Hadley when he suggested she should feel at home. While he was gone, she hesitated for a moment to let go of her weapon, but she finally set it on the ground leaning against the couch right next to where she set down. She still had a smaller gun in the waistband of her trousers but felt pretty certain that she wouldn't need it, although she still felt safer feeling the weight of it.
Emilia took off the jacket of her uniform, exposing the simple black shirt she was wearing, which clung close to her skin and was a little more revealing. She also untied her long blond hair which had been in a tight bun on the back of her head and always left her scalp feeling a little sore at the end of the day, letting the longs strays flow over her shoulders.
The Arker looked up when she heard Hadley's voice directed at her and hesitated for a moment. Her first instinct was to opt for the non alcoholic drink since she still felt like she was on duty, but realizing that her working day was over and feeling tempted by the mention of wine, a beverage she'd never tasted before, she changed her mind.
„A glass of wine would be lovely, thank you.“, she answered with another smile as she leaned back against the couch and folded her hand on top of her lap, still a little rigid and awkward but more relaxed than she'd been before.
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Post by Emilia Tucker on Feb 5, 2017 0:43:51 GMT
Yes, they could definitely have some kind of mission together and maybe start talking out of boredom or something and find that they have a few things in common  |
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Post by Emilia Tucker on Feb 5, 2017 0:41:53 GMT
Em smiled as Hadley assured her that he hadn't decided to leave on her account, which made her feel relieved. There was still that dread inside her gut of ending up sitting on her bed by herself with too many thoughts crowding her mind. She had no other task for the night than guarding the teacher and she'd been reprimanded before for burying herself in paperwork and not getting enough rest.
She almost reached out her hand to hold on to the young man when she felt the jolt of the elevator. It wasn't like this was her first time riding the lift, but it was still an unnerving feeling for her to be transported this deep underneath the ground. She felt a little relief when they were able to step out of that metal cage and had firm ground underneath their feet again.
Emilia couldn't help but glance at him every once in a while as they were walking down the hall, blushing when she caught him looking back at her. He had a nice smile and warm eyes that somehow reminded her of Lukas even though she didn't want to admit that to herself.
Walking down the residential corridor felt a little strange, imagining the day-to-day life of these strangers happening right behind the doors she was passing. She smiled again when Hadley stopped, declaring that they'd arrived at his apartment, surprising herself as she felt a small pang of regret inside her chest. She blinked in surprise when he offered her to follow him inside and have a drink with him.
„I really shouldn't...“, shestarted, doubting it would be a good idea to visit the apartment of the subject of her mission. Then again, those empty small rooms that had been given to her to stay in really didn't tempt her and accepting his proposal would give her some more time away from those walls and from being alone with her thoughts. She bit her lip again as she gazed up and down the corridor, checking if anyone could see them. Once she was sure the hallway was empty, she quickly nodded at him with a smile. „Okay, go on.“, she said, her smile audible in her words as she rushed him a little as long as they couldn't be observed by anyone.
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Post by Emilia Tucker on Feb 4, 2017 23:48:42 GMT
The young guard was glad that Hadley could talk about the subject so objectively. Em certainly knew other people who would have felt insulted by her words. A Grounder would probably not be this lenient when he heard someone critisize his people this way. When she heard his father's story, she wasn't sure what to feel. On one hand, he felt sorry for the man, the deaths of all those Grounders and some of the Delinquents probably weighing on his conscience. On the other hand, people like him in those postitions had been part of the problem. She couldn't be sure, but maybe if doctors or other staff that had been involved in the process, had asked more questions about what they'd been doing, a lot of the murders could have been prevented. Then again, maybe they would have paid with their own lives for scrutinizing the work too much. It was hard for her to make up her mind about this, the lines were so blurred and you couldn't really judge without having all the facts. „I guess we'll never understand the workings of some peoples minds. They'll find any excuse to justify their actions and kid themselves into believing that what they're doing is right.“, she stated with a sigh while she occupied her right hand by rolling the balled up tissue around in her palm.
Em raised her eyebrows in surprise when Hadley started packing up his things. „Oh, I didn't mean to pressure you into closing up so soon. If you need to stay longer, I don't mind!“, she assured him, which was actually a little selfish of her. Of course she didn't want to make him feel as though he had to hurry because of her but she also knew that she had nothing to go back to. Work was everything she had left and once she returned to her quarters, there was nothing but the emptiness and grief waiting for her. So she tried to work as much as possible, so much so that it was a miracle she hadn't passed out from exhaustion yet.
Still, she got up and followed Hadley when he made his way to the classroom door, the two fo them much closer to each other now since the room didn't give them that much space to make their way into the hallway. She held her gun a bit more tightly now, more so for show in case they might meet someone though rather than for actual protection.
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Post by Emilia Tucker on Feb 4, 2017 22:54:37 GMT
Em continued dabbing at the small cuts on her thick lip, the scarlet colour of her blood a stark contrast to her pale skin. At least it gave her hands something to do instead of resting awkwardly on top of her gun or her lap. She gently shook her head at his words, disagreeing slightly with his statement. „It's not like none of us could have changed the events by acting differently. Some of our people, mostly your people if I'm honest could have taken different actions and changed the outcome for all of us.“, she explained, meaning no harm but simply stating the facts. The cause of the Arkers' invasion of the mountain had been what those Mountain Men responsible had called the harvest – extracting bone marrow of those humans whose bodies were more resistent to the radiation than theirs. Skaipeople and Grounders alike had been killed in order for their people to get a treartment allowing them to step into the outside world. If they hadn't been so violent to the 47 Delinquents that had been taken, none of the Mountain Men would have needed to die and they could have formed a peaceful alliance. She felt a bit uncomfortable voicing an opinion that might seem harsh and insulting to his people, but she didn't want to pretend that she agreed with him simply to create a pleasant conversation.
„I meant no offense, I'm sure most of your people didn't take part in the torture and killings.“, she added, although she knew that most of the mountain's population knew where their remedy came from but simply chose to turn a blind eye.
„And noone would blame you, many people get awkward in strange situation. I for one also get uncomfortable when I get thrown into something unknown.“, she agreed with him and smiled softly. This was also true for when she'd first arrived in this place, a construction unlike anything she'd ever seen. It was such a contrast, being underneath the earth when she'd lived up in space for most of her life. Of course she should never let her discomfort show due to her position and this was the first time she let it break through her barriers.
She gave a slow nod as answer to his question. „Yes, unfortunately, I have to stay as long as you're here.“, she confirmed his suspicion but gave him another gentle smile. „Not that that is such a horrible thing.“, she quickly added, just feeling bad for having to treat hime like he was some kind of high profile criminal. „I have to admit that I even have to escort you back to your home.“, she confessed with an apologetic expression on her face. She thought it a little ridiculous herself to keep such a strict watch on a simple school teacher, but those were her orders and her duty and it wasn't her decision to declare who could be dangerous and who couldn't.
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Post by Emilia Tucker on Feb 4, 2017 21:49:57 GMT
Hearing him talk about the kids and what they were going through, made Emilia feel so responsible. Sure the Arkers had had very good reason to take over control of the mountains, but the children couldn't be blamed for their parents' actions. Unfortunately, the suffering of their youngest seemed to be the general consequences for most decisions taken by adults. Although the Delinquents were for the most part a good deal younger than thos taught by Hadley, they had still paid for living in a society that punished any crime even if executed for good reasons like needing food or medicine to survive. Em still believed in the over all system, otherwise she wouldn't have become part of the guard, but they were some things she couldn't agree with although she would never say so.
„I'm sorry those kids had to go through such traumas because of some bad decisions adults have made. Sadly, none of us are fortunate enough to be protected from heartache.“, she stated, realizing the next minute how stiff she must sound. She was just to afraid to break down those carefully constructed walls, fearing that ones she losened one of the bricks, the whole thing would crumble down around her. Once she opened the gates, her tears would probably come close to those Niagara Falls she'd once read about and that was something she couldn't let anyone witness. Even being by herself in her quarters, she couldn't trust herself to let go, to cry and be able to stop when she had to. She'd controlled herself once she'd been able to stop her initial sobs that rocked her whole body in the first days after hearing the news of Lukas and their child dying.
There was this constant pressure like a heavy stone resting on her chest that sometimes made it hard for her to breath. The pain sometimes felt unbearable and she was thankful that Arkadia's doctors supplied her with as many sleeping pills as they could spare, otherwise she would probably not even get one hour of rest every night.
Em frowned when Hadley offered her another tissue, genuine concern displayed on his face and she rubbed her lips together, tasting the blood on her raw skin.
„Oh sorry, it's just a bad habit of mine – biting my lip I mean.“, she explained, her cheeks flushed in embarrassement when she accepted the piece of soft paper and pressed it to her bottom lip.
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Post by Emilia Tucker on Feb 4, 2017 21:14:53 GMT
Another smile flashed over Em's face when he replied to her introduction, this one a genuine smile, not as forced as the last one. „Likewise!“, she responded although it felt a little strange to exchange such pleasantries when she was supposed to be watching over this man in case he had a hidden agenda. She wrapped her free hand around the back of the chair he'd offered her, still uncertain whether she should make herself more comfortable by sitting down and letting go of some of her trained rigidness. He did have a point though, in the few weeks she'd been guarding these corridors, she'd hardly ever encountered any of her colleagues and she'd seen even less of her superiors. She drummed her fingers over the wood of the furniture, trying to decide whether she should stay professional or opt for a bit more ease. She finally let out a strained breath and circled the chair to sit down in it, still holding her weapon close to her though.
Still, she sat up straight keeping her back rigid as she didn't want to let go of all of her practised behavior as she still had a job to do and didn't want to feel too vulnerable, at least not more so than she already did. She flashed him another half smile as she was sitting closer to him now, her hands folded neatly over her gun. An awkward silence threatened to creep between them and Emilia wrecked her brain for something to say. „It's uhm...good to see that the kids can still smile.“, she declared and bit her lip awkwardly again, tasting blood on her tongue.
Maybe having an actual conversation with Hadley wasn't such a bad thing after all, she could sell it to her captain by saying that it might give her a chance to gather some intelligence about the man and to find out if he actually did have other intentions as some of her superiors suspected due to the position of his father.
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