Tears Of Heaven

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Aurora Blake

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

This would be the hardest conversation that he would ever have with his mother. He had just informed his father of his decision . . . and now, he needed to tell his mother. There was a lot he needed to tell her and he had to brace himself for the reaction that his words may bring. Truth be told, this could be what caused him to crumble, yet not waver in his decision. Saying goodbye to his mother was not something he ever imagined doing. Not like this. But then again, neither was saying goodbye to his father. Or even the woman he loved. So much had changed. So much had happened. And it all came down to this. A culling. The sacrifice of 320 people so the others could live. And Bellamy would be among them.

His mother didn't know. He had just told his father and informed Marcus that he would be talking to Aurora. She would find out now of Bellamy's decision. He was doing it for her. For his father. For his grandmother. For the woman he loved. For his friends. For everyone on the draw. That would be where he drew his strength from. Unsure as to how long he had just been standing outside the home of his parents, he eventually punched in the code and entered, seeing his mother almost immediately.

He swallowed back his emotions, closed the door behind him, and moved toward her. "Mom," he began. A greeting, an acknowledgement . . . a desire to say that title at least one more time. The smallest of smiles formed on his lips as he looked around the apartment; the home he had grown up in. "Do you have that book you used to read to me when I was a kid?" The one about Roman history. He wanted it. He wanted to see it one last time. Read it, one last time. Hear it one last time. The request may be obscure, but perhaps it would make sense once he explained his purpose for being here.

[Aurora Blake]

Aurora was sitting at the table, fixing one of Marcus’s shirt when she heard the door open. She was keeping herself busy, trying not to think of the many lives lost already and the more they would lose, trying to save a lot more. Had it not been for her family, her precious son and her husband, she would have been the first in line to give her life for others. She would have given her life for a second child, had that ever been an option with the kid being allowed to live, instead things just played out the way they did, they lived by the rules and Aurora tried to keep up the illusion of actually doing something worthwhile. 

“Bellamy.” She said as she turned to her son. The entire way he carried himself, tipped her off to something not being quite right. Aurora placed her husbands shirt back on the table to get up and go to her son. His words stopped her from reaching out to him, her instincts screaming at her that something was majorly wrong. Why would he need that stupid book now? This was not Bellamy. He used to cling to these stories in times of fear, not… Was he afraid? No, surely he couldn’t be afraid.

“What… Bellamy Blake Kane, what is going on? You know I still have the book. I would never give it away!”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Aurora Blake

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He watched his mother start to approach him, and then pause when he asked for the book. She knew him well. Too well. Which, he didn't see as a bad thing. Such was a mother, for her to know her child. It only made ths lightl and small smile on his lips remain. She asked him what was going on, saying that she would never give that book away, that she still had it. It was something he had never taken with him when it moved out, for that book belonged here. This was his home. It was where he was raised, where his parents lived. Yes. It was truly his home. "Can you read me a bit of it?" He asked, knowing it sounded strange, obscure for him to request such a thng.

He was grown man, but he just wanted to be a son. He wanted to allow himself that comfort of her voice, as she would read to him when he was younger to help lull him to sleep. Or to help ease his fears. The sound of her soothing voice, the physical comfort she provided him. The thought made him instinctively reached forward and wrap his arms around her in a hug. He just wanted to be that small child he had once been.

He just wanted to be held by his mother. He let the moment linger, the embrace, the strength and power it gave him. It was always in his parents arms that he felt untouchable. Invincible. Reality would teach him a harsh lesson though. Fate was not always so kind. He eventually drew his head back, his arms still aruond his beloved mother, but forcing himself to look into her eyes. He was not a coward. He couldn't be. He needed to say these words. He needed to tell her so that it was out there. "I volunteered for the culling."

[Aurora Blake]

It had been years since he asked her to read him from the book. He was so much younger then, he was sick then, too. I was so long ago. Aurora felt the uneasy feeling in her stomach only grow. Something was wrong and she couldn’t help but anticipate something bad. He wouldn’t ask for something that was comforting in his childhood, if he didn’t need it and if he needed it. Something was up. With everything happening on the Ark, Aurora felt fear, but only for a moment. And the fear only intensified as her son hugged her. This was not unusual, but the combination of things just intensified the fear as she held her son for a bit. What the hell was going on.

“Bellamy, what is it?” She asked, still holding him. She couldn’t have anticipated his next words. The culling. Of course Aurora had heard of it as her husband was directly involved and it was a burden on him, even though he tried to hide it. Now, though their son had volunteered for the culling. It felt like the feeling of fear exploded in her. The pain intensified and turned into anger. How dare he? What the hell was he thinking? Was he thinking at all? Did he have any idea what this would do. He would die.

“No. Tell me you are lying Bellamy.” She demanded. “Tell me you are making a stupid joke. How… how DARE you? Does Marcus know?” She asked him. What the hell was wrong with him? They had given everything for him and he was doing this? He was putting his life on his father’s conscience, when it was heavy enough already. “You are not going through with this, Bellamy. Do you understand? You will not do this.” The anger was so heavy in her heart then. Anger at Bellamy and his stupidity and anger at Marcus. This wouldn't happen. She wouldn't let it. 

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Aurora Blake

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

His mother was angry. And understandably so. Bellamy didn't expect this to be a conversation without emotion. Anger, was the most expected, and he was braced for it. He had to be. He hated putting his mother through this pain, but he knew that this was where he belonged. Among their people. Protecting them in the best way he could. "He does. I told him right before coming here." He didn't ask him. He told his father. Marcus had said that he wouldn't stop trying to convince him not to . . . but he would tell his mother the same basic words he had told his father, and Braeden. The ones prompted by her saying that he was not going to go through with this.

"My mind is made up," he stated, not as an overly stubborn rebellious son. But, rather, spoken calmly yet surely. Confidently, unwavering certainty. "I need to do this." He could best protect his loved ones this way, and him going meant one less Arker who would have to. It was all he could do to reprsent their family. To honor them. To protect them. It was no decision he made lightly, hell it was one that he felt afraid for . . . but not scared enough to back out. What had his mother always taught him? Fear was a demon. He was not afraid. He supposed the fear was mostly due to knowing what he would be putting his loved ones through. But this had to be done. And he was not going to change his mind.

[Aurora Blake]

For Aurora the pain was familiar and shockingly unique as well. It was unbearable. How could he do this? They had fought so hard, had been willing to give up so much for him. They had settled to have just one kid, this one beloved child and now he stood there before here, telling her he was about to kill himself. For what? The Arks misguided attempt to safe what was unsolvable? She couldn’t believe it. And apparently he had spoken to his father and he was still determined. How could Marcus let this happen? How could he not stop his son? Or the culling? How could he think things would ever be the same again? His life would forever be on Marcus’ conscience. How could Bellamy do that to him? To her? To his grandmother. Grandmother were not supposed to see their grandkids die. Never. 

Aurora turned away from him. He had made up his mind, but so did she. She would NOT watch him die. He could not expect her to stand by idly and watch her son die. He could not expect her to be okay wit this, neither of them could honestly expect that of her. And she wasn’t going to do this. She felt her heart break, at least it was worse than when she almost lost Marcus for good before they decided to take a chance. She felt the tears, but hell she knew how stubborn both were, how stubborn she was. Marcus had to stop this madness. What good did it do anyway? No. She wouldn’t allow this.  And she would certainly not allow him to see her tears. 

“Get out.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Aurora Blake

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She turned away and told him to get out. But he didn't. Not right now. He fought back the emotions that inevitably came with this entire situation. Had the circumstances been different, well, he knew better than to provoke his mother with his presence. He would often abide to her instructions, even if it involved him leaving. But right now . . . time was limited. It was not something he had the luxury of and he certainly didn't want to leave his mother in such a state. He knew he would see her again after this, before the culling, but he didn't want this to be the final conversation they had alone. Bellamy had to at least try, even if the conversation would be mostly on sided. So he didn't leave. Instead, he took a few steps toward his mother, standing behind her, putting a hand on her shoulder to indicate that he wasn't going anywhere just yet.

"Mom," he began to say, fighting back the emotion from his voice. Fighting back the tears. Telling Braeden had been hard. Telling his father had been even harder. But telling his mother, could be what broke him completely. And he couldn't let that happen. He had to be strong. "Please don't shut me out." He felt like his words sounded almost that of a child. No. Not a child. A son. "I don't want this to be the last conversation we have." Because one would soon be the last one, and he so desperately hoped this was not it. Time was precious; these moments were precious. And he didn't want to spend them away from the woman who had brought him into this world.

[Aurora Blake]

Aurora was fighting. She was fighting the tears of anger and desperation. She was going to lose her son. He was going to kill himself and all because of this stupid idea to initiate a culling that would help no one!! This was what happened. Now they were paying the price. Every single child of the council members was either dead or about to be killed. THIS was their price and it appeared that there would be one more. One more who would be dead. One more who had the nerve to touch her. Aurora spun around on her heels, glaring at her son.

“You made your decision, Bellamy!” Aurora said at him, voice cold, yet full of emotions, held back anger and pain. What did he expect? He came in here telling her he would kill himself and there was no way for her to chance his decision, now he had to live with the consequences of that decision. And the consequences included his mother not being willing to speak to him anymore. He was killing himself. He was taking her sons life, what did he expect? He was putting this burden on his father. She had to speak to Marcus, to stop this madness, yet this wound would not heal for a while. “You made the decision to kill my son, so you have to live with that now. You are putting your death on your fathers conscience. What did you expect? A reward? No. Go. There is nothing else to say anymore, Bellamy.” Aurora turned around again, though she stopped. She stopped, because her anger was not only for him, but for Marcus, too. “And if you happen to see your father on the way, tell him to not expect to find anyone here.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Aurora Blake

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy looked at his mother as she turned around, telling him off for the decision he made. He stayed calm, composed, but just barely. He had expected his mother's anger . . . but he hadn't expected this to be what their last conversation would be. He wanted to cherish these final moments, but instead, she was sending him away. Bellamy just stayed silent, knowing that he could say nothing to make this better . . . for despite her anger, he was not going to change his mind. "He is doing what he can to save those on the Ark," Bellamy began to say. This wasn't on his father. Bellamy refused to let any blame fall at his feet for this.

"And so am I." This was all he could do to help others. How could they ask other fathers, mothers, sons, and daughters to die for the Arkers? How could Bellamy not take any responsibility for this? He intended to honor his family, to do what he had the power to in order to protect the people he loved. Bellamy turned to leave, pausing at the door. He turned his head to look at her for what may be the final time for he remainder of his life. "Goodbye, mom," he said in a quiet voice, but one that could still be heard.

With that, he exited his parent's apartment, fighting back the sting of tears in his eyes. The walk to his grandmother's was good, it allowed him to regain his composure, though the conversation was a difficult one. It wasn't as brief as the one with his mother, and his grandmother did not hold back her emotions, seeing the tears in her eyes. He hated it. He hated to see anyone cry over him like this. They eventually parted ways, and Bellamy ended up back in his apartment. He did not want to waste any time being on his own, but, he had a letter of recommendation to write, and that was what he was going to get done now.

[Aurora Blake]

To save the Ark. Like hell anyone here was saving anyone. They sent kids down. What good should 300 deaths do? Save them tiny amounts of oxygen, but it was not enough time to repair the damn ship. The thing was lost before it started. It was time for even the damn council to realize that, though they were still trying to save everything. Aurora knew her husband was desperately trying to do so, but there was still the fact that this would be just water on a hot stone: Completely useless. Aurora had no say in any of that, but she wanted Marcus to stop this insanity and save their son. If not for Bellamy or her then for himself. They couldn’t recover from that.

Hours passed in which Vera and Marcus talked to her. It took a lot of persuasion for her mother in law to make her approach her son again. In all honesty it was Veras input that worked more on her. She approached her son, a bag in her hand as she let herself into his little dwelling. “Bellamy?” She questioned. She barely knew what to do around him, she was going by what Vera, the so very spiritual Vera had told her to do. Maybe he wanted her to leave after all, but she had to say it, the travelers blessing, if he wanted it, so if he wanted her to leave, he would have heard it. “In peace, may you leave this shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey to the ground. May we meet again.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Aurora Blake

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy had finished the letter of recommendation. He had read it over a dozen times, ensuring every word was perefctly placed and every sentence perfectly phrased. He folded it up and put it in an envelope, sealing it, as it was only for the required eyes. Not even Braeden would see this until it was delivered and opened at the appropriate time. After that was done, Bellamy did the next difficult task: packing. He began to take his clothes out of their designated areas and put them in a large cloth bag. This would save anyone from having to do it.

His clothes, his things could be easily donated to those who needed it. And his apartment could be used for others as well. It was best to empty it out, to save anyone else the trouble. He felt numb while doing so, almost as if everything was surreal in this moment. He was moving, but he didn't feel like he was here. As he was packing his neatly folded clothes, he heard the door open and turned to see his mother standing there, saying his name. He froze in place, unsure if she was going to grow angry with him again. Something in her gaze made him feel like something had changed. But what, he didn't know. He just looked at her, unsure as to whether he should reach out . . . unsure if he could handle another rejection. But instead of any angry words, she instead said a prayer. An Ark prayer.

He closed his eyes, soaking in her words, letting them process, taking comfort in them. He swallowed, that familiar single tear falling down his cheek . . . just as it had when he hugged his father. He wanted to be strong for both of them, but it was getting increasingly difficult as time went on, and the culling drew nearer. Bellamy slowly opened his eyes, trying to remain as composed as he could. He took a few steps toward his mother, knowing that she may still be angry, but hoped that she would allow them to say goodbye. That she wouldn't push him away. He leaned forward to kiss her cheek, before wrapping his arms around her in a hug, closing his eyes and letting himself bask in the warmth of a mother's embrace. "May we meet again," he said in a low voice but an audible one.

[Aurora Blake]

He was not pushing her away, instead he came to hug her. Aurora hugged him back. She needed to speak to him one last time, though she also needed to try to stop him one last time, but stay strong. She kept repeating Veras words over and over and over in her head. She was their spiritual leaders and in this case she was leading Aurora, as she placed the bag on the floor and hugged Bellamy, listening to his word. She just held her son for a long time, as her tears started to fall and soak his shirt. Well, could he blame her? She was already mourning and nothing would change that anytime soon. It would only get worse.

“Please don’t go through with this. The people here need you. Look around you. Abbys daughter, Jahas son, they were all sent down with the 100. They are most likely dead. The other council members either had no kid or they, too are dead. You are the only remaining child of a council member and now want to die, too. Who are the people supposed to look to? The next generation of leaders is gone. The people need you alive. If the current council is no more, they will need you, Bellamy. We need you:” Aurora knew she was hoping against logic and hope. Bellamy was as stubborn as his two parents and grandmother combined. 

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Aurora Blake

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy had been nervous for his mother's reactions, but those were put to rest as soon as he felt her return the hug. Her arms around her made him feel untouchable, just as their hugs had been when he was a child. He would seek out the safety and security of his mother and father's embrace . . . and he would feel invincible. So very protected by them. He wished now he could return the favor. While he was protecting them in the best way he knew how, he couldn't emotionally protect them.

He could feel her tears on him and he was using all the strength within him not to cry as well; to keep the tears contained. Though he feared that strength would soon falter and left only would be the pain of leaving his family. She was pleading with him, using logical reason as to why he shouldn't go. But it wasn't enough to change his mind. He slowly drew his head back to look at her, an ever so slight and soft smile on his lips.

He wished he could give her the assurance she pleading for, but he couldn't. He was doing this to protect those he loved. "This is where my place is, mom. Among those who are giving their lives for the sake of our people. For the future that I know dad will secure for them." He had the utmost faith in his father that he would protect the Arkers. That he would find a way to save them. And this would buy them the time to do that.

"This is the best way I can protect our people. A new leader will come when the time calls for it, but that time won't come unless we do this. The people need to be alive, and this is how I can best ensure that." This was something within his power, his greatest use. To be among the others who were sarcificing their lives. He would represent the Blake and Kane family, bring honor to them. Be among his people when they needed that. He was no better than the others; just someone who knew his place and his place . . . was in that room for the culling.

[Aurora Blake]

“But there is no future to secure.” Aurora had been a silent watcher on the sidelines, but the desperation, the struggles of the council weighing down her husband specifically, but the others as well, was not lost on her. She was the one close enough to hear him call out in his sleep or move in distress. She was close enough and privileged enough to be allowed to see the status of the 100 and she was close enough to know that the window for saving the Ark had long since passed. Not the way they were claiming it could be saved. Aurora drew back fully. She placed both hands on his cheeks. 

“Can’t you see? They are grasping at straws. They’re afraid earth is not survivable, but what choice do we have? The culling is wrong. We are sending people to die for what? A few weeks more of oxygen for the rest of us? And then? Do you see mechanics out there? Do you see anyone working on the leaks?” No, because they hadn’t heeded the warning in time. They had decided to ignore the problem at hand in order to take care of their integrity. She blamed Jaha. Now more than ever. “We will run out of oxygen eventually, there is no way around this, Bellamy. It’ll just prolong it. This is pointless, my boy. You don’t have to do this. Nobody should. We will die anyway.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Aurora Blake

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

No future to secure. Bellamy couldn't have that defeatist attitude. There was hope. The people held hope. What was the alternative? To give up? No. Bellamy couldn't accept nor acknowledge that. Despite the reasoning his mother gave, he had faith. Faith in his father. Faith in the people of the Ark. Just as they came together to offer themselves for the culling, they would come together to find a solution to save the others. "There are 319 other people who have volunteered, because they believe in the future. They have hope, and want to give their loved ones their best chance." He could understand his mother's anger, but he would not believe that all these people were doing it in vain.

They would not frivolously kill over 300 people. "I have faith in dad," he repeated. That was where the hope lay; the hope for their people. He was the public face and figure for them. It was why he couldn't be among those who died . . . he was needed among those who would live. "You should too," he gently urged. "Don't give up, Mom. We're all doing this to give everyone else a chance. They . . . we, believe in this. And if nothing else, believe in dad. He won't let our people die. He'll find a way, and will need your support now, more than ever." His father had the burden of all of this. But Bellamy believed in him. He wouldn't fail the people.