My Sacrifice

[Marcus Kane]

"I spoke to her father," That surprised Marcus, but also told him how serious that Bellamy was about this. "She wouldn't go to the door. She'd get through it, and neither he nor I wish for that to happen." He could see that about her, and he wondered if she was doing ti because of his son, or because she wanted to do it. "Will you grant me this request?" That was hard, but easy at the same time. "I will make sure men are posted at her door, at the time you give them." He wasn't sure when Bellamy planned to say his goodbyes. . . . .

He couldn't finish that thought. He couldn't think about his son dying right now. He had to work on what was before him. "When do you plan to tell your mother?" Marcus asked, wanting to be there for her afterwards, and give Bellamy a chance to tell her alone. It would break her heart--as it was breaking his currently. If ever there was a magic or a miracle that was owed to him, he wished it would happen now. "What is your plans until the culling?" She hoped that Bellamy would agree to spend a good bit of time with him, as well as the family.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Marcus Kane

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy felt a wave of relief wash over him whe Marcus told him that he would have men stationed at her door at the time Bellamy informed him of. "Thank you." His voice was sincere, and he now felt that he could breathe easier. That he didn't have the weight of Braeden being in there with him. She would be safe -- as safe as she could be. She would be alive. That was all he could ask of her. Hell, it was even easier if she spent the rest of her life hating him. So long as she was alive. The next question caused Bellamy to pause when Marcus inquired as to when he planned to tell his mother.

"After this," he told him. He would also have to tell his grandmother. The two people that were left on his list that were extremely difficult to inform of this. Especially his mother. Bellamy was fearing this conversation. Dreading it. Just as he had dreaded the one with his father, and Braeden before that. "I was hoping to just spent time with my family. Maybe have dinner, just like we always do." Have some normalcy. Enjoy their company as a family, one more time. He would also see Braeden again before the culling. He had to. "That is, unless I am needed elsewhere?" He asked his father, knowing that she may still have his duties to attend to. This was an extremely busy time, and he didn't want to neglect his job. He was still here to serve the Ark, and would until he was sent into the room and drew his last breath of air.

[Marcus Kane]

After this. Marcus gave a nod, and reached forward to touch Bellamy's shoulder in support. It would not be easy to tell his mother. It would be rather hard in fact, to tell the woman that had raised you and cared for you more then herself that it was now your turn and you would die for her. "Speak to your grandmother too, it will be hard for her, but she should know as well. I will close by, or there if you need support for anything." And for his mother and wife. They would need him afterwards. He had to be strong for them and for his son now . . . and he wasn't sure he had that much strength with in him. "I was hoping to just spent time with my family. Maybe have dinner, just like we always do." Marcus tried to smile at that, "I would like nothing better."

"That is, unless I am needed elsewhere?" That wasn't his choice any longer. The moment Bellamy volunteered he was no longer an officer but a citizen doing this of his own free will. "I did not know if you had plans with your--with Braeden." He had almost called her 'Bellamy's friend' but did not want to make Bellamy think he was dismissing her again. "You will not need to report in to the guard for anything. Your time should be your own. I only need a recommendation for who to take . . . . who for to take your place. I will not ask you to do more. I rather you spend this time with your mother. and the family."

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Marcus Kane

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

A strong comfort rushed through Bellamy as his father placed his hand on his shoulder. A gesture of support. He told him that he should speak to his grandmother and Bellamy gave a small nod at that. "I intend to," he assured him. His mother, father and grandmother were the only blood relatives he had here and he planned on speaking to each of them rather than them finding out from someone else . . . or when the culling was taking place.

It may be easier, to not have that idea of death looming, but it was not fair. Everyone else who had volunteered were getting their affairs in order, and spending time with their loved ones. Bellamy gave a small smile when his father told him that he wouldn't like anything better than tht, pointing out that he wasn't sure if he had plans with Braeden. He seemed to have been starting to say something else . . . but his chosen words to speak confirmed his acceptance of the relationship. "I'll be seeing her again before the culling," Bellamy explained. He would have to tell her of this, situation and asy a final goodbye to her.

Marcus then told him that he would not need to report to the guard. That his time was his own. "Thank you," Bellamy stated gratefully. "I know this is a busy time for you and your attention will be demanded in multiple places, but I would also very much like to spend what time I can with you." As a family. He knew that this was an extremely chaotic time for his father, and Bellamy wouldn't be assisting with anything anymore . . . but he wanted to spend time with his father too. He didn't want to miss that opportunity, one last time. "In terms of a recommendation . . . I think we both know who would be an excellent candidate for the position." Bellamy wasn't just saying it because he was in love with her.

She was strong, capable, resourceful, hardworking, and so many other things that would make a fine officer in his position. "She has all the qualities to make her mroe than qualified," Bellamy added on. He could separate his emotions from this, surely he could see it from an unbias perspective. But in addition to all this, she would need it. Something to focus on. And where she couldn't on him or her father, she would at least have a strong, promising career. A career that he knew was important to her . . . though the guilt weighed heavily as her recent words played in his mind: her willingness to give it up for him.

[Marcus Kane]

"I intend to," Bellamy told him when Marcus had told him to go tell his mother--Bellamy's grandmother. He knew they were close, and worried how this would affect the older woman. It was never easy to loose a love one, but Vera had really loved Bellamy, and Bellamy in turn adored his grandmother. "You should mention Braeden to her. It might help her knowing that you cared for someone." Had gotten to experience that. But he would never know the love of having a son, and Marcus felt that loss for him as well.

He took a deep breath as Bellamy begin talking about Quinn. "I'll be seeing her again before the culling," Marcus nodded, knowing that while his son's time was limited that he would have to share that time with another. Had he not already known about her, he would have wondered where this came from--but the signs had been there for a while and he did know his son well. He knew he was in love. He was grateful that he had found someone, but wished (for the first time) that rules were different. "I know this is a busy time for you and your attention will be demanded in multiple places, but I would also very much like to spend what time I can with you." That made him smile, but it was a sad one. "The Ark will have to make do without me then. Because there is no where else I'd rather be."

"In terms of a recommendation . . . I think we both know who would be an excellent candidate for the position." Marcus nodded again, but didn't say anything until Bellamy was finished. "She has all the qualities to make her more than qualified," He wasn't sure he agreed, but ti was mostly because he had never see her in action. Not that he didn't trust his son, but in this case, he would have to trust him. "I think your last order of business should be the write her recommendation then. It might help her later when she receives it and see's that this was what you wanted."

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Marcus Kane

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Marcus told him that he should tell her about Braeden. That was definitely something Bellamy planned to do. Because he wanted Vera to know, and he didn't want Braeden to be alone. Just because he wouldn't be here, nor her father, didn't mean that she would have no family. "I will," he confirmed. He gave a small smile when his father explained to him that the Ark would have to make do for he didn't want to be anywhere else. That filled Bellamy with relief, that he was going to have that time with his father, with his family. Hell, he needed it. He needed to be close to them.

He wanted to spend every second he could with them . . . for the culling was not long. "I will make sure it's done," he assured his father. "She may be, resistant at first, but it'll be good to give her something to focus on." Bellamy paused for a moment. "Especially since her father has also volunteered for the culling. I don't want her to feel alone." It was another subtle request that his father keep an eye on her, make sure she was alright. He knew that things had been awkward ever since her father found them in the positions he did . . . but he had a strong feeling that awkwardness would be lay to rest with Bellamy.

[Marcus Kane]

"I will make sure it's done," Bellamy was talking about the recommendation, and Marcus knew that it would help her if she saw that it came from Bellamy rather then himself. "She may be, resistant at first, but it'll be good to give her something to focus on." He was assuming that, but he didn't know the girl well enough to know what to expect. "Especially since her father has also volunteered for the culling. I don't want her to feel alone." He paused for a moment, not sure how to respond to that, but not wanting Bellamy to worry about things when he had so little time left.

"Then we will make sure she is aware that we have family dinners every week, and that she will always have a place at the table." Marcus told him, not sure how his wife would react to the news but surely she would be welcoming of anyone Bellamy loved. He knew his mother would. "Even if we have to remind her every so often." The words were hard to say, because Marcus knew that there were four chairs at the table, and she would be sitting in Bellamy's. "I pro-omise." He told his son, his voice faltering slightly.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Marcus Kane

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy gave a small nod of acknowledgement . . . and gratitude. Mainly gratiude, toward his father accepting her. Bellamy loved her, and knew that she was the woman he would have wanted to spend the rest of his life with. It didn't matter now, or at least as far as planning their future was concerned . . . but his love for her was enough for his father to take care of her. To offer their family for her should she ever need one. And he hoped she would take advantage of that. As far as she knew, she believed she was going to be part of the culling.

But when Bellamy delivered the news of it being otherwise, he could at least offer her this. He noticed the way his father's voice caught, and he hated putting him through this, even if it wouldn't change his mind. Bellamy reached forward and tightly hugged his father, closing his eyes once again. "Thank you." For everything. For raising him to be the man he was today. For being his strength. His inspiration. Everything that epitomized what a father should be. Bellamy was lucky. Extremely blessed. "I could never asked nor hoped for a better father." He never once felt unloved. Uncared for. He had always had everything he'd wanted. A future would be the first he was deprived of, something he was depriving himself of. But it was through his family's strength that he became the man he was now. He tried to focus on that strength, but he felt the sting of tears in his eyes, and did all he could to withhold them. He didn't want to cry. Not right now. Not like this.

[Marcus Kane]

"I could never asked nor hoped for a better father." Marcus felt his chest hurt, and the pricks of emotion in the back of his mouth. Pulling his son into a hug, he tightened his hold as if this alone would keep him there. Marcus wasn't an emotional man, but he could feel his eyes begin to water, thought nothing spilled out. He blinked a few times and it cleared, but before this was done he knew that he would break. Bellamy had wanted his to stay alive for the people of the Ark but what use would he be to them? He would not be half as strong when he lost his son. He wouldn't be half as anything.

Marcus took a deep breath and pulled back from the hug. It took him a few moments before he could speak, so he gave Bellamy a nod; before clearing his throat. He didn't want to have the last memories that Bellamy had of him to be of weakness, and him breaking down. He wanted his son to have faith in him and that he would take care of everyone in his absence. "Nor I a better son. I love you, Bellamy. Never forget that."

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Marcus Kane

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Feeling his father's strength, caused him derive his own from that source. But . . . it was hard. So very hard. He wanted to be here with him. He didn't have doubt in his decision, but how the hell did one say goodbye? He never thought his death would be like this. Sudden death was almost better. No preperation, no warning, no pain of saying goodbye. Was that easier? Was it better not knowing? Wouldn't it save one this time of grief, fearing what was to come . . . fearing the aftermath of it? Bellamy just didn't know anymore.

He didn't fear dying. He feard seeing the tears in his father's eyes. In Braeden's eyes. In his mother's eyes. In his grandmother's eyes. He didn't want to see them, but it wasn't about what he wanted. He just hated that he was the cause of them. He heard his father tell him he loved him, and those were the words that threatened to break the damn. Keeping his eyes closed, Bellamy felt a single tear roll down his cheeks, knowing he should be stronger than this . . . but he wasn't. Clearly he wasn't. He swallowed back any other sign of emotions, slightly clenching his jaw, hoping that single tear would be the last, just as it was the first.

He quietly sniffed as he drew his head back to look at his father, a slight tremble in his lip as he used what inner strength he had to keep his face from twisting into an expression that would indicate any further tears. He couldn't do that to his father. To anyone. "I love you too, dad," he told him, his voice filled with sincerity, the words coming out more steady than he would have expected them to considering his emotional state. "I hope you don't forget that." That he would remeber. Remember him. He returned the words, for it was Marcus' memory that would last . . . not Bellamy's. Sometimes leaving this world was easier than having to endure life without a loved one. And perhaps, that was partly what he feared for his family.

[Marcus Kane]

"I love you too, dad," Marcus had seen his tear, and he broke his heart. He didn't want to give up his son because he had failed to find something to fix the Ark. They never should have floated Jake Griffin; they should have locked him away and only allowed him to work on the Ark. Then they never would have gotten to this. Even though he had disapproved of the idea then, he had not been out spoken about it--now he wished he would have raised hell and gotten his way. Then maybe the smartest man he knew would have kept his son live.

"I hope you don't forget that." He never would. "I can still remember when you first said it too me, when you were so small." Marcus told him, his voice full of regret, and loss, and love. "I will not forget it. Never doubt in that, son." Bellamy would always be the greatest accomplishment he ever did in his life, and also be the biggest regret since his failures brought them all to this. Marcus has pushed for a culling, and he was all too aware that ever word had brought him closer to his son's death. "My only regret for you is that you never knew the honor, and love of what being a father means. Because having you for a son is the great honor I have ever had."

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Marcus Kane

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy softly smiled at his father's words, having remembered the first time Bellamy said them to him. "I feel like I haven't said it enough," he admitted to him. He supposed it was natural, to hold such regrets prior to the time of one's death, but that didn't make it easier to accept. He never felt anything less than loved by his family. Marcus assured him that he would never forget it, and not to doubt that. It provided him unimaginable comfort, though he never doubted his father. He supposed just hearing the words made him feel at ease, taking solace in that fact. His regret was one that caused Bellamy to clench his jaw, fighting back the emotions.

Hearing him say that his greatest honor was being a father. "Well I at least know the honor of being your son. That in itself is the greatest one I can imagine." He knew nothing of being a father . . . hell he hadn't even considered it until he'd fallen in love with Braeden. Nor was it something that the two of them had discussed previously. He wondered what would happen, if he left her with a child. Though, the possibility of that was extremely slim. "I'm just sorry I couldn't give you the honor of being a grandfather as well," he said, a half assed attempt of a joke, though really, it just tugged at his heart . . . knowing he was depriving him of both a son and a grandchild.

[Marcus Kane]

"I feel like I haven't said it enough," Marcus felt the same. He wished it had been a daily thing. Like when Bellamy was younger and you reminded children every night before they went to bed. He never should have stopped that. It had seemed as Bellamy got older that they more assumed the other one knew, rather then saying it out loud. "Well I at least know the honor of being your son. That in itself is the greatest one I can imagine." Marcus felt the emotion close his throat and he had to force himself to take a deep breath to breathe around it.

"I'm just sorry I couldn't give you the honor of being a grandfather as well," Marcus shook his head no, "There is nothing I would change about you, son." He wished Bellamy had known it, but he was also grateful. He did not wish any child to loos a father to this, and knowing that at least this way Bellamy didn't have another person to say goodbye too--still, he would have lose a grandson. A child to hold after he lost him. Something to see Bellamy in as the child grew. Maybe he would chance that. If he could, maybe he would wish a son for his son; for purely selfish reasons.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Marcus Kane

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy felt his heart swell with pride and honor . . . but also that sadness and pain, over hearing his father's words. He had never once felt unworthy but he always wanted to make his father proud. It was why him finding out about Braeden the way he had was something Bellamy had wanted to apologize for . . . something that he had wished hadn't hapepned the way he did. Though at the same time, was glad his father now knew. Knowing that if he didn't, Bellamy would have told him now. Speaking of telling people things . . .

"I should go talk to mom," Bellamy stated, already dreaing that conversation, just as he dreaded the one with his father now. "I'll go to grandmother after," he explain. If the conversation was anything like the one he had with his father, then he would be with his mom for some time. Would it be easier for Vera to just go there? He would seek her out either way. He hadn't been sure if he should have told everyone at once, or if this was better, telling them individually. He felt like this was, and hoped that he wouldn't be proved wrong in that. "Thank you," Bellamy reiterated, unable to say that enough. "I'll see you soon." Because once Marcus had everything he needed to sort out, Bellamy wanted to spend whatever time he could with him. With his family.

[Marcus Kane]

Marcus pulled his son into a hug, knowing it was the last for a little while; but that he had to allow Bellamy to explain this to other people he loved. "If you need me, I will be there." He promised, knowing that he would give his wife and son an hour to talk before joining them. As Marcus slowly let his son go, he felt a Sharpe pain of loss in his chest--and knew this was only going to get worse. "I love you, son." Even though he had just said it, he wanted it known still. With that Marcus let him go so he could leave to tell his mother.

Marcus stayed there for a moment, but couldn't be alone. He couldn't just sit there, or he'd break down. He had to keep moving. After a visit tot he radio room, and the Engineers--a last attempt at seeking hope--he went to visit his mother. She could tell that something was wrong, but in her own way she knew never to ask. She just gave comfort when she could. She was busy readying some things to give comfort the the families that were loosing people--and he couldn't bring himself to tell her that they would be one of the many.