The Lies We Told Ourselves, VS The Lies We Told Each Other

[Roma Bragg]

What the hell? Roma had just heard the rumors, and was seeking out the one person who could confirm them. It had been a few days since she had saw Bellamy, but now she knew why! He was luck he was not dead! Roma was SO furious at him, but at the same time she knew that he really valued family and knew he had to be hurting. She wasn't sure if she was going to kill him or hug him--or hug him then kill him. Either one was an option now. She knew this meant he was no longer a guard--he would never be able to do anything worth while now, because he would always have this over his head.

Which also pissed her off cause DAMN IT she wanted him to be the one that got her out of this life! They could have had it all! He was perfect! She had fallen in love with him and it would have been perfect! Yet apparently not too perfect!

Taking a few deep breaths, she knocked on his door. After a few moments she did it again. It wasn't until he answered that her mood went from angry at him, to hurt for him. She took one look at him and knew that she couldn't be angry right now at him. Later she would decide what this meant for them, but right now she couldn't do anything but step forward and hug him. She wanted to comfort him first. He was still her friend, first and foremost. She could be there for him. This might complicate everything, but she didn't want to see him hurting.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Roma Bragg

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy had thought life was difficult before. Well, it was hell right now. He had lost his mother. Lost his sister -- though he had hardly given up on trying to get her out of the Skybox. But they weren't here. Neither of them were here. Neither of them were safe. Aurora was dead. He had killed her. He had been so irresponsible and compromised the safety of his family. He'd failed them. Words could not describe the guilt he felt. Bellamy was currently laying on the ground, next to the spot that they would hide Octavia. He was staring at the ceiling, lying there, practically wanting the Ark to swallow him up. To release him into the universe. He deserved no less than to be floated. And yet, he wasn't. Instead, it was the others who were punished, when this was all his fault.

He hadn't heard the first knock on the door. Or maybe he did but he just didn't care. He continued to lay there, trying to pretend that Octavia was under the floor. That she was near him. This was how he spent most of his days. Lying here. Doing nothing. Feeling numb. He had been fired from the Cadets and any hope of being a guardsman. He'd been offered the position of a janitor, and had idly taken it. His food rations had been cut. But none of this mattered to him. He had failed. He failed his mother and his sister. The second knock prompted him to get up off of the ground, not even realizing he was moving until he opened the door, revealing Roma.

She caused a whole other wave of emotions to stir. He'd let himself get close to someone, and it had made him reckless. She was not to blame. He was. This was all his fault. He'd fallen for the woman who now stood before him . . . and it had cost him. He hadn't been able to protect his own family; how could he protect anyone else? He didn't deserve anyone to care about him. He said nothing, but then, he didn't have to. She reached out and hugged him. It made him feel even more guilty for he felt a semblance of comfort from her embrace. The needed physical contact. He was greedy right now; selfishly allowing himself to hold her. His arms even eventually returning the embrace as he wrapped his arms around her. He lowered his head a little, nestling it aganst the crook of her neck. "What are you doing here?" He asked, not pulling away from the hug, yet nor could he stop the bluntly phrased words.

[Roma Bragg]

"What are you doing here?" It had taken him a bit longer then she had expected to return her hug, but then he had embraced her and even lowered his head to her neck. She knew he was hurting, and it hurt her to know it. She wasn't sure about their future, and she hated that he'd done this to them, but right now she didn't care. Maybe she would later, but right now she just wanted to help him feel better. Reaching out she pushed his door shut, and then moved the hand to rest on the back of his head. "I just found out." She told him, surprised that the anger was out of her tone for now.

"I came to make sure you were still alive." Because a part of her had also been afraid he had been floated as well. She knew she loved him because that thought had nearly made her panic. There was a big choice before her, and she wasn't sure she was ready to make it. Yet right now, there was no choice. "I needed to see you." To see him alive and alright. To know they had not floated him too. Why she didn't know but why could be asked later! She was just grateful for it, for now.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Roma Bragg

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She had just found out. Bellamy hadn't told anyone. He knew that it would get out. That others would find out. He just wasn't in the mood to inform them of what had happened. Some things were too painful to say to others. She added on that she had come to make sure he was still alive. Physically he supposed he was. But mentally, emotionally . . . he felt dead. She wasn't sure what she was feeling right now, and was even less sure that he had the capability to ask. He only continued to know that allowing himself this comfort was selfish.

He should send her away. Tell her to leave. She was the person that he'd come closest to have a relationship with. But not anymore. He couldn't do that to her. He had already failed everyone else that was most important to him. He feared she would fall into this pattern as well. "Well I am," he answered, saying that he was still alive. "So you should go." But he didn't mean it. No. What he really wanted to tell her, was that he needed to see her too. His words betrayed both his actions and what was left of his heart. For he still had his arms wrapped around her. He hadn't even noticed until well after the fact that she had shut the door. He leaned back so that he could look at her, needing to see her.

For he knew that this could be the last time they were together. This could be the last time he was selfish enough to grant himself the luxury and privilege of companionship. This kind of companionship anyone; with someone he genuinely cared about. She should hate him. Damn, it would be so much easier if she hated him. "I'm sorry." There was a lot he was apologizing for, some of which perhaps didn't even make sense right now. But he needed to say it to someone who was relevant. He could no longer say it to his mother. He couldn't say it to Octavia. Roma was the only other woman that he felt enough for to need to say it. So it came out. Though he couldn't even tell what sort of tone it was spoken in.

[Roma Bragg]

"Well I am," He told her and Roma squeezed him tighter. "So you should go." And then she loosened her hold, as her shoulders tightened. Was he really sending her away? Though he didn't let go of her he just held onto her. Which was why she didn't leave either. She just held him, wondering what was happening for a few moments until he spoke again, and she thought she understood. He wanted to be alone, but he didn't. "I'm sorry." For almost sending her away? For keeping his sister from her?

That night at the dance, he had said he wanted her to meet someone, and she had never gotten the chance because of the solar flair. Now she understood why he had panicked and left. Part of her wished he had trusted her, but the other part was glad he didn't. Siblings were one of the more dangerous of crimes. "That night at the dance. When it all went wrong. She was who you were trying to get me to meet? Your sister?" She wanted to know if he had been trying to get her that close to his family. That would have met he felt something toward her, and right now she needed to know. Everything had been so perfect before this! How would things have been different if he'd not had this secret over him?

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Roma Bragg

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She was asking him a difficult question. He would have loved to introduce them. He would have loved for his sister to have met the woman he was falling for. But it was that recklessness that had cost them all. It had cost him his mother's life. And Octavia's. "It doesn't matter," he said, unable to get into a conversation about it. It just . . . hurt too much. He had been so hapy that night. He had found a way to get his sister out of their apartment. He had been able to see Roma. The joy and excitement he felt had been incomparable. But just as he felt all that happiness, they'd been hit with the other extreme. Fear. Panic. Pain. "I shouldn't have brought her there," he said, slightly shaking his head.

"It was a mistake." To say the least. He had risked the lives of his entire family. How was it right that he was the only one who would live?! When he was the one who deserved to die above all others. He wasn't going to try to justify his actions. He didn't know where things would have been going with Roma, but he knew now. Circumstances had changed. He couldn't fail someone eles he cared about. He didn't know how to feel anything for anyone after losing his mother and in a matter of a couple of years, Octavia too. "She's my sister. She was my responsibility." Words he had failed in fulfilling.

[Roma Bragg]

"It doesn't matter," It did to her. "I shouldn't have brought her there," THAT they could both agree on! What had he been thinking?! She didn't plan to ever say that allowed to him, but she thought it was a dumb move! Hiding a person was a dumb move--but if you had to hid someone then letting them out was a worse move. "It was a mistake." But not one she was going to make him feel worse over, but nor was she going to tell him it wasn't a mistake. "You can't change what happened. It will do you no good right now to obsess over what might have happened if things were different." She reminded him, knowing it would not stop him from dwelling on the past, her tone soft.

"She's my sister. She was my responsibility." Wasn't she her mother's too? Was this was brothers were? Someone who protected you and did everything for you? She always wished she had one, but didn't want to live in a floor so she dismissed that. "Tell me how i can help." She asked of him, "I want to help you, Bellamy, but I don't know how." In all her 16 years she had never known someone who had lost so much all at once. Never anyone she cared enough about to comfort them afterwards. And she cared for him--loved him--and she wanted to help him feel better. Even if it was just a little bit better. Food? Tea? Something?

It was then she realized she have done anything for him. Would do anything for him. And that was frightening.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Roma Bragg

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She was right. It would do no good, but that didn't mean he could just stop obsessing over it. The events of that day replayed over and over again in his mind. And each time, he felt like he was reliving it. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw images of Octavia getting caught, of his mother getting floated . . . of Octavia getting floated. Knowing, there wasn't anything he could do to stop it. Or save them. Things should not have been like this. They should have been different. It took him longer than usual to realize she was talking to him, offering to help. What could she do? It was him who was so scared of hurting her, and losing her.

He couldn't destroy another life, when he had destroyed his entire family. She wanted to help him. He should help her by telling her to leave. He should push her away. Now. For good. She should have nothing to do with him. But instead of voicing any of this, he just looked at her. The words would not come out. He was a damn coward. Because instead of saying any of this, he leaned forward, as if to kiss her but paused when their lips were mere inches apart. He closed his eyes, trying to blind himself to the reality of his life now and just focus on the woman before him. She wanted to help? She wanted to do something to help? "Make me feel something other than pain." Make him feel alive. One more time. One last time.

[Roma Bragg]

She waited for him to reply, and he finally did, saying the last thing she expected but the best thing she could give him. "Make me feel something other than pain." She reached for his shirt, and pulled it over his head before stepping closer, and softly placing her lips over his heart. She was beginning to see what he was really meaning to her, and a part of her wanted to tell him now, but the other part knew she needed to understand it better on her part before she could think about what this means for them.

Her kiss on his chest moved up to his collar bone, and then his neck, and jawline, then the corner of his lips. "I can give you that." She whispered, before taking his lips in a kiss. She'd let him hint to how he needed it--Bellamy had shown her many ways of needing it--fast, slow, soft or almost hurting. She had loved them all, but tonight was about him, and this could be whatever he needed from her. "Whatever you need of me, Bellamy, tonight all you have to do it take it. I can be whatever you need me to be." A whisper between kisses!

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Roma Bragg

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

The moment he had said the words, she began to lift his shirt off -- a gesture that he was all too welcoming of as he raised his arms to make it easier. She then moved her lips to touch his chest, over his heart -- the fact that he felt something stir on it was the only evidence he had that it was not completely broken. That there were at least fragments of it left. He closed his eyes, holding onto that, basking in that. Wanting to -- as he had already expressed to her -- feel something apart from pain.

She was allowing him to do that, and this was just the beginning. She told him that she could give him that, and she definitely. Each spot that her lips had touched left a warm sensation as he body filled with it -- including desire for her. He didn't even want to think of the aftermath of their actions -- knowing what had to be done. He just wanted to be with her. In every sense of the word. He returned the kiss, deepening it, showing no ounce of hesitation or uncertainty.

He wanted this, he wanted her. And he was making that very clear in the way his mouth moved against her own. She pulled away only to tell him that he had to take whatever he needed from her; that she would be whatever he needed her to be. He didn't deserve this. He knew that. And yet, he couldn't stop himself. He would hate himself later for it. But not right not. Self loathing and hatred were currently set on the back burner.

Instead, he embraced the passion and all other emotions he felt for Roma. His lips went to her neck, kissing along it as his hands went to her shirt as he started to remove the layer of fabric. "I just want you," he spoke against her skin. He knew what she meant by her statement, allowing him that liberty to take her as he pleased. But really, he just wanted her. Whatever form and sense of the word he could have her. His breathing became heavier, needing more as he tossed her shirt to the side. His hand trailed to the back of her head, tangling his fingers into her hair as his lips hungrily went to hers again, gently pressing her head against him, kissing her deeply, passionately, letting all his emotions pour into this action, only half realizing that he was moving them toward the table.

[Roma Bragg]

He only needed her. That was all he had ever asked of her. They'd never actually said they were a a couple. They had always just met up and fooled around. The few times they were with others, it was just assumed they'd sit together or hang out together. But they'd never said, we're together or explained what they met to each other. She had been fine with that. She was young and she had time. Yet now, the more she realized what he meant to her, the more she wanted that conversation. Not now, they had time. He was hurting, and it could wait. She'd tell him how she felt later, and only think about him tonight. Maybe in the morning. Maybe that would help him feel better.

He pulled her shirt off, and her hands went to pull her bra off, tossing it to the side--for the first time not caring about the fabric. This went beyond wrinkles, and unkempt clothing. This was about him, and her. When her back hist the table, her lips twitched at where he had taken her, but she didn't laugh. Her hands went to her pants, and pulled the laces out enough to drop them and use her feet to push out of them before she moved her hands to his. The feeling of his fingers in her hair was wonderful. He was one of the few she allowed to touch her hair, and had learned early on that it was pointless to try to keep it neat while in bed with him.

As she got them loose, Roma pushed them down, and lowered so she was on her knees before him--a place she had never allowed herself to be before--and took him into her mouth. While she had done this for him before it had never been when she was on her knees. So many firsts. Promises she had made herself were getting broken.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Roma Bragg

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy felt more than saw her remove her pants and then proceed to unfasten his. He didn't want to think about anything right now. He wanted to be numbed from the pain, and she was doing a fantastic job of doing that. She pulled down his pants and suddenly felt the deprivation of her lips against his. He opened his eyes to see that she was on her knees and only a second later, he felt the overpowering sensation of her taking him into her mouth.

He sharply inhaled before letting out a heavy breath from the pure pleasure of it. The easing of that aching desire he had for her. One hand went to the back of her head, while the other gripped the edge of the table. He squeezed his eyes shut, his breathing growing more heavy. This wasn't right. Why was he deriving all the pleasure? What made him deserve it? He didn't. He wanted to know that he could pleasure another woman.

That he could bring someone something other than pain. If this was going to be their last time together . . . he wanted it to be just that: together. With his hand on the back of her head, he gently pulled her back, turning himself a little so that he withdrew from between her lips. The action hurt, physically, to be climbing down from that building feeling without satisfaction. But compared to the rest of the pain he was feeling, that was hardly anything.

It took him a few moments to compose himself, to try and figure out what exactly he wanted when he knew he deserved nothing. But nor did he want any awkwardness between them from his possibly perceived rejection of her. It was not at all a rejection. He needed to show her that. He pulled her up, hungrily kissing her as he turned her and slightly lifted her up so that she was seated at the edge of the table. He parted her legs, standing in between them, a fervent desire and ravenous passion in the way his mouth moved against hers.

[Roma Bragg]

He pulled her up and she was confused at first--is this not what men liked?--but he soon showed her what he wanted instead. Roma kissed him back, almost trying to tell him how she felt in the feavored kiss! Yet she still would not speak the words right now, when he had too much else to deal with. "I ache," She whispered to him, telling him she ached for him between her legs!

He had lifted her up to put her on the table, making her feel small and light weight! Like it was effortless for him to do it to her. "I need you," too, her unspoken word would have suggested it was more then sex, even though spoken how she did make it sound like it was just sex. It wasn't. Not any more. Her hand moved to his manhood and aimed him to where she needed, before she pulled on his hip with her other hand to pull him into her. She let out a soft groan turned sigh as his thickness stretched her, easing some of the ache in an instant.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Roma Bragg

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She told him that she ached; that she needed him. And damn, he needed her too. So badly. More than he could admit. He didn't deserve anyone needing him, not when he had failed so many people. Or well, two people but the most important people in his entire life. He knew that his relationship with Roma had to end; that he couldn't allow himself the pleasure and happiness he felt when he was with her. But not right now. Right now, he was just too consumed with his need for her.

It was all he could focus on. She guided him to her, and with her own hips moving in sync, he pushed into her. He let out a breathy grunt of pleasure at the sensation of being inside of her, one that he wanted to bask in and enjoy . . . for this was the last time he could allow himself it. He thrust into her again, and again, already building a steady rhythm. He nipped her bottom lip for a moment, before kissing along her cheek to her neck, teasing the skin, as he distracted his mouth with her rather than letting out any sounds of the pleasure coursing through him. His hands gripped her waist, moving her along with his strong thrusts, though he knew that she didn't need his guidance. She was already quite experienced as it were.

[Roma Bragg]

Every time he pounded into her she felt it deep in her cervix. His trusting hitting all the right places to make each one shoot little arrows of pleasure up her spine, and before it could reach the stop he had another one going! She grasped at his arms and shoulders to try and find balance or something to anchor herself to him, but this was different then before. Heightened. Emotional.

The sounds echoed in the small room. Her labored breathing, their bodies wetly coming together and apart. The table moving slightly from his force. Roma squeezed her eyes closed as she tried to hold back, and make it last. She wasn't ready to climax yet. She wanted this moment to last forever! One of her hands went to the back of his neck, and she held on from there, and it slowly slide up to tangle and cling into his curls. She moaned, and it came out almost more of a cry, or whisper as it was becoming too much for her.