Tomorrow Never Knows

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She told him that he would do and he flashed her a bit of a sarcastic smile at that. He was appreciative of the tease, of the way the mood between them had shifted. Trying to move forward, rather than dwell in the past. Trying to focus on the thing they had in common; the life they had created together. She then expressed her doubt that he was her number one choice as well. "I never had a number one choice," he told her truthfully, his tone sounding indifferent to that. People who had a preference for someone to be the mother of their child . . . were those who were in relationships with women. Who were committed to them; who had that romantic relationship with them.

While Bellamy was committed to others, he had never been in love. He had never been with someone to allow himself the hope for children, or the hope of any sort of intimate future with them. She then told him that Abby was probably a litlte worried about how she had just run off. "I'm sure she understands," Bellamy reassured her. He imagined the news was shocking. "At least we don't have to apply for a permit or anything." It was an attempt of a joke, but his tone didn't make it sound as such. Because . . . it was true. A hidden child was what had consumed Bellamy's life. Down here, his and Raven's child could be born without that fear or uncertainty about being condemned for simply existing.

This was a chance for a new life, a fresh start . . . and this child marked the start of the next generation of their people here on Earth. Raven's actions caused Bellamy to pause, not reacting at first as she hugged him. Then, slowly, he wrapped his arms around her to return the embrace. He even found himself closing his eyes. The last time he had held her was when she watched Finn die. At least this time . . . the motivations were very different. The dynamic was different. He could tell she felt awkward after she pulled away from him and he wasn't going to make it more uncomfortable for her. "It is," he said with a slight, half smile, not sugar coating what morning sickness entailed.

"But whatever happens these next few months, will be worth it when you hold that baby in your arms for the first time." Pregnancy wasn't easy. He obviously as a male didn't experience it, but he had seen what his mother went through. And at least Raven wouldn't be alone. At least she didn't have to hide it. She was allowing him to be a part of it, and he would not take that for granted. "Hormones are gonna make you do a hell of a lot more than just hug," he teased. "Especially with your attitude," a further, playful tease toward her. Truth be told, he admired Raven. For all that she was. Strong. Independent. Determined. Just to name a few. His words were also a way to alleviate any discomfort, since both of them weren't exactly good at articulating their emotions and sentiment.

[cherry1]

"I never had a number one choice," That was…interesting. But not surprising. Raven hadn’t really thought much about it. Sure she’d heard about Bellamy and his various…escapades. Hell, that’s what got them into this mess in the first place. But she’d never really considered the fact that none of them seemed to last. The only constant relationship she’d noticed Bellamy have was the one he had with Octavia. It made her feel, special almost. Or at least less pressured to live up to any previous expectations he had. And by his words, Bellamy sounded like he’d never had an opportunity to build any expectations at all.

She gave a half-hearted smile at his joke about getting a permit. Only it didn’t really feel like a joke. Because Raven really was grateful that things were different here than on the ark. Where minor crimes would get you executed or locked up. Like her mother, like Bellamy’s sister. It was one of the few benefits of being on the ground. She supposed this was the first real opportunity for her to feel that after all the trauma they’d suffered through to get here. Maybe, with the arrival of this baby, she’d finally feel like it was worth it.

Scratching her head, Raven avoided eye contact with Bellamy. She wasn’t being very subtle in showing her discomfort at her random expression of gratitude, but she felt glad he wasn’t as obviously uncomfortable. They were only just starting to act normal about all this, keeping the atmosphere easy. But no, she had to throw a hug in there and mess that all up. And then he did it again. Mentioning how it would feel to hold her baby for the first time. “Our baby.” Her face beamed at the thought, a grin spreading across her face. God damn these hormones. She had to consciously stop herself from going in for another damn hug.

“You’ll be doing a lot of the holding too.” She added. “And feeding, and bathing, and nappy changing…” she teased, giving him a pointed look at the last point before smirking. When in reality she was getting excited about doing all those things too. She laughed at his comment about her hormones, grateful for the ease in tension about the subject. “Uhh, what’s that supposed to mean?” She asked, a playful grin on her features. “Careful with your words Bellamy, I might be pregnant but that doesn’t mean I can’t still kick your ass.”

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Our baby. Yes, he quite liked the sound of that. When she smiled like that, her face positively beaming, he couldn't help but think how damn beautiful she looked. Raven had been through hell in ways that no one could understand. So to see her smile like that, genuinely smile . . . she looked breathtaking. Bellamy hoped that it was just the start of many more smiles like that. She deserved it. Finding her piece of heaving in this world of hell. He playfully rolled his eyes when she spoke of doing a lot of the changes, though it was clear that Bellamy didn't mind in the slightest.

He had done it for Octavia and would be damn proud to do it for their child too. "You won't find me complaining about that," he assured her, having considered teasing the subject but instead, he decided to further display his commitment to their unborn child, and to Raven. "Speaking of which, we'll need to start getting the supplies ready." They would need a stable crib, makeshift diapers, clothing, all that jazz. But fortunately, they had time.

He couldn't help but smile with amusement when she questioned what he meant by that, and then spoke of how she could still kick his ass despite being pregnant. "I don't doubt it," he told her almost mockingly -- though knew she could be quite feisty. He liked that about her. Her strength. "But why don't you save that fire and kick my ass another day. Let me get you back to your tent. You need to get some rest." With that, he made his way to the tent flap, holding it open for her, as he waited outside, planning on escorting her to her quarters.

[cherry1]

Supplies? Already? It was all happening so fast. She’d only just found out about the baby and now she was getting ready to plan her life around it. But, no it wasn’t just her. They were planning their lives around it. Without Bellamy, Raven might have suffocated under the pressure and responsibility although she’d never admit it. Now that burden was being shared between them and she was grateful for that. More than grateful. “I hadn’t even thought that far ahead.” He was already demonstrating why it had been a good idea to tell him the truth. Hell, Bellamy was already more level headed than she was. And seeing the way her hormones were already affecting her, she had feeling she was going to need that around in these coming months....maybe it wasn't just the hormones.

"I don't doubt it," “And don’t you forget it,” she answered, smirking. Raven hadn’t realised quite how exhausted she was until he mentioned it. It had been a while since she’d properly rested and the magnitude of this news had a taken a toll on her body. There would be no more reckless staying up till dawn working, just to avoid the nightmares. Every decision she made from now on had to take the baby into account. She sighed, that was going to take some getting used to.

Following Bellamy to her quarters, she felt…strange almost. Sure they could still talk to each other but it was the little things that made her notice a difference. There was a shift in the dynamic between them. He was already more protective, even in the way he moved around her, in the way he watched her.

After he left her, she almost immediately fell asleep. Because even though she was afraid, terrified even, at least she wasn’t alone.

------------------------------2 months later------------------------------

Raven sat in the medical centre, looking out at the sun and tapping her foot on the ground, impatiently. It was almost midday, and time for her first ultrasound. They would maybe find out the sex of the baby today, Abby had told them. And most importantly check to see if it was doing alright in there. After everything she’d been through, all that trauma, that’s what concerned her the most. What if there was something wrong? It would be all her fault. Bellamy had tried to tell her otherwise. But she couldn’t help how she felt. Keeping her eyes glued to the door, she was anxious enough as it is. The least he could do was be on time. Granted she had come a tad early….okay a lot earlier. Abby wasn’t even here yet. But still. Needless to say Raven was freaking out, and she needed him here to calm her down. He was good at that. Sometimes.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy's tasks had taken longer than anticipated, which made him fully aware of the fact that he was running late to meet Raven for their first ultrasound. He had to admit, he was quite excited about it. He had never seen one before. When his mother had been pregnant with Octavia, she never had a check up for obvious reasons -- the secret of the pregnancy. So he had never known what it was like to see a child on the screen. It would be a new experience for both him and Raven. What kept him from getting there on time however was something he was making for her. Or well, their child. A crib. It had taken quite a while but today he had finally completed it. It was made with wood, and crafted with whatever tools they had accessible. He wanted to surprise her with it, having already moved it into her quarters.

Which . . . brought up another nagging question on his mind. OVer the past two months he and Raven had grown closer. They had created a life so it was enough to bond them and strengthen their friendship. With that, came Bellamy's protectiveness -- arguably over protectiveness -- he felt toward the mother of his child and their unborn baby. It made him want to bring up the subject of living arrangements, more specifically, living together. He wanted to be near her and the child as much as possible, finding it would be easier to protect them. That, and the more emotional side of him didn't want to miss a moment. It was about being there for both of them, helping to the maximum of his capabilities. He hadn't brought it up with her before . . . but today, he intended to when he took her home after the ultrasound.

Once the crib was set, he gave it a final inspection. It had pillows and blankets inside with build on padding for the baby's comfort. With final approval, Bellamy hurried out of her quarters and quickly made his way to medical bay where Raven was waiting but fortuantely . . . Abby had not gotten there yet. "I know, I know," he said, wondering if her hormones would be acting up today and was braced for it all the same. "Don't kick my ass." A reference to words she had said to him the night she revealed she was pregnant. He moved to stand next to her, his eyes falling her to stomach before returning to her face. "Abby hasn't come yet?" He questioned, hoping they hadn't prolonged it because he was late. With any luck, the doctor was running late as well.

[cherry1]

“You took your sweet time,” she said looking away to hide the small smile that appeared on her face when he asked her not to kick his ass. No she was supposed to be mad at him. “Not yet, but she will any minute now.” The equipment stood idly next to them, the machine and all of its buttons unfamiliar. Unnerving for her. It made the moment seem even more daunting. Which made Bellamy’s appearance all the more reassuring. At least they were in this together. And while Raven doubted he was any less freaked out, she could still take comfort in the solidarity.

“I’m so telling the baby you were late to the first ultrasound,” she said, scooting further back on the examination table and placing a hand on the slight bump on her abdomen. She was just starting to show. “It’ll win me points when he or she eventually decides on which one of us is their favourite.” She then proceeded to point at her chest mouthing the word ‘Me’ with a teasing smile on her face. Over the past couple months it got progressively easier to talk about the kid so casually. They’d grown closer and it made everything so much easier to deal with.

“What were you doing anyway?” Raven asked, curious. “Wait don’t tell me. You completely forgot.” A look of mock surprise appeared on her before it broke into a smile. She knew that obviously wasn’t the case. Bellamy had been great with everything so far and most importantly hadn’t bailed the first chance he got. Staying true to his word. If anything he was a little too protective. Which she had told him…on more than one occasion. But it was useless. Like talking to a brick wall.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy felt a wave of relief when Raven confirmed that Abby had not yet arrived. He may be late but at least he wasn't that late. His eyes moved over the machinery that would soon capture an image of their child. It was intriguing really. While he was no idiot and knew what an ultrasound was . . . he imagined it was a whole different set of emotions that came along with seeing your child for the first time. Their child. He looked to Raven when she spoke of how she would tell their baby about this, and thus, win points.

He playfully rolled his eyes, a slight amused smirk on his face at the tease. "Considering you'll be the hard ass out of us, you could probably afford to get some points." He was teasing of course; it was all in good humor. With how protective he had always been over Octavia and their people . . . well, a child was a whole other level of protectiveness. Just as he already was with not only their baby, but with Raven too. "I'll let you have this one." He was saying it as if he was doing her a favor, the playful tease evident in his slightly amused expression at the whole thing.

The light heartedness that now existed between them was so refreshing. This baby had given him renewed hope . . . and allowed him not to dwell on Mount Weather in ways he hadn't even thought possible. Raven then questioned what he had been doing, accusing him of forgetting. "You'd love taht wouldn't you," he joked right back. "More ammo against me." But fortunately, that hadn't been the case. And he didn't want to ruin the surprise for when he walked her back to her quarters. "I just had some things to take care of." Ambiguous, but nothing out of the ordinary. He moved to shift a little closer to her, standing directly next to her as any sign of teasing left his features, the next question a more serious -- or rather genuine -- one. "How're you feeling today?" He wondered, curious to know if the morning sickness was bad today, or what her strength level was.

[cherry1]

She laughed at his playful tease of her being the hardass out of the two of them. Unable to really deny it. In truth Raven had no idea what kind of mother she would be. It wasn’t something she ever used to think or dream about exactly. Her thoughts usually leaning rather towards what kind of mechanic she would be. But over these last few months ever since she found out about the kids existence she’d had a lot of time alone with her thoughts, mostly consumed with the child. But no matter how much she dwelled on them, there were just some things she wouldn’t know until she met him, or her. “Kind of you,” she replied with a sarcastic smile.

“Ammo is what I do,” she teased, a familiar tone of arrogance in her voice. “Might as well stock up now.” They still had a long road ahead of them before the baby was born and an even longer road still after that. "I just had some things to take care of." Things? It was pretty vague, but she thought nothing of it, not wanting to pry. It wasn’t like they were a couple or anything. They had somehow managed to keep a strange balance in their weird relationship as friends…with a baby on the way. And Raven certainly didn’t want to say or do anything to jeopardise that. It was a comfortable but potentially fragile state to be in.

But then that Bellamy would appear, the protective Bellamy with heart-warming genuine concern on his face. God, since when did she describe anything as heart-warming? She blamed it on the baby hormones, which she’d pretty much blamed any accidental show of affection on for the last couple months. It was an obvious crutch, but dammit if she had to deal with morning sickness, then she was going to use the hell out of that excuse. “Better now than yesterday.” And the day before and the day before….it had been a bad week. The nausea ruining the whole day rather than just the morning. “I’m ready to feel that stupid glow everyone talks about, right about now.”

“Hopefully now that’ll get better in your second trimester.” Raven smiled at the familiar voice coming from the door as Abby walked in. “Hey doc, you’re late,” she teased as Abby walked towards them accepting a hug from her. She wasn’t much of a hugger but she made an exception when it came to the older woman. “Sorry, lots of patients, not enough doctors.” Taking a seat between the ultrasound and Raven, Abby slowly rubbed her hands together. “Are we ready to get started?”

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy couldn't help but give a slight smirk at her words regarding the glow. "You may not feel it, but we can all see it," he assured her. It was undeniable. The way her face glowed from the pregnancy. Others had pointed it out, and it was just one of the many ways that a pregnant woman looked so beautiful. Raven had always been extremely attractive but the way her face seemed to light up . . . it was another dimension of beauty that Bellamy hadn't seen before.

Hell, that no one had considering this was her first baby. He looked toward the doctor as she entered the room, giving a small nod to her as he watched the two women embrace before she got straight to business. Which was good. Abby was extremely busy with the high demand of her skills, and considering it was just her and Jackson . . . there was a great deal that needed to get done. "Ready when you are," he assured. He looked to the machine, then to Raven's stomach and back to Abby.

"You're positive this is safe for her and the baby, right?" He knew that Abby wouldn't put either of them at risk, but at the same time . . . Bellamy had to ask. For his own peace of mind. An ultrasound on the Ark was different than one on the ground. Besides, he had never seen how one of these things worked. He didn't want it to glitch and somehow affect the baby or Raven while they were both connected to it. Bellamy didn't make a move to help Raven adjust to any position until he heard Abby's confirmation. When he did, was when he started to slightly ease his mind a bit more . . . though forever protective over both of them.

[cherry1]

Raven rolled her eyes at Bellamy’s overprotective nature, looking over at Abby apologetically. It just got worse the more pregnant she got. She was very gracious about it though, as always, as if she’d anticipated his unease. Assuring them both they had nothing to worry about. Leaving Raven to sigh in relief, letting out a breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding. Okay, so maybe Raven had been a little bit concerned about the scary looking machine too. Maybe. Though she’d never admit that to Bellamy. The man definitely needed no encouragement. But even so; there was no doubt in the trust she held for Abby and her skills. She was only person Raven could trust with this.

Taking a deep breath, Raven shuffled back as Abby switched on the ultrasound machine, the nerves really starting to set in. As if every single fear she’d ever had about the baby’s health came flooding back in one huge tidal wave of horror. She lifted her shirt, attempting a smile as Abby warned her about the cold nature of the gel. Oh god this was really happening. They were going to meet their baby. As soon as the gel touched her abdomen, Raven’s hand reached out instinctively to Bellamy’s. Threading her fingers in his, craving the contact for reassurance. She squeezed as Abby finally moved the probe across her stomach. “Okay let’s have a look shall we?” She said calmly, her doctor voice on. After a minute of panic, the thought of ‘what if there isn’t even a baby?’ crossing her mind, she finally heard it. The lightest fluttering sound. The heartbeat. “Here’s your’s baby’s head, the feet and…here is the heart, completely healthy.” Abby said, straining forward to point at the tiny thing on the screen.

This was real. They were having a kid and this was all real. But most importantly their kid was so damn “Beautiful.” she choked out, only just now becoming aware of the tears running down her cheeks. Tears of joy. And in that moment all the fears and doubts she’d held about their kid, being a good mom, if she’d be able to raise it properly just disappeared, in a moment of true bliss. There it was. The glow. She finally felt the goddamn glow. Her heart was so filled with love for this thing she’d never even met. It was the strangest feeling, looking back at Bellamy, she couldn’t help but think there was no one else in the world she’d rather be doing this with.

Everything was perf…”Wait.” That one word shattered her whole world. “Oh god, what is it? What’s wrong?” The fears rushing back. “That….right there, is another heart.” Of course. She’d been through so much physical damage it was a wonder the baby had survived. There was bound to be something wrong. Of course it had two hearts. Could it survive with two hearts? Raven had never heard of a person with two… “Raven, Bellamy, you’re having twins.”. . . . “…what?” She’d been anticipating a lot, every problem, every surprise under the sun. But twins, was not one of them. Abby continued showing them the rest of this new, surprise baby, with Raven stunned in silence the whole time. She didn’t…she wasn’t…twins?. . . . Really?! “Do you want to know the sex of the baby...sorry, babies?” She just looked at Bellamy, an almost comical look of shock ruling her features before glancing back at Abby. “But…twins?”

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

It was safe. Alright. Bellamy would have to trust that. Not that he didn't trust Abby but . . . then again, he never had to deal with a woman he'd gotten pregnant. A woman that he deeply cared about for that matter. With his mom, the situation had been completely different. At least now they were able to have access to a doctor, to supplies, to medicines, to the necessary resources. But the fear of a child on the ground . . . no. Bellamy wasn't going to dwell on that right now. It was enough to keep him up at night, but he wasn't going to panic. He wasn't going to express this fear. He would protect Raven and their child, no matter what it took. When Raven reached out for his hand, he took it with ease and the utmost readiness, giving it a gentle squeeze back as he softly smiled at her, before shifting his gaze to the screen as Abby pointed out the parts of their baby.

Bellamy was in utter awe. He just looked at the figure . . . the black and white image. Raven summed it up perfectly: beautiful. There were no words that Bellamy could find to say in this moment. He felt touched. He was going to be a father. Raven was going to be a mother. They had created a life together and while that acknowledgement had set in . . . it truly didn't fully sink in until this very moment, where he could see it for himself. He glanced at Raven, noticing the tears on her cheeks as he gave a small, gentle smile. He brought their joined hands up to his lips, lightly kissing her hand in any attempt of comfort he could give. And also perhaps gratitude. To her. For this . . . for allowing him to be a part of it. He would always believe he was so undeserving of it, of a child's love after killing so many other children. But he was selfish. Selfish with Raven, selfish with this child that they had yet to meet.

But then one single word threatened to shatter all that. Wait. The smile immediately faded from Bellamy's lips as he was thrust back into the reality of the situation. One that made sure that nothing ever went smoothly. That there was always something wrong. Concern crossed his features as Abby spoke of another heart. Their baby had two hearts? Or what, like Raven's heart? But just as quickly as one word brought up all the concern . . . another one answered it. Throwing Bellamy into another state of shock. "Twins?" He repeated, questioned. "As in . . . two babies?" Obviously Bellamy knew what twins were, but the shock prompted him to make the inquiry, rhetorically perhaps but it fell from his lips none the less.

He looked intently at the monitor, trying to process the revelation of their . . . new situation. Abby's latter question taking a few additional moments to sink in. Bellamy was still holding onto Raven's hand, finding it even more impossible now to let go. "Twins," he repeated, this time not questioning it but rather, acknowledging it . . . though only verbally. His mind still hadn't caught up with it. They were worried enough about having one . . . but two?! He turned to look at Raven, his free hand on her forehead to gently stroke her hair back. "Do you wanna know, Raven?" He asked, regarding the sex of their babyies. "It's up to you." And he would follow her lead because . . . . . . . oh my god they were having TWO babies!

[cherry1]

Raven couldn’t process her thoughts beyond the fact that they were having two unplanned babies instead of just the one. Her head was spinning, every word Abby and Bellamy saying barely registering in her head. Two. Babies. “Abby could you give us a minute,” she asked, her voice barely louder than a whisper. This was overwhelming her. The moment had changed so drastically from one of awe to one of intense shock. The tears on her face no longer of joy but of blood curdling fear and panic. “Of course I’ll be right outside when you need me.” Barely managing to keep it together, Raven kept a curt smile on her face until Abby left the room. Leaving them alone with their now two babies. Oh. Dear. God. “Bellamy,” she turned to him, no longer able to hide the panic in her tone, almost crushing his hand in hers. “I can’t do this, I can’t push two babies out of me. I was on the fence about one but now…oh god I’m not strong enough for this.”

Raven spoke in hushed tones out of shame. She was supposed to be strong to be a good mom. It was one thing to have these thoughts, but to say them out loud…“I’m a terrible person.” These babies deserved someone better. Bellamy deserved someone better. Hell she knew was broken to start with. How could she have fooled herself to think any differently. “I’m sorry,” she choked out, before wiping the tears with her free hand and looking down, still holding onto him for dear life with the other. Any other woman…every other mother was stronger than she was now. She couldn’t look him in the eye, afraid of what she’d find in his features. Disgust? Disappointment at her admission?

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Raven asked Abby if they could have a moment alone, which was of course entirely understandable. Bellamy gave a slight nod to Abby as she left the area, before his eyes fell to Raven. Her words, the panic in her features . . . and the grip she had on his hand, was all indication of the fact that she was scared. He knew that was perfectly normal of course, but he also wanted to do and say everything he could to help put her mind at ease.

He couldn't offer to carry them for her, or push them out for her. He wished he could take on all the pain and fear she was experiencing, lift the burden of them from her shoulders. If he was entirely honest . . . he too was scared. Terrified. The thought of having children, after he'd killed so many. He didn't deserve it. But right now, Raven's doubts didn't need to be met with his own. He let her finish, before keeping his gaze locked onto her. His hand not being held by her own went to her chin, gently tilting it up so that she looked at him.

"Hey," he began to say, trying to think of what to say to help put her mind at ease. Whatever words came out, he fully intended to speak them from the heart. "You Raven Reyes, are one of the strongest people I know." There was no doubt about that. He knew it, even when they butt heads early on. "You've been through hell," he acknowledged. She had gone through getting tortured, cut, drilled, shot, physical and psychological trauma from her permanent injury, and losing loved ones. "But you know what, this time, this fear you have, it's a good kind." If she wasn't afraid, Bellamy would be worried. His hand that had been on her chin, gently continued to brush away her tears.

"Whatever pain you might go through, whatever fear . . . will result in two beautiful children. And when you bring them into this world, nothing else will matter." There was something good at the end of this, unlike all the other times. "You deserve to love and be loved." He knew that she was already loved by others, but this was of a different kind. "And when you hold these two babies in your arms, you'll see. That they will love you, unconditionally. Just like you will them. That you would have created life. That you will have more reason than any before to live, and fight, and be strong . . . for them." Bellamy could only relate the experience to when his mother had Octavia. Of how determined he had been in that moment to protect her.

His hand began to stroke her forehead, offering a small smile. "You're not terrible. You're human. And fear is apart of that." A part of being human. A reminder that they were alive. "You've never given up before. On anything or anyone. Never doubt your strength or capabilities. I've seen you do the impossible. And you're damn arrogant for it most of the time," a slight tease, to attempt to help put her mind at ease. "Besides, you aren't in this alone." He was here, for her, with her.

Whatever happened, he wouldn't abandon her to do this on her own. As if to solidify that -- and perhaps without even over thinking it -- he raised her hand that had been joined with his and lightly kissed the back of her hand. "We're in this, together," he finished, looking at her with a soft but determined look. "What do you say?" He asked, wondering where her mind was at right now. What she would want to do. He couldn't force her to feel a certain way, but he could try to be there as a support . . . and was glad that she was letting him do so.

[cherry1]

Instead of the disappointment she’d expected, Raven found something else in his features when he gently tilted up her chin, forcing her to look at him. Every word he spoke chipped away at her fear bit by bit. It wasn’t gone completely. Far from it. But perhaps he was right. And this was the good kind of fear. She didn’t interrupt however, when he spoke to her strength, and she sure as hell didn’t interrupt him when he described what it would be like to love her children. Plural now.

His words overwhelmed her. No one in her life had ever seen her that way before. Raven had always had to show off her own accomplishments, wearing them like armour to prove people wrong. To prove that she was more. Raven had to make herself invincible, and since coming to the ground, relying on people for that just wasn’t an option. But with Bellamy she didn’t need that armour. With every word…he made her feel not just invincible…he made her feel beautiful. In every sense of the word. Like he honestly believed every word he said, and it wasn’t just Raven as usual…arrogantly trying to prove that she was worth something. He already thought she was worth something. She didn’t feel alone…not for one second…not with Bellamy. She had to admit…the man was damn good at giving speeches.

"What do you say?" She visibly paused, not giving him an answer as the seconds ticked by using the time to try and process everything he’d just said. Because she never wanted to forget it. Raven had learned the hard way that she had to pick herself first…carry herself independently. But now, at least for this perfect moment, Bellamy had her fully convinced otherwise. He’d somehow managed to turn the revelation of twins from one of crippling fear to one of hope. Only Raven wasn’t quite as articulate as Bellamy. She believed in actions speaking louder than words. So with that she finally released his hand from her vice like grip placing it on the back of his head before pulling him forward and leaning down to place a soft kiss…on his cheek.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely wiping away a tear, a slight look of confusion on her face at the intimacy of her display of affection. Bellamy was confusing her. Taking her other arm she held him tightly against her in a hug, burying her head in the crook of his neck. Like his arms were some kind of shield. That instead of using distance and arrogance as her armour…Bellamy could be her armour too. She hadn’t felt that way about anyone…in a long time. “I…” She began, not sure exactly how she’d intended that sentence to end. “I really needed that.” She hadn’t realised how much until he’d said it.

Letting him go she stroked his cheek for a moment, a real actual smile on her face. “You know Bellamy…you’re gonna make a hell of a dad.” It wasn’t quite as eloquent, but well Raven wasn’t exactly the eloquent type. It was however completely genuine. Before, Raven had been afraid and unsure, but now... “I…couldn’t imagine anyone else,” …being the father of her children. “I don’t want anyone else.” And she meant it. Surprising herself even as she said the words.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy watched Raven during the entirety of his little emotional speech. He and Raven weren't exactly accustomed to having these sort of conversations. Though he wanted to rectify that. He wanted to be not only a physical support to her, but an emotional one. As best as he could anyway. She deserved nothing less. The two were similar in that they bottled up their emotions, put on a brave face, acted as if things couldn't faze them . . . until it bubbled over. Expressing these things to her now, he had no idea how they would be received. He hoped, that he could at least reach into her mind and heart a little; that she would consider his words about how strong she was. But for now, all he could do was wait with bated breath, bracing for her reaction. And the way she did . . . was better than he ever could have imagined. He could see the emotion on her face, the tear that fell from her eye.

He closed his eyes when he felt the softness of her lips against his cheek in the light kiss, thanking him. He wanted to tell her she didn't have to; she never had to . . . but the sentiment of the moment, consumed him. And he couldn't bring himself to say that. He didn't want to start this kind of debate, and hell, he felt his heart swell with pride and honor, that his words resonated with her. At least a little. He wrapped his arms around her in response, taking a slow breath as he found himself basking in this wonderful feeling of holding her, and being held by her. It was . . . stronger than he could have imagined. And caused emotions within the depth of his heart to stir. He wasn't even certain how to define them. Were they the emotions of a man, who cared so deeply for the mother of his children? Or, was it something else . . . a kind of affection that Bellamy had never allowed himself to embrace? Either way, he was relishing in it, absorbing it.

"Anytime," he assured her when she said that she needed it. And he literally meant, anytime. Whenever he could be there for her, whatever he could do for her. He titled his head to the side, his lips pressed against her ear so that she could hear his next words, a whispered tone, deeper than his usual octave. "You got this," he encouraged her, no shred of doubt in his voice. Because he firmly, emphatically believed it. He paused for a moment, before continuing. Or rather, correcting himself. "We got this." Because they were a team. There was no 'I' or 'you'. It was 'they' and 'we'. When they drew back enough to make eye contact, Bellamy found himself momentarily distracted by her smile. Damn, she looked so beautiful when she smiled like that. A bright, radiating smile; extra glow from her pregnancy. Her hand on his cheek wasn't helping him feel any less . . . mesmerized by her. He had never considered Raven in this way, but now that he was starting to . . . well, it was best to leave such things unsaid. She didn't need this added on to all else she was going through. Her words served as a distraction, catching him off guard. Because she sounded sincere in them.

Truly believing that he would make a good father; that she wanted him to be the father. It was . . . too much. Too honoring to hear. As if he thought his heart had swelled with emotion before, it felt like it was going to explode now. He had always known that he wasn't an ideal choice for the father of her children. But hearing her saying this, now. The faith she held in him, when he felt that it lacked from the others . . . it overwhelmed him with emotions. And he couldn't stop his eyes moistening with unshed tears; a glisten of them, as he fought to keep them back. He was speechless -- ironically. Unsure what to say. How to truly express what this meant to him. He disagreed with it, knowing what a failure he had been to so many before -- including his own family.

But at the same time . . . he didn't dare ruin this moment. So instead, he leaned forward, pressing his lips to her forehead in a lingering embrace, closing his eyes, and once again, soaking in the sensation of any contact between their lips and skin. "Thank you," he breathed, his voice thick with sincerity, knowing he couldn't fully express just how much these words meant to him. Just how much they touched him, on such a deep, emotional level. It gave him a renewed hope, a faith that he could do this . . . because she believed in him. Pulling his head back he smiled at her, a soft smile but one that went to his very gaze. "If we're all done here, I have something to show you," he told her. The crib he had built; the start of building a life with their children.