Meme for Abra

[Baron Tseng]

💔
Abra

[Abra]

Random Number Generator's Choice:
11. My muse tells yours they’ve suffered a miscarriage.

So gather ye demons, it seems it's your day

I sin but I've paid more than ten thousand graves

Abra was sitting on the kitchen counter staring at him, her expression hard and her fingers gripping the edge of the granite so tightly that her knuckles hurt. No matter how much time had passed she still couldn't believe that she and Baron were together, how lucky she was to have him. It was a dream come true... at least it was meant to be. That dream had turned into a nightmare and she wouldn't wake from it.

“I need to tell you something.” Her voice was barely a whisper, was choked with emotion. The words were like poison in her mouth, eating away at her oesophagus until it hurt to talk. And that same poison was filling her lungs and was rotting her from the inside out. It shouldn't have been this way. She shouldn't have had to tell him this, shouldn't have had to break his heart.

She looked away then because she couldn't bare to meet his stare. She didn't want him to see the hurt, the shame, the heartache in the depth of her eyes. Abra had been upset when she found out she was pregnant; she wasn't ready for motherhood. And having children wasn't something she and Baron had really discussed. But having his children... she hadn't hated the idea.

As time passed worry gave way to excitement and brooding turned into trips to the shopping mall to prepare for the arrival of their child. But now? Now that happiness was slipping away like water through their fingers. "I lost the baby, Baron."

Tag: Baron Tseng

thanks malin @ adox

[Baron Tseng]

Baron knew something was wrong. He could see it. He could feel it. Her expression. Her body language. The way she averted his gaze. Yes. He knew something was quite wrong indeed. Had someone threatened her? Was she having second thoughts about everything? So many questions and possibilities flooded his mind. But he remained entirely composed. Entirely calm. Perhaps his occupation had taught him how to do so. Perhaps it was being taught by his father all the benefits of remaining level headed. Whatever the source, he was silently grateful for it now. The situation between them hadn't been ideal when she first told him she was pregnant. He had always thought to be settled. To do things in a way that he could offer the most protection to his family. It was always a constant fear of his: not being able to protect the people that he loved.

Abra had fallen into that category. And when finding out he was going to have a child . . . that baby added to his fear. But there was also excitement. Joy in that together, they created a life and there was something truly beautiful about that. So together, they planned. Planned what they would need for a baby and Baron, was silently planning a future with her. Which was why he walked around with a ring in his pocket, yet never finding the right opportunity to ask. Still doubting it was something she would want. He knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her . . . regardless of how complicated the situation was. He loved her. That should make it easy enough. But right now, he knew that something was wrong, and he was focused on that. On her.

But when the words came out . . . of all the possibilities he had considered, that had not been on the foremost of his mind. He froze, eyes slightly widening yet the same expression worn on his face. Despite that, he felt the ache in his heart. An ache he had never ever experienced before. It was as extreme as the joy he had felt over the thought of being a father. Yet now, drastically the opposite. And it hurt. As if he felt his heart breaking at the sudden loss. His reaction still numbed only by shock. And the fact that she looked so . . . heartbroken herself. His time to mourn would be later. Right now, she needed him. Even if that could not stop the slight mist in his eyes. He raised a hand to her chin, gently cupping it and even more gently turning her head so that she was looking into her eyes.

So that she could see the gaze upon his eyes and hopefully, know there was no shame to be felt in this situation. He knew her well enough to know that among all the emotions she was experiencing . . . that was certainly one of them. He let a few moments of silence pass until he moved his arms to wrap around her, and pulled her against his chest. He closed his eyes, pressing her against him, holding her in a hug. Tilting his head downward a bit and to the side, he placed a lingering kiss on the side of her head. "We'll get through this," he whispered. We. Because she was not alone. Never alone.

Tag: Abra

[Abra]

So gather ye demons, it seems it's your day

I sin but I've paid more than ten thousand graves

Baron's silence was frightening, kicking her emotions into high gear. Was he devastated, perhaps angry with her? Would he leave now that there was no child keeping him at her side? That thought was as upsetting as she sudden lose of their child. Abra didn't want to lose him too. His fingers touched her chin, cupping it, tempting her gaze back to him, which she did so reluctantly. She didn't want to see the rejection in his stare, the rejoice at being free once more.

But what she saw was none of these things. There was a mist in his eyes, emotions that mirrored her own. He was hurting, his heart breaking, not celebrating. Looking into his eyes made her expression harden. She clenched her jaw, her brows drawing together as she fought to keep the emotions from her face. Abra was stubborn. She didn't like hurting like this, hated him seeing it.

And then his arms were around her, pulling her from the counter, holding her to him. She was tense and was motionless for a moment, which seemed like at eternity, before her own arms lifted to wrap around his torso. Her hands balled into fists around his shirt, making it strain against his shoulders as she clung to him, like he was the only thing keeping her grounded in this world. And in many was he was. She held onto him like a lifeline, the strength of her grip a betrayal of her emotions.

The muffled sob as she buried her face into the crook of his neck, was the next betrayal. She should have been able to stay calm, rational, in control. But gods she couldn't. "I'm sorry." She whispered out the first as the tears fell, making her glad he couldn't see as she kept her face buried against him. "I'm so sorry."

Tag: Baron Tseng

thanks malin @ adox

[Baron Tseng]

Baron could feel the ache in his heart intensify as he felt the tremble of her shoulders. Indicating the sob, the sound albeit muffled, but still evident of tears. He hated seeing her like this, feeling so helpless to make it better. How could he? What could he offer her? Nothing. The loss was out of even his control and it just made everything worse. His eyes remained closed, his hand moving to the back of her hand to gently stroke it. As if her non verbal reaction was not heartbreaking enough, her words added more to it. The fact that she felt she had something to apologize for.

Baron knew he had to remain strong. He served as a pillar of support for her mother and sister when they lost their father. And he knew that right now, Abra needed that. For he could only assume that she was unused to having that. She was one of the strongest women he knew and for her to feel this way . . . well, it broke his heart. "You have nothing to apologize for," he said softly, voice filled with the utmost sincerity. "And no reason to hold back," he added, placing another light kiss on the top of her head. He wanted her to know that she could let it all out. That he would just hold her, and be here for her. He was whatever she needed him to be.

Tag: Abra

[Abra]

So gather ye demons, it seems it's your day

I sin but I've paid more than ten thousand graves

It wasn't only the lose of their child that was breaking her heart. There was so much more weighing heavy on her mind and if the truth was to be told... she was afraid--afraid that she would not survive this turmoil without him, that she wouldn't survive as the woman she had been before Baron, before their love, before their future. She had never needed to be coddled, nor comforted, not saved. Abra had never needed someone as desperately as she needed Baron in these private moments. He was the rock weathering the storm.

And it wounded her to admit it, to break so violently in front of him. Beneath the heartbreak there was fear at not knowing what the future would entail now. So many questions were without answers. Would he stay now that there was no tether between them? Could he love a woman that was broken? Would there be the opportunity for another child? Baron had been without fault in their relationship, loyal, kind, generous, caring. In spite of their strained relations, the difference between them, he had been faithful, not once spurned her. But the fear was tangible, mixing with her sorrowing and pulling her beneath the surface of sanity.

Abra knew that she was not an easy woman to love, knew that being with her tested his patience, She was violent, and jealous, raised to fight for what was perceived to be hers. She did not always care for the differences in their upbringings or their cultures, often acted in ways that were not befitting. Abra has wondered more than once why he stayed when others had not, what made him so different that he would love he in spite of her flaws. His words did nothing to sooth her fears or quiet her tears,  only heightened them.

And still there was more to be concerned about. There would need to be visits to the doctors to address the miscarriage and the aftermath of it, the emotional and physical scars that would be left behind. She could not do it alone. Her fingers tightened around his shirt, knuckles aching from the pressure, as she tried desperate to will herself to be calm. It did not work. She only held him as the tears continued to fall. What could she do? What could she say? There was nothing.

Tag: Baron Tseng

thanks malin @ adox