Head versus Heart

[Lincoln]

if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you Tag: Costia

Lincoln knew better. He knew he shouldn't keep going back to her--to Octavia. She was the enemy, her people were the enemy, but he couldn't deny the feelings she invoked in him. And yet that didn't stop his conscious from weighing heavily on him each time he went to her. The truth was ever since he had met Octavia of the sky people, his head and heart stopped aligning.

His head was imploring him to use logic, to choose his clan over her, the people he had known and lived with since his birth. While his heart was overruling that logic with emotions like desire and curiosity, telling him to side with the love and happiness she gave him.

He was being torn in two, between duty and love. Lincoln knew that he couldn't keep living this way so he had turned to one of the few people he trusted--Costia. Lincoln had known her for some time now. He valued her friendship, her wisdom, her opinion. He had asked her to come to his cave outside of their village.

It was his sanctuary, his private place where he collected mementos of his travels, tokens of a world passed. There were only a handful of people that knew where it was or how to find it. But she knew how to because he trusted her.

OWL

[Costia]

Costia made her way through the forest that she called home, trying not to let her thoughts distract her. It wasn't safe to navigate the woodland whilst distracted, even before Skaikru became an issue. However, she was fighting a losing battle when she had so much to be concerned with, at the forefront of her mind was Lincoln. She'd been friends with the man since they were kids, they came from the same village and she knew what was normal for him and yet... The behaviour that he'd been displaying recently was not normal for him. He'd been disappearing for hours on end and when he returned, he'd offer some excuse that he surely felt was believable and for most it was enough, but not for her. Costia feared that there was more behind her friends absences, he'd always been intrigued by the sky people, from the moment they arrived in trikru territory, it was a curiosity that she was distrustful of. Because, whilst most of trikru, including herself were inclined to stay well away from the intruders, Lincoln seemed less fearful of them.

Now she was on her way to meet him in the cave that they both referred to as his, she knew it was where he went when he wanted to get away.  He'd asked her to meet him there and that filled her with an uneasy feeling, what could he possibly have to discuss with her that required the privacy of a place that only the two of them knew of. Costia, forced herself to snap out of her daydream as she neared the caves entrance, taking a moment to look around to make sure there was no one around to watch her before slipping inside. "Lincoln?" she called out softly, unsure of whether he was already there, she moved further into the cave and then she spotted him. "What's this all about?" she questioned him, eyeing her friend suspiciously.

Lincoln

[Lincoln]

if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you Tag: Costia

Lincoln was pacing when she arrived; his steps quick, nervous, maybe even a little angry. He didn't know how to tell her and he hated that he was hesitating. He trusted Costia, had known her for years, but he was afraid.

He knew what would happen if the clan found out--he would be branded a traitor, marked for death, a kill order on his head. But he already was a traitor, wasn't he? He was willing to sacrifice so much for Octavia and her people because he was tired of fighting... and because, well, he loved her.

When his friend spoke, announcing her presence, he had flinched slightly, as though startled. Upon turning to see her the tension drained from his shoulders in a single exhale of breath. "Costia." He said her name softly, full of conflicting emotions.

This was a mistake. He shouldn't have invited her here. But he couldn't keep lying to her... to them. Sooner or later someone would catch on and he already knew that Costia was having trouble believing the excuses he fed them.

He smiled briefly, but didn't move to embrace her. That just wasn't who he was. Instead he motioned for her to come further in and join him at the little table in the corner, where he had prepared something to drink while they talked. It felt strange.

He and Costia had never been formal--they were friends and there was no need for formalities any more. But right now, in that moment, he was being all too formal and it set his teeth on edge. "I wanted to talk to you about something, Costia... and I need for it to stay between us."

OWL

[Costia]

Costia's worries only continued to grow when she saw her friend pacing, pacing was never a good sign but she'd never seen Lincoln behaving in such a manner, not without good reason. She wanted him to tell her what was on his mind, to confide in her because he wanted to and because of their long standing friendship. Then he invited her in to sit with him at the table and she found herself hesitating, uneasiness radiating through her whole body. "You're starting to scare me" she told him as she slowly walked towards the table, the whole setting was too formal, their relationship didn't require formalities, everything felt wrong. She'd never before felt this uncomfortable around Lincoln, he was her friend, possibly the best friend she had, she was comfortable around him and she'd hoped that he was comfortable around her... But right now she wasn't so sure.

Sinking into a chair, she reached for one of the cups but didn't drink from it. She watched Lincoln, trying to read his facial expression, but he wasn't giving anything away. She listened when he spoke to her, furrowing her brow as she took in what he said. "Lincoln, you can trust me" she told him, trying to keep her face neutral "anything you tell me will stay between us, you have my word" did he not trust her to keep his secrets? She didn't know whether to be hurt that he'd doubt her loyalty or pleased that he had chosen to confide in her. "You're acting weird" and this wasn't the first time, he'd been acting weird for a while and she was sure that she wasn't the only one who was starting to notice.

Lincoln

[Lincoln]

if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you Tag: Costia

Guilt crept into his heart. Costia was worried, she was afraid, he could see the emotions on her face as though they had been painted in bold colors. He watched her sit, took the seat opposite her, and found that he couldn't continue to look at her. She said that he could trust her and he wanted desperately to believe that, Costia was very near and dear to him; they had known each other for years, practically grown together.

But to place complete trust in her, in anyone for that matter, while he carried this secret was extremely dangerous. Lincoln swallowed hard to steel his nerves. Costia was here now and there was no backing down down. “Costia, I've met someone.” It was an innocent enough confession but Lincoln continued to look away, unable to meet her gaze as he said these next words.

She would probably be happy for him, pleased that he had found someone that made him happy. And she did; Octavia was a breath of fresh air, she made him want to be a better man. But... at the same time being with her went against everything he had been taught. Choosing with her meant he was betraying Trikru. “Em's skai gada.”

OWL

[Costia]

She kept her eyes locked on Lincoln as he sat across the table from her, sure that something was wrong but uncertain of what that might be. All the years they'd known each other, she couldn't remember him ever acting like this and she didn't like it. Her hands stroked the surface of the cup anxiously, chewing on the inside of her cheek as she awaited an explanation, sure that whatever it was, they could work it out together- it couldn't be that bad. However, when he next spoke the words that left his mouth were not at all what she'd expected. She'd expected bad news... Maybe that he'd committed murder and he needed her to help him cover his tracks or something but this... This was far from bad. "Lincoln, that's great news!" she said, unable to hide the smile that had appeared on her face at his news. All she wanted was for her friend to be happy, she'd found her own happiness and had been waiting for Lincoln to find his, apparently the wait was finally over. Reaching across the table, she clasped her hand over his and squeezed "You must introduce us! I have to meet them!" she was sure that whoever it was, they had to be pretty special to have caught Lincoln's eye, she hadn't known him to be interested in anyone before... Not like that anyway.

Costia still didn't understand why Lincoln would want to keep such news to himself, but she knew that he probably had his reasons. She was just glad that he'd trusted her enough to tell her, whoever else he chose to tell was of no concern to her. Or at least... That was her opinion before Lincoln opened his mouth again and spoke words that made her question everything she knew about him. "Skai gada?!" she asked, her voice laced with confusion and accusation... Surely she'd heard him wrong, because the Lincoln she knew would never betray their people like that. She studied his face for a moment and however much she willed it to be untrue, the way he continued to refuse to meet her gaze told her that he was telling the truth. Letting out a shaky breath, she snatched her hand away from his so suddenly it was as if she'd been burnt, as if merely touching him brought her pain. "Tell me you're joking" she muttered, her voice was barely audible but the anger behind her words was clear. Using the table to push herself to her feet, she glared down at the man only moments ago she'd called her friend, she wasn't sure that she could still call him that.

Lincoln

[Lincoln]

if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you Tag: Costia

Lincoln's guilt increased tenfold when she reacted to his confession. She was excited, happy that he had finally found someone that made him happy. He grimaced, as though in physical pain, when she insisted that he introduce them. Lincoln hated himself in that moment because he knew that his words would hurt and upset his dead friend.

And they did. Her excitement faded, her happiness gave way to shock and anger. Costia snatched her hand away, and Lincoln felt so certain that would be their last friendly touch. She would condemn him, he was so certain she would. And he couldn't fault her for it. By choosing to be with Octavia, he was betraying his people, he was betraying her.

"I can't tell you that." He answered softly, finally turning his eyes to hers as she glared down at him. He was ashamed of himself for doing this, for letting it get this far when he knew better. "She came down on that ship we saw falling from the sky. We met. We fell in love. I never meant for it to happen this way. But I'm not mad that it did."

OWL

[Costia]

Just like that, all the happiness and excitement that she'd felt at her friends confession dissolved, because how could she approve of such a relationship? Skaikru had invaded their land, murdered their people, shattered the fragile peace that they'd been living in. She clutched at the edge of the table, holding on so tight that her knuckles turned white. Maybe it was to ensure that she didn't lash out at him, so that she wouldn't hit him in a fit of rage- because she was so angry that she didn't doubt that she could hit him, but despite all he'd done by sharing his news with her, she did not wish harm on him. "Why?" she demanded, all previous warmth of friendship gone from her voice. She didn't know what was triggering her anger more, the betrayal itself or the fact that Lincoln had asked for her to keep such information a secret, because by asking such a thing of her, he was surely asking her to commit a betrayal herself.

He was a fool and she was the idiot that still cared for him despite all that he'd done. Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm herself, so that she wouldn't say or do anything that she'd later regret. However, it was impossible to ignore the obvious. By sharing this information, he was endangering her as well as himself, dragging her into the whole mess- maybe that was what she was really mad about, or maybe not. "You chose an outsider over your own people, over the coalition, over Trikru, over me..." she trailed off, unable to keep her voice steady. "Even having this conversation endangers both of us, you know what they'll do to you if your relationship is discovered and what they'll do to me if they find I had any knowledge of it and you still ask me to keep your secret?" she wanted to tell him that this couldn't continue, to urge him to cease contact with the sky girl, but she knew that any effort to convince him to do so would be a waste of time. He'd made his choice.

Lincoln

 

[Lincoln]

if i'm a danger to myself Just think what I could do to you Tag: Costia

Her reaction was one that was expected but that did not stop the daggers cutting into his heart. Lincoln had not wanted to hurt Costia but he had done so. And when he could provide an answer to her question of why, when he could only look away with something akin to guilt in his eyes, he knew it would hurt her all the more. He could not tell her the truth - that he cared little for the brutality of their lives, that he longed for more, that with Octavia he had found something that had been missing from his life.

The words would destroy them both, would cement his betrayal in stone for all time. She would not forgive him. And he did not expect her too. He trusted her, impossibly so, loved her as dearly as one could love another and perhaps that was why he trusted her with this deadly secret. Part of him hoped she would guard it with her life, part of him doubted she would. The truth was simple. He would be with Octavia. He would protect her, take her to the ocean, to Luna, to hide. Octavia would go with him, he was certain of it.

"I am not asking you to do anything you do not wanted to do." He answered softly, knowing that Costia's loyalty run as deeply as his once had. It was wrong of him to talk to her of this forbidden romance but she was his dearest friend. It would be wrong to confide in anyone else. "I hope that you do, that for me and my happiness you keep it. But I understand if you won't, or can't."

And truly he did. He would not blame her no matter what decision she made of the consequences that came of it. "I am telling you because you are my friend, Costia, and I would hope you could share in my happiness." It was too much to ask, he knew that now. "But if you cannot all I ask is that you wait a day, allow me that one kindness, so that I might go to her and protect her."

OWL