Be Brave Like Braven

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

all  i  do  is

HURT PEOPLE. I'M A MONSTER

Bellamy had failed. He'd failed in protecting the people he loved. Octavia, Kane, Raven, Bryan, Miller, Harper, Sinclair . . . the others had returned with the news that Lincoln was dead. It devastated Bellamy. He had lost a brother of heart and . . . just, why hadn't Octavia let him help? Why didn't they let him help? He could have done more than remain chained in this damn cave. He tried to apologize, tried to express his condolences, but instead, he was met with a strike across the face. A hard hit . . . but nothing less than what he deserved. He had been watching the entrance to the cave for seemingly endless time . . . waiting to see the others return. Having had held his breath when he didn't see Octavia.

And though she was alive, he knew she had lost a part of her with Lincoln's death. So whatever she needed to do, he had to let her. He deserved it. The anger, the blame. All he could do was turn his head to look at her, eyes wide, moistened with tears. Tears for a fallen brother, tears for what this meant for his and Octavia's relationship. He knew that this strike was not the last, but the first of many. And soon enough she hit him again, and again. Bellamy kept his gaze on her, but feeling the life drain from his body.

He tried, but it was not good enough. It was never good enough. The others had placed their distance, and for good reason. A silent approval. Appeasing of such actions revealing the fact that they too knew he deserved it. Validating Bellamy's own feelings. If everyone else agreed, then yes, surely it must be true. He felt another strike against him, the taste of blood now in his mouth, though the physical pain, the throbbing was numbed by the way he felt his heart break. He had tried . . . but it was not good enough. Because, he had failed. Miserably failed.

[cherry1]

Raven limped her way behind the others, making her way to some cave they’d mentioned outside of Arkadia. Her body tired and her leg aching from the journey. While she’d made a habit of staying out of the politics of this place and the apparent power struggle, she could no longer ignore it. Not after Lincoln’s execution. Bellamy was there apparently? And not in Arkadia, which was confusing, but everyone was in mourning so she didn’t press for more information. Octavia especially…was heartbroken. The kind of heartbroken you never recover from, but just learn to live with. Raven knew a little about that.

When they finally reached the cave, it took a minute for Raven’s eyes to finally notice the chains around Bellamy’s hands. A while because well…no one was doing anything about them. Her eyes frantically darted to each face, waiting for them to come to the same realisation. Before the penny finally dropped with sound of a stinging blow. They…did this. It wasn’t grounders that chained up Bellamy, it was them…

She didn’t have time to process the weight of that revelation before Octavia delivered another ruthless blow. Wasn’t anyone going to…? Shouldn’t they…? “What the hell is…?" Another blow. Raven sure as hell wasn't just going to stand here and watch. She understood pain, probably more than most. But this was not okay.

Stay outta this? Like. Hell. So she did the only logical thing she could do in this situation. Steadying her bum leg, she snuck up behind the currently occupied Octavia, grabbing her arm mid blow. Catching the younger girl off guard for a moment, before balling her free hand into a fist and delivering a single hard punch square in the middle of Octavia's face. That sweet spot. Knocking her out cold. There wouldn’t be any lasting damaging and perhaps when she came to, she’d feel saner. Since the girl had clearly lost her damn mind. “What are the rest of you looking at? GET OUTTA HERE!” She yelled, barely turning, unable to look at them. Disgusted by their complacency and therefore participation in what just happened. “And take her with you,” she added, motioning to Octavia.

Finally as they shuffled out she turned to Bellamy, crouching down to be at eye level with the bloodied broken man. She had so many questions but instead just concentrated on getting him out of these goddamn chains, trying not to dwell on the way he just stood there and took a beating. Taking a pin from her pocket, she held onto the chain around his wrist before using it to free him from his binds.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

all  i  do  is

HURT PEOPLE. I'M A MONSTER

Raven. She had been a new addition to the group, and Bellamy couldn't help but feel the relief that she was safe. For all they had lost, for the many they had to mourn . . . Bellamy knew he could not bare even the mere thought of mourning her. He hadn't quite registered what she was doing until her fist collided with his sister's, Bellamy's lips parting to protest as the adrenaline still pumped through him. The inner pain still canceling out the outer one. "Don't!" But it was too late. He instinctively reached toward Octavia, but the clanging of shackles reminded him of why he could not.

His eyes widened as he looked in shock at the unconscious Blake, Raven's words of everyone leaving and getting her out of here belatedly entering and processing in his mind. He didn't know what to feel. Raven should have let Octavia beat him. She should not have involved herself. And yet . . . a part of him, a very human part of him, felt selfishly and unworthily relieved, that there was someone who had not given up on him. Even when he had completely given up on himself. There was someone that still saw him as something more than a monster.

Even if he did not deserve it. He had a still beating heart, still flooded with emotions and . . . somehow, in this moment, became dependent on the one person who showed herself to be there for him. As she had in the past. But vocalizing that was a far greater task for Bellamy. Revealing it, would only make him admit while a selfish bastard he was. He didn't deserve Raven's defense; he didn't deserve anything she offered him.

He almost wanted to encourage her to take another hit. And yet, knew that she never would. Because of who she was, because of what she displayed now. His eyes fell to the ground as Octavia and the others complied with her demand, exiting the cave. Gaze remaining there when he felt more than saw Raven near him, pulling something out of her pocket and starting to fiddle with the lock. He couldn't look at her. He felt the few tears mixed with blood, as they trailed down his cheeks.

"You shouldn't have done that," he said in a quiet voice. A defeated voice. It didn't hold that blunt tone that he so casually used. It was less . . . strong than it had ever been before. He slowly brought his eyes to her own, almost afraid of seeing something that would continue to have him cling to this hope of a friend. Of . . .someone. Anyone. That had not given up on him. How easy it was to do. And how strongly she had defied it.

He almost couldn't bare it, his eyes falling to the chains that bound him, without even really looking at him. "Is she ok?" Daring to ask about Octavia's well being. Bellamy knew the loss of a loved one. Gena. As did Raven with Finn. Jasper with Maya. And now . . . Octavia would mourn Lincoln. A vicious, repeated cycle of loves lost. But he knew that this time, Bellamy had not only lost the woman he loved, a friend, or a brother of heart . . . he lost his sister too. And he wasn't sure he would ever be able to recover from that loss.

[cherry1]

Dropping one wrist she steadied her breathing, taking hold of his other one to free it completely from the chains. The hot adrenaline of the rage she’d felt knocking Octavia out still coursing through her veins. She finally looked up at him at the sound of his voice. Only it didn’t sound like him, at least not the Bellamy she knew. “Oh? Well I just saved your ass.” After Gena, she’d selfishly avoided him and now this, it seemed, was the price she was paying for that. She should have been there for him before it got to this. Raven had failed him. “Is she okay?” she repeated the question back at him incredulously. “Are you?” She asked, almost accusing him. Because none of this made any sense to her. Not the chains, not the beating and definitely not his passive attitude with every blow.

You don’t chain up your own. Period. It was like she was the one who’d been knocked out and this was all some messed up dream or rather nightmare she was having. Only the blood on Bellamy’s face and the slow radiating pain coming from her wrist felt very real. Dropping the chains to the ground she shuffled closer to him, using her sleeve to wipe the blood off his face. “What the hell were you doing letting her beat the shit out of you?” Now she was definitely accusing him. Her eyebrows furrowed more out of concern now than anger. Damn, Octavia really did a number on him…That girl could really throw a punch.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

all  i  do  is

HURT PEOPLE. I'M A MONSTER

Perhaps tht was true. No, it was true. She did save his ass. But . . . it was too late to save his soul. And maybe that was what needed saving all along. He had thought he'd lost all trace of humanity after what he did in Mount Weather. But he was wrong. So very wrong. Because the pain he was experiencing now, was unlike no other. Finally, all the deaths and losses had caught up to him. The loss of his sister, the ultimate one.

Losing Gena, Lincoln and countless other people. Whether it be physically or emotionally. They were gone. Only Raven seemed to remain and he didn't have the strength to push her away like he should. He didn't deserve to have anyone by his side, but as he previously acknowledged . . . there was humanity left to him, and that was what made him crave this, support. From someone. From her. Bellamy couldn't express appreciation to her for saving him.

How could he, when he knew in his heart that he deserved nothing less than death. Or maybe, to live was the greatest punishment of all. What had that hallucination of Jaha told him? Live. Breathe. Suffer. Maybe death was too sweet a release from this perpetual pain. She repeated his question, turning it around on him. His expression falling, not sure how he could look as broken as he felt.

He closed his eyes the moment he felt her sleeve on his cheek, wiping away the blood, as another tear slipped from his ducts and down his skin. He should push her away. But instead, he found himself instinctively leaning toward her touch, the undeniable comfort of it. He shouldn't be doing that. He shouldn't be tilting his head toward her, he shouldn't be slightly leaning into the warmth of her covered skin. But he was, and her next question, caused him to slowly open his eyes.

Not sure whether to feel guilty for allowing himself the softness of her touch, or self loathing to answer her question non verbally. Perhaps, it was a combination of both. He barley even noticed the fact that the chains were released from his wrists. No longer bound. But, what difference did it even make? He was unwanted among the ones here, and he would be arrested should he return to Arkadia. Never before, had he felt such a powerful feeling of lacking any sense of belonging. He often thought that if nothing else, he would have his sister; that they would find meaning and belonging together.

But now, that was gone. "I deserved it," he said in a quiet voice, almost instantly regretting the words. Because he didn't want to be told otherwise. He didn't want any to give him false assurance that that was not the case. "Don't tell me otherwise," he said in the same tone, though slightly more determined. Still void of his usually blunt way of speaking . . . still defeated. "Lincoln's dead because of me. So many are." And the others blamed him for it too. This incident proved that; their willingness to allow Octavia to exercise punishment on him. Perhaps, this was his judgment day.

[cherry1]

Watching him lean into her touch almost broke Raven’s heart. Her hand instinctively stroked down his cheek, no longer just wiping away the blood. The tears falling down his face just added fuel to the anger she already had burning within her for every other person in that cave. Or outside of it now that she’d kicked them out. And when the girl woke up she was going to be having words with Octavia that was for damn sure. There was no excuse. That was at least true for the others. Just standing there like this was somehow okay. Like they had an enemy in their midst and not Bellamy. Not the man who’d kept them all alive for how long now? ...He didn’t deserve this. She thought back to her grief. To her physical reaction to Clarke and wondered if she was being hypocritical for a moment. But no, Clarke had plunged a knife into Finn’s chest right in front of her. Bellamy…he’d been chained up here for god knows how long. And Raven had been none the wiser. It was Pike who pulled the trigger.

“You didn’t kill him Bellamy, there was nothing you could have done.” She knew the words were falling on deaf ears the moment she said them, but Raven had to try. “You were in chains for god’s sake,” she removed the hand on his face and lifted his own hands with her own to further emphasise her point. Her thumbs lightly brushed his red sore wrists as she continued. “If I’d known Bellamy I swear…” she looked away in shame. She’d been so preoccupied with her grief she’d completely ignored his own. Because the truth was…she was a coward. Facing him, with the risk of finding resentment or even hatred after letting Gena die in Mount Weather was too much for her. She hadn’t been strong enough to be there for him. And now…“I wouldn’t have let any of this happen.”

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

all  i  do  is

HURT PEOPLE. I'M A MONSTER

Nothing he could have done. He couldn't even find a logical argument to counter her point. He had warned Kane, Lincoln, the others what would happen if they rebelled against Pike. He had withheld evidence of their conversations from Pike even though he knew it would have been enough to have them arrested. But . . . when they exposed themselves, it was impossibell to protect them any longer.

They had put a target on their backs and . . . Bellamy had tried. It wasn't good enough, he knew that, but he had tried. Returned with Octavia drugging him and chaining him up. Why hadn't she let him help. Didn't they realize just how much had been at stake? Well, they knew that now. In the worst way possibell. So he remained silent, trying to desperately search his mind for a rational argument . . . yet there was only one thing he could think of. Only one piece of evidence.

The words unsaid for a moment, as she drew his head back, her fingers over his cheeks where they had previously been caressing his skin. He felt nothing of the throbbing pain that would undoubtedly flood him later . . . but rather, the undeserved warmth and comfort of her soft skin. He swallowed, unable to make eye contact with her out of shame.

 But slowly, somehow, he managed to look into her brown eyes, his own glossed over with more unshed tears. "The others blame me." That one piece of significant information. That, had been what hurt as well. That it wasn't just Octavia who blamed him. But the inaction of the others -- with the exception of Raven -- also indicated that they knew, he deserved it. Because they too blamed him for what happened. What other reason was there for being idle?

"You're the only one who doesn't." Guilt for not trying harder to convince her that she should blame him . . . and selfish relief that there was at least someone out there who had not given up on him. But when she proceeded to blame herself, Bellamy couldn't allow it. "Raven," he breathed. "Please, don't." He couldn't bare hearing her express any guilt over what he had brought onto himself. "I brought this on myself. I . . . tried to protect us, but I couldn't. It's not your fault. I can't . . . let you take any blame for this." And yet he knew she would anyway.

Because she was Raven. One of the strongest people he knew; strength of character, strength of heart. "This isn't on you. You . . . stopped it." Which was more than what he deserved; the words unspoken, left unsaid but they were there. Lingering in the air. "You . . . didn't give up on me." He knew he was utterly pathetic, his eyes falling to the ground, leaning further into her touch. Utterly broken and incapabell of knowing where to go from here. All he knew, was that Raven was the only saving graze that prevented him from completely crumbelling.

[cherry1]

The others blamed him? Those cowards. Using Bellamy as some sort of scape goat. Like everyone else was some kind of angel. They all had blood on their hands. The inhabitants of this cave seemed to have forgotten that. Hadn’t Kane been directly responsible for killing 300 people Raven had gone to the ground to desperately save? So clearly he had no leg to stand on, keeping Bellamy chained up here. The hypocrisy was infuriating. And in this case for Bellamy, Lincoln’s blood wasn’t even on his hands. Pike pulled that trigger. Not him. And if Raven hadn’t suddenly woken up in a reality where democracy didn’t exist amongst the arkers, Pike had been elected chancellor by the majority, not by Bellamy alone. He didn’t deserve to be treated this way. Not by the people who should have kept him safe. Who should have been there for him….herself included.

She tried to listen to him, tried to avoid these feelings of guilt but she couldn’t. With every word he spoke, she couldn’t even look at him. Hearing the desperate need in his voice for someone…anyone to be on his side for once. It damn near broke her heart that it had come to that. That he felt the need to be grateful to her for stopping him from getting beaten half to death rather than call her out for being absent this whole time. Like she wanted him to. "You . . . didn't give up on me." Raven placed her hand on his chin, forcing his gaze up as she rested her forhead against his. Fighting the tears from falling at the words of a clearly broken man. A man she cared for and respected and forever would. A man…they had broken. Because that was the truth wasn’t it. He was one of the strongest people she knew, surviving coming to the ground, keeping them alive…even defeating Mount Weather and…her death. Only to be truly broken by the people he lived to protect. It just wasn’t goddamn fair.

“And I never will,” she promised fiercely both hands on either side of his face as her eyes shut. “I’ve got your back Blake…always. Don’t you ever doubt that.” The same way he always had hers. Raven was never going to fail him again. “You deserve so much better than us, than this,” she continued, her voice wavering slightly. “We need to head back to camp and get you cleaned up.” And they needed to do it fast. Without the others stopping them. Because if they damn well tried, Raven was just itching to knock another bitch out.

Tag: Bellamy Blake