A Brothers Bond Is Unblakable

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Monty Green

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Today had been a difficult day. There was a memorial service held for all those who had passed away. Whether chipped or not. Hannah and Pike were among them. The weight of their losses were heavily felt, especially within Bellamy. Any time he lost one of their people, he felt the burden of it. The failure. Hannah and Pike were no exceptions. Both had been friends to him. Both had been good people, doing what they needed to in order to protect the others. It broke Bellamy's heart, to have to mourn more Arkers. Especially when one of those was mother to his dear friend. He knew what the loss of a mother was, hell he even knew what it was to be responsible for her death.

But . . . he couldn't imagine having to fire a gun at your mother while looking into her face. And he had done it, to protect Octavia. Bellamy knew he had lost many people, physically and emotionally. His sister among them, perhaps the most difficult loss he had suffered. But his relationship with Monty had been unwavering. The younger male always loyal, always showing to be a good friend. And Bellamy wanted to be there for him, in whatever way he could. So later that evening, when others had retired to their apartments, Bellamy wanted to seek out Monty.

The chaos and busyness of everyone getting settled back into Arkadia after the trauma of the city of light, further draining them all. Just like after Mount Weather, the emotional and psychological wounds would be far more difficult to have heal than the physical ones. Taking a deep breath, Bellamy paused outside Monty's door. Maybe he would even want to see him. Maybe he -- like the others -- was done with him. But, Bellamy had to try. He had to check on him. And so he knocked on the door, feeling oddly nervous, afraid that one of the few remaining relationships he had with someone . . . could be added to his list of broken ones. And he wouldn't blame Monty one bit for that.

[Monty Green]

After the memorial, Monty had slipped soundlessly away and headed back to his own apartment, he didn't feel like being around a large group of people at that moment. They may have lost people too and were mourning their own losses but at that moment, he didn't want support from people who he barely knew and who barely knew him, their grief didn't make them the same. He was almost certain that they hadn't been the ones to directly cause their loved one's death, they hadn't murdered one of the people that they cared about most in the world. He'd stared into his mother’s eyes and pulled the trigger, delivering a non-lethal shot to her shoulder first but then when she'd continued to attack Octavia, he'd shot at her again. He didn't think he'd ever forget the look on his mother’s face the second after he'd shot her that second time, he knew that it wasn't her, she was chipped... But the moment before she died, after he'd shot her in the chest with that bullet, it almost looked like she was herself again, like ALIE was gone and there was just a look of confusion and betrayal on her face that he'd never be able to wipe from his mind. He wasn't sure if he wanted the memory gone, at least if he remembered then he'd never forget what he did, what sort of monster killed their own mother. A normal person would've found another way, there had to be another way, maybe there was something that he'd missed in the heat of the moment, something that he couldn't focus on when he was watching his mother push the blade of a sword up against Octavia's throat. He'd been fine, he'd managed to keep his focus on things that were more important than the death of his mother, he managed to focus on helping his friends, but the memorial had dragged it all back to the surface and with it came the pain that he'd been hiding from.

Monty had barely shut the door behind him before the tears began to fall, sliding down his cheeks quicker than he could wipe them away. He tried to stop the tears from falling, tried to blink them away, he'd never been one to cry easily, even after he'd been arrested, it had been Jasper who'd eventually started to cry and it had been Monty's job to comfort his friend. Now however, he couldn't control the tears as they fell, a sob shook his body and he raised a hand to his mouth to stifle any sounds that might escape him. Leaving his place by the door, he crossed to where his bed was and as he reached it, he immediately crawled beneath the sheets and reached for his pillow, burying his head into the pillow, he allowed for the object to soak up the moisture of his tears as he allowed himself to cry. No longer fighting back the sobs that wracked his body, each one ripped from his throat and made it more painful than the last. His hands balled into fists and he punched the pillow a couple of times, trying to release his anger in any way possible. Crying wouldn't fix his problems, it wouldn't bring his mother back, but that didn't matter because he couldn't stop, not now that he'd started, once the tears began to fall it was impossible to stop them until they'd ran their course.

The sobbing went on for quite some time, until he didn't have the energy to sob anymore and he just lay in his bed, face buried in the pillow that had grown damp from his tears. He didn't know how long he'd been lying there, under ordinary circumstances, he would have fallen asleep already, but sleep refused to find him. He almost didn't hear the knock on his door... He didn't really care enough to answer it, he almost yelled for whoever it was to go away, but he didn't trust his voice. So instead, he forced himself to sit up in the bed, using the sleeves of his shirt to wipe away any tears that remained on his face and he rubbed at his eyes a little to get rid of the moisture that betrayed him, but he knew that it wouldn't make a difference. His eyes were no doubt red from the time he'd spent crying, he trusted himself enough to walk to the door and show whoever it was that he was alright, he just had to hold it together for a couple of minutes. Reaching the door, he placed a hand on the handle, swallowing down his emotions as he put on a brave face, despite knowing that anyone with eyes would be able to see through his display. Opening the door, he opened his mouth to tell the visitor to leave him alone before his eyes took in who was actually at the door. He wanted to ask Bellamy what he was doing there, he wanted to tell him to leave him alone so that he could go back to bed, but he didn't do that. Instead, he almost launched himself at his friend, wrapping his arms around the older male and refusing the let go, even as he felt the familiar sting of the tears in his eyes again and his body shook with a barely contained sob. Bellamy had been there for him after mount weather, he hadn't expected him to be there for him now as well and yet, there he was. His hands clutched at his older friend, refusing to let go, he wanted to say something, but he couldn't find the words, instead he just buried his head into Bellamy's shirt, barely caring about the tears that were marking his friends clothes.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Monty Green

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy hadn't been certain that Monty was there, or that he would open the door. But when he did, Bellamy paused, taking in the sight of his friend. His brother of heart. The puffiness in his eyes, the redness against his otherwise fair skin . . . both indicators that he was crying. Bellamy wanted to ask that oh so typical question of whether he was ok, but he already knew the answer. Monty was not ok. He would have to formulate a better question. But he didn't need to. Actions spoke louder than words and in this case, Monty's spoke volumes.

He moved forward, wrapping his arms around the older male and it wasn't much longer until Bellamy felt the tremble in Monty's body, and the wetness of tears touch his skin. Bellamy's arms securely wrapped around Monty's in return, feeling whatever was left of his heart breaking for his friend. He had never seen him quite like this before, nor was there any judgment. At least he was letting it all out. And Bellamy selfishly took that in; feeling honored and relieved that Monty embraced him as such.

Bellamy was certain he had lost everyone but once again, Monty proved to be loyal; accepting Bellamy for all his faults and mistakes. How could he ever let his friend go? He wished he could wash him of pain, willingly taking it onto himself. But he couldn't. All he could do was support him, and right now, hold him. Bellamy took a couple steps forward, moving Monty slightly back, unsure if the younger male even felt the movement. He then kicked the door shut, granting them what he believed to be the necessary privacy.

Monty has escaped to his room to pour out his emotions. It was enough for Bellamy to safely assume he didn't want too many others to see him like this. Bellamy moved one hand to the back of Monty's head, gently stroking it while he lowered his head, nestling it against the side of Monty's head, angled where he could due to the height difference. His other arm remained around Monty, as Bellamy took in a slow inhalation of breath, closing his eyes. He felt the threat of tears form in his own, at his friend's pain. At his own pain. It was too much and while Bellamy tried to remain strong for Monty's sake, how could he not get emotional when he saw someone he felt so protective of in such emotional turmoil.

"It's ok," he whispered against his head, his hand still rubbing the back of his head. Swallowing to try and keep his voice steady, though it was slightly deeper than his usual tone due to all the emotions he was experiencing right now. "It's ok," he repeated, in attempt to sooth Monty, just like his actions held the same purpose. The male's smaller frame so easily fit against Bellamy's, that he too couldn't help but greedily take in the comfort of a hug; an embrace from Monty. Where they could both stand here, and mourn together . . . no longer needing to hold it in nor appear strong in front of the others. Together, in this moment, they could just let themselves cry. And with that thought, a tear slipped from Bellamy's eyes, slowly trailing down his cheek and onto the skin of Monty's neck.

[Monty Green]

Monty felt Bellamy's arms wrap around him as he received the hug and his hold on his friend only tightened. He kept trying to calm himself down enough to stop crying, but it seemed like an impossible task. Every time he thought that he had control over his body, something else would enter his mind and set him off again, he hadn't realised how much he just needed somebody to be there for him until he'd opened the door and seen Bellamy standing there. He'd thought that it would be better for him to be alone, but now he saw how stupid that was, he needed to just allow himself to cry and he knew that Bellamy wouldn't judge him, at least... He hoped that he wouldn't judge him. He'd never cried this much in front of anyone before, he didn't think Jasper had even seen him like this and Jasper had been with him through a lot.

He barely noticed when they began to move backwards, his main focus was on holding onto Bellamy and not loosening his grip on his friend. If he let go then the moment would be over and he didn't want it to be over, there had been very few opportunities recently for him to get a hug, from anyone and one of the last times he'd hugged somebody he'd ended up getting stabbed. He only became aware that they'd moved at all, when he heard the door close behind them and he realised that they were now back in his room, he was grateful that Bellamy had moved them so that nobody else could see what a state he was in. He felt Bellamy's hand move to the back of his head and found this small gesture comforting, he swallowed back another sob and a whimper escaped his throat in its place. He could feel himself slowly calming down, squeezing his eyes closed as he allowed himself to relax a little in Bellamy's grip. Bellamy's attempts to comfort him seemed to be working as he finally began to think clearly again, even if the tears still leaked from his eyes, his sobbing had lessened and almost stopped completely.

Bellamy's words of 'It's ok' seemed to ground Monty and stop him from losing himself again, the words did little to comfort him, he couldn't bring himself to believe that anything was okay, in that moment it didn't feel as if anything could ever be okay ever again, but the sound of Bellamy's voice brought him reassurance. The feeling of moisture on his neck made Monty suck in a sharp breath and he forced himself to quieten "I'm okay..." he eventually muttered, unable to keep the wobble from his voice as he swallowed in an attempt to ease his throat that had grown sore from his sobbing "Are you okay?" he asked in concern as he released Bellamy with one hand whilst he remained clinging to him with the other. He brought his free hand up to Bellamy's face and cautiously brought his fingers to brush against his face in attempt to confirm the suspicion that he had, he felt moisture beneath his fingers and his mouth parted slightly in surprise. He was crying, Bellamy Blake was crying "are you okay?" he repeated his question, louder this time as he searched for an answer to his question.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Monty Green

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Monty told him that he was ok. How Bellamy wished so desperately that that was true. In all the ways he tried to protect the others, they still suffering loss. Trauma. Pain. Suffering. And he felt it tore away a bit more of him each time. Piece by piece. He wanted Monty to truly be ok. To not have to know the loss of a mother, nor the guilt of being the one responsible for her death.

So much pain in this world . . . and neither he nor Bellamy had ever been exempt from it. Not even for the temporary time that taking the chip would have allowed them to. Whether it was a blessing or a curse, who knew. The fact of the matter was that they had to live with it. That they had to endure it. Inescapable pain. Bellamy kept his arms firmly wrapped around the younger male, continuing to nestle his head against him, allowing this moment to seep into his very soul . . . or what was left of it.

The comfort of an embrace, not felt in so long. Rejected, as was his very existence by those he once believed so close. Monty had been a constant. And Bellamy was too selfish to let that ok. He felt the younger male's hand brush against his cheek, the continued warmth of his touch sending another wave of comfort through Bellamy's body. Though he also knew that his fingers had strategically been searching for the indication of tears.

And he had found them. His questions that followed, revealing of that. Bellamy felt his heart ache at the inquiry. The automatic response starting to slip out. "I'm f--" But left unfinished. The start of his words breathed in a barley audible whisper. He was already unaccustomed to being asked whether he was ok, and when he was asked . . . he gave the automatic, instinctive response of I'm fine, never daring to burden others with the weight he carried.

But this time, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Continued acts of selfishness on his part . . . but the words did not come with as much ease as they had before. Instead, he very slightly shook his head, uncertain even himself as to whether it was him revealing that he wasn't fine, or just another non verbal reaction to the question and situation. Perhaps a bit of both.

"Maybe . . . its ok, for both of us to admit that . . . we're not fine." He used what strength he had left to let the words come out in a quiet tone, seeking silent approval from Monty as if to question . . . . whether it was truly ok not to be fine. Bellamy doubted there was another he could make such an admittance to . . . but Monty had always been there, during the darkest of their times in the days that followed their actions in Mount Weather. During Pike's Chancellorship. As previously established . . . Monty was a constant.

[Monty Green]

Monty knew that Bellamy must be hurting, even if he hadn’t been crying he would’ve thought that that would be obvious to anyone with eyes who knew that story. Monty had lost his mother, but Bellamy had lost people too, he’d lost Gena and Octavia wasn’t exactly his biggest fan at that moment either, but it was more than that. Bellamy was responsible for them, the delinquents had looked to him as their leader when they first landed on earth and that never really went away, he’d always been a leader to them, at least that’s how Monty saw it, Bellamy was always their leader even after the rest of the ark came down and Kane and Abby took over. Then he had to watch them die, time after time again, all of those deaths built up and would weigh down anyone who took on the responsibility of those people.

The tears that he’d found on Bellamy’s face only proved just how much pain he was in, even if he’d learnt to hide his pain to avoid burdening others, there were signs and somebody who was okay didn’t cry, not like this. Monty didn’t mind that Bellamy continued to hug him, he didn’t think that he was ready for the moment to end just yet and he realised that Bellamy needed the comfort of a hug just as much as he did. He wanted to be there for his friend just as Bellamy was prepared to be there for him and had been on many occasions.

When Bellamy started to answer him but stopped, Monty waited for him to say more, to give him a proper answer because he wasn’t about to let him avoid the question, he wouldn’t let him move on from it until he got a proper answer that he was satisfied with. When Bellamy answered him quietly, the answer was not something that he was expecting, he didn’t that he could remember a time when Bellamy had ever told him that he was anything but fine. It brought more tears to his eyes as he nodded his head in agreement to his friends words “maybe it is” he muttered, swallowing back the lump that had formed in his throat “I’m not fine, you're not either but I think one day we will be” he told the older man quietly, neither of them were okay, after mount weather it was starting to look like they might be but then alie happened and happiness seemed to be an impossibility again. “It might not seem like it now, but one day we’ll be happy again” it was what he’d told Jasper and now he was telling Bellamy because their pain couldn’t last forever, they’d just have to be there for each other until it had faded enough for them to be fine.

Bellamy Blake