Blast from the Past

[Nina Eaton]

A blast of warmth hit her center and she bit her lip at the sensation, feeling Bellamy fill her with everything he had. They both attempted to come down from their highs and one of Nina's hands went to his neck and began to softly play with the hair at the nape of his neck. Her head rested on the top of his as his forehead pressed against her shoulder. She took a moment to catch her breath, attempting to regain her composure after their strenuous activity. The kisses on her shoulder made her realize that he had heard her words and this was his response. Nina had never pressured Bellamy to vocalize his feelings. She had been happy enough to simply be with them. Perhaps that was a reason why they had always worked so well. She had never forced him to open up to her or talk about things he didn't want to. And she never held it against him when he didn't return any words involving feelings.

She fell down with him, laying on his chest. She tucked her face into the crook of his neck and closed her eyes. Exhaustion overcame her but she didn't want to fall asleep. Nina wanted to bask in this moment with him because she wasn't sure it would ever happen again. She had said she wanted to get it out of her system but she knew it hadn't worked. If anything, it had only made her feelings for him stronger. His caresses on her back only made her more sleepy and she had a hard time trying to open her eyes again. One of her fingers began to draw circles on his chest but her movements grew slower and she just rested, eventually falling asleep.


Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Nina Eaton

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy could feel her motions start to slow, her breathing growing more steady. And without having to ask, he knew she was asleep. They'd been together enough for him to be used to it . . . though on the Ark, he'd never been able to spend the night. He hadn't been able to leave Octavia for an entire night. Down here, there wasn't that same problem. Bellamy had instantly taken advantage their first night on the ground, spending the entire night with his partner. Tonight, he wasn't exactly kicking Nina out of the tent. Instead, he carefully turned her so that she was on her side, and he could pull out of her.

Once he did, he slowly pulled the blanket up over her to cover them both. He moved his arm around her, only taking a few more moments before he himself, drifted off to sleep. It wasn't exactly easy to sleep during the entire night here but the next time he opened his eyes, he could feel the sun peeking through the fabric of his tent. He wasn't disoriented in the slightest.

He knew exactly where he was and who was next to him. This, marked a first for them. Actually sleeping with each other for the duration of the night. He turned to look at her, clenching his jaw, not wanting to consider what this meant, but knew the conversation was inevitable. Trying not to jostle her so that she didn't wake up, he slowly moved his arm from around her where he'd held her close for the night, and attempted to reach for his pants which were thrown somewhere in the array of clothing.

[Nina Eaton]

For the first time in a long time, Nina slept through the entire night. She knew it was probably a combination of the extracurricular activities from the previous night and the fact that she had slept next to Bellamy. They had never been able to spend the night together on the Ark and to be honest, Nina couldn't even remember the reason for that. But having experienced it now, she realized how much she liked it. But Nina knew to keep her emotions to herself, not wanting to be crushed when it was made clear that this would never happen again. She wasn't sure she could stand to see him around camp, hooking up with other girls. But Nina had always been good at concealing her emotions and she just had to do the same when it came to Bellamy.

She felt herself begin to stir and she tried to keep her eyes closed, not wanting to wake up. But she heard the faint sound of someone else moving and she knew it was Bellamy. She also knew that if he snuck out before they got a chance to talk that she would feel extremely awkward around camp. But she supposed she could spend the day outside of camp, trying to hunt or avoid Bellamy. There really wasn't much of a difference.

Finally opening her eyes, she saw Bellamy grabbing his pants. She kept quiet for the moment, not moving her body. She took the moment to observe Bellamy and take a look at him. Not wanting to seem super creepy, Nina moved to sit up and held the blanket to her chest, not that Bellamy hadn't seen her before. But considering she didn't know where they stood, she felt better about covering up. "Can you hand me my shirt?" She asked, pointing to the ground where his pants had previously lain. Nina ran a hand through her hair and glanced around the tent, seeing if she could spot any other articles of clothing that belonged to her.


Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Nina Eaton

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy wondered if he had woken her, feeling a slight twinge of guilt. But at the same time . . . supposed it was better than just sneaking out and her waking up alone. While things like lying together for the entire night were possible down here, a relationship still seemed difficult. There was a risk, a heavy risk of falling in love and . . . Bellamy hurt the people he loved. It wasn't something he could keep making the mistake of. Not when the cost was so high. He glanced at her for a moment, noticing the way she covered her up.

"Feeling shy all of a sudden?" He teased her, trying to keep from making the mood too awkward. With that, he reached for his pants, quickly pulling them on before searching around for her shirt. Once he found it, he picked it up and handed it over to her. That felt better than tossing it at her. He wasn't trying to be an asshole. He just knew that it was easier to hate him than feel anything else for him. With his pants on, he went to the pitcher of water and started to fill the cup with it. Pausing he took the cup over to her, handing it to Nina in case she was thirsty.

[Nina Eaton]

Nina wondered if he had been planning on sneaking out and she had to admit that she felt a small ping of hurt at the idea. On the Ark, she had always expected it. It was part of their relationship and it never bothered her. But down here was different and she knew that. She knew he had no excuse and while they weren't dating, she still had expected him to wait for her to wake up, or at the very least, wake her up. But she had woken up before any of that could have been figured out and she was glad. Glancing up at him, she noticed that he was trying to make light of their situation which helped a little bit. Nina rolled her eyes but had a smirk on her face. "Shut up," she joked, taking the shirt from his hand and pulling it over her body. She took the band off her wrist and tied her hair into a high bun. Spotting her underwear next to the bed, Nina leaned down and grabbed it, pulling it on. She looked up to see Bellamy handing her a cup of water and she offered him a small smile in thanks, and grabbed the water.

Nina took a sip of the water and realized that she was pretty thirsty. Not only had she not really had anything to drink since leaving the Ark, but her time with Bellamy last night had certainly increased her need for water. Once she finished her drink, she set the cup down and sat down on his bed, sitting with her legs criss cross. "So," she began. "I know you don't like to talk about feelings and I get that. But I need you to know that I'm fully aware that you're not the same guy you were on the Ark and I don't expect you to be. I know you've been through alot and I've been through some stuff too." Not nearly as bad, but still. "I'm not the same I was either." Nina took in a breath before looking at him again. "But I still care about you a lot and that's not going to change." She knew that she was probably setting herself up for rejection, but she knew she would never forgive herself if she didn't at least put her feelings out there. "What do you want, Bellamy? And none of that crap about people around you getting hurt and it being dangerous out here. It's dangerous regardless of how things go for us."


Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Nina Eaton

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy listened to Nina, able to tell from the first word where this conversation was going to go. A conversation that would need to be had. As she spoke, he went to pick up his shirt, pulling it over his head as he took in her words. She acknowledged that he had been through a lot, pointing out that she had as well. The Ark was not an easy place to live, and the Ground was no damn picnic either. His entire life had been about surviving, ever since Octavia was born. Perhaps that was why he and his sister dealt so well with that kind of intensity. Because they had been living it every second of every day for their whole lives.

But right now, he needed to stay focused on what Nina was telling him, saying that she still cared about him. Asking him what he wanted. He remained silent, waiting for her to finish, processing her words. "It's not crap," was the first thing he said when she referenced about how people around him got hurt. He had opened up about that, admitted with great difficulty that it was something he struggled with . . . so wouldn't have it resorted to crap.

"It's the truth." What she may perceive as nonsense, was indeed, fact. His mother, Octavia, they both suffered for a mistake he made. For his inability to protect them. He feared making that same mistake over and over. "I'll always care about you too Nina," he continued to say. "But like you said, we're both different people. And . . . I don't know if we can go back to the way things were." It wasn't that he didn't want to necessarily. He just didn't know if he could.

[Nina Eaton]

She's beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego She knew that crap was probably the wrong word to use. It wasn't that she doubted that people got hurt around Bellamy, she just knew that it wasn't his fault. He couldn't just push people away because people tended to get hurt when they were close to him. Well, she supposed he could but she knew that he would never truly be happy. But Nina had already been close to him and she had already been hurt. Sighing, she shook her head. "No, not crap. It's life, Bellamy," she pointed out. "And I've been close to you and I've been hurt. And whether or not you decide you want nothing to do with me down here, I can still get hurt." She hated the idea of him wanting nothing to do with her, but from his tone of voice it seemed like that was what was going to happen. Sleeping with him had been a bad idea. She knew that. She knew it last night too but had decided to listen to anything but logic. And now here she was, trying to talk with Bellamy and appearing to get nowhere. Nina wasn't sure if she believed his words in regards to caring about her. She knew there was a but coming and resisted the urge to scoff when he began his second sentence with the word 'but'. She felt like he was missing her point. She had pointed out that she knew they were different, so things would never be the same. Nina had been under the fantasy that even though they were different, they still cared about one another and that should have been enough. But it was never enough, especially when Nina felt utterly alone in the caring aspect. Her thoughts traveled back to his concern about her getting hurt, and an idea flashed across her mind. It was a horrible idea but it still occurred to her. Nina was the type of person to do something irrational to prove a point. She would go and get herself into danger just to show Bellamy that his involvement with her had nothing to do with her well-being. But she knew it was stupid and she knew it would likely only piss him off and push him further away. Nina doubted he could be any further away from her if he tried. Getting off the bed, Nina grabbed her pants up off the ground and slid them on. She shook her head, attempting to regain any sort of composure or self-respect that she had left. "I can't argue with you," Nina said. "But I'm well aware that things would never be the same. I guess I was stupid enough to think that caring made a difference." Nina shrugged her shoulders in defeat. "I'm a big girl, Bell. I can't make you care about me. You don't have to say anything because you think it's what I want to hear." There were many things Nina wanted to hear, but she knew that he would never say any of them.  Bellamy Blake | Any notes go here!

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Nina Eaton

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy's admittance to caring about Nina seemed ignored when she stated that she couldn't make him care about her. Just as his words about why he couldn't be with anyone had been referred to as 'crap' by her. He knew this conversation wasn't going to go in a direction that would make them fall back into each other's arms and embrace a relationship. "I don't tell people things they want to hear," he told her. He told them things he believed. Maybe, she didn't know him as well as he thought after all. Or maybe they were just too different to work out this time around.

While the ground had its own complications, he hadn't murdered someone on the Ark when they were together. He hadn't been responsible for his mother's death. Shooting the Chancellor, had changed him. Forced him into a darker place. But he wouldn't lie to others. Manipulate, yes. For the sake of his and Octavia's sake. Lie, yes to protect Octavia and his family. A hell of a lot of good that had done.

But he wouldn't coddle the others. He wouldn't coddle Nina. Once they both finished getting dressed he looked over at her. "And you're not an exception to that." Because, while he would always care about her -- as he had said -- his priorities and responsibilities down here, prevented him from allowing himself to be with anyone. Hell, he didn't even know if he could stay. With those words, they parted ways. He couldn't let this happen again. Not with her, because it would never be just sex. And fortunately . . . they never found themselves in a similar position again.

--- Time Lapse to post Mount Weather ---

It had been a few days since Mount Weather. The first day back had been difficult. Clarke's departure had threatened to suck what little last bit of adrenaline kept him on his feet. She abandoned them all; she had abandoned him. The one time he had asked her to stay, a time when he needed her . . . she had rejected him. The pain caused by that, by allowing himself to be emotionally vulnerable with someone, had left him devastated. He wished it could have been numbness that took over, but the lack of food, drink, rest, and the decontamination and harvesting, had lead him to medical.

He hadn't stayed the night; but he had been able to see who else required medical attention; who else had suffered physical injury from Mount Weather. In the days that followed, Bellamy thrust himself into doing what he could to help. Which involved getting being settled into their rooms, strengthening and building Arkadia, and whatever else fell under his duties as a now guardsman. With the ceasefire, it allowed them all the chance to breathe. The chance to start building a sustainable lifestyle. While Bellamy wasn't naive enough to believe this was real peace with the Grounders, he was willing to take whatever days he could for his people to feel at ease. To recover. To heal.

Besides, it was easier to throw himself into work, distractions . . . so that he didn't have to think about what he had done. Though it would never leave him. When he closed his eyes, he saw them. The bodies of innocent men, women, children who he had killed. Between the culling and the genocide at Mount Weather, Bellamy felt the weight of over 600 deaths. Knowing, there was no true redemption from that. Making his way down the hall, he noticed Nina coming out of medical. She was one of the people in the dropship, taken by Mount Weather and forced to stay in the facility.

"Hey," he greeted, his voice low, stoic . . . knowing he couldn't afford to be anything else. But perhaps it was not as detached. While he had once told her that he wasn't the same person, well now . . . he really wasn't. Now, he just felt broken. "How are you feeling?" He asked. Having asked their medics what injuries the others had sustained, if Bellamy recalled correctly, Nina had suffered a dislocated shoulder. But right now, it was easier to check with her since they had crossed paths, rather than ask Jackson or Abby who were undoubtedly busy.

[Nina Eaton]

He'll say he's just not the same and you'll begin to wonder why you came Mount Weather had practically broken Nina. At the beginning she wanted to believe that they had finally found a safe haven but had been unable to ignore that nagging voice in the back of her mind. Eventually she had seen the true colors of Mount Weather but that had only put her under their watchful eye. Nina was and would always be a fighter and it was not an aspect that the Mount Weather guards had appreciated about her. Things had gotten fairly bad when Harper had been taking to be drilled for her bone marrow. Nina had grown to be close friends with the girl inside the mountain and knowing her friend had been in pain only infuriated her. It hadn't been until she had tried stopping the guards from taking her a second time that they had retaliated, dislocating her shoulder in the process.  Medical had set it back into place but it had come with Nina being taken away from her friends. Scheduled for drilling, Nina was unable to control the fear and anger that resided inside of her. It was blissful luck that saved her from being drilled, noting that Clarke and the others had finally come to save them all. Nina hadn't been surprised by the betrayal of the Grounders. She found it a little annoying that Clarke had put so much faith in them to begin with. But there was nothing she could do about it now. The important thing was that she was safe and her friends were safe. Normally, Nina would throw herself into training but had been given strict instructions by medical that she couldn't train until her shoulder had healed more. It wasn't as if anything had been broken, and Nina had tried to argue that with no luck. But her shoulder was unbelievably sore and had been since the initial incident. But Nina couldn't sit still. She would drive herself insane if she did. So she resorted to do some small trainings in her own room, without the watching eyes of Jackson or Abby.  Another medical check behind her, Nina left medical while absentmindedly rubbing at her shoulder. She hated it when the poked and prodded at her, asking how it felt. Looking up she noted Bellamy and offered him a small smile, nodding her head at his greeting. After Nina's initial arrive on Earth, she had avoided the eldest Blake sibling after they had slept together. Things had been better that way because Nina knew how her mind worked and she knew that trying to do something no strings attached with Bellamy was not impossible. She hadn't been childish about it. She had spoken to him when necessary, but she had not gone out of her way to seek him out like she had that first night. "I'm fine," she said. Fucked up. Insecure. Neurotic. Emotional. Fine. She had heard about Bellamy being inside Mount Weather prior to them being saved, but hadn't seen him due to her being locked up outside of her friends. "How have you been?" She asked. She didn't expect much of an answer, but she knew he had been through stuff and had also just been abandoned by Clarke. Nina had never grown close to the blonde but she imagined that her leaving had been a hard blow for Bellamy. Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Nina Eaton

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She said she was Fine. He knew that answer all too well. Hell, it was the one that he often gave. But he couldn't afford to be anything but fine. The people needed him to be fine. They needed him to be stoic. He was here for them; breathed for them and wasn't about to burden them with things that revealed his own self loathing and pain. "Fine," he answered, knowing it wasn't fair to delve deeper into that. He had always thought that Clarke would be the one to help him through this; that she would be the one there for him when he was unable to look himself in the mirror. But he would have to fully adjust to her being gone, no matter how long it took.

"Your shoulder's ok then?" He asked, motioning to her injured shoulder with his head, hoping he didn't mistake the injury that he recalled her having sustained. Some people had been drilled, others were just injured from physical altercations with the Mountain Men. "If so, you should be able to get back to work soon," he offered, knowing it wasn't much but . . . it was something at least. Work was filled with distractions and sometimes, that was exactly what people needed to help them cope with everything. It was what Bellamy needed so he had taken the position that Kane had offered him within the guard.

[Nina Eaton]

OR He'll say he's just not the same and you'll begin to wonder why you came Nina wasn't sure if tossing the word 'fine' back at her was meant to be an off-handed stab at her own answer, or if it was just the answer he gave. She knew Bellamy wasn't fine. She may not have been close, or even friends for that matter, for the last few months but that didn't mean she didn't know him anymore. She knew how he worked and she knew how he thought. She knew fne didn't really mean fine, especially since she had just used the answer in the same instance. From what Nina had heard, Bellamy had pulled the lever with Clarke, killing everyone inside of Mount Weather. While she thought it was the right thing to do, she could only imagine the inner turmoil he was going through. Wanting to fall back into her old ways with him was far too tempting, so she bit her tongue and held back anything she would probably regret saying.  At the mention of her shoulder, Nina rotated it slightly and went to rub it. She pursed her lips as a short spark of pain radiated through her shoulder. So maybe her shoulder still wasn't one hundred percent. She had actually been told that a dislocated shoulder took four to twelve weeks to properly heal, and that she should have her arm in a sling for most of the time. Nina had hassled with the sling for maybe a week before taking it off. She still had it in her room and wore it sometimes, but tried to avoid wearing it when she was outside of her room. She needed to be useful. She needed to believe that she was fine.  Nina frowned at his mention of getting back to work. They wouldn't let her. It was driving her insane and no one was helping her out. She had tried going to literally anyone that would help her get back into training but no one was budging. "My shoulder is fine," she lied. "But medical won't clear me for work." Her tone definitely held the bitterness that she felt towards all the doctors for denying her what she needed. "It's driving me insane." Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Nina Eaton

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

So her shoulder wasn't technically fine. It made sense though; it required a lengthy recovery. But at the same time, Bellamy knew that need to do something else other than rest it. He wasn't going to call her out on it not actually being fine. He didn't need to coddle her and he knew that. Hell, he seldom ever coddled anyone. Apart from his sister, but even those days were long gone. "We can still find things for you to do," he suggested. "If you're up for it." Inventory in the armory needed to be recorded, people needed to be settled, their systems updated with who was where. Anything that didn't require heavy lifting or over exertion of her arm, should be alright.

Besides, Bellamy wasn't one to follow doctor's orders. "You may not be able to train for a while, but you can still come to observe," he further suggested. A lot could be learned through observation too. Really, he was just offering her alternatives. He knew her well enough to understand her restlessness over not doing anything for however long the doctor said. Because, keeping the conversation to business was easier than delving into their personal history. The last time they had done that, it resulted in them not talking to each other unless necessary. It wasn't as if he liked or enjoyed the strain on their relationship. He just . . . knew it was better for her this way.

[Nina Eaton]

OR He'll say he's just not the same and you'll begin to wonder why you came It was strange to hear those words leave his mouth. We can still find things for you to do. We. They hadn't been a we in a very long time. In a way, it was something she had missed hearing but that wasn't something she would confess anytime soon. Nina had been so caught up in everything else and trying to get over him that they hadn't really talked since she had been taken to Mount Weather. But now they were having a conversation that wasn't required. A conversation that wasn't revolving around camp or taking care of their group. It was a nice change of pace for the pair, at least in Nina's opinion. It didn't even matter that it was a conversation revolving around such a mundane thing. It was nice, nevertheless. "It's barely been two weeks and I'm already going stir crazy," she said. But she knew that standing around and doing something that wasn't that physical wouldn't satisfy her needs. She had to do something to occupy both her mind and body. She had tried to think of things that would fulfill both of those requirements but hadn't been able to find anything. Perhaps Bellamy would have a better solution. But his idea of going to observe the training caused a genuine laugh to escape her lips. "I don't see me actually staying off to the side. Do you?" She asked him, raising a brow in question. Nina had a hard time taking orders from medical staff, especially when it restricted her from training or even having sex. And most of the time, those were the orders she was given. Nina was torn between asking him about how he was really doing since the whole Mount Weather ordeal and Clarke leaving and just trying to find something else to talk about. She had to force herself not to ask because that would likely cause her to go into her caring mode. She couldn't allow herself to do that because she knew he would only reject her again. But she still cared about him even though she tried not to. She couldn't just force herself not to care, especially since she could see that he was hurting. It was an automatic reaction to want to help him in anyway she could, but it was one she had to bury deep inside of her. Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Nina Eaton

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Nina spoke of getting stir crazy after only two weeks . . .adding on that she didn't see herself actually staying off to the side. "Just because you're there, doesn't mean you should participate." He was trying to give her things to do, ways to occupy herself; not actually make her injury worse. "If you do anything to aggravate your shoulder, its just gonna get worse. Maybe have permanent damage." The short term gratification was not worth the long tern consequences.

Bellamy saw how much Raven struggled with her leg, and while she could walk . . . he knew her well enough to see the pain she was in. Despite her keeping a strong face. "So you can be and wait until you're recovered. Or just keep getting stir crazy with nothing else to do." He wasn't ordering her about of course, but he was just presenting the options. It wasn't worth helping her get in training if she was going to jeopardize her shoulder. He wasn't about to be that reckless with her.

[Nina Eaton]

OR He'll say he's just not the same and you'll begin to wonder why you came She frowned at his words. She knew that being there meant she didn't have to participate, but it would be difficult to do. Training was in Nina's blood and she had never been injured like this before. Sure she had been bruised up from training but nothing that had actually prevented her from continuing her sessions. Nina knew all of these things but it didn't make her life any easier. It made it hard knowing that she would be benched for weeks. The idea of permanent damage did not sit well with Nina and she couldn't help but to think about Raven. She knew Raven was struggling with her leg still, but the two were different. Nina had always been a physical person and this shoulder was preventing her from being herself. Then again, she realized that she was fortunate to be able to walk without issues and that her shoulder would eventually heal if she allowed it to. Sighing, she shook her head and narrowed her eyes at him. "Your logic is annoying," she said, a soft chuckle escaping her lips once she relaxed her face again. Nina wanted to stomp her feet like a child knowing that Bellamy was right. He made perfect sense and she hated it. But she knew that she wouldn't be able to attend training sessions without doing anything. In her mind, that would only make things worse. She would rather be away from everyone and doing something mundane as opposed to seeing everyone do what she wished she was doing. Biting the inside of her cheek, Nina crossed her arms over her chest and looked down at her feet while the pair walked. She wasn't sure where Bellamy was going, but Nina was heading back to her room. She had been planning on trying to do some exercises but she knew it wasn't a good idea. "Where are you going?" She asked him. Bellamy Blake