The Unexpected Janitor

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

my sister

MY RESPONSIBILITY

It didn't take much longer for Jackson to come. Bellamy felt him spill his warm release deep within him, causing the male to let out a strained sound from the pleausrable sensation. Bellamy allowed himself to fall back against the bed, resting his head against it as he closed his eyes. Withdrawing his finger from where it had been probing Jackson, he grazed it along his ass, casually resting it over one of his cheeks.

His other hand moved up and down Jackson's bare back, caressing it as his chest heaved in attempt to catch his breath. Bellamy didn't want this moment to be over. He didn't want reality to set back in . . . the cruel realtiy of this damn life. He wished he could just lie here, allowing Jackson to place those tender kisses along his skin, while enjoying the warmth of his body over his own. Bellamy titled his head to the side, brushing his lips on the side of Jackson's head where he could reach, taking in the man's scent, savoring the moment for who knows if it was their last.

[Deleted]

Jackson lay there for a while, enjoying the feel of Bellamy under him. When Bellamy turned his head to kiss what he could reach of Jackson, Jackson smiled faintly, but didn't move, other than to shift his hips to pull his softening cock out of Bellamy. The hand running up and down his back felt tingly and nice, and Jackson wanted to lay like this forever.

But as the fog of orgasm started to fade, he realized Bellamy might not be as comfortable under his weight as Jackson was on top of him. He kissed Bellamy's neck again, then his jaw, then rolled to Bellamy's side with a groan. "That was fantastic," he murmured, pulling Bellamy close.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

my sister

MY RESPONSIBILITY

Bellamy felt Jackson start to shift, withdrawing himself from him. Despite the sensitivity of the region, Bellamy felt the deprivation of being filled by Jackson. And was already fearing that this was goodbye. But instead, Bellamy felt his continud light kisses along his neck and jaw, as the man moved to lay next to him. His words caused Bellamy to slowly open his eyes, a smile not quite touching his lips, though his expression was a bit softer than the one he usually wore. Especially recently. He turned his head a little more, his lips touching Jackson's shoulder, creating a path of kisses along it up to his collar bone.

His hand simultaneously slid over the doctor's bare chest, moving along his well formed and firm area. "It was," Bellamy agreed in a low voice, still trying to fully calm his racing heart and mind from the impact of their actions and orgasm. He didn't want the haze to disappear; he didn't want the euphoric aftermath to ebb away. He didn't want to be bombarded with the emotions that plagued him every day. "This was exactly what I needed," he added on, almost as a tease but there was truth in his words, moving his lips along the bottom of Jackson's neck.

[Deleted]

Jackson smiled faintly at the kisses Bellamy trailed over his skin and his hand roaming his chest, but mostly he was smiling at the expression on Bellamy's face. It wasn't happy, but it wasn't as burdened as it had been before. Jackson wished he knew a way to unburden Bellamy for longer than however long they were together, but if it was the best he could do for now, he would take it.

"Good," Jackson murmured. He pulled Bellamy closer again, this time wrapping both arms around him and pulling him against his chest. He hoped that he could keep the intimacy, that he could keep Bellamy relaxed, and that he could convince Bellamy to stay for the night. It might do them both good. "You gave me what I needed last time. Glad I returned the favor," he said. "I think maybe we both needed that."

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

my sister

MY RESPONSIBILITY

Feeling Jackson's arms wrap around him only caused Bellamy to further sink in the comfort of this moment; the comfort of him. He often craved the feeling to hold another and be held by them, but had never been able to due to his previous responsibilities. And now, more than ever, he sure as hell didn't deserve it. He shouldn't be allowing himself to find these rare moments of feeling content and comforted. His sister wasn't. His mother was dead.

And yet, he allowed himself . . . this. He closed his eyes, nestling his face against Jackson's neck as if it would shield him from reality and all the pending emotions that threatened to overcome him once more. The very ones that may pull him away from this moment . . . fearing when that time would come and trying to prolong the inevitable for as long as he could. Hearing Jackson speak of how he had given him what he needed, now returning the favor . . . and finishing with a statement of how perhaps they both needed this . . . helped Bellamy to further embrace it.

Even if he shouldn't. His arm wrapped around Jackson in return, breathing against the man's skin, taking in his scent . . . thoroughly intoxicated by all this. "This feels good," he added on, speaking against him, his voice almost drifting. "You feel good," he added on. The last time they had said the words, Bellamy had spoken them in a teasing manner . . . talking about how good he felt when inside. Now, he meant it on perhaps a bit of a deeper scale. For he not only found the comfort of a lover in Jackson's company, but also, the comfort of a friend.

[Deleted]

Without letting go of Bellamy, Jackson lifted a hand and cupped the back of Bellamy's head, letting him know without words that it was okay to take this comfort. If he needed to press into Jackson until he forgot himself, it was more than okay with Jackson. He tried not to wonder if he'd be able to do this again. He would like to. He would like to give Bellamy as much comfort as he could before he died. He shouldn't spend the rest of his life being unhappy. But Jackson didn't know if this would happen again, so he focused on making tonight good.

The drifting quality of Bellamy's voice was encouraging. Bellamy was relaxed. Jackson was too; he could feel the tug of sleep starting to seep into his body. "You feel good too," he whispered. "Stay with me tonight." He hadn't ever asked anyone to stay before. He couldn't get attached. But already knowing how this would end somehow made it feel safer.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

my sister

MY RESPONSIBILITY

"Stay with me tonight." Words that Bellamy often longed to hear, yet fearing hearing as well. All other times it was asked or demanded of him . . . he had rejected it. Sometimes he gave silent confirmation if only to relax the other person, then slip out when they were asleep. Other times he flat out rejected it. This time . . . it felt difficult to do either. With the serene state he was in, Bellamy wanted nothing more than to stay here the night. It certainly beat going back to an empty apartment. But, he shouldn't allow himself this. He should be punishing himself. Just like his mother had gotten punished. Just like O was getting punished every secnd of every day.

"I shouldn't," he breathed. Acknowledgment that he shouldn't be doing this, any of it. But nothing in his body indicated that he was going to do anything apart from selfishly indulge in this. "But I want to," he added on, subconsciously wrapping his arm a little more around Jackson, holding him against him as if he was afraid of the moment he had to let go. That seemed to be the winnnig outcome; his desire over rationality. He would hate himself even more in the morning, but right now . . . he was just going to continue to bask in all that Jackson offered him. His touch, his presence, his company . . . just, himself.

[Deleted]

Jackson was disappointed when Bellamy said he shouldn't stay, but not surprised. But then Bellamy continued, and Jackson couldn't help but be relieved, especially when Bellamy's arm tightened a little. "Then you should," he countered, shifting away just a little so that he could tug his blanket over them both. Once it was settled, he returned to their previous embrace.

"Besides, you wouldn't want to hurt a man's pride by rejecting that offer when said man has never made such an offer before," he added, kissing Bellamy's hair. He was never this open with people he slept with, but this time... it didn't really matter, did it?

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

my sister

MY RESPONSIBILITY

The blanket over them added a sort of finality to this moment; a confirmation, not that the verbal offer wasn't enough. But it just felt so . . . comfortable. So, normal. A type of normalcy that Bellamy had never had. Once they were settled under the blanket, Bellamy returned to draping his arm over Jackson, listening to him reveal that he had never asked anyone to stay before. It, surprised him and yet didn't. Perhaps the surprise was more so what made him make such an offer to Bellamy, of all people. Perhaps the least deserving of any past partners that Jackson had. Bellamy remained in a pensive silence for a moment, letting the words process.

He had been filled with so much self hatred, that the thought of anyone considering him as an exception to this sort of thing, seemed unfathomable. Bellamy had never accepted such an offer before. The only other time Bellamy had spent the full night with someone was when he passed out drunk -- the first and only time he had ever gotten drunk. Placing another light kiss against Jackson's neck, he turned his head to look intently at him through heavily lidded eyes. "Why's that?" He asked, wondering why Jackson had never made the offer before; why he had not spent the full night with someone. Genuine curiosity in Bellamy's voice to learn more about the man behind the doctor. Besides, it helped serve as a further distraction from his own troubles.

[Deleted]

Bellamy was silent for a few moments, and Jackson thought he was just going to quietly accept the invitation. But when Bellamy asked his question, Jackson sucked in a slow breath. Maybe he shouldn't have been so open. With just two words, Bellamy had just asked a very complicated question, one that Jackson was only recently beginning to understand himself.

"I..." he started, then paused for another moment. He hadn't turned to face Bellamy, but he could feel Bellamy's gaze on him. He closed his eyes. "I think I just-- I think it hurt so much losing my mom that I started pushing people away. My dad was never around, and I had friends, but I distanced myself. And that was really easy to do once I started studying for and training for my job." He shook his head a little, smiling faintly even as his heart thudded against his chest. "I wanted sex, but I didn't want anyone to get too close. I didn't--I don't--ever want to lose someone like that again."

God, this was stupid. He should tell Bellamy he needed to sleep because he had a long day tomorrow. It was the truth, after all.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

my sister

MY RESPONSIBILITY

Bellamy listened attentively to Jackson's response to his question. The mention of his mother dying caused the janitor to slightly clench his jaw, fighting back the emotion in the fresh wound of losing his own mother. But this wasn't about Bellamy. He had spent most of his life living for other people . . . it had become so much easier for him to focus on the other person, rather than himself. He appreciated Jackson opening up as much as he did, knowing that the male could have just brushed off his question, refusing to answer it. After all, Jackson didn't owe him anything. But instead, he offered a sincere response. Leaving Bellamy listening and . . . hell, he could understand not wanting to let anyone close.

Or well, not being able to. Usually the want was there, but the fear of losing them . . . well, that was what prevented it. Jackson seemed like a really good guy; Bellamy hoped that one day, he could find someone who made him happy. Because he clearly had a lot to give other people, and deserved the same affections. Bellamy moved his hand to Jackson's cheek, turning him so that he was facing him as Bellamy slightly raised his own head enough to meet the other male's lips. Embracing him in a deep, more emotional rather than need driven kiss. Easing out of it, Bellamy opened his eyes once more, resting his head back against the pillow, though his hand remained on Jackson's cheek.

"I get it," Bellamy told him sincerely. "I guess, when you have a choice . . . it's easier to pick the route that doesn't involve living in fear of losing someone." Bellamy never had a choice when it came to his family and while he loved his sister, that fear of losing her had not been easy to live in. In his case, it had come true, because of him. "Guess it just depends on what's more worth it." Loving someone and living in fear of losing them, or depriving oneself of love and living without that fear. "Love and fear, or neither." He knew he wasn't one to talk, because especially now, he could never let anyone in. But, they were talking about Jackson and Bellamy hoped that whatever his friend wanted from life . . . he found it.

[Deleted]

When Bellamy's first response to Jackson's words was a kiss, Jackson's chest ached a little. And then the kiss was so tender that Jackson wondered if it really was as safe as he'd thought it would be to open up to Bellamy tonight. He'd just said something to Bellamy that made him vulnerable, and Bellamy responded with a kiss that felt almost too emotional.

This was it. Tonight. Jackson told himself he would not seek out Bellamy again, as much as he wanted to, both for himself and for Bellamy.

But for tonight, he would enjoy it. He wanted it, after all. "I never even realized I was doing it until recently. It just seemed normal to me," he admitted.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

my sister

MY RESPONSIBILITY

Bellamy continued to listen intently as Jackson spoke of how he hadn't realized he was doing it. He supposed that was where they differed . . . for Bellamy was doing what he did, very consciously. He was all too aware of it. "Sometimes normal is overrated," he said with a faint tease in his voice, though there was also truth in it. What was normal, wasn't always best. Bellamy's life had been far from the Ark's standard of normal. Though he wouldn't trade it for anything . . . well, apart from the last little bit.

Something he was still trying to block his mind from. Slowly moving his hand from Jackson's cheek to his shoulder, Bellamy closed his eyes once more, taking in a slow, deep breath. "I've never accepted the offer before," he told him, for some reason, wanting Jackson to know that this was a rarity for him as well. It seemed that they were both out of their element . . . yet it didn't feel uncomfortable or awkward. Perhaps, that was both a good thing and something that would hurt more in the end.

[Deleted]

Jackson smiled faintly at Bellamy's words. Maybe normal was overrated. And it felt nice that Bellamy was also breaking his pattern for Jackson too. It made this feel like Jackson wasn't the only one making himself vulnerable. "I'm glad I could convince you," he murmured.

He turned his head so that he could kiss Bellamy again, slowly, his tongue exploring Bellamy's mouth, taking in the taste of the other man. It felt good. Too good. When he pulled away, he breathed. "Really should get some sleep. Can't have anyone notice that a handsome man kept me up past my bedtime." He smiled faintly, settling into a better position to sleep.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

my sister

MY RESPONSIBILITY

Feeling Jackson's lips against his own was a sensation that never lost its impact despite it not being the first time. It still felt incredible, every damn time. Bellamy parted his lips, breathing into the kiss as he glided his tongue along Jackson's, drinking in his fill of the man for what could possibly be the last time. Though unspoken, Bellamy knew something like this couldn't last. For either of them.

When he pulled out of the kiss, Bellamy relaxed against him, the words of sleeping sounding tempting. He would have smiled at Jackson's reference of him . . . had the expression been easier to form. Instead Bellamy just looked at him, soft intent in his gaze as he gave a final light kiss on cheek. "Get your beauty sleep then," he teased, keeping an arm around Jackson and letting his heavy lids fall shut . . . drifting to sleep with more ease than he had any other night since losing his family.