A New Dawn

[Clarke Griffin]

The feeling Clarke woke up to was unfamiliar to her now. Once she had known what it felt like to wake up just feeling featherlight and blissfully happy. Here on earth this was an entirely new feeling to her. Opening her eyes the memories came back to her. It was him, he was here, he loved her, like she loved him. They had this apartment and a baby on the way. Life had dealt them a hard set of cards, but it seemed like it also gave them a luck she could not describe. She had been pregnant during the war and the little wonder held on. She had been pregnant in mount weather and – how the hell did they not notice that – the little one had survived. It survived all of this and by now even her mother said should anything make her go into labor early, it could survive with a little help here in the station.

“Good morning.” She whispered to Bellamy. It was the first morning they really woke up together as more than friends, in a place they both shared. She stared at the way the sun hit his features. God he was something, wasn’t he? “You’re so beautiful like that, Bellamy.” He seemed to be so soft, years younger, less haunted. She’d treasure those moments in the mornings. But he was also thinking, she could see it. "What's up?"

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He smiled when he heard her voice, greeting him. "Morning," he said in return, just gazing at her. Her next words kept his smile in place as he inched closer to her. "Funny, I was thinking the exact same thing about you," he told her truthfully. She had a certain, glow to her.

A radiance, more so than usual. Part of it was associated with the pregnancy, he knew that much, but the other part of it was . . . well, her just being her. He then leaned forward to kiss her lips, a proper greeting to a new day that they had never gotten to experience before as their admittance for their feelings towards one another had only occurred last night.

Pulling away he took in her question, for she knew him far too well to be able to tell when his mind was at work. "I was just thinking how I wish we could spend the entire morning like this," he confessed. "Just the three of us in bed." It sounded so wonderful, to just be able to rest like this. Wonderful, but unlikely. Never the less, he was going to prolong it for as long as he could. She made it so easy to just want to lay here, as if they could hide from everything happening out there . . . if only for a few moments.

[Clarke Griffin]

“Flatterer.” But she knew he meant it, there was no doubt, she just wanted to tease him, just a little bit. Part of the beauty he spoke of, was probably the soft light coming into the apartment from their actual window. It was beautiful. It was perfect. She loved it. This was something she could so very easily get used to. Especially a soft morning kiss like he just gave her, just casual signs of affections. A part of her thought he might not have experienced a lot of casual shows of affection and so a large part of her wanted to show him affection now. He deserved it. And later their kid would get a hell of a lot of it, she hoped. Form her and him. Their kid should grow up loved, feeling like this place here could be a home, despite the dangers. And despite the dangers, she heard his desire and shared them. Clarke grinned.

“Too bad you got injured out there.” She whispered. He was out there for so long. If anyone deserved a break it was him. He fought for his life this past week. He fought to get back to his family. Clarke didn’t even want to think of what could have become of them had he died out there. She needed him, even though she couldn’t tell him for so long. “The camp can go without you for a bit. You deserve this moment and more. Take it. I am sure everyone understands you staying ehre for a bit longer. You’ve been gone for so long. Stay here a bit longer.” And then later they would face the camp or not. She’d take his lead no matter what.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She spoke of him getting injured out there, and then encouraged him to stay a little long. "Nothing I couldn't handle," he assured her. Though he also knew he had been lucky with the massive gorilla. He wasn't sure what more the Grounders wanted to find out from him . . . but was sure as hell glad he didn't have to find out. When she put it the way she did, when it felt so amazing to just lie next to her like this . . . well, it was getting increasingly difficult to remember the camp out there.

And realize that the three of them weren't the only ones in the world. She made it easy to just escape everything else, and let himself be happy. Let them be happy. "You make a convincing case, Clarke," he said playfully. "I might just take you up on that offer," he added on, just looking at her, basking in the seemingly perfect moment. "You sleep alright?" He asked, wondering if she had woken up after that -- and he had just failed to realize it. "Hope or Jake settle?" He further inquired, wondering if their baby slept through the remainder of the night. He wanted their baby to get used to his voice, to recognize it when he or she joined this world. Bellamy had so mucch lost time to make up for.

[Clarke Griffin]

“Please do.” She wanted him close for as long as she could. Yes, she was selfish like that right now and she certainly would not apologize for it. They needed him, more than ever. And now in the last stages of her pregnancy she would need every support she could get, more so than before. Did he realize that without him both of them, her and the little one could be dead already? “I slept perfectly, Bellamy.” With how easy she slept, she really knew she needed him by her side now. He had always been a source of strength for her, but now so more than ever. 

“Hope or Jake were either out like a light midway through your story or listening. They stopped moving and let me sleep just until now. I think the little Blake is still out.” More than possible. It was mostly sleeping and growing in there, not much more. “I am pretty sure this baby will love it’s father very much.” She could almost see a little gril in pigtails looking up at him adoringly, a total daddys girl, which was not hard to imagine with him at all. “I can’t wait to meet them. And find out what we’re having.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

If he had any doubts her words of 'please do' squashed them. Hearing that she slept perfectly well was a relief, wanting her to be properly rested, even if she said she could do that all day as well. He liked seeing it for himself, feeling it for himself. "Bored or fascinated, be honest Clarke cause it didn't you long to fall asleep either?" He said in the utmost playfulness and teasing when recalling his story. He kept grinning when she said that their son or daughter was still sleeping. Bellamy agreed whole heartedly with her words eager to see if it was a girl or boy; whether she would be Hope or if he would be Jake.

"I can't wait either," he stated. He wanted to hold him and her for the first time . . . have them join this world. A new world from the one that he and Clarke had come from. "Ths baby will have a lot of people loving him or her," he added on. A mother, a father, an aunt, a grandmother, and those were only the blood relatives. The rest would undoubtedly be known as aunts and uncles as well. "Little Blake," he repeated, picking up on her words. He didn't fail to notice her use his own last name, and wondered if that was something that would stick. They weren't married, so he wouldn't be upset if she preferred to keep her own last name for the baby. "Or little Griffin?" He asked smiling, the topic a light one, but was curious to see her reaction . . . to discover her preference.

[Clarke Griffin]

“Neither.” She whispered to him. What would they call this? They had so many words on the Ark, but none seemed to match this what they had. None seemed to have the power or gravity behind it. She simply found no word that could possibly match this. They were parents, that was perhaps the only thing that she could agree to. “It was your voice, Bellamy. It was hypnotizing, melodic, just… you.” She had grown to love that voice so much, to associate security with it. Whenever that voice boomed across the area at the dropship, people listened, no matter what. And then the care that could be in it. It was his voice. Again she was sure he could have read them a manual of a weapon and both her and the baby would have settled just from listening to him. 

“Yes. It will have.” Apart from her mother, Octavia hopefully, Lincoln, there would also be their friends. Raven was already more than exited about welcoming the kid. Jasper and Monty probably already hatched plans on what weird games to teach the baby. The kid would have an entire army of people to protect it. It was marking the beginning of something new and Bellamy and her hadn’t even intended it. “Little Blake. Definitely a little Blake.” She smiled at him. “It’s a strong name, it relates the baby to you firmly, if you want that. And Hope Blake and Jake Blake simply sound a lot better than with my last name.” Not to mention maybe one day she might not even carry her own last name anymore. But that was still wishful thinking.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Neither. That was a fair answer, and when she went on to describe his voice . . . he was surprised that she had found it all those things. He would have used the exact same words to describe her own voice, and yet here she was, speaking so highly of his own. "I think you're giving me too much credit there," he told her in light teasing. "But hey, I'll take it," he added on, his voice holding the same tone. Upon hearing her answer to his question, he felt his heart swell with . . . honor.

Yes, perhaps that was the most accurate way to describe it. He felt honored that she wanted their son or daughter to take on his last name. He would have completley understood if she wanted to keep her own, but she was allowing him this. And it meant the world to him. He softly smiled, unsure how to truly convey all that this meant to him. "That means a lot Clarke," he told her truthfully. "Thank you." Words seemed inadequate but it was all he had right now. He leaned toward her to kiss her lips again, kissing her cheek right after the embrace before just smiling at her. "You know, for the first time in a long time, I feel really damn lucky." Why? Because he was in love with an incredible woman. Furthermore, she was in love with him. And to top it all off, they were having a kid together. "And it's all thanks to you," he added on, all the credit going to her for gifting him with all this. He didn't deserve it, but he wasn't that selfless to reject it.

[Clarke Griffin]

It would merge their family together. Their child sharing his last name. It would no longer leave a doubt about his paternity and as such was a clear declaration to everyone else. He was the father and if he wanted the world to know he was, then so be it. They still had weeks until they had to announce it. But one day one of them, probably Bellamy would get to announce to their friends what it was, what their child would be called and consequently that it was carrying his last name, leaving no doubt at all anymore. “Thank you, Bellamy. I mean without you it wouldn’t even exist.” 

He lucky? No. She was. What were he chances of them meeting, of them getting together of them all surviving and then especially the baby surviving. What were the chances of him forgiving her? Yet he had forgiven her, or so she thought. She didn’t even want to think of what his admittance of having slept with Raven would have done when she really still thought he forgot her because she didn’t mean anything to him. Now she knew better. “I think I am lucky. You could have easily walked out on us, yet you’re here. You’re ready to be here for us, to at least be the father for the little one and while you don’t have to be. Thank you.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Without them being together, the child would not exist. He still wished his first time with Clarke hadn't been when he was under the influence of berries that made him high. He wondered how she felt during it. What words had they exchanged? God, he wished he could remember. But he supposed -- or well hoped -- he had the rest of their lives to make it up to her. To create memorable moments, with each other, and with the three of them. She told him that she was lucky -- which he heavily disagreed with but didn't say anything. He however could not remain silent when she said that he could have walked out on them, that he didn't have to be the father but he was.

He knew that months ago that was the kind of guy he had portrayed himself as. But it was not the guy she had fallen in love with. She knew him; the real him. And didn't want her to ever be afraid of him leaving. "That'll never happen Clarke," he told her confidently; stubbornly. "I would never . . . will never walk out on you, or our baby. I do have to be here, because I love you. Both of you. And walking out is not an option. It won't ever be." He knew why Clarke had left. She had been judged so harshly for all the decisions she had made, but he wanted her to know that he would never reject her. Whatever happened in the future, whether they fought or had a strong difference of opinion . . . he would always love her. He would always be committed to her. "Nothing will change that," he added on. Only death would be what truly separated him from her and the baby, but well, he didn't plan on dying anytime soon or let death having it that easy on him.

[Clarke Griffin]

“Good, because I don’t plan on walking out on you ever again, Bellamy.” She had done so before and while she had healed it also meant being alone in those months with her baby. It meant nights of being scared and alone, but also abandoning him. She needed him with her back then at the same time. She had fucked up back then, majorly. She deprived them both of so much with her damn decision. She couldn’t walk out on the kid, but still she walked away from him and it haunted her, the decisions back then still haunted her, yet she allowed herself to feel good and happy right there, for the baby. 

“Did you ever think this would be where we end up? I mean not the way we are now. But did you imagine us to end up … together? And with a child – or more?” More… Clarke hadn’t thought about the population laws until she knew she had to go back. For a moment a feeling of dread settled in her for dooming him under the old laws. It was only here that she found out that the exodus charta no longer said there could only be one child per family. They could have more children, if they wanted. 

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He didn't hold it against her, the fact that she left. She needed that time to heal, as painful as it had been to watch her walk away. She was back now, and that was what mattered. "I don't think I would let you," he said a bit jokingly, though . . . he knew he meant it. He would do more, all that he could, to ensure that she never felt like she had to leave. Hell, he should have done more to stop her after Mount Weather. Pleading hadn't been enough; he should have said more, fought for her more. But he wouldn't make that same mistake twice. She then asked a question that caused him to think. Did he ever imagine this to be his life?

"No," he answered truthfully with a smirk. "I never expected to fall in love. Never thought to have children." After the risk of having a second child . . . well, he would fear having one at that. Plus, he never thought he could fall in love or have someone else fall in love with him. "This place gave me more than I could have possibly imagined." Not only Octavia, but Clarke and their baby. "What about you? Ever think you'd be having a baby with a former janitor?" He asked teasingly. She had been part of the privileged people. He imagined her parents wouldn't have been too thrilled with the prospect . . . not to mention the fact that he was a few years older. But here, none of that mattered. Not even the age difference.

[Clarke Griffin]

“If you by ever mean ever, then yes, I actually imagined it at one point.” She admitted. She had imagined it when she was away, even before Mount Weather she did at one point, but those dreams and imaginations grew increasingly vivid for her. She could see him better and better holding a baby. Now the crib he would hover over was so clear, it was the one he built for their baby. “Up until I got locked up I thought one day Wells and I would get married and have a kid. I mean with him getting permission for it would have been a walk in the park.” But everything changed. Suddenly Wells himself was no option anymore. And then she thought she might die.

“I never imagined it with Finn. But you… with you those ideas came to my head in form of dreams sometimes, early on. Then again it might have been the little one making itself known already.” She stared into the distance, remembering those ideas. “The dreams were not there while you were in Mount Weather, but once I knew I was pregnant they got really, really vivid. As soon as I knew I was pregnant I knew it was yours, Bellamy. I didn’t even need to do the maths – which was adding up, too, just for the record. But just knew it wasn’t Finns, not just because I could never imagine him with my child, but we were careful. With you… it was different. I needed you, I wanted you. Protection was secondary. But, to fully answer your question: A year ago for example, no I would have never imagined getting pregnant by a former janitor and I would have never imagined I could be so happy about it.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He silently listened with intrigue and the utmost attentiveness as she began to explain when she had imagined it. She began by speaking of a time where she believed that her and Wells would be married. The poor guy didn't deserve what happened to him. Bellamy also knew that he was in love with Clarke . . . having taunted him about it at one point when Finn was trying to cozy up to her. Bellamy at the time hadn't given a shit. It had just given him ammo against them. A way to taunt them.

But now, he didn't find anything funny or amusing about it. She then spoke of how she never thought of it with Finn . . . but with him, it had been different. He felt that familiar feeling of honor and pride swell his heart. He knew she cared for Finn, and while he had never felt threatened by him persay, he would have backed off if that was who she preferred. But, hearing that with him it had been different . . . that she had wanted Bellamy when they got together, well, he didn't know what to say to express just how much that meant to him. It also caused that pang of guilt for not being able to remember, yet so desperately wanting to.

"For what it's worth, Clarke, I'm honored to be that guy." The one she imagined this with; the one she wanted. She was being so honest with him, that she deserved for him to do the same. "I've been feeling this way about you for a while . . . which is why it killed me when I thought the kid was Finn's. I was a jealous ass." He paused, knowing he had been jealous and selfish in how he reacted to that news. "But I would have loved him or her like my own, because it was a part of you." And he loved her. He knew he would have come around . . . but fortunately, they had cleared the air before then. She had told him the truth, no matter how shocking it was and how disbelieving he was of it. "The time we got together, I had already fallen for you. I knew it then. I needed you, and I wanted you in every sense of the word . . . I still do," he said with a bit of teasing flirtation, before his expression grew a tad bit more serious.

"I hate that I can't remember," he said in a low voice. He needed he to understand how badly he wanted to. "I wish I could. I wish I knew every sound, every touch, every scent . . . just, everything about that night." It wasn't exactly how he envisioned their first time to be, and they would never get that back. "But I don't regret it, not with what came out of it." A baby. A life that they had created, together. "If I knew what happened that night, I would have told you how I felt then." She needed to know that. He hadn't just used her for sex that night. Even if he couldn't remember it, even if he had been high, his feelings for her had already developed, and he would have made sure she knew it . . . if he had been able to.

[Clarke Griffin]

“You’re always an ass.” Clarke replied, a smirk on her face. “It’s part of why I fell for you:” It honestly was. He had stood up to her in a way she eventually understood. And he learned from her, like she learned from him. The way he was was the reason she fell for him in more than one way. Clarke would have been happy, even if just the friendship remained, because what she felt for him exceeded this giddy feeling of having something with Finn. It was a deep wish for Bellamy to just be okay, no matter what it cost her. The blonde reached out to run her hand through his hair again, loving the feel of it and the intimacy. 

“And you wouldn’t have slept with Raven.” She pointed out. He chose her. He wanted her and he didn’t remember. While Clarke now knew what happened she couldn’t hold that little poke back even though it didn’t matter anymore. It was the past, what they had would be the future. And said future meant she’d have to get up eventually, however reluctantly she would do so. Clarke slowly got up to fetch herself the drink she needed. As she returned to the bedroom, she drank the sight in. Only a week ago she lived in a small cold tent. Now she lived here, in an apartment, with him, though his things were still missing. It would be a big step. Clarke crawled back into bed. The day could start without them as well. He deserved a break.

Bellamy Blake