Paint It Black

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Finn. The delinquent had given himself up to protect the others; to solidify peace. The grounders had demanded his life . . . and yet, they betrayed them anyway. It was odd. That they wouldn't even demand Cage's life as part of the terms to retreat from Mount Weather. It only reinforced the heavily imbalance; that the Grounders took whatever the hell they wanted from the Arkers, expecting them to give it or they would force it from them. Yet at the end of the day, what the hell had the Grounders ever given them? It was the Arkers who even gave their medical supplies to the Grounders, who even know, took it without any offer in return. But once again, Skaikru was condemned. Skaikru was attacked. Bellamy was damn tired of it.

He felt his anger for them fueling, raging . . . with no outlet to express it apart from this conversation, and the drinks before them. "You once said that violence is the only thing these people understand." Bellamy took another large swig of his drink. "You were right." They didn't understand peace. And when they tried to, it ended it betrayal. "They started this war, and we've had to defend ourselves since day 1. I'm damn tired of it. Trying to appease them. Bowing down to them." When they gave them nothing. Even Pike had been willing to give the Grounders a chance, as Bellamy had vouched for Echo. And what did they do? What they always did. Betrayal. "Gena paid the price for it. She paid the price because I trusted a damn Grounder." Again. When did he learn? When would his naivety stop killing his people? The people that he loved.

He loved Gena, and now she was dead because he had wrongly put his trust in the hands of a woman that he thought he could believe in. Raven's question caused Bellamy to clench his jaw in emotion, looking helplessly at the bottle, eyes fixated on it though his mind was elsewhere. Playing Raven's question over and over in his mind. "I don't know," he admitted in a low voice, slightly shaking his head. He ran his hand over his face, the action allowing him to wipe away a fallen tear. "I'm just so tired." Of this life. Of losing people. Of how he fought for them every single day, and it didn't make a difference because they died. When they fought, people died. When they didn't fight, people died. When would it end? When would they stop having to suffer the loss of their people?

[cherry1]

There it was again. That blame; heavy in his words and tone. Raven was well aware that there was nothing she could say or do to stop him. She just didn’t have the words. She never seemed to. That was Gena’s speciality, her skill. Something Raven had loved most about her. The ability to use tough love and the honest truth to change even the most stubborn of hearts. Like hers. Like Bellamy’s. And she’d be lying if she tried to deny feeling the same way. The guilt of her death now added to the heavy burden she was forced to carry around. Weighing down on her, trying to break her. And now, how long was Raven supposed to last until she shattered underneath it all?

Violence was the only answer. It was as true then as it is now. The grounders continued to make that abundantly clear. How many chances were they supposed to get before every arker was wiped off the face of the Earth. A planet they also had a right to dammit. “Me too, Blake.” The truest words she’d ever spoken. “I don’t know if I can build a brace for this.” A memory of a similar sentence she’d once said to Finn flashed in her mind. One of the last things she’d ever said to him. It was easier said than done. This wound was open and gaping with no chance of scarring over anytime soon. “I’m just…so…angry.” It was consuming her. “She was so innocent, I…” One of the few who’s light hadn’t been tainted by this life, by this world. “I wish I could’ve taken her place.” It would haunt her for the rest of her life. That she’d been having a stupid heart to heart talk with Sinclair while Gena was under the same roof…choking on her own blood.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: cherry1

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

A brace for emotional pain. He wished she could. He wished there was a swift way to heal this. But he knew there wasn't. And that was what made it all the more painful. "Well, if you can, let me know. I wouldn't mind one." An attempt at a joke but only half assed, the joviality severely lacking from it. He found no humor in the notion . . . the impossible notion. But what else could he say? He took another drank, fully understanding Raven's anger. She had lost so much due to the Grounders . . . they all had. And now they were being told not to act.

Grounder justice against Grounders? What a damn joke. "Me too," he admitted in a low voice. He needed . . . something. Anything. Pike seemed to understand, but Kane? Abby? Clarke even? No. None of them got it; none of them cared. But the emotional outburst that Bellamy could feel building with him was going to unleash itself. There was no outlet right now, but the second he found one . . . well, he doubt restraint would come easy. Hearing Raven vocalize Gena's innocence, caused another tear to form in Bellamy's eyes. How right she was. Gena was innocent.

More innocent than so many others. But . . . for him to wish that Raven had taken her place? No. He wouldn't have that. He wouldn't have either of them dead. In a just world, a fair one . . . he would have been the one to die. Bellamy turned his head to look at Raven, reaching out as he place one of his hands on top of one of hers. "For what it's worth, I'm glad you're still here." Because they could have lost her in the explosion. They could have lost both her and Sinclair. Gena had died a hero and while that made the pain no easier to bear . . . he wouldn't wish Raven dead over another. He wouldn't pick. He should have been the one in there; he should have gotten them out. It was his responsibility, and he had massively failed.

[cherry1]

A brace for their pain. If only it were that easy. But it seemed there was no escape, no easy way out of the pain this world seemed determined to cause. An escape from pain was impossible, but boy did she crave it. Deep down, though she would never admit it, not even to herself, Raven would give anything not to feel like…this anymore. "For what it's worth, I'm glad you're still here." Even if the words weren’t true. Even if they were a kind lie he was telling for her sake, Raven desperately found solace in them. She appreciated them though she could feel herself crumbling beneath the guilt she felt with every word he spoke. Laying another hand on top of his own, she nodded in gratitude because she couldn’t quite bare to speak out of fear that she’d just start bawling again. And neither of them really needed that. Raven didn’t deserve his companionship, or his compassion. He should hate her. Every moment he didn’t…

“How many people have to die before they realise this is war?” She asked rhetorically, poorly hidden rage behind each word. They seemed so determined to find peace with people who had shown time and time again that they didn’t understand the meaning of the word. The grounders just weren’t capable. “Maybe…maybe we don’t deserve to survive.” It was all like some big cosmic joke, how much the ground had taken from her. She didn’t believe in fate but it was beginning to feel like it was working against her. Raven just couldn’t fight anymore. Not when everything she thought she was fighting for was being taken away from her one by one.

Tag: Bellamy Blake