For The Ones We Love

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Braeden Quinn

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

When the door was opened, Bellamy stepped inside, Braeden's silence indicating just how serious this was. Though, he never doubted or underestimated it. This was serious. She had found out a lot in a matter of seconds. She had covered for him. And now . . . he would be asking her to do something that would place her own life in danger. The silence also suggested that he be the one to start, and he was struggling to find where to begin. He had to though.

He needed to make sure his sister was safe. What a messed up situation this was. He would have to ask the woman he loved to place her life in danger, by saving his sister. It was his own fault. His emotions had come into play . . . he had fallen for Braeden way harder than he ever anticipated or thought possible. "Thank you, for not saying anything yet." He had to start with that: gratitude.

For if she had told the guard right away, he would have seen his sister dragged away to the Sky Box . . . which was not a sight he could ever bare to witness. It would destroy him, completely. He had to draw on whatever strength he had with him to keep his voice stoic, strong, steady. "She's my sister." Something that Braeden had already deduced. "I can't lose her, Braeden." So really, he was here to find out where her head was at. "I never wanted you to find out like this, but now that you know . . . what do you intend to do?"

[Braeden Quinn]

"Thank you, for not saying anything yet." Thanking her. Not where she had wanted him to start but it was at least something! She was so angry right now, however, that she wasn't going to give him any points. He had used her! She had thought they had something, but he was just using her! Braeden wanted to hurt him, like he had hurt her but she knew that turning in--"She's my sister."--Ah! Turning in his sister meant that he would be floated. It would kill him. And she hated that THAT was her deciding factor, when the one she should have looked at was how this would RUIN HER CAREER! Take away any chance at protecting her child! "I can't lose her, Braeden." LOOSE HER? LOOSE HER? Nothing about the baby! What would happen if this got out? She was damned if she did and damned if she didn't! If she covered for him, and this got out later--and they both needed to admit that you COULD not hide a person forever--she would be floated, he would be floated and their baby would be orphaned! Did he even give that a thought?! "I never wanted you to find out like this, but now that you know . . . what do you intend to do?" No! He did not get to put her on the spot right now! He didn't get make her make the hard choice! Maybe he didn't care about the baby was THAT was her first priority! "Nice. No apology. Just going to put a girl right on the spot." Braeden snapped, "Just going to make sure everyone knows exactly what you want out of this. Guess that is a big step for you. You kept your clothes on this time." She was trying to hurt him, and she knew it. She wasn't proud of it, but she wasn't sure how else to make the pain go away either. Walking over to table she pushed the paper and pen at him. "Sign the permit." Because the baby had to be legal, that was what mattered first.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Braeden Quinn

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy remained silent when she snapped at him. He had no right to argue with her, and he knew that. But he also didn't fail to notice that she had agreed to nothing. He couldn't let the subject go. Octavia was now discovered and her life, rest in the hands of another. The hands of the woman he had fallen in love with. Yet admitting that now, he feared would only seem like further manipulation. Not that he expected her to believe it. He was sorry for how she felt, how he had made her feel . . . but he could never be sorry for protecting his sister.

Her words finished with telling him to sign the permit, pushing the paper and pen at him. He hadn't even had the time to properly process the fact that he was going to be a father. That Braeden was pregnant. All he could do was take one thing at a time. He just stared at the permit, knowing they would ask questions about them and do a check into both parents. His hesitation in signing came from no idea of blackmail; he would never withhold his signature in exchange for Braeden's silence. His pause came only from his attempt to absorb this revelation.

"I deserve your anger, Braeden," he said, not about to deny it or defend himself for his actions. He then pressed the pen to the paper to sign. When he was done, he raised his gaze to meet hers. "But my sister doesn't." Octavia was innocent, in all of this. He needed her word, he needed that assurance before they could even begin to talk about a baby. Would she even want him in the child's life? The thought made him feel sick . . . being a father yet not being one. What was better for Octavia? What was better for Braeden? And what was better for the baby?

[Braeden Quinn]

"I deserve your anger, Braeden," He told her and for a moment she thought he might have been about to say something else, but instead he signed the document, and she leaned forward to grab it from the table, and pull it back toward her. She had what she needed to at least make sure the baby was safe, and for the moment that was all that was important. "But my sister doesn't." Right, because he had done this, and not her. He had turned himself into a whore, and climbed into her bed and made her believe him; when the whole time he was only doing it for his sister. She felt used, and stupid, and heart broken. "So my options are tell someone, and watch me loose the career I worked so hard for--the one that meant everything to me, and that I have spent my whole life trying to prove myself in--and watch them kill you and eventually her . . . . or keep the secret and live the rest of my life in fear of getting caught, which one day might happen, and then everything would happen anyway and my baby would then be an orphan." She layed it out for him. Made sure he was aware of the choice she had to make--one she already had made, but wanted to make sure he knew what he was asking of her. Did he think about any of this before crawling into her bed? What would he have done if it had been Shumway and not her as the one with the files? How far would he had gone? "I'm damned if I do, and I'm damned if I don't and you've seen to that . . . . . . I'm not going to tell." That was the only thing she knew for sure. Everything else she had no clue about what would happen.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Braeden Quinn

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy remained silent as Braeden listed out the options: one where she told and one where she didn't tell. He knew that this was a lot; that he was asking a lot from her. He never intended her to find out. Hell, he never intended to care about her the way he did now. But he couldn't stop protecting his sister. He couldn't let anything happen to her. Her words finished by an assurance that she would not tell, and he felt a wave of relief wash over him. She wasn't going to tell. He knew that could change, circumstances would alter that. But for the time being, he believed her. He trusted her.

Braeden wasn't the kind of woman who would tell him something without meaning it, nor was she one who was afraid of speaking her mind. "Your name won't be mentioned," he began to say. "By not telling, you are saving her life, Braeden. No one else needs to find out that you know. If the worst happens --" Something that Bellamy didn't even want to think about because it would involve losing Octavia. "-- then no one else will know that you know." He knew it would all be easier if she hadn't found out . . . but easy was not a part of his or Octavia's life.

He didn't expect fate to cut him any breaks now either. And clearly, it wasn't. "Thank you," he said, his voice filled with genuine sincerity even if it may not make much of a difference right now. Especially considering how upset she was, and rightfully so. They still had so much more they needed to say, and yet he wasn't sure how to bring it up. The next topic . . . was that of their child, a fact that Bellamy's mind still hadn't fully processed. He wasn't sure how much silence had passed until he spoke again. "Do you want me to be in this child's life?" He wanted to be, of course he did. But at the same time, she deserved the right to make this decision.

Why? Because of his complicated situation. He was breaking the law every second of every day. Would Braeden want that kind of risk involved in her baby's life? This wasn't a choice for Bellamy . . . it couldn't be. And yet, he would accept whatever she said. He realized he was bracing himself for her response, staying strong with what she would want from him. Because if she made him choose between the baby or Octavia . . . well, there was only one of them who would have no one if he picked the other. And his loyalty to his sister was unwavering.

[Braeden Quinn]

"Your name won't be mentioned," It wouldn't matter! She was involved! Even if she never found out, and he had gotten caught it would fall back on her! "-- then no one else will know that you know." He didn't understand that! If he was caught they would look at her, and wonder why she had not found this as SHE was the officer who was supposed to find these things! Then they'd noticed who she was sleeping with and everything would fall in to place! It wasn't as simple as keeping her name out of it! It was never going to be as simple as that! "Thank you," She looked away, angry at his thanks, and not wanting to hear it. She might have agreed to keep her mouth shut for him, but she didn't like the choice he'd forced on her! She didn't want him thanking her, she wanted to make the pain go away! He'd broken her heart! "Do you want me to be in this child's life?" NOW he asked! NOW he was asking her things rather then demanding. "At least your priorities are clear this time." She snapped at him, displeased. She didn't know! She didn't know what she wanted or could even allow toward him! "I don't know!"

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Braeden Quinn

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She remarked about his priorities and . . . she was right. His priority was Octavia. It had to be. The child had his or her mother. It would have a loving mother. Loving grandparents. And while Bellamy wished with every part of him that he could be a part of that child's life . . . he couldn't do that over the well being of his sister. Octavia had no one else. She hadn't chosen this life. It was what their mother had decided for her. Perhaps if their mother was alive, the decision would be different; his thoughts would be different. But right now, Octavia was all he had. And he was not going to abandon her.

He had dedicated his entire life to her since the day she was discovered in his mother's womb. What other life was there? What other life could there be? "I can't abandon my sister." Braeden already knew that and he wasn't going to sugarcoat it. "It's not that I want you to be on your own through this either," he said, instinctively taking a step toward her though stopped himself before he got any closer. "But she doesn't have anyone else." He wanted Braeden to understand, though at the same time, knew the shitty position he was putting her in. "The decision is yours to make." He was trying to keep his voice composed; steady. "And I'll accept it." No matter how much it hurt. He deserved to be hurt, after how much he hurt the two women that he loved.

[Braeden Quinn]

She heard him talking and she took in his words and hated them and apart of her hated him too in this moment, even though she knew she loved him too. She didn't want to be second to anyone! She deserved to be someone's first choice! But she would never be that with him! She wasn't even close, she was the officer he slept with for information! He was toxic! He was going to get everyone around him killed! And she didn't want to drown with him. She knew it was bitterness and hurtfulness that made her say a lot of things, but right now she wanted him to just go away. "I don't want you around me. You've done nothing but use me, and I can never trust you. I rather do this alone, then do this with you." She told him, and it hurt her to say it, and she almost regretted it but she wasn't taking it back. "It would be safer for the baby anyway."

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Braeden Quinn

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Her words hurt. Each one like a dagger peircing his heart. He wished he could hate her for them. He wished he could be bitter. But he couldn't. He deserved it. It was what was fair. He had used her in the beginning, though at the same time . . . knew that every instance he looked into her files to find out about surprise inspections . . . he was using her. He hated it. He hated himself for it. But there was nothing he could do. He had told her he would accept her choice, and he had to do that. Even if it hurt. It was selfish and naive of him to believe he could have everything. His sister. The woman he loved. A baby.

It was the family that he'd always wanted . . . but the one he could never have. Her words were logical, and she deserved to do what was in her and the baby's best interest. He had to remain calm. He had to keep himself composed. "Alright then," he managed to get out, unsure of what tone was there. He only felt his heart breaking, knowing what he caused. Knowing how much he had hurt her. Knowing that their child would grow up, believing that his or her father never wanted to be a part of their life. Bellamy swallowed back all the emotions. He needed to regain his composure the second he left this room, and before he went back to his apartment. He didn't ask for this, any of it . . . but neither did Octavia. Neither did Braeden. He had risked both of their lives, because he wanted to love and be loved.

He had always known why he could never allow himself to fall in love or have that romantic relationship with anyone. This, was the reason. Staring at him dead in the face. This was all that needed to be said. He took it as a cue to leave as he turned toward the door. He paused at it for a moment, turning his head to look at her. "I'm sorry Braeden. Truly, sorry." For everything that he had done to hurt her. He would not force himself on her, he would not force himself on the child. So with that, he left her apartment, closing the door behind him. The weight of her words heavy, but he had to focus on the present. He had to now think of what the best way to protect Octavia was. It was what his life was about. And the only thing he could ever allow it to be about.

[Braeden Quinn]

Braeden didn't want him to fight for her--they were both too headstrong, and she wasn't in a back down or see reason mood--but the fact that he didn't, didn't even try hurt her more then she cared to admit. He just left! HE LEFT! . . . . Good! Braeden felt herself cry when he did, but by the next day she was forcing herself to move forward. The news of her permit spread, and she tried to put on a happy face but most of the time she avoided people in the first few days. According to rumor, Bellamy had been caught cheating when a surprise inspection found girl clothes in his room and that was why they were not speaking to see everyone right now. Some came by to offer her support, and others came back to find out if they could help get them back together. Either way she sent both along quickly. Her father was angry. She was going to be an unwed mother. His disappoint hurt. Even said it. He told her that her choices had disappointed him. His exact words had been 'I expected better choices from you'. That had been the cherry on the heartbreak cake. It had left her in a broken hearted rage for a week. Though time moved on, and eventually she learned to deal with things. Not well, but the anger couldn't last forever. She trying to force herself to change sectors, but she knew if she did then the bitterness would return when she wondered who he was sleeping with now. It had made her drag her feet, with each day being the one where she promised herself she would do it tomorrow. The paperwork was where on her tablet. Ready for her to fill out. She just had not done it. Then came the day that some kid took a spacewalk, and everyone lost their minds. A month's of good air had been lost, and people got nervous when something like that happened. The council didn't help matters because they reacted like it was a huge deal. It came on the heels of a small riot in the farming sector, and guards were moves to help work there, which lead to every section being shorted changed. Which meant everyone was working double shifts. Sometimes the Ark had power fluxes, and to make this night worse, her section was having one which meant it was going to get cold tonight--not life endangering cold, but very uncomfortable cold. If you didn't have a special blanket you'd run the risk of getting life endangering cold. It was then that Braeden knew that Bellamy was working in the farming section, and he could in no way leave to deal with anything. Which meant the girl in this floor was going to get cold tonight. Braeden was pissed she even thought about! She was pissed her even cared! However, when she went to make sure the blankets were being handed out, she checked out her own and then marked one to be checked out to Bellamy's name as well. She took them both to his place and used her override code to get in--which caused the girl to panic. Braeden shut the door behind her, and moved to toss the blanket down. "There is a power flux. You'll need this." She also tossed down part of her rations (both water and food) to make sure she'd be ok. Braeden turned and walked toward the door. 'Thank you,' the voice called out and Braeden paused for a long moment before walking out.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Braeden Quinn

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Time moved quickly and slowly at the same time. It was easy to lose track of it. Bellamy took everything one day at a time. If he could get through a day with Octavia remaining undiscovered, it was successful. And next day would be the met with the same stresses and worries. He tried to never let it show though. He didn't want that burden on Octavia. As he established so many times, this wasn't her fault. She had no choice in this. She was innocent and he just wished he could give her a better life. Give her everything that she deserved. It was also difficult to gain information about surprise inspections. He had managed to sneak them here and there but it wouldn't last long.

He would need to find a new method to gain access to that information. Word had spread about Braeden's child as well. Some of the other guardsman questioned Bellamy's disloyalty to her, but he just remained silent. Engaging in it was futile. It was the only explanation for female clothing. So he would just repsond with silence, having nothing to say on the matter. He missed her. Of course he did. He thought about her, wondering how she was doing with the baby. Wishing he could be with her. Missing holding her in his arms, feeling her lips against his. It wasn't just the physical though. The pain of being apart from her went far deeper, to the very core of his heart. It was just yet another thing that he endured in silence. It was the only way to get through it.

He had been assigned shift at the farming station. He hated leaving Octavia alone at night, but when it came to his job, he had no other choice. It would be a couple more hours until he could see her and make sure she was alright. Or so he thought. There had been a breach and someone took an unauthorized space walk. It had cost them a lot of oxygen, but it had also caused a great deal of panic. The Ark was practically in lockdown, and Bellamy coudn't leave his post. It made him terrified of leaving Octavia alone. No food. No water. No heat. A couple hours had turned into a lot more than he had anticipated. The second he could be relieved of his duties, he raced home, seeing her curled up with a blanket and empty food and drink.

Bellamy just stared at it for a long while before Octavia explained. Thank goodness no one had come in here for an inspection. But he was even more grateful for the person who had come in to check on her. He didn't know what it meant. He hadn't expected Braeden to do that, and while he didn't forget what she had said to him . . . he couldn't let this go on unaddressed. So the next morning, he went to her apartment. Knocking at her door. There was a strong familiarity of this moment. But he had to talk to her. He needed to thank her and try to find out what this meant. She had saved his sister yet again, and Bellamy would not ever be able to express the magnitude of gratitude he felt toward Braeden for that.

[Braeden Quinn]

Braeden looked in the mirror and lifted up her shirt. Nothing. Bloody hell if she was going to feel this pregnant the least her body could do was make her look it! Her belly was hard when you touched it, rather then soft, so she knew the bump was coming, but damn it, she was tired of waking up cold and sick and not even looking like there was another happening. She'd lost weight! Wasn't pregnant women supposed to gain it? Her rations at increased, but she hadn't been able to keep much down. Her mother had warned her the first few months were hard, but then it got easier. She was looking forward to that. Easier. Ha. Braeden dropped her shirt and stared at her face. She thought about last night for the 100th time. She wasn't sure why she had done it, but she wasn't sorry she had done it. She had always been raised to follow the law and last night she had broken it a few times. Hearing a knock at her door, Braeden walked toward it. When she opened it, her face had a bit of surprise on it but then she blinked it away and stepped back so he could enter. Yeah, she should have expected this, but she hadn't thought he would come. Braeden shut the door behind him, but didn't speak. Not because of anger but because she wasn't sure what to say. The bitterness had left over the last month, but the pain was still there.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Braeden Quinn

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

It was good to see her, really see her. Not in a passing glance, but able to get a proper look at her. And well, she looked as beautiful as always. She stepped aside so that he could enter which he promptly did. When the door was closed he just watched her for a moment, trying to control his gaze but it fell to her stomach for a moment before he raised it back up to look at her face. Their child was growing within her and he wished that he could be a part of it. But, that wasn't why he was here. The fact that she wasn't kicking him out right away was also a good sign. He wasn't about to take that for granted.

He came here to say what he needed to and well, he would see where it went from there. "Thank you, for what you did." He had every reason, so many reasons, to thank her. Words were inadequate. He just didnt' know how else to express it. He didn't need to ask her why she did it. He knew why. It was because she was Braeden. And the qualities that had prompted her to take care of his sister, were just a few of the many that had emotionally drawn him to her and made him fall in love with her. "It meant a lot." To him. To Octavia to, but really, to him. She had gone out of her way to take care of someone that he had used her to protect. He left his statements of gratitude simple, to see how she would react. Would it be with anger? Indifference? He didn't know. But he was about to find out.

[Braeden Quinn]

He was thanking her, and she felt awkward. Braeden wasn't sure why she had done it and she didn't want someone thanking her for her. She just wanted to stop feeling so used and heart broken. The anger had been easy to handle, but this . . . this wasn't. It sucked and she didn't even know what to say--and she never didn't have something to say. Apart of her wanted to tell him she had only done it to make sure she didn't have to help him hide a body, but she knew it wasn't true and she was past trying to hurt him. Braeden took a deep breath, that sounded loud in the silence between them, before trying to speak up. "Yeah," She wasn't sure what to say beyond that. Her tone even suggested she wasn't sure about what she was saying or doing right now. "I'm not gonna make a habit of it but . . . " She shrugged, hoping he would understand. She guess he did understand since he was here. She wished she understood. Things used to be easy between them. Teasing, fun, and light. Everything a joke and a challenge. It had been love, on her part. Now she was over thinking everything she was about to do and second guessing everything she was saying. It wasn't who she was, and she hated it.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Braeden Quinn

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She told him that she wasn't going to make a habit of this, and . . . that was understandable. But he also needed to know whether she meant that or not. He would never ask her to do this, for he had never wanted to put her in this kind of position. But he needed to know, for the sake of Octavia. The fact that she was carrying his child was not forgotten either, yet he was trying to focus on one thing at a time. "I understand," he told her sincerely. "But I need to know if you mean that." He wasn't calling her a liar or anything, but the situation was complex and he needed to start figuring things out, knowing who was going to be involved and who wanted nothing to do with him.

"Don't get me wrong, I appreciate what you did. But . . . " He paused, trying to figure out how to phrase what he was trying to say, needing to pause for a few moments before continuing on. "It's damn hard." Another pause before elaborating. "To see you, but, not be with you." He hoped she understood what he was trying to say. She had helped Octavia, thus continuing to remain in his life . . . and it was hard to see her, knowing that she was the mother of his child, knowing how he felt about her . . . knowing that she wanted nothing to do with him. Or that was what she said. Her words did not hold against his sister, which he was so incredibly grateful for.