I can't lose you

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy continued to watch her as she pulled up a chair and explained to him what happened. A seizure. He didn't recall any of it, but he supposed that was normal. What did it mean though? She elaborated, saying it was bad and that he was coughing up more blood. Abby was checking on him now. He suppressed a groan at all the attention this was causing . . . imaging that it made quite the scene when he was brought into here.

"While I don't mind nurse Clarke," he began to say, trying to keep light of the situation, but it was getting increasingly difficult. "Are we any closer to figuring out what the hell this is?" Did the seizure explain what it could be? "I take it a simple lung infection is ruled out?" He added on. If it was just a lung infectioin, then surely Abby wouldn't need to be called in . . . unless it was a really bad one. But then again, Bellamy didn't know much about medicine. And he knew even less about these kinds of symptoms.

Feeling himself become slightly short of breath, he put the mask back over him for the time she answered. He would just take it off when he was talking again. He hated every second of this. He didn't want to make people worry, and he sure as hell didn't want what resources they had being wasted on him. But truth be told, he was scared. Scared that he wouldn't be able to fight this. Scared, because he didn't have control of what was happening inside his body; he didn't even know what was happening inside his own body.

[Clarke Griffin]

She hated to see him like that, weak and helpless. This was Bellamy. He always fought whatever happened. This state was uncharacteristic for him to an extreme and it bothered her, a lot. She hadn’t noticed until now how much she relied on him to be strong. For him to be weak was unsettling to say the least. “You’re right. The lung infection is ruled out. This is more.” And a lot worse than just that, but she didn’t want to tell him that. She didn’t want to say it, as that might make it real. Clarke did not want to make it real. This should be a nightmare, but it wasn’t. The tests will finally tell them what it is. Clarke could only sit there and wait and lend a hand if it got any worse. As the door opened, all she noticed was her mother nodding for her to come to her. 

“I’ll be right back.” She announced to Bellamy. She kissed his forehead, before going outside to meet with her mother. To her surprise Jackson, Octavia and Lincoln. They found what it was, they found the source, but they had nothing to undo it, yet. There was an antidote to the poison, but they had to go find it. Octavia and Lincoln insisted on doing it. The three of them parted in surprisingly good terms, but they were all fighting for the same thing right now: Save Bellamy. 

Returning to his room, Clarke sat back down by his side. She placed her hand on his arm and tried to force a smile. “We got the results of the test.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

More than a lung infection. Great. While he had assumed that, he still wished that he had somehow been wrong and that this wasn't anything to worry about. Clarke was then called out of the room, causing him to leave the mask in place as he watched her leave. This was ridiculous. He attempted to sit up so that he could get out of this damn place . . . but his body heavily protested what his mind demanded. He wasn't physically strong enough to do so. And it further agitated him. He let out a sound of annoyance, muted by the mask he wore so that he could breathe.

He needed damn help breathing now. It felt like ages -- when really, it could have just been a short amount of time -- before Clarke returned to the room. She sat down, put a hand on his arm, and he was trying to read her expression. Her smile looked slightly strained, but she didn't look defeated. Which meant that whatever this was, didn't guarantee death. He removed the mask from his face and looked at her, bracing himself, but needing to hear it. "What is it?" He asked. Results were good. It seemed like they had found something and hopefully, that meant they could start treating it and the sooner he could get out of here and back to actually being useful. "The suspense is killing me," he added on in sarcastic jest . . . though it wasn't entirely untrue.

[Clarke Griffin]

Clarke pondered over how she should tell him what was going on and what they were doing to help him. She had promised Octavia to do whatever was in her power to keep him alive and she meant it, but she knew he’d not be too thrilled about his sister going out there to find the damn antidote. They had no other choice. Without Lincolns input they wouldn’t even have known there was an antidote to begin with. “You’ve been poisoned.” She answered. Clarke was still trying to understand how this could happen. When could someone have poisoned him? She was with him most of the time since Mount Weather. Before that? But then he must have shown symptoms before. This happened so fast.

“There is an antidote. Lincoln knows where to find it. He and Octavia and I think a guard have gone to go look for it. It might take a day for them to return, so you have to hold on for that long, understand?” It could even take longer, depending on how the terrain was. She just had to have faith and keep him the hell alive. And he had to fight as well. First, though, they had to figure out where this could have come from. Whoever did that to him.... if he was alive, she'd probably kill him.“Bellamy, do you have any recollection of someone giving you any drug after you were hung upside down?”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He just stared at her when she said that he was poisoned. That, was definitely not what he expected. Then again, he had no idea what he'd expected. She mentioned that there was an antidote, and that Lincoln and Octavia had gone to find it. That immediately raised concern in Bellamy, but he also knew that if Lincoln was with O, she would be alright. Then again, she could take care of herself and often was the one protecting others rather than being the one protected. Still. The thought of people out there, potentially endangering themselves for him . . . he didn't like it. It would save his life, but he still feared for what it could cost them.

"Do you know what the antidote is?" He asked. Was it some sort of plant? Something found only at the Grounder camp? Was it an incredibly dangerous mission? "Don't worry Clarke," he said, offering as much of a smile as he could give in his condition. "I don't plan on dying any time soon." His way of saying that he would definitely hold on. That he would fight as hard as he possibly could. He thought back to his time in Mount Weather, though he already quickly knew the answer to her question. "Nothing that I'm aware of," he told her. "Unless I inhaled something when I was in the vents, or during the explosion. But I don't think this kind of poison is from inhaling anything toxic. The affects would have appeared sooner, and I didn't start feeling this way until I was settled back in the camp." Until after he had woken up from collapsing outside the gate. He didn't know what this meant. "What kind of poison is this anyway?" Did they know for sure? Or was the antidote to it just a generic one for any poison?

[Clarke Griffin]

“It’s a plant.” Clarke answered almost softly. “Lincoln knows of a field of them in the area of Mount Weather.” Which made her extra suspicious of the mountain men. What if they had done it to him? What if not? What if someone here had done it? Someone in the camp? But how? She was with him the entire time. Yet, he was right. Had he inhaled it, he would have felt the effects, especially on his lungs, way sooner. This was… unfortunately closer. The most sense did make the camp. Someone here poisoned him. Maybe when she sat there and he had walked off? But wouldn’t he have mentioned it? The collapsing had nothing to do with it either, she believed. Someone must have gotten to him. But when? When could…. No…

“It’s from another flower, again growing around Mount Weather. Serves in several pharmaceuticals. We had it on the Ark too. In tiny doses it can actually be helpful, but bigger doses cause fatigue and then this…” pharmaceuticals. Monty. He had brought Bellamys tray and then an extra one. What if he had given him the poison. “Has Monty brought you anything else, Bellamy?” But it made no sense. Why would Monty do that to him? Monty literally had no motive.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

A plant that grew near Mount Weather. At least the trip was doable and not completely unfamiliar of a terrain considering they had made that journey before. He would hate for anyone to embark on something incredibly dangerous, just to save him. Especially his sister. The more Clarke spoke about it though, the more reassured he felt, hearing that they were familiar with the poison and that he hadn't gotten too much of a lethal dose . . . hopefully. Her question however made him pause. He had not wanted to consider that the poisoning had began at the camp, even if it was the most rational and logical explanation. Still. The thought of one of their own doing this, made him feel more sick than the actual poison did.

"No," he said in a low voice. Monty. He wouldn't do this. He had no reason to and besides, he wasn't stupid. If he was the one who was poisoning him, he sure as hell wouldn't bring the food himself. It would be too obvious. "Miller brought me juice," he remembered. "That was the last thing I had." Before he had apparently had a seizure and an episode right after drinking the liquid. "Who would do this," he asked aloud, aware that neither of them had a solid answer right now. He wondered though, if this was about what he had done in Mount Weather . . . then did that mean Clarke was in danger as well? But thus far she hadn't displayed any symptoms. He still worried for it though. "You sure you're feeling ok?" He asked, just needing to be completley certain. Perhaps it was more personal against him than her, but he had to be sure.

[Clarke Griffin]

Miller and Monty, two people who they still trusted, the very two who did not look at Clarke like she was a coldhearted murderer most of the time, despite Monty clearly preferring Bellamy, or so she thought. They had hugged just as Clarke wanted to leave camp and Miller had actually, now she remembered, been court to her. Clarke felt even more sick now that she remembered that the two people to bring Bellamy things – she hadn’t even noticed the damn juice – where people neither of them would ever suspect, with right even. It was neither Miller nor Monty, but they might have unconsciously been the messenger. While she did not want to trouble them with the knowledge, Clarke knew she would have to interrogate them.

“I don’t know. But I will find it out, I promise.” Once she was sure he was through this. He needed to shake it off, before that happened, Clarke would not leave his side. There was no way she could leave him right now. He was weak and not in control. The months spent with Bellamy Blake allowed her to know how much he hated having no control over something, being helpless in a situation: as much as she hated it, if not more. She only knew one small way of giving him back just the faintest semblance of control. Control over her, even if it was just the knowledge that she was not about to lie to him.

“Apart from feeling like I could cry and punch a wall until my knuckles are bloody, I’m fine. Physically, I am fine. Mentally, though… I’m scared and worried about you, Bellamy. Whoever is doing that to you, they better hide. Someone should remind the camp what I’ve been willing to do so far to protect you in that damned mountain. They should be scared of me.” She wouldn’t do anything like what she had. She didn’t have it in her right now. She felt boneless and empty. “Who am I kidding? Right now I’m probably as dangerous as a newborn kitten.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

When she told him that she would find out soon, he believed her. There was no doubt in his mind about that. "I know you will," he stated in a low voice. He trusted her, and knew that she would uncover the culprit before anyone else got hurt. Who knew if the person would stop at Bellamy or if they would continue on this attack. He gave a slight smile as she spoke of how she was feeling, and was at least glad that physically, she was alright. "Everyone knows better than to piss off the princess," he told her teasingly. Though it was indeed the truth.

"Just, promise me no wall punching or bloody knuckles, alright?" He knew she was joking -- he hoped -- but he was just trying to keep the mood light. Well, as light as could be considering the discovery that he was being poisoned by someone in the camp. It felt odd, to have someone so fiercely protective of him, but odd in the best way possible. He was so used to being the one protective of Octavia and his mother . . . and down here, with who Octavia and become, and his relationship with Clarke . . . well, Bellamy felt rather secure with both these women. Safe, and protected with them, though he would not even think twice about doing whatever it took to protect either one of them as well. "Trust me, you are so far from a newborn kitten." She was not that demure, and he wouldn't have her any other way.

Her strength was what kept them alive . . . what kept him alive. "A newborn tiger maybe," he said with the same teasing tone, though also was well aware that she was far from that too. "You're strong, Clarke," he added on more seriously. "Don't be scared, and don't be worried. You've protected me more times than I can count." Especially with everything she had done to ensure his safety and survival in Mount Weather. "And I'm pretty sure that whoever did this, is already shaking in their boots. As I said, you are the last person anyone should be dumb enough to anger," he said with a playful smile, trying to hold back a chuckle as it hurt too much to even laugh right now.

[Clarke Griffin]

“Newborn tigers are just overgrown newborn kittens.” Clarke pointed out. Nothing in the history books suggested they were any stronger or fiercer than a kitten, but they would grow to be pretty frightening. Did some tigers survive the cataclysm? Maybe tigers existed in America again? Maybe they could see one. That would be a bit of a dream, really. That was once he was better. If he would. What if Octavia and Lincoln were too late? She shuddered just thinking of it. Instinctively she reached out to make sure the mask was firmly on his face again once he had spoken. He needed the oxygen, god damn it. 

“They better be. I still can’t imagine who would want to hurt you. You risked your life for everyone here.” Because of this, she was sure Kane and her mother would help them with it The culprit would have to pay for it, one way or another. And he had used Monty and Miller most likely. “Are you feeling any better or worse?” The blonde sat back, watching him carefully. Judging by how he looked, probably worse. But what could she do about it? Maybe she should distract him. But there was nothing good to distract him with. “You can’t give up, Bellamy. Octavia needs you.” She added, almost inaudibly: “I need you.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

There could be quite a list of reasons why someone would want to hurt him, he supposed. Disagreement of his leadership -- even if he wasn't the one ultimately in charge anymore. Something that he had done in the past that was catching up to him now. And if ever there was a time to strike, this would be it. He'd already been weak from Mount Weather, this would have been the perfect opportunity to go at him. He lifted the oxygen mask off of him so that he could properly respond to her.

"We both risked a lot," he breathed out. "But I've made a lot of mistakes that could be catching up to me now." Killing all those people on the Ark being a major one. She asked him if he was feeling better or worse and he gave her a weak smile. "Somewhere in between," he told her. He was feeling, weak. But he supposed that was to be expected. He just hated having to admit it. Having everyone see him like this. She told him that he couldn't give up. That Octavia needed him. That she needed him. He swallowed, trying to hold back the emotions that her words brought up. He doubted either of them needed him, they were both perfectly capable women . . . but hearing it, still made him feel . . . well, far more than he should for Clarke, he knew that much.

"I need you too," he told her, wanting that to be known. He was feeling a familiar delerium, causing him to be unable to fully control what he was saying as he felt himself drifting. "I love Octavia, but she'll be fine." Without him. He closed his eyes, about to place the mask over his mouth but spoke first. "And I love you. But you'll be fine." The words dazily slipped out as he placed his mask on his mouth and finally succumbed to the inevitable darkness. Only this time, he had slipped into a far deeper state . . . one that he would not so easily awake from.

[Clarke Griffin]

Even though he said he felt somewhere in between, Clarke could see it was different than what he said. What she saw, what she heard as he drifted off, let every single alarm bell in her scream loudly at her, that this was not okay. She heard him, but as he closed his eyes, more important things ran through her mind than to wonder if he meant what he had said, if he truly loved her – like she him: His health. Bellamy had been really bad before, so this could not be good. Clarke exposed his foot immediately. She poked him with her nail, feeling just a minimal reaction to the pain and that being fully unconscious and would most likely cease soon. Not good. Shaking him softly, while calling out his name, she tried to wake him in vain. In her head she went through the scale of rating how deep he was in. This was not good at all. Clarke ran out to scream for her mother, gripped by a sudden panic. She had to help him. They had to help him. What felt like every medically trained person here rushed into the room. Only Jackson took pity in her, pushing her out, into the waiting arms of someone she could not look at, probably Kane. “He can’t die.” But he might be dying right now. Clarke couldn’t breathe, but she was still breathing, she knew. He just held her until she gathered herself enough, to feel the panic and pain replaced with anger and desperation. What if O and Lincoln were too late? Clarke pushed away. She rushed out to find Bellamys friends – no longer hers probably – linger close by. The blonde grabbed Monty by the collar. 

“WHO gave you the breakfast for Bellamy? WHO?” she asked him, clearly upset. Miller tried to stop her, but Clarke just glared at him. “DON’T! WHO gave you the juice? YOU TWO GAVE BELLAMY POISON!!!!” Unconsciously or not, Clarke didn’t care. “AND NOW HE’S DYING IN THERE!!!!” A gasp and movement from Monty confirmed what she had thought: He had nothing to do with it and Millers face was frozen in shock. He too was innocent. But someone did this to Bellamy. 

“Whoever did this better step forward and better have an antidote. He’s in a COMA by now. He’s dying. I hope you’re happy. I honestly thought we moved past killing each other. If Bellamy dies tonight…” Clarke let go of Monty. “Find who did this and make him bring the antidote.” With that she turned, to go back to Bellamy. She’d not leave his side again. To her surprise the chair had been exchanged to a more comfortable one, with pillows and a blanket waiting for her. Clarke settled in it. She reached for his cold hand again, hoping her presence would help and his vitals would stop getting worse and worse.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy was unsure how long he was unconscious for in his deep state of coma. It could have been days, weeks, months . . . the concept of time was lost upon him. But he was not about to give up. Somehow, in his comatose state, he was still fighting. Still working to regain consciousness, to return to the world that held the people he cared for and loved. An internal battle that was raging within him, yet hardly shown through any physical sign. That is, until he seemed to be victorious. He could feel himself getting pulled from the darkness, and though his eyes remained closed, his head involuntarily moved to the side a bit, a quiet groan emitting from deep within his throat. He felt something over his mouth, but lacked the strength to pull it off.

He slowly tried to open his eyes, failing at the first attempt causing them to flutter closed again. His throat felt dry, and his insides were burning a little, but he was alive. That was what mattered, wasn't it? He went for attempt number two, slowly opened his eyes, revealing everything around him to be hazy. His lids felt heavy but he forced them to remain opening, the light of his surroundings causing his eyes to sting . . . but it was something he wanted to adjust to. Bellamy was completely disoriented, so all he could do was look to the side rather than the unhelpful ceiling. He saw a blurry figure next to him, staring as he impatiently waited for his vision to clear so that the person would come into view. Seeing certain traits, led him to assume who it was. And if it wasn't her, then perhaps it was his subconcious wishing it was. "Clarke?"

[Clarke Griffin]

Clarke remained by Bellamys side throughout the night and the entire day, refusing to let her body have, what it so desperately craved: Sleep. She ate and drank, made sure the IV he had been hooked up was still secure and checked on his vitals, which were getting worse by the hour. Clarke just couldn’t move. She whispered sweet words of encouragement to him, but steered clear of voicing how deep her feelings went. She couldn’t say it, couldn’t make herself admit it to herself. What if he didn’t make it? She’d not survive it. She needed him if she was to stay here. Her demons would slay her, she was sure of it. Without him there was no point of her staying alive. 

The next day Octavia and Lincoln returned with the antidote. Her mother and Jackson immediately prepared it. Whoever did this to Bellamy hadn’t come forth yet, but Clarke heard from her mother that Kane had started questioning the kids to find out who the culprit was – if he was among them. Once the antidote was given to him, both Lincoln and Octavia insisted on her going to the next room to catch some sleep. They’d wake her, which was the only reason why she gave in. The two of them really woke her when Lincoln got Octavia to go and rest. Once she was settled in the armchair again she noticed with a smile that Bellamys vitals seemed to have gotten stronger. Was he actually pulling through? Faint hope blossomed in her. He could make it and she’d be there for him every step of the way. 

After a while – Clarke didn’t look at the time, she felt and saw him move. A good sign. He was probably no longer in a coma, technically, but just sleeping. Sleep she preferred. Clarke kept watching him until he opened his eyes. He was clearly still disoriented and weak, but he recognized her. The blonde leaned forward to kiss his forehead.

“Yes, I’m here, Bellamy. Just a second.” She was not leaving the room, but kicking against a wall, knowing that the other room was where Octavia and Lincoln were. Sure enough the two basically ran in to his side. She stayed back, watching the relieved sister and her brother, while she felt her heart ache and her eyes fill with tears. He was alive! He actually made it.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy felt a tender kiss on his forehead, instantly recognizing those lips despite not seeing a clear enough image of her face just yet. The sensation that filled him at her touch was unmistakable. She seemed to be leaving, but Bellamy lacked the strength to protet. He just watched her, as she didn't seem to go far. His vision started to clear just in time to see Octavia and Lincoln rush to his side. He wrapped his arms around his sister as she clung to him. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, before his gaze sought out Clarke, looking at her through his sibling's hug.

He wasn't sure what expression was behind his gaze, though he knew he wasn't strong enough for it to be overly guarded as it usually was. When Octavia pulled away, Bellamy looked at her with a smile, before turning to Lincoln as well who was smiling in return. Bellamy thanked them both for the antidote. He could feel the effects of it, so knew they had both been successful in acquiring it. Not that he ever doubted their capabilities. They conversed for a short time, Bellamy holding Octavia's hand in his own as he took comfort in her presence. Eventually, they recognized his need for rest, though it also looked like they needed some too. Octavia assured him they would be back soon, and with a kiss on his cheek, she hesitantly left with Lincoln.

Leaving Bellamy and Clarke alone once more. He took a deep breath, resting his head against the pillow before looking at Clarke again. "Do we know who did this?" He asked, unable to so quickly forget the fact that he had been poisoned. It was more so his concern for others in the camp, worried that it was not just him they would attempt something like this on. It wasn't what he really wanted to say to Clarke, but it was the co-leader of him needing to do what he could in this incapacitated state to help protect the others. Though really, it was Clarke who was doing that. He owed her his life, and he intended to thank her for that.