Let me rest my weary head

[Clarke Griffin]

Winter had not been an easy time. It was only due to the Grounders help, that she survived the two months of winter. Otherwise she would have probably not been more than a frozen corpse by now. Luckily she wasn’t, it was not due to her own skills. Clarke found it was time to go home, finally. She gathered everything she had, including new knowledge of plants, antidotes and poisons, furs and weapons as well as new clothing and a new hairstyle. The trek to the Camp had taken up more than an entire days walk. Knowing she was close, Clarke walked into the night, while she usually avoided being out in the dark, due to nocturnal animals running wild usually. It was dangerous out there in the dark. 

Clarke was shivering. It was still relatively cool, so she was looking forward to getting to a fire, to sit down and not worry about being killed every five minutes. Finally the impressive arch of the Alpha station came into view, the lights as well. Camp Jaha was so close. The blonde sped up, almost running now. Guards pointed their guns at her as she finally arrived at the gate. Clarke was aware she looked like a Grounder, so she knew she had to identify herself and maybe hope for a friend to come and identify her as who she was. 

“I am Clarke Griffin.” She started, one hand raised, the other clinging to her bag. “I am Abigail Griffins daughter. Will you let me in?”

blake

[blake]

O sat along the post that was sued for the night guard and watched into the woods. She both saw the trees but didn't. In her mind she was lost in the memory of being with the grounders, and embracing the freedoms she had longed for her whole life. She missed it. She wasn't so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't miss the moments. She saw a grounder--alone--begin approaching the gate, so she stood up and walked closer. “I am Clarke Griffin.” She didn't dare come back here. O paused in her steps from the surprise--not at Clarke's clothes or look--but at her boldness of just coming back after so much time. “I am Abigail Griffins daughter." She was looking for her mother--not her people.

"Will you let me in?” Octavia walked toward Clarke, not speaking until she got close enough that the gate was the only thing between them. She wasn't going to open it just yet. "For how long?" She asked angrily. "Have you come back to leave us again?" First she had left her people in TonDC when the bombs fell, and then after the mountain she had left Bellamy to deal with the aftermath alone--left them all to deal with it alone! And because she never was one to pull a punch, and she was still pissed that Clarke lied to her brother about hers being in TonDC, "How do you even know your mother is still alive, Clarke? They had done a lot to her in the mountain--infection isn't easy to fight when one of your only doctors is who is dying!" Abby was fine, but she wanted to hurt Clarke the way Clarke had hurt Bellamy when she had abandon him, and lied to him, and all but got him killed!

[Clarke Griffin]

A good part of her had expected them to forget or reject the idea of Abby having a daughter. She expected hatred or pain, both of which she felt for herself as well, inside. She hated herself. She hated the way she had no destination, no way of knowing where to go what to do. She didn’t know herself anymore. Clarkes expression remained empty, easily mistakable for coldness, as she saw Octavia. The way they parted wasn’t exactly on good terms. Clarke had known that meeting her again would not be easy, meeting her alone even less so than in company. There was nothing to justify any of her actions, not to Octavia. Trying hard was not good enough, she wasn’t good enough and hadn’t ever been. Regardless Clarke had expected this to be hard, shattering maybe. Had it not been for the Grounders, she knew she would not have been able to ever return, she wouldn’t be alive to return, even though life was, in her own definition something else, something she didn’t deserve.

The blonde cocked her head to her side as Octavia mentioned her mothers death. While she felt a pang of pain, it was nothing but a faint sharp stinging in the midst of the constant emotional – and sometimes physical – pain she felt almost all day. Sometimes her mind had wandered to Camp Jaha, her desire to return turned into something so very self destructive then as the walk would have most likely been her death then. And then there was the entire matter of Jackson, he knew how to stop infections, even Clarke, someone who had only just started training back then knew. So if her mother was dead, others were, too. And still it didn’t hurt as bad as she thought. Other things hurt more. Living hurt more. “So I take it I’m not welcome back then.” Clarke commented, voice void of emotions still. “I had wanted to come back for good.” To deal with what she had left behind, to make sure they healed while she couldn’t and refused to let herself. She wanted to be among those she knew, she wanted their looks and hatred, which was not what she got with the Grounders. Life was complicated enough as it is. “I know you hate me, Octavia. Will you let me in, or should I leave again, so you won’t have to see me ever again?”

blake