Sit Down. Shut Up.

[Bambi Prim Hills]

I WILL POWDER MY NOSE AND SMILE
BUT IT'S ALL AN ACT; I'M SCREAMING ON THE INSIDE. I DONT KNOW MYSELF.
TAGGED Bellamy Blake	Everything had gone to hell... People were spying on each other, conspiring and working against one another, all in the name of Chancellor Pike. But, not everyone agreed with his way of thinking. Arkadia was being ripped apart... People wanted revenge and Bambi couldn’t blame them. She’d been... quiet. With the exception of telling off some idiots who tried to rush her work, the past few days had been dealt with in silence, especially when Bellamy disappeared. It wasn’t uncommon for her to go a day or two without seeing him but if she looked for him he wasn’t far. During the ceasefire.... they’d gotten close. Closer than she let most people get. She was worried about him.... and then Pike left with his band of followers—not telling them where he was going or why. She hated being in the dark. She hated not knowing what was happening but she knew they had left for Bellamy. They were going for Bell... They had to be. She’d been waiting anxiously, even as night fell. She left her work station and waited outside for hours to wait for them to return... but the group that came back was not the one that had left. Pike was gone. His soldiers; gone. Harper, Monty, Miller, Bryan--- and Bellamy came through the gates. After that she didn’t care who was back, though Octavia was nowhere to be seen. She pushed herself up and made her way over to the group with eyes on Bellamy. He was beaten to hell with cuts on his face that matched the curve of a fist. The lack of bruising on his hands meant it wasn’t a fight—it was a beating. Her lips curled back at the thought. “Bellamy!” She called out as she approached. He wasn’t walking towards medical... “Bell,” her voice was a bit breathless as she followed him. “Bellamy what the hell happened to you? Who did this!?” she moved to stand in front of him and reached up to cup his face. Her thumb traced under the worst gash. It would need stitches. “Where did you go? Where—where is everybody?”

pyxis ★

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Bambi Prim Hills

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Lincoln was dead. Bellamy hadn't been able to properly mourn his brother's death. But his death was not the only to mourn. Octavia had told him he was dead to him. Kane called him the enemy. And the others . . . willing to hand him over to someone who would most likely charge him with treason. He had betrayed a friend. He had turned in one of his own to the Grounders. He had picked Octavia over him. And in the end, it didn't matter. She still despised him. He had lost a brother, a sister, a father, and a friend.

Perhaps, more than one. So the walk back to Arkadia had been silent. The markings on his face, a mask to air his dirty laundry. To reveal his misdeeds. A constant reminder of the monster he was. When anyone saw him, they would know. When he looked into the mirror, he would know. There was no way to escape it. Emotional or physical. His scars created a mask of monstrosity. Bellamy had felt his heart break in those moments, losing Octavia and the others. So when he heard the voice of someone else he cared about, he hadn't reacted. How could he? Bambi was someone he had grown close to; someone who had saved his soul during the ceasefire, after the horrific acts he had committed at Mount Weather.

He couldn't bare for her to see him, and know what he did. He couldn't bare the thought of her gazing at him with the same distaste and shock, that others looked at him with. So he ignored her, forcing himself not to stop, forcing himself not to look at her. That is, until it became impossible. She stood in front of him, and he still kept his gaze averted from hers. Eyes off to the side, looking at nothing in particular. Her hand on his skin . . . giving him undeserved comfort. Her questions, not even fully processing in his mind. He finally, slowly brought his eyes to meet hers, unable to withhold the pain in them. She had the ability to crumble whatever resolve he had left.

Tears had been shed when he had been chained, but not after. And now, they threatened to unleash themselves. His eyes growing slightly moist.  "Not here," he said in a low, barley audible voice. Hoarse, and deeper than usual. His eyes pleading, begging for her to take them somewhere quiet. Her place or his. It dind't matter. Just anywhere that concealed him. Though the fear of her seeing him for the monster wasn't far from his mind . . . his need to hold her trumped all else. Even if just to selfishly bask in the undeserved moments of comfort. "Please," he added, an ever so slight tremble in his lips, lacking the strength to lead them. Just as he lacked the strength to help lead anyone anymore.

[Bambi Prim Hills]

I WILL POWDER MY NOSE AND SMILE
BUT IT'S ALL AN ACT; I'M SCREAMING ON THE INSIDE. I DONT KNOW MYSELF.
TAGGED Bellamy Blake	He’d never ignored her so blatantly before, and though normally that would offend her to no end the sheen of unshed tears that coated his eyes made a lump raise in her throat. He wouldn’t look at her, as though he were too ashamed to do so.. all Bambi wanted to do was make whoever made him feel like this pay. She was protective; aggressively so over Bellamy. He’d done so much for his people; for them, and for Bambi herself that she couldn’t understand how much disrespect he received from those who were supposedly his friends. She’d never seen him so crushed—not even when he returned from Mount Weather. Not even when Clarke left... She wanted to demand answers. They played on the tip of her tongue and clawed at her tightly pursed lips but she swallowed them bitterly. Her tense grip on his jaw and her tight expression was obvious as energy brewed under her skin, but instead of screaming just yet she firmly wrapped her arm around him and tightly rested her hand on his head with her fingers curled into his hair. Her hold was tight and even vibrated down to her enraged bones but with every bit of energy she had she fought off the rage and tried—so hard to be there for him now. The time for yelling, ranting and raving would come behind closed doors. Her nod was tense as she shifted to wrap her arm around his shoulders and took his hand in hers. It was a supportive hold but also slightly forceful. She wasn’t going to let him sneak off somewhere behind a locked door. She wasn’t going to let him process whatever happened without support. He wasn’t a fucking God. He shouldn’t have always been expected to deal with everything alone... She was an angry little thing—but she cared about Bellamy enough to pause her scene, at least temporarily. As she opened her door and let him go reluctantly, she took her first breath since she’d led him from the courtyard. “What the hell happened?” she questioned a little harshly. “Who did this to you? Was... Was it a grounder? Pike wouldn’t do this... what happened?” she didn’t want to let him go but she was sorting through her things, hoping to find a small enough needle to help stitch up the gash on his cheek. He had a habit of not going to medical that drove her mad. "Talk to me Bell..."

pyxis ★