You're Not Alone; Not Now, Not Ever

[amber2]

you won't see me fall apart
'Cause I've got an elastic heart
TAGGED Bellamy Blake	The medical bay was filled with new and old faces, some Mel knew from the Ark, others were strangers to her. The important thing was that they had their people back from Mount Weather... it was no small victory. Mel had been healing and only hearing the bare minimum when it came to updates. She’d been discharged after the rush of Mount Weather victims were brought to Medical to be cared for, but she could have been discharged sooner. A broken arm, cracked ribs and scrapes and bruises didn’t need constant medical attention, but Abby and those supervising her were concerned for her mental state. It was natural... after everything that had happened. She’d barely been able to sleep without seeing flashes or smelling the burning... it was rough, but she was getting better. Now though, as she packed up what little she had, she couldn’t help listening to gossip. The survivors talked about the death they had returned from... the entire mountain was bathed in radiation, killing everyone inside. The names dropped were familiar; catalysts in the story on the ground. Bellamy and Clarke. From what she could tell, they had killed everyone inside to save their people... it didn’t sound like there was much of a choice for it either. People were in rough shape. Some were barely even alive when they were brought in, and from what she understood that was their intention for all of them, all along. Even those in Arkadia. Clarke and Bellamy had saved them all... it seemed to be a running theme... but the weight of that choice had to be crippling. With her arm in a sling, she made her way across the camp in search of the duo. She didn’t know Clarke had left... she didn’t even know what she was going to say when she saw them. She could only thank Bellamy so many times for saving her. Now they had saved them all... Finding them was more difficult than she anticipated, though. When she heard that Clarke had left, finding Bellamy became a priority—but with so many people it was difficult. She decided to wait near medical... Bellamy was a great guy. He seemed like the type who would check in on others, and not just because he had with her. She needed to make sure that he was okay, for once... From what little she’d seen, it didn’t seem like he took much care of himself. He always seemed to put others first, and though it was admirable, it had to be draining. Painful, even... When she did see him, her dark brown eyes lit up—relieved that she’d chosen the right place to scout... “Bell!” She called a little hoarsely. Her taped ribs were a little painful, but she was handling it. “Bellamy.... are you okay?” it was such a stupid question. It was one she had been asked a million times and one that could never actually come with an honest answer. She silently cursed herself for asking like that...

pyxis ★

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: amber2

we did

WHAT WE HAD TO DO

She was gone. Clarke was gone. She left him. She left the. He knew he couldn't see it selfishly, but her leaving had hurt him. More than he had ever thought she would. All the times she had asked him to stay, he had. All that she had asked him to do, he'd done. The one time he needed her, the one action he did to make sure she wouldn't have to endure this alone . . . bit him in the ass. Because she left him to deal with it on his own. The others were here, but it wasn't the same. Bellamy knew he had to put his feelings aside for the betterment of the camp. For to sake of their people. But it was damn hard. Now being forced to deal with everything he had done.

Drowning in the blood of almost a thousand people. Blood that was on his hands. The four days of lacking sleep, drink, and water, along with the decontamination and harvesting process, had left Bellamy weak. Whatever little adrenaline was left, was starting to wear off. But he couldn't collapse just yet. His mind still processing all that had happened. The innocent people he had killed: men, women . . . children. People who trusted him. People who had saved him. And this was the fate he had condemned them to.

Images of them would haunt him for some time to come, so right now, sleep, rest, was not an option. He would not seek out either, because he needed distraction. Once most were settled, he made his way to medical to check on those who were injured. One fo their doctors was among them, but Jackson would be able to handle it. And yet, Bellamy wished to offer whatever help he could provide. A voice captured his attention, for he almost missed the woman's presence, having been so caught up in his own mind. He turned to see her.

Mel. Bellamy just looked at her, taking in her sight and realizing . . . that he could look at her. That she did not wear the reminder of all those he had killed. That he didn't have to kill anyone, to save her. She had been the sole survivor of the stations fall . . . and it had been a rescue mission, that did not end in death he was responsible for. Though, he supposed Sterling's death was something he could have prevented. Still. The awe of this realization just caused him to stare, until he registered what she had asked him.

A simple question, yet one that was so unfamiliar to him. Was he ok. Who was the last that had asked him that? He couldn't even properly reply with an honest response. "I'm fine," he said quietly. It was the only answer he knew how to give. He was unused to anyone questioning his own state . . . and it felt, odd. "You?" He asked, taking a few steps toward her, his eyes falling upon her sling. "How's your shoulder and arm?" He further inquired, concern on his face. And to think, that he had almost left her to hang on for dear life. The guilt of that would never subside . . . but she was alive. That was all that mattered.