Doing The UnBellievable

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @doctorgriffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Nights were always the most difficult. Clarke's leaving had been difficult, but Bellamy knew it wasn't just him that it was hard on. It wasn't just the other original 100 that it was hard on. She had one existing family member that . . . well, if Bellamy had a mother, he would not be so quick to leave. It was more than what most other people had here. But alas, none of them had been worth enough for Clarke to stay. She was out there somewhere, and they just had to deal with it. But, it was so much easier said than done.

His position on the guard allowed him distractions during the day, and even some nights, but he was told to get some rest. And well, that was impossible. He hated lying in his empty bed, haunted by the ghosts of his past. He was drowning in the blood of those he had killed and closing his eyes only made it more terrifying. So he was looking for every excuse he possibly could. Concern for a certain someone prompted him to head over to the Chancellor's room. With a light knock on the door, he slowly opened it to see Abby sitting at the small table on the couch with a drink in the middle.

She definitely had the right idea. "Sorry, didn't mean to disturb you," he began to say. "I just wanted to see if you were doing alright." It wasn't business that drew him here; not for her as Chancellor nor for her as a doctor. Pulling double duty was surely hard on her but at the same time . . . he could understand her need to distract herself; to not think about the fact that her daughter was out there, somewhere. Clarke's leaving had affected them both, and it was something that they most certainly had in common.

[Deleted]

Clarke was gone. That was something that Abby was still reeling over. She was really and truly gone. When Bellamy had come to her hospital bed and told her that her daughter was gone, she had been devastated. Unable to believe that her baby girl was gone. In fact, she had refused to believe that Clarke was gone. But, once she was better and up and walking again, Chancellor Griffin quickly discovered and had to accept that Clarke was indeed gone. It hurt. A lot. Broke her heart. She had left without a single goodbye. Not even to her own mother. That hurt even more. She hadn't even told anyone where she was going. The eldest Griffin remembered bombarding Bellamy with questions about Clarke. Asking where she had gone, why she had left, but it seemed that he was just as clueless as she was. She had sent out several search parties in order to find her daughter, but so far, they had no such luck in finding her. Clearly, the young Griffin did not want to be found. Even so, Abby worried about her. The forest was littered with Grounders. She wasn't safe out there all alone. That was why they needed to find her and bring her back home. Although, it wasn't so easy to do that when no one had any idea where she was. Still, they had to find her. No matter what it took. Clarke was all she had left and if Abby lost her, she would never be able to forgive herself.


Abby had been through a lot these last several months. A lot more than what most people could possibly bear. The bombing at TonDC where she had been nearly killed. Then right after, they had been taken to Mount Weather where she had had to watch as her people were drilled into by the Mountain Men. Hell, she had been drilled into herself and nearly died from it. That still haunted her dreams at night, as well as every time she closed her eyes. All she could hear was the loud drill buzzing and filling the room along with people's loud screams. She remembered being unchained from the wall and dragged over to the table. Oh how she fought, but to no avail. She remembered being strapped down to that cold metal table, the sound of the drill echoing against her eardrums. But that wasn't the worst part. Oh no, the worst part was when the sharp drill had penetrated her skin, penetrated her bone. Jabbing repeatedly against her bone. The pain had been excruciating. Her loud screams of agony filling the room. She woke up screaming at night due to her horribly vivid nightmares of what had taken place in that mountain. It was something that she would never forget. The fact that she was still standing and breathing was a miracle. It had been all thanks to Clarke. Her daughter had saved them all, but at the cost of hundreds of innocent lives. No doubt, that was a huge burden to carry. All that guilt weighing on her shoulders. Abby couldn't possibly imagine what her daughter was going through, but to just up and leave her people behind? That was something that the eldest Griffin would never understand. While she was angry at Clarke for leaving, she couldn't help but think that this was all the Grounders' fault, particularly Lexa's. The Grounders had betrayed them and left them behind to die. Lexa had betrayed them all. The eldest Griffin wasn't particularly fond of the Commander at the moment. It still angered her that both she and Clarke had known about the attack on TonDC and hadn't told anyone. Instead, they had retreated and left everyone else to die. She could see Lexa doing that, but Clarke? That wasn't like her at all. She couldn't fathom her daughter ever doing such a thing. So many lives had been lost that night. All those lives were on both Clarke's and Lexa's hands. Honestly though, it was a lot easier for Chancellor Griffin to blame the Commander for it all. Lexa had corrupted her daughter.


Despite her anger and grief over Clarke leaving, the eldest Griffin had responsibilities to her people and she had to focus on that. Not only was she the Head Doctor, she was also the Chancellor. Everyone was still reeling from the events that had taken place at Mount Weather and they needed her to be strong. She was their leader. The one they looked up to for guidance. It was her responsibility to reassure the people that everything would be okay and continue to help ensure their survival. This left her extremely busy. Healing those her were injured at both Mount Weather and TonDC, as well as Chancellor responsibilities. Making sure they had enough, food, water, and supplies to survive. Luckily, they hadn't had any attacks from the Grounders. Things seemed to be almost peaceful. Still, she wasn't letting her guard down. There was still the threat of the Ice Nation, which caused her to worry about Clarke even more. She was out there somewhere and Abby had no idea if she was dead or alive. In order to distract herself from her thoughts, mother Griffin delved deep into her work, both as a doctor and as the Chancellor. It worked for the most part. She was able to fake a smile and pretend that things were okay, that she was okay. In reality though, she was extremely sad and so, so broken. Often times when she got home at night, she found herself drinking rather heavily in order to drown out the pain that she felt, but all of these things were only temporary remedies. It didn't change the fact that Clarke was gone and that she may never be coming back.


After a particularly long and gruesome day of working, the Chancellor returned to her chambers for the night. That's when her haunted thoughts started to seep into her mind. Consuming her thoughts. Clarke was gone and she was alone. She felt completely and utterly alone and she hated that. How long would she be able to keep this up? Abby wasn't sure how much longer she would be able to take all this. It was so, so hard to be strong when she felt so very, very weak. No, she wasn't going to spend another night feeling sorry for herself. Getting up from the couch, she walked over to the kitchen and opened up one of the cupboards, grabbing a bottle of whiskey and a couple glasses before returning back to the couch. Once sitting down, she popped open the bottle and poured some of the amber liquid into one of the glasses before lifting it up to her lips and taking a sip. Immediately, she felt that familiar burn in the back of her throat and her eyes slipped shut as the alcohol started to course through her veins. More. She needed more. Pouring another glass, she brought it back to her lips and took a sip. With each sip she took, she felt herself growing more and more numb. This was what she needed. Not to feel. It was a lot easier to not feel than to deal with all the pain in her heart.


The last thing Chancellor Griffin expected was to have company at this time of night, which was why she was caught by surprise when a light knock sounded at the door before it was slowly pushed open to reveal Bellamy Blake standing in the doorway. Her eyes quickly fell on the younger male as he slowly stepped into the room. Hearing his words, she sighed. He had come to see if she was alright. Of course he had. He had been doing that a whole lot ever since he had told her Clarke had left. A small smile spread across her lips as she regarded him. "It's alright. I was just enjoying a nice drink. Care to join me?" She asked, gesturing him over with her hand. Abby hadn't expected anyone to come by tonight, but now that Bellamy was here, she found that she could really use the company. Particularly someone who knew what she was going through. Plus, it would be nice to not have to drink alone for once.



Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @doctorgriffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy wasn't sure how the Chancellor was going to react to his presence, but to his relief, she responded positively, even extending an invitation to join her. Bellamy briefly wondered if she was just doing it to be polite and really didn't prefer company. Or if she was genuine in it. His gut told him the latter. Besides, Bellamy's assumption was that it wasn't as if Abigail Griffin was afraid of voicing her thoughts. She and her daughter were very much alike in that way. "A drink sounds pretty damn good right now," he conceded, closing the door behind him and taking a seat on the chair across from where she was seated. Bellamy didn't drink often.

On the Ark it was because of the risk it posed; losing control of his thoughts, actions and words could cause him to unintentionally let something slip about Octavia or his mother. He couldn't risk that. On the ground he hadn't drank because of the threats that constantly surrounded them -- mainly grounders. This was the first drink he had in some time, and he found the thought heavily appealing. "I know you probably get asked this a lot but, are you ok?" He asked her, looking at her with soft intent. He meant on a more general scale, rather than in reference to this specific situation.

He knew that his generic response to the question was always fine. But he still felt the need to ask others, to open the conversation if they needed that prompting. To offer them a chance to talk about it if they wanted to. And if they didn't, well, the conversation could move on. He couldn't imagine what it was to have a daughter abandon you. But he did know what it was to have your best friend do so. It wasn't the same, but maybe out of everyone here . . . they understood each other more than anyone else did, when it came to feeling the absence of Clarke.