Truth be told, you're all I have

[Nina Eaton]

There had been no hesitation. No second thoughts. Just action. The idea of going down to Earth excited Nina. It didn't terrify her like it seemed to for several of her fellow Cadets. She knew the risk with going down to Earth, but it was one she had to take. No. It was one that she wanted to take. It wasn't just about getting away from her father, which was an added bonus. It was about getting away from everyone on the Ark. She had friends that she would miss, but it wasn't like she was leaving anyone she truly cared about. Well, that wasn't entirely true if Nina had to be honest with herself. She had been harboring feelings for one of her best friends, Bellamy Blake, since they had entered the Academy together. But Nina had never revealed those feelings, not wanting to ruin her friendship with him. His friendship was one of the most important things in her life, especially after her mother had been floated for stealing food for the kids in her class. Nina had been horrified when her father hadn't stopped, or even attempted to stop, her mother's execution. She didn't care that her mother had broken the law, she just didn't want her to die. But her father had done nothing and her mother had been floated like hundreds of people before her. So in the end, it appeared that Bellamy was one of the few people left that she cared about.

Her father had been indifferent to her decision. He showed neither support nor grief about her decision to venture upon this suicide mission. But she hadn't been surprised and that had saved her some hurt feelings in the end. Nina and her father had a strained relationship since her mother's execution, even so much to the point where Nina moved out and into her own apartment when she turned eighteen. The two years between her mother's death and her ability to move out had been horrible, but some things had made it bearable in the end. While Nina didn't hang out with a large group of friends, she had those that she kept close to her. Aside from Bellamy she had two other best friends, both were female and both were incredibly special to Nina. They had both been there after her mother's death and Nina had spent many nights, tucked away with her friends, releasing any pent up emotions she had.

Nina didn't know when the ship would be leaving, but she knew it was soon if they were telling more guards about their idea to send the one hundred delinquents down to Earth to see if it was survivable. No one had really explained the reasoning for the trip, but someone had said that there was a rumor that they were running out of resources. She supposed it made sense, given the amount of time the Ark had been in space. They were bound to run out eventually, so why not run out while she was alive? 

She was not looking forward to telling Bellamy about her trip. She was not looking forward to his reaction. She wasn't sure if she was afraid to see him upset over her leaving, or if she was afraid to see that he wasn't all that upset over her leaving. They were two opposite ends of the spectrum and either one could break her heart. But she had to tell him because she knew leaving without doing so would only make her feel horrible for the rest of her life. Nina glanced at the time, knowing that Bellamy would be arriving at her apartment soon. She had asked him to meet her at her place after his last class so she could talk to him. She hadn't released any information about the topic of the conversation, but she made sure he knew it was important and that it should be done in private. She realized that he could have a million scenarios running through his mind, but she knew none of them were the correct one. Nina sighed and sat down on the couch, leaning forward and moving her knees up and down quickly, growing antsy with anticipation.

Bellamy Blake

[/blockquote]

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Nina Eaton

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy knew that this could very well be a suicide mission. He had been excelling in his role as Cadet, and he used that to his advantage now, to strike a deal. Octavia's life in exchange for his own. It had taken a hell of a lot of convincing, and discussion at length with the council . . . but they had agreed. Fortunately, they had agreed. He would not be doing this if they had decided to float his mother as well.

Hell, the entire existence of his sister was still a secret, with the exception of the council and highest authorities on the Ark. But, it was this very thing that had him going down on the dropship with 100 other delinquents. A guard to make sure that they stayed in order, and didn't kill each other. He wasn't sure how well he would be received, but at the same time, if this granted Octavia a life outside the confines of their apartment, then he had to do it. He wanted to give her, her best chance at life, and this was it.

It was a difficult situation to explain to her, and he knew his family was disapproving of it. At the same time . . . what other choice was there. It was only a matter of time before she was discovered. At least this way, it was on their own terms. And with a hope that she wouldn't get floated, which was the same for their mother. Right now however, he was on his way to Nina's, where she had asked to meet him.

She had something to discuss with him apparently. Bellamy had been wanting to tell her about this mission, about the fact that he was going down with the others -- even though it was classified. She was one of his closest friends on the Ark, and one of the few people that he would genuinely miss on the ground. He owed her an explanation, and maybe today, he would give one. For the time being however, he was curious to know what she wished to speak about. So blocking out his own thoughts for the moment, he raised his hand and knocked on her door, waiting patiently on the other end.

[Nina Eaton]

The sound of someone knocking on her door made her jump. She should have been expecting it but it had scared her nevertheless. Quickly rising from her spot on the couch, Nina walked towards the door and paused. Taking a deep breath, she put her hand on the doorknob and opened it to reveal Bellamy. She offered him a small smile and stepped aside for him to enter. She closed the door behind him and stood there for a moment. "Hey," she greeted lightly. Well now she felt a little awkward. How was she supposed to tell him? Nina wished she had thought this through a little more. Why was she so nervous? Oh. Right. Because she cared about his reaction. She cared about him. But even now she wasn't willing to let him know how she felt, even with the possibility of never seeing him again hanging in the air. Maybe if she did see him again someday, she would tell him. But who knew how long that would be, and there was no telling if she would even have feelings for him. Maybe if she was lucky, they would disappear while she was on Earth. Granted, this was all assuming that Earth was survivable in the first place but it was a minor detail in the grand scheme of things.

"So, I have something to tell you," Nina began slowly. She walked away from the door and sat down on the couch. Best to just come right out with it. "I'm leaving tomorrow to go down to Earth with all of the delinquents from the Skybox," she said quickly. Now that it was out, she felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. "I wanted to tell you sooner, but I really just got the definite 'yes' the other day," Nina explained. "So. Yeah. That's what I wanted to talk to you about." She pursed her lips and looked down at her hands for a moment, not sure if she wanted to look at Bellamy to see his reaction. Concern. Indifference. There were an array of emotions that could be there.


Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Nina Eaton

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

As soon as he had entered, he could see it on her face. There really was something she needed to discuss with him. Something seemingly important. So he didn't interrupt her. Once he stepped inside, the door closed behind them, he watched her as she went to sit on the couch. Bellamy didn't give himself the same ease, left standing. He wondered if he should tell her now about his own news, despite the fact that it was classified.

But, currently, he did not wish to change the subject. He wanted to wait for her to tell him first. And when she did . . . all other thoughts ceased. She was going down to Earth as well. Bellamy wasn't sure what he felt when hearing that. The dangers of it were immense, and Bellamy had agreed to it to give his family a chance. But . . . the fact that Nina was going down . . . well, it left Bellamy worried about the outcome.

What if Earth wasn't survivable? Hell, what if they didn't even survive the landing? Bellamy wasn't sure how long he just remained silent for. Processing this news; having a deeper impact than she may realize. He couldn't even bring himself to reveal the truth about his own role in going down. He could only ask the next question. "Why did you agree to that?" Curiosity in his voice, wondering why she was going to be joining the others. Why, she had agreed to go down to Earth and potentially not survive.

[Nina Eaton]

The silence was horrible and Nina took the chance to look up at him. She couldn't read his facial expression, something she had always hated about their friendship. Most people she could read with ease, but Bellamy had always been difficult. It was as if he had perfected the art of hiding his emotions just to spite her. But not being able to read his expression was better than the alternative of having him give her a quick hug and telling her good luck. That would have been painful. The fact that this was supposed to be classified hardly mattered to her. This was Bellamy she was talking to. She could trust him with anything and she knew it. It was another reason she hadn't hesitated to tell him about what she was going to do. 

He finally spoke and a confused expression crossed her features. That was the first thing he decided to say to her? Nina knew that if she was in his shoes, she would want to hear about this whole mission. She would want to know every little detail. But that wasn't the case with Bellamy and it puzzled her. But she couldn't really ask him why he didn't have a more interesting reaction. Instead, she focused on what he had said to her. "Why not?" She said slowly, a confused expression still on her face. "It could be survivable," she pointed out. "And besides, what's left for me up here? My mom is dead. I wish my dad was dead." Correction. Her mother had been floated because of something Nina had done, but Bellamy already knew that story. So in a way, even if she didn't survive this trip, Nina thought she was probably getting what she deserved. Because when Nina thought about her life on the Ark, it wasn't all that great. Because if she was being honest, Bellamy was really all she had. But she couldn't put that on him. She would never even consider it. So a mission to Earth was the next best thing she could think of. "You don't sound surprised . . ." she said slowly, standing up from the couch and folding her arms over her chest. 


Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Nina Eaton

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Nina's answer was revealing. Extremely telling. That she would rather risk death, than remain up here. She had asked the question, as to what was left for her up here. He knew the tragedy of her mother, and he knew the lack of a relationship she had with her father -- or the tense one. And well, Bellamy . . . the only question that entered his mind, the one he wanted to ask back . . . was What about me? But he knew he couldn't do that. It wasn't about not being enough, but rather, the fact that he too had been willing to part ways with her to go to Earth.

He had chosen his family over . . . whatever relationship this was that they had. So he couldn't ask that question, without being a damn hypocrite. And hell, it didn't even seem to matter since they were apparently going to the same destination: earth, or death. All he could do was watch her, seeing the confused expression on her gaze . . . trying to figure out how to respond to it.

Her question, or well statement that begged for an answer, gave him a bit more direction with that. He didn't sound surprised. He would have to come clean as to why that was. "No. I mean, I am surprised, it's just . . . " He hadn't really planned saying it this soon, but then again, he knew he would have to tell her whether she was going too or not. He owed that to her. So here it went, it was time to reveal the reason for his seemingly subdued reaction. "I signed up too." He should probably elaborate, that it wasn't just that he signed up, but that the deal he had made, had been accepted. "Nina, I'm going too."

[Nina Eaton]

She probably should have said something else. She should have said something to make him realize that his friendship meant more to her than he probably realized. But how could she talk to him about something like that when she was leaving, tomorrow, to go down to Earth? But she would have to say something, because she didn't want to leave with him thinking that their friendship meant nothing to her. That was, if he even thought about it like that. But there would be a time to make him understand that he was important to her, it just might not be this very moment.

He spoke and she stayed silent, waiting to see what he said. His words trailed off and she was hoping she wouldn't have to push him to get him to finish his sentence. But when he did, Nina was left not knowing what to say. Her eyebrows raised slightly and her mouth probably would have dropped a little, had she not been aware of it. He was going down to Earth? But why? He had a lot more up here than she did. As far as he knew, he had a good relationship with his mother and Aurora relied on Bellamy for a lot. "Why would you do that?" She asked, almost mirroring his earlier question. "Bellamy, what about your mom?" Nina asked. Not to mention, she knew there was something weird going on with Bellamy and his mom. He could never leave her alone at night and never had people over to his apartment. Nina knew it was strange and had often thought he might be hiding something, but had never questioned him on the subject. Once they had gotten to common ground and started being civil towards one another, she had been forced to pick her battles with him. 

Nina sat back down on the couch and looked at her hands, trying to think about everything. At least he would be down there with her. But what if they died during the landing? Nina was content with her death, but certainly not with the idea of Bellamy dying. But could she talk him out of it? She doubted it, knowing how stubborn her was. But she was equally as stubborn and if she wanted to pester him about it, she would. But did she? She had no idea. "Bell," she began. "Your mom loves you and you guys have a great relationship. You could move up in the guard and take care of her," Nina pointed out. "As far as I'm concerned, I'm living on borrowed time as it is. I should have been floated, not my mom. My dad doesn't even care that I'm leaving." Did he even know? Nina wasn't really sure. Since she lived on her own, she almost never saw her father. "You're probably the only person up here that gives a crap about me," she confessed with a low chuckle, shaking her head and how crazy that sounded. "And you're the only person up here that I give a crap about. So obviously, I think that's a bad idea." There. She said it. It sounded hypocritical, considering she was going down to Earth, but that was beside the point.


Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Nina Eaton

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Nina's next words were the same question that he had initially asked her. He knew it was a fair inquiry; and he also knew that he owed her an answer, just like she had given him. Especially when she went into further detail about it. Bringing up his mother. His family was not something he often talked about.

His family, was the reason he could never spend the night somewhere, the reason he had never been in an intimate relationship, the reason he never invited anyone over . . . his family, was his life. The reason for so many things, and right now, the reason he was going to Earth. His mothers words when Octavia was first born, forever playing over in his mind. My sister, my responsibility. The words he said to Octavia, always following the former ones. I won't let anything bad happen to you, I promise.

This, was his ultimate vow. The best way he knew how to fulfill it: by giving his sister a life. One that went beyond the walls of their apartment. She could be integrated into society. One child per family, while sending another to their potential death. Yes. It seemed like a far easier choice than maybe it should be. He would miss them, of course he would but knowing that she no longer had to be confined to the walls of their home . . . knowing, that she could meet others, and smile, and laugh, and live rather than survive, made every bit of sacrifice worth it.

He would give his life to save his sister, and this was the way he could quite literally do so. But all these thoughts, remained unknown to Nina. Unknown to anyone really. With the exception of the Chancellor and limited people on the council who knew about this arrangement. It had after all, needed to be approved. He listened to Nina continue on about how he had a good relationship with his mother, his jaw clenching at the thought of leaving her. Of leaving Octavia. He wanted to find some comfort in her admittance that he was the only one up here that she cared about, but it felt bittersweet. Especially considering the circumstances.

She was trying to talk him out of it but circumstances went beyond what she knew. And something that he would need to explain. Besides, she wouldn't be here long enough for the truth to be revealed anyone. He almost wanted to ask her to stay, to remain here . . . but he knew he couldn't do that. It wasn't his choice to make for her. "Guess we both can agree on that when it comes to the other," he said, in attempt to tease but it lacked the joviality. His tease, in reference to her remark about how she thought it was a bad idea. He thought it was a bad idea for her to go to, but, Bellamy also knew that it stemmed from the fact that he cared about her, more than himself. "You don't deserve to float. And you don't deserve to die." The two different, because they journey entailed another means of death.

When it came to her father, he knew that he could offer no comfort in that area. He had never known his own father, but he knew he was fortunate to have the affection of both a mother and a sibling. Not everyone had the love of even one parent. So in that sense, Bellamy was blessed. And his heart ached at Nina's deprivation of it. "There's more to it, Nina," he began to say, knowing he couldn't counter anything else she said, not until he revealed everything rather than withholding the fundamental reason he was embarking on this potentially suicidal mission.

"I'm doing this for my family," he began to say. He knew that he could take care of his mother but this way . . . his sister would have a chance at so much more than what had been offered to her for majority of her life. "For my sister," he finally revealed, looking intently at her. The word, seeming so foreign as it fell from his tongue, never having disclosed that to anyone before -- apart from it being out of necessity. Everyone knew that people didn't have siblings on the Ark. But, the Blakes defied that norm.

He would respond to all else she said in time, but right now, he needed this truth to come out . . . willing to further elaborate after giving her a few moments to process this grand revelation. A secret revealed, that perhaps explained so much about his nature, about why he acted the way he did, about the fact that he could never fully give his all to any sort of relationship, even a friendship. There was always something holding him back, and the fear of failing his family, of compromising his sister, was it.

[Nina Eaton]

It was a moot point to make, pointing out that she thought it was a bad idea. Bellamy had done what she thought he would do, point the reason right back in her direction. The sound of his voice was filled with an empty attempt to make the mood a little lighter but Nina didn't feel the effects of the tone. She was too caught up in her own thoughts about this whole thing. She couldn't stop thinking about everything that he was throwing away. Of course, it only reminded her of everything that she was throwing away but when she thought about it, she wasn't throwing away much. Her life of what . . . moving up the ranking on the guard and becoming like her father? Nina had never really thought about having a kid and it was mostly due to how much life on the Ark sucked. Why would she want to bring someone into this mess? But Bellamy could find someone to love and have a kid. Nina knew that he would be a great dad. She didn't know how she knew, but she just did. But how could she point all of these reasons out to him when he could only turn them back on her?

He reiterated the idea that she didn't deserve to be floated or to die. But that was his opinion. Just like Bellamy never spoke of his family, Nina never spoke of her mom. She never talked about how much she blamed herself or how much she wished she had spoken up and told the truth. Her mom was a good person. She didn't deserve to die. Nina remembered the entire thing and how Bellamy had been her crutch for the majority of it. Nina always felt bad, remembering how much she had relied on him, but he had been the only thing keeping her from completely falling apart. But once things had started to settle down, it wasn't something they talked about. They never talked about how she had cried in front of him after her mom had been sucked into space. They never talked about any of it. "Maybe not," she said. "But it should have been me, and you know it. I was the one that stole, not her."

Bellamy spoke and she stopped talking, listening intently to every word that left his mouth. She was a little surprised, and relieved, to hear that there was more to it than just volunteering. So he hadn't electively chosen to throw his life away, at least not for the hell of it. Then the words left his mouth; the words she never thought she would ever hear anyone say. His sister. Bellamy had a sister? Nina felt her eyebrows raise in surprise. But at the same time, she supposed she shouldn't have been surprised. She had always suspected that he had been hiding something, but never another human being. Maybe some illegal moonshine or something along those lines, but a sister? Everything made sense now. His fury with her for barging into his apartment that day. The reason he could never leave his mother alone overnight. Well, now she knew it wasn't really because of his mom. Then there was the current topic of conversation; going down to Earth. Nina put the pieces together and pursed her lips for a moment as she thought. She was unbelievably grateful she was already sitting down, because she probably would have stumbled back from the surprise. "You had to make a deal. . ." she said slowly. She could be wrong, but it was what made sense.

None of the usual words that were said when someone revealed a secret left her mouth. How could she ask him why he never told her? She knew why he never said anything and she didn't blame him. This wasn't like a normal secret where she could hold it against him for a while. No. This was something bigger than everything. But a million questions began to pop into her head. How had they gotten away with it? How had they survived? How old was she? What was her name? What would happen to her now? Would the Ark just allow her to become apart of their society? "So, what? You go down to Earth and they let your sister live?" Nina asked. Depending on her age, she could have just been put in the Skybox until she was old enough to float. But how was that fair? How could you blame a kid for being born? It hadn't been their choice. "What's her name?" Nina asked.

Bellamy Blake