After The Light Went Out

[Deleted]

Jackson still had his eyes clamped shut when Bellamy pulled back, even though a few tears had escaped. "If you don't want me to tell you that, then I have nothing to say," he said, his voice wobbling. He finally opened his eyes to look at Bellamy, ignoring the way a couple more tears spilled down his face, and ignoring the mild embarrassment that his pain was probably all over his expression. God, was this going to be yet another night of Jackson making himself vulnerable to Bellamy just to go back to the status quo?

"I do want this," he said. He leaned his forehead against Bellamy's, choking back a sob. "I don't know how to take it." Not without guilt, anyway.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy's expression remained unchanged. Not overly stoic, softer, but wasn't one that was going to show any pity toward the man. He didn't need that. It didn't mean that Bellamy didn't sympathize with him. Of course he did. He wished he didn't have to suffer the guilt that seemed to be a norm to endure on the Ground. But right now, was an opportunity ot let it out. An outlet. To just, cry. Show emotion. Because there was nothing wrong with that. "Just take it," he said, as if it was as simple as that. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." Another reassurance.

"These moments, of taking any sort of comfort where you can are too damn rare in this world." Fleeting. Seldom. There was always so much happening that there was hardly ever a chance to sit and breathe and find solace in another. The three months following Mount Weather had provided them with such opportunities . . . but they had paid the price for it, and were still paying the price for it. "And they're going to be what helps you get through it. One day at a time." Cause he knew it hurt like hell, and having company, sometimes was the only ease . . . even if one didn't feel like they deserved it.

[Deleted]

Jackson listened to Bellamy speak. It wasn't really as simple as just taking it, but Bellamy was right that these moments were rare on the ground. After a little more hesitation, Jackson finally dropped his head to Bellamy's shoulder and let himself cry, pulling Bellamy tighter against him. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, half-sobbing, and pressed his face to Bellamy's neck.

He wasn't sure how long he stayed like that, but eventually he couldn't catch his breath and he felt more exhausted than before. "Please, let's go to bed," he mumbled, pulling back and starting to pull open his pants as he toed his shoes off.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

While it was never wanted nor felt good to hear another cry, Bellamy was at least relieved that Jackson was allowing himself to express his emotions. To just, let it all out. He felt the tears against his skin, raising his hand to rest it on the back of Jackson's head, gently caressing it. He was apologizing, but Bellamy didn't want to say anything to break this moment, nor distract him from his emotions. Right now, he just needed to cry and Bellamy was more than willing to literally be that shoulder for him to cry on.

Eventually, he drew his head back and asked if they could go to bed, already getting ready for it as he took off his shoes and pants. Bellamy gave a bit of a nod, moving to sit on the edge of the bed as he took off his own shoes. He then went to the bathroom with the cup and filled it with some water before returning to the main room and setting it down on the side table, should Jackson need something to help ease the dryness of his throat. "Ready?" He asked, not moving to lay down until Jackson was ready to.

[Deleted]

Jackson picked up the cup of water and took a sip, soothing his throat a little bit, then put it back down. He nodded at Bellamy's question, then said, "Whenever you are." He sniffed hard, rubbing his fingers over his stinging eyes, then climbed into bed.

As he moved past Bellamy to lay down, he tugged lightly at Bellamy's shirt. "You could get more comfortable." Jackson didn't want sex. Not tonight. But it might feel strange laying next to someone fully clothed while he was mostly not, especially after having just cried on Bellamy's shoulder. And if he was going to be selfish and take the offer of comfort, skin against skin would feel nice. Real. Something he could have never had in the City of Light, no matter how wonderful it had been.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy watched as Jackson started to shift under the covers, suggesting that he get more comfortable. Bellamy gave a small nod before lifting his shirt off. He folded it neatly, setting it on the side table. A contrast to former times where they stripped each other and themselves, tossing the articles of clothing carelessly to the side. But tonight, wasn't about that same physical need. It was something more, intimate. Once his shirt was off, he joined Jackson, pulling back the covers and slipping underneath them to lie next to him.

Turning to look at the doctor, Bellamy raised his hand to Jackson's cheek and gently brushed away a few stray tears from his skin, his other arm moving behind him so that he could drape it around Jackson from behind. It had been some time since he had held someone throughout the night . . . not since Gena. And his past with Jackson made this more than just a casual thing. "Get some sleep," he encouraged in a low voice, an attempt to create a soothing one. He didn't want to keep him up any longer, aware that the man must be exhausted and Bellamy wanted to remain awake until certain that Jackson had fallen into a slumber . . . not that a state of remaining awake was a difficult thing to maintain.

[Deleted]

Jackson shivered at the feel of Bellamy touching him, at the way his arm slid around Jackson's back, and shifted closer. He splayed his own hand over Bellamy's chest for several long moments, feeling the steady thump of Bellamy's heart. It was somehow calming, even though there wasn't much reason for it to be. It was just a muscle doing its job, but it was so... human.

When Bellamy told him to get some sleep, Jackson slid his hand around to Bellamy's back, trailing his fingertips up Bellamy's spine as he nestled his cheek under Bellamy's. "This's real," he whispered. He didn't know if Bellamy would understand what he meant, but he was getting sleepy and the words had come out before he'd thought about them.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy wondered if it was wrong for him to be also getting comfort from this. Maybe it was. But the main thing was that Jackson felt comfort; felt that he wasn't alone. His hand moving over Bellamy's body filled him with a warmth, as he let out a slow, heavy breath. He wasn't near sleeping, but it didn't seem like am impossibility for him to drift. Not yet though. Not until Jackson was soundly asleep. Bellamy looked at him without adjusting their positions, his words a clear indication that he was in fact drifting.

He didn't know the full meaning of them, only able to assume it was something about the City of Light not being real . . . but he wouldn't question it. He wouldn't say anything to trigger a response that would rip him from the lull of sleep. "It is," he assured him. "And safe." He was safe. Bellamy wasn't naive enough to say that his presence would provide anyone with the notion of safety . . . but he wanted Jackson to know that right now, he was safe. Physically. Emotionally. He could express himself as need be, position himself however he wanted . . . and no one outside those doors would disturb that.

[Deleted]

Jackson felt his eyes prickle at Bellamy's words. Safe. This was safe. Jackson hadn't been safe in a while, in spite of having no fear and no pain. Did he have a right to be safe?  Another tear may have escaped, but Jackson absently ran his fingers up Bellamy's spine and into the curls at the base of Bellamy's skull. As soon as he reached Bellamy's hair, though, he felt another deep pull to sleep. He felt his hand hit the pillow behind Bellamy's head right before sleep took him.

When his alarm on his watch went off hours later, Jackson sucked in a sharp breath and tried to silence it without jostling Bellamy too much. Everything felt foggy. Had he slept through the night? He didn't remember waking up. He didn't want to wake up now, not when he was pressed against Bellamy still, not when Bellamy being next to him had apparently helped him sleep through the night.

He felt Bellamy start to stir, and he automatically tightened his arm around Bellamy, hoping to keep him from moving away. "No, stay. Just a couple more minutes," he mumbled. He wanted to drink in Bellamy's scent, the feel of his strong body, for just a little bit longer.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

The moment he felt Jackson's hand stop moving, he knew. He continued to look at the man, noticing his steady breathing, his fully shut lids, the slow rise and fall of his chest. He was asleep. Bellamy kept his current position, holding the doctor against him, as he just lay there. He had no intention of sleeping, fearful of the images that would haunt him. But he closed his eyes none the less. They only opened a few times throughout the night, but not because of nightmares. Not because of any sudden jolt into consciousness. Dare he say, that tonight felt almost . . . peaceful. The third time he woke up was when he faintly hurt something that sounded like an alarm.

Bellamy turned his head, slightly adjusting his body, Jackson's words shortly followed, telling him to stay for just a few more moments. Bellamy truly didn't want to be anywhere else. "I'm too damn comfortable to get up," he said with his eyes still closed, taking in a deep breath. This was the best he had slept since . . . sleeping with Gena. And he knew that there was a pattern here. That he found the best sleep with those he cared about. Deeply cared about. He kept an army around Jackson, gently pulling him even closer as Bellamy's eyes remained closed. "This feels good." Sleeping next to him. Waking up next to him. Just . . . everything about this moment. It felt good. Better than anything else had for a real long time.

[Deleted]

Jackson felt himself smile faintly at Bellamy's words, and at Bellamy pulling him closer. He made a small, contented noise. This did feel good. Really good. Jackson still didn't think he deserved to feel this good, but apparently at some point last night he'd given up fighting it. Not quite awake yet, Jackson pressed a kiss to Bellamy's neck, then his heart fluttered and he was suddenly more awake. They hadn't kissed last night. In fact, this was the first time they'd been in bed together without kissing (and more), and Bellamy had just lost his girlfriend. He hadn't been thinking, hadn't been fully awake, and this felt so nice.

"Wish I could stay a few more hours," he murmured, hoping Bellamy wouldn't get awkward. "Need to work in a bit. You can stay if you wanna sleep in, though."

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Jackson's lips on his neck was an incredible sensation. Adding to the peace of this moment. Some sort of sanctuary they had seemed to find in each other's company. Jackson spoke of how he had to work soon, offering his place to stay if Bellamy wanted to. But he knew he shouldn't. He should get up, be productive. Despite his quitting the guard, there was still a great deal that needed to be done. He wasn't about to neglect his responsibilities, titled or not.

"I should get up too," he told him, slowly opened his eyes, though his lids still heavy from what may have been the deepest sleep he'd had for weeks. Bellamy knew he was losing himself to this moment, this solace. So without really over thinking it, he tilted his head a little, placing a light, brief on Jackson's lips, as if to give some indication that him not staying . . . wasn't because he wasn't enjoying this. Or wasn't because he didn't want this. Bellamy just didn't know what this was exactly. And didn't know if he even knew how to have that conversation. So he let the kiss give some sort of sign, even if he was just confusing the hell out of both of them.

[Deleted]

Jackson was surprised by the kiss, enough so that Bellamy was pulling away before Jackson really started to respond to kiss him back. Jackson blinked his eyes open to sleepily study Bellamy's face for a moment, then lifted his hand to sift through the hair at Bellamy's temple before cupping his jaw against his palm. After a brief hesitation, he leaned him and kissed Bellamy again, this time urging Bellamy to part his lips against Jackson's, but not demanding any more.

It felt too good. When Jackson broke the kiss, he sucked in a slightly shaky breath and closed his eyes again. What were they doing? Jackson wasn't sure he wanted to ask. He didn't know what he wanted, if he was being honest. He'd spent most of his life pushing away intimacy, but the City of Lights had changed him. Even still, it wouldn't be fair to ask anything of Bellamy right now.

He sighed heavily, sliding his hand down to Bellamy's chest again, and opened his eyes. "I think I've stolen as much extra time in bed with you as I can afford," he said, smiling faintly at Bellamy for a moment, and then pushing himself up so that he was sitting so he could rub the sleep from his eyes.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @severitysoftly

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Truth be told, Bellamy wasn't entirely certain as to how Jackson was going to react to his kiss. Though, he supposed he didn't leave much time to act upon it in the moment. When he drew back, he hoped that he wouldn't look at him with . . . disapproval, or uncertainty. Instead, Bellamy was pleasantly surprised by his actions. Jackson touched his teach and leaned in to kiss Bellamy. The kiss was stronger than the last, one that the slightly younger male immediately responded to.

He parted his lips to allow Jackson all the access he wanted, and it left Bellamy yearning for more when he pulled away. He didn't know what was happening between them. All the other times it had been more clear. Nothing could happen. But right now, they had spent a night more intimate than any other before and . . . Bellamy feared the second he would question it, would mean that it's over.

So he remained silent, basking in the aftermath of the kiss before Jackson shifted to sit upright the bed, saying that he couldn't put off getting ready any other. Bellamy looked at him, his hand going to the back of Jackson's head as his fingers ran through his short locks. "How'd you sleep?" He asked, wondering if he slept through the entire night or had any bad dreams. Bellamy hadn't felt him stir too much, so hoped that was a sign that Jackson had a restful slumber.

[Deleted]

Jackson was starting to push the covers off himself when he felt Bellamy's fingers in his hair. He automatically leaned his head back into the touch, taking another moment of comfort in Bellamy's touch before he had to go to medical, and possibly spend another day barely speaking to Abby. The thought made his stomach twist slightly, but he tried to ignore it.

"Better than I have in... maybe a month," he answered, turning to look over his shoulder at Bellamy still laying on the bed. "Thank you," he said. He meant it, and he hoped Bellamy could see that in his gaze. He wished he could lay back down and sleep another few hours like he had last night, and he hoped Bellamy could see that too.

He reluctantly pushed himself to his feet so he could get dressed. "Do you have plans today?" he asked. He didn't know if it was any of his business, if Bellamy would do his usual and not actually say anything, but Jackson really didn't want this morning to be awkward on top of everything else he'd have to deal with once he left this room.

Tag: Bellamy Blake