Cut Off

[seren2]

Sinclair wasn't sure if Jasper was working to divert the conversation away from himself and onto something else by mentioning Raven and the key, but what he'd said definitely interested Sinclair. He seemed pretty convinced that Raven's pain had simply disappeared, but pain didn't just disappear. It sounded a bit odd to Sinclair and he didn't trust it "You weren't thinking of taking this... Key? Were you?" he asked Jasper warily. Jasper was definitely in a dark place and he wouldn't rule out the possibility of him taking whatever Jaha was offering if it took away his pain, after all Raven had taken it and Sinclair hadn't thought she'd do something like that.

If the key worked then Sinclair could think of more than a few people who'd be willing to take it if it promised to take away their pain. Many people had lost loved ones and been injured since arriving on earth, the promise of something that took away all forms of pain was definitely something that would be accepted by a lot of people in Arkadia. But it couldn't be that simple, when things sounded too good to be true, then they usually were. "Pain is what makes you human, Jasper" he muttered, he didn't know if it was entirely healthy to cover up their pain completely. If they couldn't feel pain then they'd have people sticking their hands into fires and things like that, they wouldn't be able to feel it but it would still be damaging to their bodies.

@jasper420

[Deleted]

Jasper scoffed at Sinclair's words. "That's bullshit," he said. "If pain is what makes us human, was I not human for sixteen years until they threw me in the Skybox?" He'd experienced physical pain, of course. He was clumsy and awkward growing up, and he'd taken more than one accidental elbow to the face or knee to the ribs roughhousing with Monty when they were little. But overall, life had been happy. "Hell, even the Skybox didn't get me down too much." Except for being separated from Monty, and the times he let himself think of what might happen when he turned eighteen, which he got better at not thinking about after the first couple of weeks.

He rocked back and forth a little, his anxiety sort making him want to climb out of his skin. "I almost took it. The key. Doctor Griffin stopped me."

Tag: seren2

[seren2]

"You've been in pain before Jasper" Jacapo corrected him "you've always been human" the boy was grieving and it was obvious that he'd never felt this type of pain before, if he had then maybe he'd be able to deal with it better, he'd know what to expect. "When you lose somebody you love, it hurts and nobody expects you to just be fine and move on, but we also don't want you to think that drinking will solve all of your problems" he doubted that his words would get through to Jasper, he'd tried talking to him, he'd taken away the alcohol that he used to get wasted, there wasn't much else he could do if Jasper wouldn't allow him to help.

When Jasper revealed that he'd almost taken the key, Sinclair felt concerned. They didn't know what it was and Jaha was giving it out to people, vulnerable people it seemed if he was offering it to people like Raven and Jasper. He was glad that Abby had stopped Jasper from making the same decision that Raven had, even if that meant that he still had to live with his pain "Doctor Griffin was right to do that, you don't know what is in this... 'key' or if it's safe" he didn't consider it safe to consume anything unless you were a hundred percent sure what it contained and they couldn't be sure what was in the key and therefore he didn't view it as something that should be consumed by a human.

@jasper420

[Deleted]

Jasper huffed a laugh, still rocking back and forth a bit. "Everyone who's taking it looks pretty damn happy to me," Jasper said, dismissing the idea that Jaha's key wasn't safe. It didn't seem unsafe at all. Though Jaha had forgotten his son. Jasper had questions for Raven. Had she forgotten Finn? Jasper didn't think he wanted to forget Maya, even if it hurt.

"I already know drinking won't solve my problems," Jasper said, frowning. Did Sinclair really think Jasper thought the drinking would fix things? "But I can't--" He shook his head, looking away and taking several shaking breaths. Did he really want to tell Sinclair, of all people, what was happening to him? He brought his hands up to his face, pressing the tips of his index fingers to the corners of his eyes, the rest of his hand spread out on either side of his face as if he could block everything out. "I can't live like this," he said, his voice shaking. "I can't."

Tag: seren2

[seren2]

"Looks can be deceiving" Jacapo told the boy with a sigh, he didn't know if he was getting through to Jasper but he hoped that he was, not many others seemed as though they were trying very hard to reconnect with him. "You can't get happiness from a pill... Or a key? Not genuine happiness at least" that was probably hard for him to believe, seeing as he seemed to believe that all of the people who had taken the key were so happy, but Sinclair didn't believe that what they were experiencing was genuine happiness. If Jasper wanted to be happy then taking a 'key' wasn't the way to go about it, Sinclair knew that he probably wasn't the best person to be talking to Jasper about it, he'd probably take it in better if he spoke to one of his friends.

The more Jacapo spoke with the teenager, the more he was starting to see just how broken he was. He was glad that Jasper knew that drinking wasn't going to solve everything or make his problems disappear. Maybe he was drinking because it was a way to cope with everything that had happened, Jacapo wanted to understand, he didn't want to upset the boy further. "You don't have to live like this Jasper... There are people here who want to help you, if you just speak to them and stop pushing everyone away" the man spoke gently to Jasper, hoping that he'd accept that people actually wanted to help him "your friends miss you, I'm sure they aren't the only ones that do"

@jasper420

[Deleted]

Jasper shook his head quickly, dismissing Sinclair's words about not being able to get happiness from a pill. Because it seemed like that was exactly the case. Sinclair obviously hadn't seen how changed people were after they took it, and Jasper had had questions for Raven that Sinclair wouldn't be able to answer. So he just dropped the subject, listening as Sinclair went on to tell him to stop pushing people away and talk. To his friends, who Sinclair thought missed him.

"My friends?" Jasper asked, sounding incredulous. "My best friend committed genocide. Made it possible. Killed my..." Soulmate, Jasper swallowed, barely containing a sob in the process. "Expects me to just suck it up, apparently... Clarke, our supposed fearless leader committed genocide and ran away." Jasper cupped his hands around his eye now, so he could only see right in front of him, his fingers pressing hard into his temples as he tried not to cry. "They killed everyone in that mountain that I was trying to save!" he continued, hiss voice rising, getting more wobbly. "How am I supposed to talk to them when all I can see at night are all the good people they killed?! People that helped us! Children! And my brain won't stop--" He cut himself off, choking on the words and he pressed his hands to his eyes when tears started to slip.

Tag: seren2

[seren2]

Sinclair listened as Jasper spoke, he could hear the emotion that was in his voice as he spoke about his friends and what they had done. It wasn't easy to sit there and listen as it became increasingly obvious that Jasper was close to tears, the wobble in his voice being the ultimate giveaway. "It must've been hard, having your friends betray you like that" he muttered "realising that they'd killed all of those people" Jasper said that he'd been trying to save them, he must've believed that he could, if he thought that it wasn't possible to save his friends without irradiating the mountain then Sinclair doubted that he'd have the same reaction. "Your friends were trying to save people too... Maybe they believed that the only way to save you and the others was to irradiate the mountain" he didn't think that they would have killed all of those people if there was any way to avoid it.

"I'm not saying that what they did was right... It wasn't, but maybe there wasn't a way around it" he added, not wanting Jasper to think that he was saying that what they did was right. He didn't think that killing innocent people could ever be the right thing to do, but if it was the only way to save people that they cared about, then he could see why they did it. "As for Clarke running away, I don't know why she did that and I'm not going to pretend like I do... People run away when they're scared, maybe she was afraid of something?" he didn't know what she could've been afraid of, maybe facing what she'd done, maybe of people's judgement, there was no way to tell without actually talking to her. "Maybe talking to them will help you to understand why they did what they did..." he just wanted Jasper to have the support of his friends, maybe then he'd start to heal "but you're grieving Jasper and the only thing I know that helps with grief, is time" maybe that wasn't what he liked to hear, he obviously wanted the pain to end or he wouldn't have thought about taking the key, but pain did fade eventually, the trick was having the strength to wait for it to end.

@jasper420