Unblakable Bond

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: blake

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy was still trying to process the news. He had been elected into a position that he didn't want . . . that he felt no confidence in the ability to take. How could he lead people, when he only led them to death? He had failed so many others, and now, they were expecting him to be Chancellor of Arkadia. It was too much. It was too soon. Pike was dead, by his sister and while Bellamy knew it was coming . . . he had hoped she would have taken his advice to heart.

He didn't want her to live with the anger, the hate . . . and even when exacting vengeance, it never felt good afterwards. He had once thought he lost her, but she had been here. With them. But Bellamy felt so powerless in how to help her. If he could have traded places with Lincoln, he would have in a heart beat. The need to check on her put everything else on hold. It would be announced tomorrow morning that he was Chancellor but for right now, he kept the bit of information to hismelf.

Perhaps, telling Octavia first. But that was not his primary concern nor main reason for going to see her. He had checked around but couldn't find her anywhere . . . and decided to check her apartment. Her formerly shared one with Lincoln. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door, already planning on offering his own apartment for her to stay at if she so wished. He knew that the only reasons he was here, was for him . . . and words could not express what that meant to him.

[blake]

Octavia Blake

---

I don't want to survive. I want to live.

---

He wasn't coming back. O sat there on the floor, the mess that was her former room all around her. She had been looking for the journal recently and the mess hadn't bothered her then, but now that they were back she could only sit there and look at it. His jacket was in her hands, and the smell was fading. That damn guard's jacket that he had been proud to wear and she'd made him feel like an ass for doing it. Wasted time. She should have just begged him harder to leave. Instead now all she had was memories. The only place she had felt like she belonged, without question had been with Lincoln. Bellamy had always tried, but sometimes he didn't understand her need to be wild and like the grounders.

Tears fell over her cheek but she didn't blink. She was trying to decide what she was going to do. Indra said she was her own home. Her heart was her home. But her heart had been Lincoln . . . and her brother. Now she only had her brother, and after she killed the last Chancellor she was sure that her time here would be limited. Then again, Bellamy had tried to kill a Chancellor once and he did alright afterwards.

Hearing a knock at her door, O's eyes fell to the jacket and she could only look at it. Not wanting to talk to anyone, it took her almost a half minute to tell whoever it was to enter. "Yeah?" She had started to heal before coming back to this place. Now she was trying to brace herself; because if she left she was leaving her brother, and if she stayed she was going to be raising a grounder baby in the Sky People city. Either way she wasn't sure she could do it.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: blake

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

When he heard her voice granting him entrance, he stepped inside. The scene before him broke his heart. Seeing her hold onto the guards jacket that Lincoln had once worn. The room with their belongings tossed about. Bellamy recalled the difficulty of stepping into Gena's room after her death. Having to pack up her things and somehow accept the fact that she was dead. That he would never see her again. He never wanted Octavia to experience that loss. But she did. She was. And suffering through it every second of every day. If Bellamy could have taken Lincoln's place, he would have in a heart beat. If only to see Octavia smile and be happy with the man she loved.

Bellamy slowly approached her from behind, reaching out to place a hand on her shoulder as he gave it a gentle squeeze. "You don't have to be here, Octavia," he told her in a low voice, but strongly sincere. He knew things were going to get more difficult; that each day without him would be another painful one. But he wanted to be here for her, as much as he could. As much as she would let him. "Why don't you stay with me tonight," he offered. It wasn't much, but at least she wouldn't be alone -- that is, if she wanted his company at all. She was here after all, in Arkadia. And Bellamy knew deep down, that it was for him. Just like she had stayed in Mount Weather. Just as she had returned to Camp Jaha with them. She always stayed for him . . . and Bellamy would never exempt himself of the guilt he felt for it.

[blake]

Octavia Blake

---

I don't want to survive. I want to live.

---

Bellamy walked in, and O felt the anger come back. To be fair, anyone could have walked in and she'd have felt anger. Almost anyone. There was a select few who she couldn't find a way to blame them. With her brother, O knew that he would have done anything to save Lincoln. She hadn't trusted him then, and that was on her; but he hadn't really given her a reason. He had sided with Pike. He had helped him get into power. He had be party to locking Lincoln away. While he never would have killed or hurt him, she knew the people followed him and that was how Pike was able to do all that he did. "You don't have to be here, Octavia," Bell touched her shoulder, and she didn't move but at the same times she wanted to pull away. Yet at the same time she wanted him to hug her.

"Why don't you stay with me tonight," No. This was all she had of Lincoln, and if his scent was fading she would cling to it as long as she could. Even though she had hated the jacket, O pulled it closer and spoke while still not looking directly at her brother. "Putting it off another day is not going to change the fact that he's not coming back this time." Unlike the other time she thought him dead. Pulling away, O rose to her knees and turned to face him, while still staying on the ground. "Indra once said that a warrior doesn't morn the dead until the battle is won." Her face and tone were angry, even as there were still tears on her cheeks. "I couldn't focus on anything while Pike was alive. Only the hate. The anger." When her brother has lost Gena, he had been angry too. She had watched him hunt grounders, and live that way. O hadn't seen how he had reacted after their mother's death, and so hate and anger were really all she had to go off of. "But he is dead now . . . "

And she . . . she didn't know hoe to go on more. Her face crumpled, and O half moved and half fell into her brother's arms, as she begun to cry. "It didn't help."

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: blake

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy had known that kiling Pike wouldn't make her feel any better, and he didn't want her to have to live with the knowledge or feeling of it. But there was nothing they could do now. After their mother had been floated, and Octavia locked up . . . Bellamy had thought that he could use that need for vengance -- or justice -- as justification for murdering the Chancellor. To draw the strength to shoot the man to get on the drop ship. He had thought it would be easy, to channel his anger on the man who had killed his mother and arrested his sister. But it wasn't. Pulling that trigger with the intention of killing him, hadn't made it any easier.

It didn't make him feel any better. Nothing would. So Bellamy knew what it felt like, to need revenge only to be left even emptier than before after seeking it. But he didn't say anything. He just watched her, and when she began to fall into him, he raised his arms to catch her, to hold her, wrapping them around her. One hand went to the back of her head as he gently stroked it, resting his cheek against the side of her head. "I know," he said in a quiet voice. He knew that nothing would help; that nothing could bring him back . . . and that right now, nothing felt like it would ever get better. He knew that, because he lived every day with the pain of losing their mother. The pain of losing Gena. And all those countless others that they had to watch die.

"I know that right now, it doesn't feel like it will ever stop hurting." He felt his heart practically breaking, seeing his little sister in so much pain. "But you're not alone, O." For whatever its worth . . . he wanted her to know that. "You're my sister, and I . . . " He didn't even know what to say, knowing he couldn't make this any better. He closed his eyes for a moment, letting a tear fall down his cheek. "Hope you'll let me be there for you. As your brother." Because that bond, was unbreakable. They had something that no one else did; they shared a connection that no one else could understand. And he desperately hoped that she would let him be here, for her.

[blake]

Octavia Blake

---

I don't want to survive. I want to live.

---

Her brother caught her, and hold her to him. It was comforting, and it was getting easier to just let him comfort her, even though she was still hurting from what he had done. He was still her family. He he knew, but O knew that wasn't true. No one knew how she felt. No one else had lived the way she had--but out of everyone, she knew Bellamy should come to closest to really understanding. He had told her to stop playing pretend. Only for her, this wasn't pretending. This was who she was. She had nothing here, but him and memories of Lincoln.

He wanted to be there for her, and she wanted him there for her; but she was pregnant. With a grounder's baby. Pulling back, she wiped her face, and sat back down where she had been. Not wanting him to leave, she patted the spot beside her. For a long moment she just let the silence sit there, but when she spoke it was while looking at the jacket in her hands. "I hated seeing you wear this. Seeing him wear it." Yet she understand why Bellamy would wear it, but not Lincoln. She looked at her brother, "Being this--" a grounder "--isn't playing pretend for me." He had told her once to stop playing pretend. "Any more then this is--" she gestured to his jacket "--is playing pretend for you." If he couldn't accept that, then she couldn't stay here. She could stay for him, but he had to accept her as who she was.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: blake

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

When she had pulled away, Bellamy instantly missed the warmth of her body. The comfort of finally being able to hold her in a way that she would allow him to. He was unsure if it meant that she wanted him to leave, but her next actions assured him otherwise and he moved to sit in the spot she designated for him. She then spoke of the Guard's jacket, and Bellamy remained silent. Lincoln had worn it to show unity among the groups. A symbol, revealing that this was their home. That this was Lincoln's home. But he knew that Octavia would not like it. Her loyalty to Grounders, acceptance of their culture was not something Bellamy could fully understand or grasp.

The amount of times they had rejected her, abused her, fueled his anger toward them. But it was her decision. One he could not control. Her removal of her braids revealed that perhaps, her identity as a Grounder was more linked to Lincoln than anything else. But as always, Bellamy wouldn't be able to fully understand the easiy embrace that those few Arkers made when it came to welcoming Grounders. He wanted to see them as people who could be trusted. But so far, that had not been the case. Once again, he knew it best to keep his thoughts to himself.

"I see you as more my sister, than a Grounder. And maybe that's wrong . . . maybe I'm wrong." But he couldn't just undo sixteen years of raising her. Being brother and sister, to now seeing her embrace an entirely different kind of family. It had hurt to witness that. With all they had done to their people. But he had no choice but to accept it. "But I just feel like I've lost her. And . . . I don't want that to be the case." He was now referring to all the tension that existed between them. The strained relationship. He'd told Clarke that he felt like he'd lost her for good, and maybe he still had. Or maybe she would convince him otherwise, by staying. This time however . . . he knew he could not ask her to.