She Keeps My Heart From Getting Colder

[Roma Bragg]

How cute. Earth Skills. As if I will ever need to know any of that. We aren't going to Earth for another hundred years, so me learning some pointless tricks on how to make fire is only wasting my time, and I have more important people to do.

Roma

The news came quickly of the returning group that had gone looking for Clarke. Roma had been at Arkadia for a few days now, but she could tell that everyone spoke highly of certain members of their people--Bellamy being one of them. There were not enough rooms right now, but she had been given one since she wasn't alone. Looking back at the sleeping form, Roma turned and left the room. She walked down the halls slowly both braced for what she had to do, and not braced at all. On the Ark she had made her choice, one she had come to regret, but she would own up to her mistake. Roma had grown up a lot since she had come to Earth--that didn't mean to say she wasn't anything like her old self. She was still self centered, and still had a temper that was slightly over the top--but she had also learned to take care of herself, and of another.

Roma walked tot he medical bay, and paused at the door. She could see him on the other side of the room. She paused at the sight of him, and took the time to watch him while he didn't see her. She had been in love with him once. Something like that didn't just go away. Even when she was bitter and angry, it was still there. She looked at the size of his arms, bigger then before. The life here on the ground had him working physically. His hair longer and unruly, as before it had been more tamed and slicked back. She was used to seeing her people with blood on them, but he had been such a big part of her Ark life that seeing him this way was like seeing her past in a painful light. Her parents were dead. All her reminders of the Ark life where gone. Now there was only Acelynn . . . and Bellamy. Roma wasn't sure what she expected, but she knew she couldn't hide this forever.

He had apparently been here for a while, so perhaps he was being let go. She didn't go further, and instead just watched him. He looked different. Then again, so did she. On the Ark she had valued her long hair, and good looks. Her clothing had to be perfect and girly, and everything on her was meant to highlight herself. Now her locks were cut short, just barley touching her shoulder; no longer gleaming from constant brushing and washing. Her clothes were over worn, with stains and holes from wear or injuries on them. Roma waited until he saw her before her lips tilted up in a soft almost smile. The last time they had saw each other, he had been kicking her out of his bed. She'd been angry, and let it turn to bitterness. That had been well over a year ago. "Bellamy," she said his name in a greeting, still half leaning on the door jam. After a moment her eyes looked down at his leg, before she looked back at his face. "Are you ok?" Where they letting him go, or was he escaping?

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[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Roma Bragg

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy was frustrated and angry, mostly with himself. He had been so close to Clarke, able to touch her . . . only to fail. She could be dead by now, handed over to Nia for some bull shit show of strength murder. His agitation over everything was what made him restless. Part of him wanted to just get back out there and try to find where the damn Grounder had taken Clarke. That same stubborness, was also what made him defy the doctor's orders. He was supposed to stay over night for observation as the stab wound was extensive enough to keep him from walking without a limp. But to hell with that. The second Abby left, and when Jackson was no longer in view, Bellamy got up from where he had been sitting, slightly cringing from the pain in the shift of direction and began to limp his way to the door.

Who he saw standing there, suddenly made every other thought freeze in his mind, as the shock took over. He stared at the woman before him, noticably different. She looked . . . older. No, perhaps that was the wrong word. There was a maturity to her that he hadn't seen before. But all at once, it made sense. She was here, she had been with farm, she . . . was alive. "Roma?" He greeted, questioned, acknowledged . . . he didn't even know. He just knew that he felt a wave of pure relief wash over his body. Their last parting hadn't exactly been amicable, but she was standing here before him, breathing and very much alive. That counted for something. He wasn't even certain how much silence had passed when he realized that she'd asked him a question. Asked him if he was ok.

Something that he wasn't used to being asked, and it made an appreciation for the concern enter his heart. "Fine," he said dismissively, absently, as he wasn't focused on his own physical or mental state. "How . . . have you been?" The question sounded so ridiculous that he just paused and almost laughed at himself. The sound didn't quite escape but a slight, ever so faint smile formed on his fast. An acknowledgment of how absurd the question might sound . . . because he had spoken to Pike and could only imagine what she had been through with Azgeda. "It's good to see you, Roma. Really damn good." And he meant it, his words thick with sincerity, because to say that he hadn't thought about her since their parting, since the landing, since the Ark's landing . . . well, that would be a blatant lie.

[Roma Bragg]

How cute. Earth Skills. As if I will ever need to know any of that. We aren't going to Earth for another hundred years, so me learning some pointless tricks on how to make fire is only wasting my time, and I have more important people to do.

Roma

Roma stood there and waited for him to see her. Apart of her was pleased to see him react this way. She had always loved to be the center of attention, and back int he day it was his attention she had most wanted to be the center of. She had thought that she was as close as one could get until she found out about his sister and realized that she'd not been anywhere near the center of his world. She'd just been . . . . Roma wasn't sure how he had saw them. She just knew it wasn't the same way she had saw them. The way he said her name, made a faint smile tilt her lips up; though it became forced when he asked how'd she been.

They were all in hell, and she was just doing whatever it took to not die here. To make sure Acelynn didn't surfer. She owed her that, after how she'd treated her before. "It's good to see you, Roma. Really damn good." That made her smile turn real again, and bittersweet. Once that was the best thing she could have ever heard--even now she felt good hearing it. "You too," She returned, "You look good." It wasn't said like a teenager hitting on him anymore, but as an adult glad to see he wasn't missing limbs or a head. He was covered in blood but she was used to that. "I mean . . . You've looked better, but still good." She teased.  And he did look good. He had always looked good but he looked different. Roma had called him a man before, but damn! Now he looked more like one then ever before. The older Roma wanted to jump him, while the Earth-Roma had trouble dropping her guard long enough to get naked.

Pushing off the door frame that she was leaning on, Roma closed the distance between them to give him a tight but short hug. He felt good. Strong and sturdy, and warm. Alive. Pulling back she glanced down at his leg once more before speaking. "I know your in pain, so I wont keep you standing here, but can we talk later today?" She was hoping that after he got cleaned up that he could come to her room. She had to tell him before anyone else told him. She owed him that. Roma wasn't regretting what she'd done on the Ark, and in hindsight she was a bit glad things worked out that way, but while this had started as a way to hurt him, she didn't want it to do that any more. There wasn't a way to not hurt him, but she could at least make sure she had control of how he found out. "I was given a room here, and maybe you could come by there? Anytime today. There are something that I never thought I would get a chance to say, and . . . . . I feel like I should say it sooner, rather then later." Like congratulations you're a father.

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[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Roma Bragg

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He faintly smiled at her compliment mixed in with a tease. It wasn't often that they could have a day here where there was no blood on their faces or wounds that still required healing. But then, as she had been exposed to Azgeda . . . Roma would know all about that. When she moved closer to hug him, he wrapped his arms around her, taking in the familiar feeling of holding her. Of her scent. Of how she felt pressed against his body. He closed his eyes, basking in that relief that she was here.

That she was one more person that he would not have to mourn. He had yet to discover who else was among Pike's group, but Roma's survival was a massive relief. When she pulled away, he lowered his arms, though the comfort of the embrace was undeniable. Hell, he craved a longer one . . . but made no objection to the end of the hug. She glanced at his leg before asking if they could talk. Curiosity struck him, wondering what about. It felt . . . different.

A change of tone from their usual encounters -- which hadn't required much talking at all. "Sure," he agreed, unable to deny her that. His venture to find Clarke could be on hold for at least for an hour or so. "Let me get cleaned up," he told her, not having had a chance to freshen up since he'd returned, as he went straight to medical. "But if it's really important, we can talk right now," he added on, not wanting to delay if it was sometihng that required his immediate attention.

[Roma Bragg]

How cute. Earth Skills. As if I will ever need to know any of that. We aren't going to Earth for another hundred years, so me learning some pointless tricks on how to make fire is only wasting my time, and I have more important people to do.

Roma

He agreed, and Roma couldn't place the emotion she felt. She knew what was coming, and while she didn't regret her choices, she didn't want to hurt him, yet she knew it was unavoidable. That this soft moment was one one between the hurting. The last time they talked, he had hurt her and the next time it would be her turn.

He offered to do it now, and she shook her head slowly. Bellamy and Acelynn's first meeting shouldn't be when her father is covered in blood. Especially his own. Roma had fought hard to make sure Acelynn saw as little of the world as possible. Maybe that was over protective, but after what she had done to her own daughter . . . she owed her some over protection. Roma had been a bad mother at first, and she was going to spend very moment trying to make up for that. "No, it's fine. You should get cleaned up and find some food and do what you need to do." She knew he had some importance around here. She could hear it in how people had spoken of him, though she wasn't sure his rank or position.

Because she knew things would be different soon, and because she couldn't stop herself--she was so glad to see him alive and looking as he did--Roma moved in once more, and placed a kiss on a clean part of his cheek before turning to start walking back. She hesitated before turning back, "Bellamy," She called back, knowing there was more more then might want to say. "I'm glad your sister is ok, too." She had see the girl, and wasn't sure what to make of that, but she was glad she was alive. That was what he had done all this for. Shot a man, came to Earth illegally. The girl was luck, to have someone who would do so much for her. "I'll see you soon." She promised, and after looking over him once more, mostly because she couldn't stop herself, Roma turned and walked back to her room.

This would be harder then planned, but she would see it done.

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[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Roma Bragg

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy gave a small nod when she encouraged him to get cleaned up first. Roma was often one who took great pride in her appearance, but it didn't seem to be the reason she had wanted him to get cleaned up. It didn't seem to have anything to do with not wanting him dirty and bloodied . . . well, not for the reasons of physical relations. It only heightened his curioisty as to what this was about. He watched her for a brief moment as she leaned in to tenderly kiss his cheek, before turning to walk away. He remained silent at her words, though they meant a lot to him. She was glad that Octavia was alright. A secret he had kept from everyone . . . until he'd ruined it. Roma had found out along with the rest of the Ark.

When she walked away and was out of sight, Bellamy didn't want to waste a moment. He returned to his apartment, quickly washing off the blod from his face, before taking off his jacket and changing into a fresh t-shirt. He was not on duty, so there was no need to wear his guard's jacket that had been returned to his room -- considering he had left it in the cave while changing into the uniform of the warrior's corpse.

Hunger was irrelevant, numbed by his curiosity and the surprise of seeing Roma . . . but more so, over his own self annoyance at his failure to bring Clarke home. He didn't care that he now had a limp; as soon as his conversation with Roma was over, he was heading back out there to find Clarke. With this stubborn determination, he set out to Roma's apartment, having to check the records to see where she had been settled in. He avoided conversation with most others, not wanting to keep her waiting for long. Once arriving, he raised his hand to knock at the door, patiently standing on the other side.

[Roma Bragg]

How cute. Earth Skills. As if I will ever need to know any of that. We aren't going to Earth for another hundred years, so me learning some pointless tricks on how to make fire is only wasting my time, and I have more important people to do.

Roma

Roma didn't watch him walk away. She had made sure she was the first one to do it, because she knew that she could well end up seeing him do it again. Not knowing how much he had changed, she had no idea how he would react. Still, her course was set. She owed it to her daughter to make sure that she did everything her in power to help her. Roma was sitting on the bed, with her daughter in her lap, while the mother brushed out her daughter's hair with her fingers. How just a few months had changed everything. Well, for Roma the change had started in an instant. She had been a bad mother. There was once a time when Acelynn had cried, and Roma had just sat in her own bed with her hands over her ears and cried too. Not wanting anything to do with her baby, Roma's mother had to step in.

Then farm station lost power one day. Roma had felt fear for someone else for the first time. Which would only grow when the whole Ark lost everything, and more so when they crashed--and it would triple with each day on the ground. Roma softly hummed a song her mother had once sang to her. Roma's parents had died on the ground, fallen to the grounders. She missed them. More then she had expected them too.

At the knock on her door, she froze for a moment, her hand suspended int he air. Her gut twisted and she felt something akin to panic set in. She could not answer, but that would only make it worse later. It took her a few moments to move, and another few to take enough deep breaths to calm her heart. Sitting her daughter on the floor, Roma walked to the door, and opened it just enough for her to stand in the the door way--thus blocking the sight of inside the room. Her face shifted at the sight of him all cleaned up, and for a moment she forgot what she was about to tell him. He had looked good, and safe and whole before--but cleaned up and dressed in the clothes of an Arker he looked . . . .

Her eyes fell over his shoulders and took in the size of him. He'd grown there. More muscle. "Hi," She whispered, her eyes going back up to his face. His skin had even changed, for she could see light freckles over his noise. She wanted to kiss them, but romantically he had called it off months ago. Blinking again, Roma smile up at him, this one being slightly bigger, and just a hint of the old Roma in her. "I've hated everything about Earth since I got here, but . . . can't deny you wear it well." She teased, and a slight crashing sound came. Roma pulled her face back into the room to look, and she noticed that Acelynn had used the bed to pull herself up to a stand, and a cup had fallen over. Looking back at Bellamy she deiced to give him a warning before letting him in. "I should probably tell you that I . . . that I have a daughter now." She said, watching his face for any sigh of . . . well anything. "I'm a mother."

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[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Roma Bragg

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy looked at Roma as soon as the door was opened, and couldn't help but feel her gaze on him. Yet, it was an odd sort of comfort. Or perhaps not odd at all. It felt . . . normal. Roma was the closest he had ever come to actually being in a relationship with someone. That wasn't so easily fogotten. Despite everything that they had been through. A very faint smile crossed his features at her words, claiming that he wore Earth well. It was all on the physical. Because internally, it was destroying him, bit by bit. Whatever soul he had left, whatever fragments of his heart was left . . . whatever shred of humanity he had left, as all he could hold on to. It was all he could to do keep moving forward, to keep breathing, to keep protecting . . . to keep surviving.

But not wanting to let his burdens cloud the reunion, he instead reached forward, his hand holding a few of her locks from the bottom, bringing to attention her shortly cropped hair. Well, short, compared to what it used to be. That slight smile remained on his lips as he gently touched the hair, slightly twirling a lock around his finger, almost playfully. "So do you," he told her. A compliment about her shorter hair. She was beautiful either way, but he wondered what had compelled her to cut it. If she was forced to, knowing it had been a huge part of her. A sudden crash caused him to lower his hand formerly touching her hair, and return it to his side, a flicker of curiosity crossing him. He didn't seem to have to ask. He wondered briefly if she had company, a partner she was now committed to perhaps.

But her next words revealed what the source of the sound was. And . . . it was a highly unexpected one. A daughter. She was a mother. He couldn't exactly picture her as one, yet her words further indicating that she had done it. That she had kept the child. And, he couldn't help but feel proud of her for doing so. From what he knew of Roma, motherhood surely was so far off from her element. "Congratulations," he told her sincerely, an ever so slight soft smile on his lips. There was not even one moments of consideration that the child could be his. He just assumed she had moved on, and deserved that. She deserved far better than what he had to offer her, and how he had treated her. "I'm happy for you," he added on in the same tone of utmost sincerity. "What's her name?" He further inquired, suddenly wanting to meet the daughter of his former lover. Or at least learn more about her.

[Roma Bragg]

How cute. Earth Skills. As if I will ever need to know any of that. We aren't going to Earth for another hundred years, so me learning some pointless tricks on how to make fire is only wasting my time, and I have more important people to do.

Roma

He had touched her hair, and Roma felt a bit of her old vein self coming up. She liked that he approved, and it had been so long since anyone had told her she looked pretty. She wished she could linger outside the door forever and just pretend for a moment---but at the same time, nothing could make her leave her daughter. Nothing could make her change her mind. His touch was only a wish that she knew couldn't be. So when the crash made him drop his hand, and he told her that he was happy for her; Roma could give him an honest answer. "I'm happy to be her mother too." She said, but wasn't sure happy was often how she felt. Roma loved her daughter, but it had taken her months to act like it. It had taken fear of loosing her to shake Roma out of her self-conteredness. Which was why she felt guilty, and felt she owed Acelynn more then she could give her. "Her name is Acelynn Bragg," Roma told him, because she knew the last night thing might come up later. Eventually. Once the shock wore off. "Come in. I asked you here because I wanted you to meet her."

Pushing the door open she gestured for him to come in, and shut the door behind him. It was then she felt as if she might be sick, but could only watch his face as he looked at his daughter for the first time. There would be no or little question about who the baby belonged too. Acelynn was standing with her back to them, pulling on the sheets, but that Blake hair fell over her back. Thick and large curls twisted down over the small body. At the sound of the door shutting, the child turned to look. Seeing the two adults she smiled and bounced in place, while making babbling sounds.

She had her father's nose, but Roma's shape of her face--the eyes were a Blake trait too. Roma didn't know what to say, and only watched Bellamy's face, while her own held a slight tell to it. Uncertainty? Alight guilt? She hadn't wanted to hurt him--no, that was a lie. She'd aimed to hurt him, but she didn't want that now. Her heart was pounding as she waited for some sign from him. Something to tell her if he knew what she wanted to talk to him about yet. With as much as Acelynn looked like her father, it wouldn't be a hard guess for anyone to make. Not when they were side by side. Maybe back on the Ark, and in the north where no one was thinking about her past or what Bellamy Blake look like---but here it would be easy to see. Roma's hands twisted the fabric of her pants while she waited tensely for his reaction.

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[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Roma Bragg

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Acelynn. Now that was a beautiful name. Fitting for Roma's daughter. The faint smile remained when she told him that she asked him here so that he could meet her. He stepped inside as she closed the door behind them, but as soon as he lay eyes on the young infant . . . any trace of a smile immediately faded from his expression. He could only stare at her, and he knew. A consideration that had been lacking previously in his mind, now suddenly overwhelming him. The possibility of being the father had never crossed his consciousness . . . but in this moment, it was impossible to deny. Was it because she looked so much like him? The strikingly similar features? Or was it because a father simply knew? Some form of paternal instinct? Bellamy didn't know, nor did he have the voice to question it. He could only stare at her, shocked, in awe . . . hurt.

Because if the math was right, then Roma would have known well before that drop ship was sent down and a warrant had been issued for his arrest. That hit him harder than he would have liked. His made his stomach knot, and the realization that he could still feel something in his heart . . . having assumed it was dead before, but no. It wasn't. Because he felt that twinge of hurt that suddenly made everything inside him ache on an intensely emotional level. He had a daughter. Acelynn was his daughter. Just stared at her, unable to look at Roma in this moment, but from his peripheral vision, he could see her eyes on him. Further proof that his instinct was right. That his assumption was correct. That this young, beautiful girl before him . . . was his daughter. Bellamy didn't know what to say, or how to react. He normaly had no issue with approaching children; but with Acelynn . . . it was different. He felt, scared to. There was nothing he could say in this moment that could truly express how he felt.

He knew he had hurt Roma with his actions, and hated himself every day for it. He knew that all he was good for was hurting people, and perhaps . . . he deserved this. After all, what right did he have to be a father when he deprived so many others of it? When he himself had killed children. Yet, this was not what prompted the first words to escape him. "Would you have ever told me?" If she didn't have to. He was no fool. He was well aware that the only reason she told him now, was because he would have found out. With the limited size of Arkadia and how close in proximity everyone was . . . he would eventually see her, and know, just as he did now. So did she ever have any intention of telling him? And if so, why hadn't she? Why had she denied him the opportunity to be a father? Maybe he didn't have a right to be, not even on the Ark. But that didn't stop him from feeling hurt by her withholding of this vital piece of information.

[Roma Bragg]

How cute. Earth Skills. As if I will ever need to know any of that. We aren't going to Earth for another hundred years, so me learning some pointless tricks on how to make fire is only wasting my time, and I have more important people to do.

Roma

He didn't look at her, and longer he didn't the more unsure Roma was about what she should be doing in this moment. Old Roma would have started talking, and talking fast to fill the silence, but talking wasn't something allowed when you were hunted at every turn. A habit broken by fear. When he finally spoke, asking if she would have ever told him, Roma closed her eyes for a moment, absorbing that before looking at him. In honesty, she didn't know the answer. Especially when she wasn't sure of his mood. If he'd been angry, she could have been angry back--but she wasn't sure what this was. "If everyone was still on the Ark . . . I am sure I would have." But her voice wasn't compleatly sure. "A child isn't a secret you can keep forever." She said before her mind caught up to what she said. Shit! She forgot he had kept it for 16 years. "What I mean is . . . had you been a guard and out and about . . . " She wasn't making since. He had been a janitor and not in their normal social circles so he hadn't heard from a co-friend about her.

She sighed at her in ably to explain herself, despite time to practice. Folding her arms protectively over her, she tried again. This time her voice held her regret, and she did regret hurting him. Just not, not telling him. He had shot THE most important man on the Ark! If it was known that Acelynn was his daughter then THAT would have reflected badly on her. She was, thankfully, smart enough not to voice that in this moment. "I was so angry at you. I was sixteen, Bellamy, and I didn't know how to handle that anger. I am sorry that I hurt you." But not enough to change her choice. She couldn't even say 'I never wanted to hurt you' because she knew she had just admitted she did it to hurt him. "Then later, I was a suck ass mom. I didn't want to be a mother, and I avoided it. Admitting to you that I had her, would have made me face it." Roma walked over to pick up her daughter, in part so she could bring her closer to him, and in part so he had to look at her. "But I am making sure that I never am avoiding it again. I want to be there for my daughter . . . and if I can't . . . I wanted to make sure she had someone else who would look after her."

Roma walked closer to him, stopping not far from him. "Do you want to hold your daughter, Bellamy?" Roma asked, because she needed him to be doing something. She hated this still unsure she felt. If he was yelling or holding her daughter then she had something to try and read . . . and of course because it was his daughter and he should get too.

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[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Roma Bragg

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy wanted to believe her when she said that she would have told him that they still been on the Ark . . . but he didn't. She had time to tell him, and she hadn't. "You could have," he said in a low voice, speaking aloud his thoughts. Her next words made him wonder if she was intentionally trying to hurt him. Keeping a child a secret, like he had Octavia. Being a guardsman, demoted to a janitor after his mother was floated and sister arrested. The way her words came out, made him realize that she wasn't trying to be hurtful . . . but then again, he felt like he didn't know her anymore. She had been angry at him, and that was why she had done it. No. He couldn't accept that as justification. He wouldn't. She apologized now, but her revelation hurt.

If she wanted payback against him . . . well, she had done a pretty damn good job. Exceeding all expectations; striking him where it would hurt him most: family. Because that was the one thing most important to him. And she had taken that, kept that from him. It was incredible, to know that the people he felt strongest for, were the ones who could hurt him the most. "So your anger was more important than telling me I was a father?" His question was rhetorical. His words didn't hold anger; he was too beyond that, too hurt for there to be any rage.

"You kept a child from me because you were . . . mad at me?" A slight disbelief to it, as if her anger was the reason to keep a child from their parents. He couldn't look at her, trying to process all of this, and not sure how to. She further admitted that she didn't want to be a mother, that she hadn't been good at it. It was her words that followed that striked that all too familiar tune. She now wanted to be a good mother . . . saying that if she couldn't, she wanted to make sure there was someone else. Convenience. That was what it was. Bellamy knew that feeling all too well; for someone to seek him out and say the words he wanted to hear, only when they needed him. Only when it suited him.

Clarke had done it how many times. No damn surprise that Roma did it now. It was all he was though; a protector. Doing what the others needed him to do. Being there when required, but not there just for the sake of being someone. Inadequacy, and worthlessness struck him hard. And all that had bottled up since Clarke left since Mount Weather, since landing on the Ground, and since losing their mother . . . now threatened to surface. He felt the sting of tears in his eyes though he dare not let them spill. He heard her question, though didn't turn to look at Roma or Acelynn.

"Now I'm her father, when it's convenient for you?" Your daughter Roma had said. As if it was only acknowledged now, because she was forced to do so. Not because she wanted to. If she had . . . then she would have told him on the Ark. "I don't have any position or rank here, Roma, if that's what you wan from me." Because he had known how important that was to her on the Ark. His words weren't spoken in a bitter or angry tone; but rather, an expressed truth, knowing that that was all he was good for. And if that was what she wanted, she would be severely disappointed.

[Roma Bragg]

How cute. Earth Skills. As if I will ever need to know any of that. We aren't going to Earth for another hundred years, so me learning some pointless tricks on how to make fire is only wasting my time, and I have more important people to do.

Roma

She could tell by his words that he was hurt and struggling. He spoke of her anger being more important then his right to know, and she almost wanted to raise her eye brows, because he should have known the answer. She was a very self centered person. Still was in some ways. She didn't think beyond not telling him. She had only felt better because he would hurt the way she was hurting. She had went to him, wanted to give up her dreams of getting a good life--or at least put them on hold and give them a try. She had I love you on her lips, and he had used her and then while she was still naked and covered in his sweat had been kicked out and dumped---the anger had lasted a while. Then each time her father demanded to know who the father was, she had only gotten more bitter at him. More angry. Every time the baby cried, she had gotten angry at him again.

It had not been until she felt the fear of loosing her daughter that Roma had started to think about her actions. It wasn't til the ground that she really started changing who she was. Which was why she said nothing at his first few statements, and only reacted to his last two. She was only his daughter when it was convenient. Mostly true. A large part of why she was telling him was because she needed to know Acelynn had someone else. Still, there was apart of her trying to do the right thing. One was a lot larger then the other but they were both there.

His next words hurt. They both knew why she had gone too him in the first place, but she had stayed for him. Bellamy hadn't said it in anger, but she wondered if he was trying to her back. Roma looked down at her daughter and bounced her slightly; making she any anger was left out of her tone so not to upset the baby. "Bellamy I was going to tell you I loved you." She said, joining him in the not looking at him now, and instead just looking into her daughter's face. "I was there for you, knowing that you'd never reach the ranks I wanted. I would have stayed . . . you made your choice, and I made mine." Roma looked back up at him, "Would you have stayed?" Roma wasn't about to hand him their daughter now, so she stepped back and sat on the bed. "I could have told you and we've have hated each other. I because I knew you didn't want me, and you because I trapped you into it. I didn't do it because of that reason, but I've had six months to think about how things could have been different. Telling you really wouldn't have changed things for me. I'd still have been on farm station in the crash. I'd still have been in a snow covered hell . . . and you. When you found out that your sister was going to Earth, would you have stayed?" She had often wondered, but never thought to ask him out loud. Mostly because she was afraid of the answer. Roma looked back at her daughter, and brushed her hair back, while Acelynn played with Roma's fingers.

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[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Roma Bragg

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She was going to tell him that she loved him? Hell, he would have been touched if he actually believed her. "Well it's a good thing you didn't. Because it would have been a lie." He had often struggled with the possibility that anyone could love him, and he was getting a harsh reality check of this truth each time someone hurt him. He had hurt Roma, he knew that . . . but withholding a child from him was an entirely new level of pain that he wasn't handling well on top of everything else. "You don't do what you did to someone you love." Deprive them of such knowledge. Keep a child from them because they were mad at you. Because they wanted revenge on you.

"I made my choice because I couldn't risk hurting or losing anyone else I cared about." He was fighting hard to keep his emotions back, though knew he was failing. His voice remained leveled however, not raised for there was still a child in the room. His child . . . apparently. "You made your choice because you wanted to get back at me." Intentions meant a lot; held a lot of meaning. And he couldn't condone hers. She went on to explain how telling him wouldn't have changed things for her, which . . . only reinforced her own argument about this perhaps. "Wouldn't have changed anything . . . for you. What about me Roma?" Didn't he deserve to know? Didn't she consider how it could have changed things for him?

"I would do anything for family. Even if I left, I would know she still had you. Octavia had no one." She was being sent to potentially her death and Bellamy couldn't let her go through it alone. He paused suddenly, the thought of the culling. If he knew he had a daughter on there . . . perhaps he wouldn't have pulled out the radio. But that was on him. The horror of what he had done only strengthening based on this recent revelation. "But you're wrong if you think I wouldn't have done anything for her or you." For their child or for Roma. "I would have done things a hell of a lot differently." Octavia had been his only reason left for living. But if he knew he had a daughter . . . he could have done more. Fought harder, smarter. Not been so eager to cut ties with the Ark. He could have been different, better. For the sake of a daughter.

[Roma Bragg]

How cute. Earth Skills. As if I will ever need to know any of that. We aren't going to Earth for another hundred years, so me learning some pointless tricks on how to make fire is only wasting my time, and I have more important people to do.

Roma

"Well it's a good thing you didn't. Because it would have been a lie. You don't do what you did to someone you love." She could say the same to him, but it would be pointless. He had never claimed to love her. Falling for him at been her mistake, and she knew it. She wasn't going to hold the fact that he didn't love her over his head. That part she had made peace with. Maybe she had even made peace with the whole thing that now that she had learned about what really mattered. Which was her daughter. She didn't want to leave her alone in this world, and having a family meant she would never be. He could hate her, but he couldn't hate his daughter.

"I made my choice because I couldn't risk hurting or losing anyone else I cared about." "That makes no sense," she muttered under her breath, but didn't stop him from continuing. "You made your choice because you wanted to get back at me." She didn't defend that. She had done it, and that was why she'd done. Roma wasn't sorry she had even done, only that she was hurting him now. In hind sight, it had been better that no one knew. Everyone had heard about the officer guy who'd been arrested because he had helped Bellamy shot the chancellor. Had they known then then her daughter could have been a target. "What about me Roma?" She looked up at him from where she was sitting, and didn't look away. Could he really deny that he would have done anything different? "Octavia had no one." No, he couldn't. Point made.

"But you're wrong if you think I wouldn't have done anything for her or you." That made her angry, but she didn't yell at him. The old Roma would, this one was tired of fighting. "I would have done things a hell of a lot differently." No, he had just said he would still go because his sister had no one. Well she had someone now! A grounder! Her words were a bit snide, but still spoken in a calm tone. "You just said you'd have still gone, so apparently not anything." There was nothing else he could have done, she was on the Ark and he the ground. It's not like he was to blame for what happened up there!

Or down here. She sighed, "I don't want to fight about this. I apologize for hurting you, but what is done, is done. I know you hate me, but I've had a long time to settle with what I did." And not be compleatly sorry for it, but admitting that might move him to yelling. "You said you'd do anything for her. That is what I am asking you for now. Claim her. Eventually we are all going to die here. I watched my father get stabbed over and over. I watched my mother grow weak and too slow to keep moving. This is the worst Earth ever, and it's only a matter of time before it could be me. Then she'd have no one . . . but you."

"Think what you want about me, but I don't give a damn what your position is here." He had thrown that at her a few moments ago, and while it had been true she was over it. "She deserves to know her father. I owe you both that." But she didn't owe him much more. He had played a part in this too. "Are you going to claim her?" She wouldn't force this on him, and she knew that his family loyalty would make him do it--but if she was wrong. If he had changed and said no, then she wasn't sure what the plan B was.

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