Denial Is Not Just A River In Egypt

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Roma Bragg

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

This surely wouldn't be a big deal. Bellamy knew of Roma's overdramatic tendencies -- once which seemed to have gotten worse as of late. But this in particular, shouldn't be anything major. All he was going to tell her was that he had to cancel their plans for tonight, as he had to go out for a late night supply run. It was an emergency, and it was of course part of his duties here at Arakdia. Roma would understand . . . surely. Yet he didn't seem overly convinced of the thought.

Then again, he wasn't really asking her if he could cancel them. He was telling her. That might make it worse. He made his way to his apartment, needing to quickly change into the proper gear and where he also had told her to meet him. Casually entering he saw her right away, knowing he didn't have too much time to build it up. Besides, Bellamy was often one who spoke plainly and bluntly.

"Roma," he greeted, walking up to her as he leaned toward her to lightly kiss her on the cheek before continuing his path past her, toward the hook that contained his jacket. "I have to cancel our plans tonight. Need to go out for a supply run." His tone was nonchalant, as if this wasn't a big deal. Cancellations happened . . . and he would make it up to her later. Fortunately, he wouldn't have to go inside the Mountain. He would be stationed by the rover to ensure there were no Grounders lurking about. Besides, this wasn't Bellamy's first supply run.

[Roma Bragg]

Roma was irritated. And worse there was no source, so there was no outlet. There was only her. She woke up alone--of course she did. That was how she always woke up. He had to go to work and everything in the morning! The sun was too bright today, and she didn't want it on her face. The air in here was still and made it feel hot. The moment she woke up she felt tired and bothered. She had gotten sick again, and it made her feel weak. But not stay in bed weak, just too tired to do anything weak! Too tired to do anything, too restless to stay in bed--and no one around to take it out on.

That was until he came home. To his home, not her home. No, she was guest here. Granted it was her choice, he had laid everything out when he had come to her and asked for another chance--but right now that wasn't what was on her mind. NOPE! It was that this wasn't her home! He kissed her, and Roma didn't move. Just sat there on the edge of the bed, not feeling well. THEN he spoke! And everything she was feeling shot out in the conventant outlet he had given her. "Of course you do." SHe muttered, before reaching for her boots. She was leaving! HOW DARE HE!! She was a fucking gift and he rather go play in the mountain! Only it was one of his boots she had grabbed, an extra one he had thanks to the supply run. Frustrated she threw it at him before reaching for the other one to throw it too, before finally looking for her own boot.

"You do that! You go run the supplies!" She couldn't find her boots! WHERE THE HELL WHERE THEY!??! WHY DID SHE EVEN NEED TO GO?? "You know what . . .go! Get out! Go run your supplies! Go find new books to spend all night reading, or new . . . .whatever is important that we some how can't live without again!" Just go play king of the mountain and . . . . . WHERE THE HELL ARE HER BOOTS?

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Roma Bragg

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She was pissed. Bellamy knew she wouldn't be happy about this, but he had not expected her to be this upset about it. He managed to dodge the first attack, quickly ducking just in time to avoid being hit by the flying boot. Fortunately, he needed them, and she was kicking him out . . . of his own damn place. So this may be the only way he could access the necessary footwear. He grabbed the boot in his hand, before she hurled the other one at him. He had thought they were past this. Past the throwing and anger . . . but then, Bellamy's gut was telling him something about her. Something that he hadn't dare bring up before. A feeling. And well, he usually tended to trust his instincts.

He quickly picked up his other boot, looking at her intently, despite her anger. He knew that the last thing he should say right now was for her to calm down . . . so he just looked at her. "Roma . . . " How did he start the conversation? Her name came out in a calm tone, unsure where to begin. or how to say what he wanted to. "I won't be gone long." Was all he managed to get out. "I'll check on you when I'm back." Because . . . she had been feeling sick most mornings. And with her over emotional -- more over emotional than normal -- state . . . it was all adding up. "You should get some rest." A suggestion that she not over exert herself. Though, he doubted it would be well received. Especially considering he was currently clutching the boots that were thrown at him while getting kicked out of his own apartment.

[Roma Bragg]

Wont be gone long. Check on her after he was done with Ark business. Get some rest. She didn't want rest! She wanted him to go away so she could be bitter and unhappy and hungry alone! . . . She was hungry! She was always hungry of late! While the rations were no longer Ark small, food wasn't unlimited. Everyone had more, but it wasn't an unlimited amount. She found her shoes, and was pulling them on. She wasn't staying here! She was going to get food! That was what she wanted! Food! She had lost weight a few weeks ago when she started getting sick. Sick was gross so thankfully Bellamy was gone most mornings, but she had started gaining it back recently. THANKFULLY! She wasn't meant to look so thin.

Standing up she looked at him. He looked concerned for a moment, and it took her that long to remember why. Right! Shed threw his boot at him! Cause he was being annoying or something. Her mood had shifted rather suddenly at the thought of food and she wasn't irritated any longer, just determined to find food! Looking at she smiled, stepped closer to kiss his cheek before looking at him, "I'm going to go find food." Then she turned and walked out of the room.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Roma Bragg

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Her final statement before departing seemed to confirm what he was already suspicious of. But he didn't have time to follow her. He needed to leave quickly. Besides, this wasn't going to be the last time they had this conversation. Once he was able to get ready, he made his way to the garage where the others were waiting, and set off to do the supply run. Fortunately, it was quick and uneventful. Which allowed them to not have to drag it out. Once they got the necessarily supplies, they hurriedly loaded it up and drove back to Arkadia. Bellamy was quick to unload the things, taking them to their expected destination, his mind on Roma the entire time.

What if she really was pregnant. That would mean . . . it was his. That would mean, he was going to be a father. It could be too premature for him to be considering such things, but he couldn't help it. What he did know was that hey needed to confirm this as soon as possible. Because, well, if there was indeed a baby coming, they would really need to start preparing. The first place he went to was Roma's, figuring she may still very well be mad at him enough to not be at his own apartment. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door. He didn't feel nervous about confronting her; he felt more nervous about the possibility of potentially being a father.

[Roma Bragg]

She had tried everything. When the doctor told her she was going to have a baby Roma had tried everything to talk herself out of this one. They'd mixed up the charts, they didn't know how to do their jobs, they were just being mean--and even flat out refusing to believe it. However, it didn't matter how much she talked, it didn't change anything---she was going to have a baby!

THE HELL WITH THAT! She wasn't mother! She wasn't mother material! She barley took care of herself, how the hell was she supposed to keep a baby alive?! Roma liked attention, babies needed attention--it wasn't a healthy balance. She liked to sleep all night! Babies cried! AND POOPED! She was not mature enough (even after everything that had happen) to willing touch poop for the next three years!

Which was why she had made a game plan--she was going to ignore it. Roma wasn't stupid enough to believe it was a long term plan, but right now it was ignore it, and pretend it wasn't true to panic and cry! Turning the corner while walking to her room, she saw Bellamy's knocking at her door and she jerked back behind the bend. CRAP! She wasn't ready to deal with this! Talking a few deep breaths she knew her options where running away or facing him . . . Roma turned to run away! She only made it a few steps before she stopped, sighed and turned to walk back. Once she turned the bend she paused there to watch him. "I don't think she'd home." Roma joked, while trying to think of something else to say.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Roma Bragg

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellmay turned when he heard footsteps, seeing Roma come into view as she joked about no one being home. She seemed calmer now; less angry and likely to throw anything at him. For now anyway. That could quickly change. "Well then she won't mind if I go right on in," he joked back, as he gave a slight half smile to her. He knew the conversation they were about to have wasn't going to be an easy one . . . but he couldn't dismiss his supsicions any longer. He couldn't brush them off. They needed to discuss it.

"Can we talk?" He asked, a seriousness in his voice, though holding a softness to it as well. If she was pregnant, he had no intention of leaving her to deal with it on his own. He had vowed to be with her, committed to her . . . especially considering the last time he had tried to distance himself from Roma, realizing quickly after that it wasn't working. That it could never work. Because he loved her and wanted to be with her. And if his suspicions were correct, then they would soon be raising a child together. And the last thing that bby would need was any sort of dysfunction between the parents.

[Roma Bragg]

He joked about going right in, and normally Roma would have made that into a dirty suggestion, but right now she was thinking that kinky stuff was why she was in this position in the first place so . . . . no. Thankfully he asked to talk so she didn't have to try and joke--wait! No! Talking wasn't what she wanted! What did he want to talk about? "You were gone a while, would you rather get something to eat first?" The mess hall was a public place! You didn't want about things there! That could stall them! Good plan!

Whatever he wanted to talk about couldn't be good. AND if he talked then she would be expected too--maybe even explain this morning to him? That would be explaining something she wasn't sure she had wrapped her head around! She wasn't even sure what options she was looking at! After the mount weather horror she knew she couldn't kill her baby, but she couldn't be a mother! She was irresponsible! She was never to work on time! She liked sleeping in, and spending time pampering herself! She was self centered and she knew it! She was fine with who she was! Babies were self centered! You couldn't have two self centered people living together! The math wasn't right on that one!

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Roma Bragg

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She asked if he would prefer to eat something instead, and Bellamy just slightly shook his head. Was she stalling? Did she not want to talk to him in private? Was she still angry with him? No. He knew the latter wasn't it because when Roma was angry . . . well, she had no problem expressing it. Right now she was calm, more cooled off perhaps. She wasn't one to conceal her emotion. Both a good thing and at times . . . a lot to deal with.

But Bellamy found himself not minding. He was happy with her. "No. I'd rather talk," he told her truthfully, though still made no move to enter her apartment. He would only do so if she was comfortable with it, as it was her space. And he would not forcefully impose. He could only try to convince her to speak to him. "Please?" Unsure if the plea would make a difference. He knew he had upset her and what he may be suggesting to her may only cause the same reaction . . . only with a stronger intensity.

[Roma Bragg]

How cute. Earth Skills. As if I will ever need to know any of that. We aren't going to Earth for another hundred years, so me learning some pointless tricks on how to make fire is only wasting my time, and I have more important people to do.

Roma

Roma waited for his answer but she would be disappointed, for he was not going to give her the easy out she so longed for. "No. I'd rather talk," But she didn't. She wasn't sure what she wanted, or how she felt, and she damn well wasn't ready to figure it out--so she wasn't ready to talk to him. Roma stared at his face for a long moment, trying to figure it out. "Please?" He added on, and she took a slow deep breath. "Alright." She agreed, before looking away.

Roma walked to the door and entered her code to open it, before walking in. Normally she would have . . . who knows. Started talking. Started undressing. Even try to make him agree to plans later, but this time she felt unsure of herself, and she hated it. She couldn't meet his gaze so instead she stood near the table, and tried to think of a way to hold this off. It couldn't be done forever. Roma wasn't an idiot, and she knew that she'd have to tell him sooner or later, but . . . what did she tell him? Bellamy, I'm going to have a baby that I don't want and have no ability to take care of.

What made this harder, is that she knew him. Bellamy had always put his family first. Instead of kill a baby, his mother had put his sister under the floor for 16 years. He had protected her, and given up who he could have been for her. For Bellamy, he would always pick the baby---and that wasn't something she could do. She was self centered, and liked being the center of attention. She didn't want to change. Maybe that made her a bad person, but she was fine with who she was. She couldn't raise a baby! She could barely take care of herself! Forcing herself to turn and look at him she felt her breathing go a little faster. "So . . . . how was your trip?" She asked, trying to figured out what she had to say to him--because she knew it would need to be said here.

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[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Roma Bragg

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He felt relieved when she agreed to speak to him, and followed her inside her apartment, the door closed behind them to grant them the necessary privacy. He watched her move over toward the table, feeling a strange sort of tension or perhaps uncertainty in the air. He wouldn't let it interfere with what he had to speak to her about. Her question wasn't one he was going to go into great detail about, a fleeting thought as to whether it was a means to further distract. Then again . . . did she know what he was going to talk to her about? Did she have an idea? Did she have, similar thoughts?

He supposed that there was only one way to find out. "It was fine," he answered, the same response he usually gave when someone inquired toward his well being. He took a few steps towards her, pulling out a chair so that she could sit, waiting for her to do so before he would follow suit. But he didn't stop talking. "I'm sorry for the way I left things." For upsetting her and then just leaving. While he didn't regret fulfilling his duties, he did regret the way the fight had happened. He could have done more to ease it, but he hadn't. He'd upset her. "I didn't mean to upset you, and I'm sorry for that." Apologies came far easier down here than they ever had on the Ark.

"Roma, I didn't want to say anything because I wasn't sure . . . but the more time that passes, the more I can't ignore what my gut is telling me." That she was pregnant. Yet, how did he bring that to surface without just blurting it out? He was used to being blunt, but even Bellamy acknowledged how sensitive this issue could be. And with Roma's mood swings . . . it could result in another explosive conversation. He reached out to take her hand, holding it in his own. "Is there anything you want to tell me? Or, anything you think might be happening?" He had assumed, but he wondered if she knew or had a feeling. Surely, a woman expecting a child would somehow know, or at least consider the possibility of it.

[Roma Bragg]

How cute. Earth Skills. As if I will ever need to know any of that. We aren't going to Earth for another hundred years, so me learning some pointless tricks on how to make fire is only wasting my time, and I have more important people to do.

Roma

He was talking to her calm like, and Roma felt her emotions gather up. She never cried. She wasn't the sort to cry very often, but she felt them now. "--but the more time that passes, the more I can't ignore what my gut is telling me." He moved to take her hand, and she felt the wetness on on her cheeks! This was the worst thing that happened to her since getting sent down here! AND that was saying a lot! Worst Earth Ever! "Is there anything you want to tell me? Or, anything you think might be happening?" He knew. She knew he knew. He had to know that she knew he knew!

She looked down and used her free hand to try to clear off her face. "I'm pregnant." She whispered, not looking at him. She knew what would come next. He would want the baby, and she wouldn't. She had seen enough death that she didn't want to add too it, but she didn't want to be a mother. This would ruin everything! She either had to give him up, or ruin a perfectly good kid by trying something she knew she'd suck at. She couldn't look at him right now, because it would hurt. Stupid baby! Stupid girl parts! Stupid Bellamy for making her feel this way! She wanted to be happy and the center of attention and pampered! She didn't want THIS! Babies ruined everything!

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