Time heals all wounds

[Clarke Griffin]

He still wanted to go through this with her. In truth she wanted nothing more than that. She shouldn’t have left. It was egoistical and it solved exactly nothing for either of them, or at least not for her. For her things were just pushed back and she was stuck in denial for so long that her mind got this weird. It was her own fault. And he still wanted to go through this with her. Clarke felt deep gratitude for Bellamy, for how he took her back like this. She also felt shame for what she did. All of this was her fault, she knew. Somehow she would make it up to him. Somehow she would get him to feel how grateful she was for his support and friendship. He was the one person, whose forgiveness she really needed. She would work for that, for real forgiveness, not the general one he was giving her, not that she thought it was less real. She just wanted to be and feel worthy of it.

“I would love that, Bellamy. I… learned out there that I shouldn’t have left. That I need you by my side to heal and that I need to know you’re okay in order to heal.” She wanted to heal. She wanted to learn to deal with those demons, with those voices and the urges, with the bouts of craziness. She just wanted to learn to live again, to be okay with herself again and to be a good friend again. As such, she needed to push back the insane jealousy she had felt for this other girl. She left him for months, who was she to blame him for having relationships? If it helped him, she should encourage them.

“Now… I don’t think we should focus on the heavy conversations. I want to know all about the girl. Is she your girlfriend? Who is she? Tell me everything.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He felt relieved when Clarke accepted it, when she spoke of how she would love this . . . healing together. Which was what he had intended all along. "And I need you by my side as well," he told her honestly. "We're stronger together," he added on. Never before would he have considered that but he'd quickly learned it when the two of them became leaders together. She was his strength; she made up for where he was weak. She supported him, encouraged him, and gave him the confidence he needed. He felt it now, a renwed sense of hope that he could finally start to heal . . . where he had been suppressing everything. Living in almost a state of denial, finding comfort in another . . . which was a topic broached by Clarke's next question. It felt, odd. To be discussing a girlfriend with her. It shouldn't though. Whatever was between them . . . was friendship. Though perhaps that was part of his denial.

Part of his, pushing away whatever emotions surfaced when she was near. He cared about Mel, a lot. He had no ideaw hat he would have done without her. "Her name is Melinda, or Mel." He had of course upset her as well after what he'd done. He would need to speak to her about that. "She's a mechanic, and the only survivor of the crew that came down with her from the Ark." Bellamy wasn't sure how well Clarke had been acuainted with her, but it was easier to explain who Mel was rather than give the details of the nature of his relationship with her. "We've been together for the past few months." It was no coincidence that it was shortly after Clarke had left. He had a void, one that needed to be filled. One that he had wanted Mel to fill. Yet only now . . . did he truly feel complete. Because Clarke was here. Was that wrong? How could he begin to explain that? The simple answer was that he couldn't.

[Clarke Griffin]

Mel… Mel. The girl he, Murphy, Finn and Monroe had saved, the only survivor not only from her crew, but from Mecha station when it came down. Clarke had met her briefly before she left. From what she knew of her then, she was a good young woman, kind and very caring. While Clarke didn’t know Bellamys type, she knew he had only had One Night Stands down here on earth. And now he apparently had a relationship while she was gone, still had it, as it seemed. Bellamy honest to god had a girlfriend. Part of it felt like he had shoved a knife into her, part of it made her almost giddy with excitement, because while she was gone, it seemed like he was healing, probably also with Mels help.- This was actually great news.

“Bellamy Blake has a girlfriends. A thing I never thought I’d see given how … frequent female visitors used to be in your tent in the beginning.” And now he was in a relationship, though it seemed like last night might have created a bit of a problem for them, as she appeared to have been less than impressed with him. And it was Clarkes fault, she knew that. “Last night… will she be too pissed? I didn’t mean to… make things bad for you and your girlfriend. I could speak to her and explain what’s going on with me.” Even if she hated to even speak of it to begin with. Maybe he should not let her around Mel anyway, especially not when she was in bad shape.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

This was so damn awkward. Who knew that he would be telling Clarke about his first girlfriend. It was just . . . strange. He wasn't one to talk about his romantic relations with anyone, least of all Clarke. Her return ha brought forth feelings that he had long bottled away, and he didn't know what this meant. He cared for Mel, a lot. He doubted he would have gotten through these past few months without her. Clarke mentioned the frequent female visitors he'd once had . . . sometimes even more than one at a time.

He knew that other gloated about such things; but he was not one to do so. He han't engaged in physical relations with women to brag about it . . . though he couldn't help but give a slight flicker of a smile, perhaps a bit of a sarcastic one, at her words. Those days seemed to be long gone. He had been devoted to Mel these past few months. "Just took the right woman, I guess," he told her. He wasn't even sure what he meant by that. It was true, Mel had been the right woman . . . he had also been vulnerable, and she had been a light in what seemed like a world filled with darkness. Yet, he would be lying if he said that for some time, he had always thought Clarke to be that woman. The one he could depend on, lean on . . . damn this wasn't good. He needed to push these feelings aside.

She then brought up last night, and Bellamy knew he had to make it up to Mel for the way he had treated her. He'd been upset, angry, hurt . . . and he shouldn't have used Mel as an outlet like that. "She will be," he stated, knowing that he had hurt her. "But not because of you. It was my fault." He didn't know how she would feel about Clarke being in his tent, but he imagined he needed to explain why he had dismissed her like that to begin with. This was on him. He wasn't sure why he felt so odd, hearing Clarke talk about his girlfriend. It was so unfamiliar so . . . no. He couldn't think of it in any other way.

"You didn't. Trust me. I hurt her last night because of my actions." Or perhaps, inactions. "You don't have to explain that to her. Not unless you want to." He knew it was very personal to Clarke, and he didn't want her to feel like she had to justify how she felt or her mindset because of him. Especially when he was the problem here. "But, I think it would be good for you two to properly meet." Because at the very least, Clarke was his friend. His closest friend. And that wasn't going to change.

[Clarke Griffin]

It just took the right woman. That stung, though it shouldn’t. Clarke knew she shouldn’t feel anything but joy at him having a girlfriend, someone to love him and hold and comfort him. Maybe it was her minds situation doing this to her. Maybe it was just the effects of the stress feeling this slightly possessive thing that hurt her now, thought it shouldn’t. He was in love. It was a beautiful thing and if she captured his heart, actually captured this kind hearted and brave mans heart, she must be a good person. If she wasn’t Octavia would give her hell. Like Bellamy was protective of O, she was protective of him. It was adorable to see and it had given her a lot of comfort out there. 

“Bellamy, it was my fault, wasn’t it? I know you.” She had known him for about two months before she left for around the same time. A man could not change that much in such a short time. Then again, he had turned around because he had a reason to. He started to care for others, but Clarke was sure he would not go back on that, having a girlfriend was a sign of it. He cared and he finally allowed people to care about him in return, in a way he hadn’t before. She was proud of him in this case. She was proud of him in so many cases. He saved their people. He protected them. He risked his life more than once for them. She wanted to make him feel how proud she felt of him for all that, but she knew she couldn’t. She couldn’t even verbalize it, not anymore. “I want to, Bellamy, okay? I don’t want the possibility of me standing between you and your girlfriend to exist. And knowing you, you’ll want to be there for me during the bad times. She will notice that. So I want to explain to her. Unless you have other ideas of formally introducing us, when I’m clear and she’s…. well not in the mood she’s been in.” Clarke grinned. “Bellamy’s got a girlfriend!”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She asked if it was her fault, and Bellamy paused before replying. He didn't blame her. She was going through hell, and she hadn't meant the words the way they came out . . . even though they had hurt like a bitch. "It wasn't your fault," he told her with certainty. "I didn't, react well. I was angry and shouldn't have brought Mel into it." But he had. In a horrible way. He never wanted to use a woman like that, which was perhaps why he had stopped himself . . . but in turn, had most likely humiliated her. The thought scared him. That he had been so hurt by Clarke's words, he'd thought having sex with another woman was an outlet for it. She spoke of him having a power of her . . . well she clearly had one over him too.

"I should have handled it better. I knew you weren't yourself." And he should have done more to help her, or at least kept his emotions in check. Clarke then explained that she wanted to explain things, that she didn't want there to be tension between them. She was right. Bellamy wanted to be there for her . . . hell, they had just called each other their soulmates. He told her that he hadn't felt complete without her. He felt like even having these feelings and thoughts, was a betrayal to Mel, but at the same time . . . the relationship he had with Clarke was far deeper than could be explained. Even romantically.

"I do want to be there for you," he confirmed, not wanting there to be any doubt about that. He had never had a girlfriend before, so he imagined Clarke was also right about the fact that Mel would notice. It was best explained now before things escalated. "You're right, it's for the best," he agreed. "I'll talk to her today. And, there's no rush Clarke. You need to rest and take care before you worry about anyone else." Like him and his problems.

Problems that he had created himself. Had he just handled things better last night, none of this would have happened. Mel would not be upset, and Clarke would not feel like she had created a problem. He was already angry at himself for how he'd made both women feel. Two women who he cared deeply for. Clarke's next statement pulled him out of his thoughts and caused him to slightly roll his eyes as he looked away for a brief moment. "Real cute," he teased back sarcastically. "Get it out of your system now. It's gonna get real old, real soon," he continued on in the same teasing tone. His mind went to the possibility of one day teasing her about having a partner . . . but instead of thinking of fun it would be to taunt her, he felt something far different. Something he shouldn't be feeling. Something that made so sense. Thinking of that scenario, he felt nothing but jealousy.

[Clarke Griffin]

“Bellamy, no. No, don’t beat yourself up about it. You knew, but even then, this is stressful, for everyone around me. You have every right to act like that, Bellamy. I’m just going to assume, that you never really had to deal with this specific reaction.” Clarke hated the fact that he seemed to beat himself up about something that was not his fault in the slightest. Anyone else would have told her it was not hers either, because she could not help it or really fight it at this point, but he was even less at fault. He had done everything in his power to keep her safe one way or another. He tried to protect her, maybe not actively from this, but regardless, he had tried. It had already been too late, unfortunately. She had given her soul long before that, it was out of his control long before that.

“I think I’ll enjoy that for a bit.” Only she wouldn’t. She was happy he was happy, of course, in her current clear-ish state, she knew she should be happy for him, though it never quite reached her heart, never reached her broken soul. In her soul she felt pain, so much of it, even from this. She shouldn’t feel anything towards this girl, Clarke knew she was nice and as long as he was happy, she’d try hard to fake being happy for him, even though it would be hard. "What did she do to tame you? I mean you weren't inclined to get into a relationship until her obviously." While she was lost in thought, she didn’t notice or realize she had begun rubbing her injured arm, never noticed the slight stinging there, where she started to aggravate the stitches holding the freshly wounded skin together. She was too lost in thought for either of that to register with her conscious mind, her subconsciousness was a different story entirely. 

“How have things been here while I was gone? I guess things have changed, but Mom wouldn’t tell me anything. I guess she and Jackson think I’m too fragile or something.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She was telling him not to beat himself up about it . . . but she was Clarke. Of course she would always try to put his mind at ease. She was justifying his actions and . . . this was who she was. Someone who had the ability to know what to say to make him feel better. But in this particular instance, he couldn't. He had to learn how to live without her for these past few months, he had to remember that. "You're right, I haven't. But we've all been in situations we didn't expect. We can't always control what we do, but in this case, I should have." But they didn't need to dwell on the subject.

He couldn't tell Clarke that he had tried to have sex with Mel to what . . . spite Clarke? Why would she even care if he did that. It was most likely naive for him to think that she would. And yet he had done it, and stopped his actions with Mel for the same reason he had started them: because he was thinking of Clarke. He felt like he was betraying Mel. Being disloyal by physically being with someone else was one thing . . . but emotionally cheating on someone could be just as bad, if not, worse.

Clarke then asked what Mel had done to tame him; that he hadn't been inclined to be in a relationship until her. He knew that wasn't entirely true, and yet completely true at the same time. He had always thought that if he was going to be in a relationship with anyone . . . it would have been with Clarke. That thought hadn't controlled his actions though. At the very least, Clarke was his closest friend.

This whole conversation left him feel so incredibly confused. He had never opened up to anyone about Mel. He'd never explained his relationship or reasons for being with her . . . yet here Clarke was, drawing it out of him so easily. Clarke, of all people. It made sense from the viewpoint that he trusted her, and he was so close to her . . . but on the flip side, what he felt for her was . . . no. He couldn't acknowledge it. For months, he had suppressed everything and been with an amazing woman. Yet Clarke's presence now threatened to bring it all to the surface. To unleash everything he had kept hidden away.

"She makes me feel safe." The words just came out, unsure if that even made sense when spoken without an explanation. He would have to continue. No. He didn't have to. He wanted to. Because he didn't want to be dishonest with her. "I can look at her without thinking of . . . " He didn't need to finish the sentence. He assumed Clarke knew exactly what he was talking about.

It was so very ironic. The fact that Clarke had left, made it difficult -- perhaps impossible -- to deal with what he did. Yet had she stayed, she would have been his comfort. The very thing that kept him going. Looking at her, would not have been hard. But she wasn't there, and seeing everyone else's faces . . . was hard. A constant reminder, as she had told him the day she left. He didn't want to upset Clarke, he didn't want to speak of their actions that day in Mount Weather.

"She makes me smile." It sounded simple, and yet it wasn't. Upon their first actual conversation, she had made him smile. Made him feel at ease. To the point that he had taken her out on an actual date. She was warm, caring, compassionate . . . such a phenomenal woman that he cared deeply for. So why did he feeling like he was betraying her? Why did he use her the way he had last night? He felt so utterly disgusted with himself, it made him sick.

"Things are good," he said, eagerly jumping to her next question. "As good as can be expected." Everyone was still healing, but he didn't want Clarke to be burdened with that. She needed to heal too. "I wouldn't say your fragile," he said, almost with a tease in his voice. "But you put others above yourself. And right now, you need to just look after yourself." He would make sure of that. She didn't need to worry about the others at the moment. And he wasn't going to say anything to encourage her to take care of other people.

"Clarke . . . where did you go?" He was curious. He had asked her where she was going to go, and she didn't know. Yet she had returned to them, physically unharmed apart from the injury she'd sustained at Mount Weather. Then again, he wasn't even sure that she wasn't injured. He just, was wondering and hoped the question wouldn't bring up pained memories. He just so desperately hoped that in the past few months, nothing had happened to add to her trauma.

[Clarke Griffin]

The blonde listened to what Bellamy said about his girlfriend. Had it been before, had it been just a few months before, she would have loved to see a woman do that. She would have loved to see the sparkle in his eyes, the evident love with which he spoke of her. He truly cared about this Mel in ways she had never seen him care for anyone before. He loved his baby sister, naturally, but this was a different kind of love. This was the kind of love Clarke remembered from the books. She made him feel safe, she made him smile and he could be comfortable in this relationship with Mel. Wasn’t that what the books said a perfect relationship had to entail? Or at least it was part of it, a pretty big part. Happiness and safety were, after all, two things humans always craved. And Bellamy had found it in her. 

“That’s great. She sounds like … like the two of you belong together.” It was what it felt like there and then. She had been upset the day before, but right now she felt entirely different. While it should maybe have felt like a punch to the gut, it felt more like a weight settled in her, a heavy weight, that felt like it was just darkness. Clarke would have had trouble describing it, had she been asked to. Luckily she hadn’t been. Yet she barely felt herself peeling of the plaster covering her wound on her arm. Part of her regretted asking the questions, the other just wanted to be close, but at what price? She felt miserable right now and could not even tell why, because she should feel so happy for him, as happy as she tried to look, with the fake smile on her beautiful face. 

Now the other question was safer, at least this tiniest bit. Things were good, wasn’t exactly the answer she expected, yet maybe that was all there was. Things were good, people were alive. That’s all that should matter to her, to others. They lived to see another day, was that not what they gave themselves for, what they sacrificed their souls and minds to? “I don’t know how to take care of myself, Bellamy. I never really… did that before.” She knew how to take care of others, but of herself? Before all this went down she usually had someone look out for her. She never really took care of herself, so the concept was foreign and it sounded impossibly hard. Did it not mean she would have to care about herself? Did it not mean she would have to care if she got better or not? But for who? The answer to that was hard.

“I…” The answer to that question was not easy for Clarke. By now she had peeled off enough of the plaster to scratch at her stitches, still not noticing she was actually doing it or even having a remote idea as to why. It was as unconscious as her travels had been in the beginning. “At first I just walked. I had no destination. I just walked during the day, sought cover during the night. It worked somehow. It… was as if my thoughts couldn’t catch up as long as I walked. I came across a small Grounder settlement. They had no healer. I helped people. And then I walked again…. And I guess I just ended up walking back here.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

The two of them sounded like they belonged together. He wasn't sure why that felt so . . . unsettling to hear from Clarke. Had anyone else said it, would he have felt the same way? For a while, he had thought he belonged with no one, before a person -- the very person before him -- had replaced that empty image. He'd thought he belonged with her. But how wrong he had been. Wasn't it wrong to think that? He should be happy.

Mel was, wonderful. They were so compatible. They got along great. There wasn't a single bad thing about her; nothing that made him feel anything but . . . happy. Was that the emotion? It had to be. She made him smile and laugh and just enjoy what hell they had been thrust into. Did that now fade? Why were these emotions that he had felt were gone, suddenly being to resurface? He knew the answer. Feared the answer. They were not emotions that were gone: they were ones that were suppressed.

He didn't respond, he couldn't. Instead, he focused on Clarke's next words, as she told him that she didn't know how to take care of herself. He could relate to that all too well, for he didn't know how to take care of himself. It was the two of them, that took care of each other. But now it was Mel. She had cared for him during these past months and words would never express the gratitude he felt for it.

 "Well then it's a good thing I'm here to help you do just that," he said with a faint smile. "You and I are shit at taking care of ourselves on our own," he said with an ever so slight smirk, speaking aloud his earlier thoughts. "But like I said, you're not going through any of this alone." He had a girlfriend, true, but Clarke . . . there was no one who could replace her. They were friends; soulmates. And he would be here for her. Where he had Mel to help him, Clarke had no one. All the more reason he'd wanted her to stay, but that was the past.

They had to focus on the present and the future. He noticed her hand, scratching at her wound. He took a couple steps forward, he reached out to stop her, taking her hand in his own so that she wouldn't aggravate her injury. He continued to hold it as she answered his question. At least she had found some shelter somewhere, that was something. That was good. Even if it was with the Grounders. Who else could it possibly be with? It was either them, or the Grounders. At least they hadn't hurt her.

"You helped people," he repeated, acknowledging on the positive rather than the trauma of her just wandering aimlessly. Besides, he wanted her to recognize that as well. "That sounds like the Clarke I know." He wanted to remind her of that person whenever he could. Even in her state, she had helped people. She had used the skills and knowledge she possessed to help them. That was Clarke Griffin. That was what he wanted her to acknowledge and recognize. "You came back when you were ready. And I'm glad you did."

[Clarke Griffin]

Maybe he was shit at taking care of himself all alone, but the good part was: He wasn’t alone. Maybe that was the reason why he seemed to be handling things a lot better than he did. He had his friends, his sister and Mel to lean on. He could allow others to take care of him, could just forget to take care of himself and still be taken care of. He was in a very luxurious position, one she could have had herself, yet didn’t. She had turned away from them and now she was paying the price of it. Every moment out there, she couldn’t heal. Now she was even hurting herself without knowing it, just by moving her hand. She only noticed it, when Bellamy took her hand, squeezing it softly and keeping a hold of it, probably to stop her from hurting herself further. She was grateful for it, very grateful in fact.

“Helping people is something I know. It’s… you know, something I learned, a bit of a nobrainer and in the end it provided for me, so it was good. It’s what I can do. I can take care f others. I can fight for them, make the hard decisions, but caring for myself is impossible.” Clarke smiled sadly. Had she really come back because she was ready? Or just because she was something else. In any case she was back. And she was glad and she wished she could just … be okay again. Maybe with his help. “Bellamy?” she began slowly. “Can you forgive me if I try to sleep? It’s nothing against you. I’m not trying to get rid of you. You can stay here. I’m just still tired and drained. Apparently I did lose quite a lot of blood.” She would actually prefer he'd stay here, hell she'd prefer if he could hold her, but what message would that send to his girlfriend? Not a good one at all.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

He could fully understand how she felt about that: the ability to take care of other people but not necessarily oneself. Remaining quiet while she continued, she then asked him if it was alright that she rested. "You don't have to apologize for that Clarke," he assured her, as she she had asked for his forgiveness. "You need as much rest as you can get," he added on. With his hand still in hers, he led her to the few steps toward the bed as he pulled back the blanket so that she could lie down on it. Once he turned back to her, his eyes fell to the wound on her arm. He talk to Abby and let her know so that perhaps a little later she could check on it.

"Do you want me to stay?" He asked her, leaving her to the decision. He would if that was what she wanted, but if she preferred to be alone, he would of course respect that as well. He wasn't about to force his company on her but nor was he going to distance himself. He wanted to be here for her. She had come back and things had been tense . . . but they no longer had to be that way. They would get through this together. At the same time, Mel was not far from his mind and would respect their relationship . . . despite whatever intentions he had for wanting to hold clarke, if only for comfort, he had a feeling that would cross a line. And he had already hurt Mel enough, he didn't want to do so anymore.

[Clarke Griffin]

She wasn’t even sure if she really needed that rest. Her body said so, but could she trust her body at the moment? It was full with those conflicting emotions and information, that she couldn’t place. Maybe she was drained, logically she was weak, due to the blood loss. She almost let herself bleed out. It took a while for the body to replace the blood. It would eventually, but it would take time, maybe she would get hurt again before that and that way she would remain this weak for longer. Whatever happened, it would happen. Maybe she would heal, physically and mentally, but there was no way for her to tell ahead of time. She squeezed his hand softly, as much as she could.

“To be honest, yes. I want you to stay.” It was the simple answer. Before this their friendship was so easy. She could trust him, she could talk to him, joke with him – even gossip with him, because who else would do this? Now things felt different. Gossiping and talking felt like it was in another life. He had a girlfriend, maybe she was the one woman he would stay with, his woman. Maybe not. But in either case, she missed the ease in which they could be together and just talk. She missed him as her best friend. Even if it would never lead to more, she wanted him still in her life as her best friend. That meant she had to protect him. “But I have to warn you. I have terrible nightmares. And there is no way to tell what state I am in when I wake up. I could be completely out of it again. So… you might want to run.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Clarke Griffin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She wanted him to stay. That was all he needed to hear and not something she needed to ask him twice. She then added on that she had nightmares . . . and that there was no telling what state she would be in when she woke up. That he might want to run. He knew the feeling, of being tormented with nightmares. Of not getting that sleep. Of waking up fully disoriented. Bellamy remained silent. With all the words they had exchanged today, all the admittances they had made . . . he knew he had to be strong. Whatever she said to him -- if it was anthing similar to her words of yesterday saying that she was afraid of him -- he just had to remind himself that they were spoken in her current state.

It would take time for them to heal from the events of Mount Weather and even then, Bellamy doubted they would ever fully heal. But he had the comfort of another, and now, he wanted to give that to Clarke -- even if it wasn't in the same way. His bond with the blond haired woman was strong enough. Unbreakable. "I won't do that," he told her, his voice holding a promise. He would not run away. "So why don't you lie down. I'll be here as you fall asleep, and I'll be here when you wake up." So that she didn't have to be alone. Never alone. With that, he began to lead her over to her bed, pulling back the sheets for her, waiting for her to climb inside so that he could seat himself next to her and try to ease whatever nightmares he could. He knew his company wasn't enough to do that, but it was all he could offer. All he could do to help her . . . and damn it, he wanted to help her.

[Clarke Griffin]

It felt weird, but good, knowing he’d stay. She didn’t deserve it, Clarke knew as much. She didn’t deserve a single bit of it. But why should she voice it? She knew they would disagree, Bellamy, her mother, hell even Jackson. She deserved a lot, but not comfort, not this. She committed crimes, she’s done so many things, but she knew what she deserved or not. Clarke curled upon her side, her injured arm pulled close to her chest. She was glad she was already sleepy, otherwise she would have laid awake with him close by and Clarke didn’t know how she would have taken that. Sleep claimed her soon and somehow she was convinced he would not be there in the morning. Why would he be? He had someone to go home to.

Her dreams circled around this truth. Why had she returned? In her dreams she left again and no one stopped her. On the contrary, they wanted her to leave as peace was in the camp without her. Maybe it was for the best, to be alone with herself and the voices in her hed. Maybe she was dangerous to her people in this state, as dangerous as she was to herself. Maybe next time this would claim her life and everyone would have peace, finally. When Clarke woke, her mind was made up. She remained silent, pondering over her decision to stay out of peoples way, to isolate herself and then, just slip away, as naturally as possible, one way or another.

Bellamy Blake