The World Burns When You're Gone

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Gena Martin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

The Grounder army was dead. Bellamy knew there was more to this of how and why it happened. And he was of course going to give his people the benefit of the doubt. Something must have set them off . . . but what was most shocking, was the fact that Kane would have allowed this to happen. While Bellamy disagreed with their people being part of the Coalition, he couldn't do anything to stop it. The others had made the decision and that was it. But what had changed Kane's mind a mere couple of days since he branded his arm? That, was what Bellamy was set on finding out. Clarke was to stay with Lexa. He still wouldn't trust the Commander but right now, it was buying them time to figure out what the hell was going on before another war erupted.

He would return to Clarke and Lexa's base as soon as he found something out. The gates opened for him to step through and here was already a crowd of people. He was only seeking out Kane though, his tunnel vision preventing him from seeing anyone else in this moment. When his eyes did lay on Marcus, it was . . . not quite what he expected. The man wasn't even wearing his uniform. Confusion prevailed and he exchanged only a few words with him before Pike emerged. The first thing that Bellamy noticed was the Chancellor's pin. "Come with me, son. We need to talk." Bellamy glanced at Kane once more before heading off with Pike to the Chancellor's quarters. It was there, that he was updated on the current situation. The fact that he was elected to be Chancellor. That he rejected the Coalition. Truth be told, Bellamy didn't blame him. But at the same time, he knew everyone needed to take a breath.

The conversation took place for a couple for quite some time, before he shook Pike's hand and stepped out from the room. He knew the best thing for everyone right now, was to stay in Charles' best graces. Making himself an enemy wouldn't help anything. Besides, that wasn't even how he saw Pike. The man had lost so much, and his reaction was understandable. It did however leave Bellamy more conflicted than ever. Especially since he knew he wasn't going to be able to stop Pike. With all this, he was forcing himself not to go out and see Clarke to inform her of the situation. Not yet. First, there was someone else he needed to see. And he first place he checked, was their quarters -- an unofficial shared room. And so he stepped inside, knowing that if she wasn't in here, she would most likely be at the Hanger, and if that were the case, he would freshen up before seeing her.

[Gena Martin]

Bellamy was gone for two days now and it already felt too long. Hell was happening in Arkadia. Everything was changing and not necessarily for the better. Some of the few survivors of Farm Station were and have been Genas friends. While she remained in Arkadia when Bellamy left for the summit, others were in Mount Weather, people she knew and liked. She originally had planned to go there with Bellamy even, until he put his foot down to be allowed to the summit. Maybe he had saved both of their lives with that. Maybe they both would have died, had he not gone to the summit and she stayed there. It was a horrible thought, a world without him. But it didn’t get easier. Farm Station wanted to get together and she had little choice but to join them. She stuck close to Monty and Brian, kids she knew for various reasons. So she was close to the center of what happened initially. Once she realized the gravity of it, she stayed there, aligning herself with them. More and more so even. She didn’t agree with killing people, but oh did she agree with securing the area and making Arkadia fully sustainable.

Gena cooked for the returned warriors that morning, listening in on what they said as she took the plates back after they ate. She was just out to make sure they had enough bread ready for the evening when the gates opened. Bellamy. Bellamy was finally home. Gena rushed forward, with others, needing to see for herself that he was okay, but he didn’t even acknowledge him. It hurt like a punch to the gut – one delivered by him. Only this time it was emotional and he was not there to make sure she was alright while someone else had punched her. This was harder than anything she ever felt. This was because he decided to stay with her and the grounders instead of coming home. Maybe he could have influenced them not to kill people. Well they were dead now and he didn’t even glance at his girlfriend. Wonderful. 

Gena returned to his room then, expecting him to come by at one point, but most of her stuff was there, she could do the most work there due to the size of the place, not to mention that she had been sleeping easier with Bellamys smell all around her. It made her feel like he wasn’t so far and unreachable. Today he was. Today she sat on the bed to feel close, even though she felt impossibly far. Gena looked up, when the door opened to reveal him. For a moment she was at a loss at what to do, but then she remembered how he walked right past her. So she kept quiet, letting him do what he had to do and go if he just wanted to leave again. Maybe it was, finally, for this girl.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Gena Martin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Seeeing Gena made him truly feel at home. She brought a warmth to their quarters; hell, a warmth to his life that was unlike any other. As soon as he saw her a smile formed on his lips as he moved toward her. Sitting next to her on the edge of the bed, he leaned forward, his hand going to her cheek as he kissed her. Damn, he'd missed her. So much. More than words were capable of expressing. Letting the kiss linger for a few moments, he then slowly eased out of it, his forehead resting against hers to just bask in the fact that he was with her once more.

That distance nor their work kept them apart. His hand move from her cheek and casually rested on her leg. "Hey," he finally said, the belated vocal greeting obviously not as high in priority as expressing his happiness of seeing her through non verbal means. He slowly forced himeslf up to his feet, starting to pull of his jacket as he made his way to the designated hook for it, wanting to get more comfortable. "How was everything here with you?" He asked casually, knowing he had only been gone a couple days but . . . a lot had happened. And he wanted to see if she was alright. Everyone was clearly effected by this. He wanted to -- needed to -- make sure that Gena was ok.

[Gena Martin]

Gena truly didn’t know what to expect from Bellamy. Everything in Arkadia was tense and he was with her and he had walked passed her. He could have just continued to ignore her, but he acknowledged her. More so. He sat down next to her and kissed her, longer than she expected him. It was sweet, almost as if nothing happened and from his perspective it might be nothing. Maybe she was thinking too far ahead of herself or lost herself in this tense situation. She was confused at the kiss, at how casually he seemed with her and then even more so when he was taking his jacket off. What was that meaning. Could this possibly mean he would stay for a bit? At least for a long enough time to take off the jacket and get comfortable? Was he here because of what Pike and the others have done out there? She could not imagine him leaving his post without good reason. And yet at the same time she loved how natural it was to sit on the bed and watch him hang up his jacket when he came home. It was just two days, but it already hurt so much. Everything hurt so much.

“I think you can guess the answer to that.” Gena replied. Him asking that, it made her think that he suspected already, that she was not fully okay. Gena pulled her feet up. She wore no shoes after all. She pulled the blanket around herself and stared at her boyfriend, who had looked right through her just earlier, probably preoccupied with his task. “I knew some of the people in Mount Weather. Some were neighbors back on the Ark. And I’m Farm Station, so I’m expected to be loyal to the other Farm Station people and I am, I guess. And they killed the Grounder Army. Meanwhile my boyfriend is in Polis, where the Grounders could easily kill him at any seconds. So, no… I’m far from being okay.” It was more than far from that. And she had a question she could not hold back either. “Are you back because of the Grounder Army?”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Gena Martin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy turned to look at Gena as she started to answer his question. She wasn't alright. And he hated to see her in so much pain. He hated seeing her have to face the loss of more people she knew, more people she cared about. He knew he wasn't helping with being away either, as she pointed out . . . and rightfully so. With the blanket wrapped around her, and her sitting up on the bed, Bellamy made his way back over to her.

This time, he crouched in front of her to put him at eye level, or well from this angle he was a bit lower than her, which was easily fixed as he titled his head upward to make eye contact with ease. "I'm sorry about the people we lost." His voice was thick with sincerity. The loss they had, because they were together. What caused her pain, was his own pain. He wished there was more he could say to express his condlences but he knew words didn't help with the loss. He hadn't even been able to be here for te memorial where he would have paid his respects to the others.

"I'm here and I'm fine," he assured her, physically anyway. He just didn't want Gena to dwell on the what ifs, or what could have happeneds. Her next question caused him to pause, wondering what seemed different about her tone but then again . . . she had suffered a heavy loss with the people from Farm Station killed. "In part," he told her truthfully. "It was time to come home." With Nia's body that was hardly justice but he wasn't in a position to complain. "The Grounder army getting wiped out just changed things. It wasn't safe for Clarke to back with me." Because she had been with the enemy too long. Technically, so had Bellamy however . . . he knew Pike. And he was using that rapport he'd built with him right now.

[Gena Martin]

Gena knew he would be sorry for those lives lost. She knew him. She knew he was compassionate and often took lives lost as his fault. It wasn’t. There was nothing he could have done and yet he still felt the pain and mourning at losing those people, she knew as much. He was just the kind of guy who didn’t want to lose people, who didn’t see them as numbers or pawns in a game, but each as an individual, someone precious lost for good. She looked at him, his position not lost to her. He wanted to be on equal grounds with people he cared about, probably something he had started with Octavia when she was little. It was adorable and almost quelled her fears and pain, just because she got to observe his care again, but it didn’t work.

While he was obviously physically fine, she hear his words and felt herself buzz. It was a weird feeling, burning, but painfully and at the same time it turned her numb, made her deflate and lose hope. He couldn’t bring this girl here? Why? Were they the enemy now? How was coming home more dangerous for her than staying with the enemy? They slaughtered 300 of their people, but it was safer to leave her there? And he was there to protect her, as guard to her in a way. So he wouldn’t stay. He would return to her. Gena couldn’t keep him here. She wanted to be chosen over the other girl, but she knew he felt the need to protect Clarke. She wanted to ask him what it meant, if it meant he would stay, but she couldn’t ask that of him. He couldn’t keep him against his will.

“How is it safer for Clarke to stay with the enemy? Our people took the lives of 300 men and the Grounders entire culture is based on this idea of revenge. Here would have been safer for her. We’re her people. And they… they betrayed us. Over and over again, you know it. How is she safe there?” She wasn’t, just like he wasn’t, but at least he knew how to take care of himself, the girl… well she didn’t know her, all she knew was that apparently she trusted the one person who betrayed her, again and again. “Or is it because they will retaliate and this place will be wiped out?” They all faced death here, a ware that would cause collateral damage.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Gena Martin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Gena's questions were completely valid. Legitimate. It was so strange to see Lexa with Clarke, and Bellamy had his . . . concerns about it. With that Lexa had done to them, he had no trust for her. But, he had seen the way Clarke could influence her. More than she could influence Pike. Which was why it was better for Bellamy to be the one to come back, and for her to stay. If it were reversed, if Bellamy had stayed with Lexa and Clarke had returned to Arkadia well . . . they would have both been in very dangerous positions.

"Lexa listens to Clarke." In a way he hadn't seen before. "If she wanted to kill Clarke for this, she would have already. She would have killed both of us." He wasn't in any way defending Lexa. He never would. It was why he never wanted to be part of the coalition. But he was doing this for his people. "I don't trust Lexa. Not for a second." He wasn't even trusting her right now really. "But given the circumstances, it was safer for me to come back than her. It would have been more dangerous for both of us had I stayed and she come back." Because he didn't have that same influence over Lexa. And he was fairly certain he was more linked to the attack on the army than Clarke was. People saw her as Wanheda. He was just an Arker.

It was her last question that caused him to pause, because he didn't know the answer. "They might retaliate," he told her truthfully, not about to lie about that. He wasn't one to coddle another with the comfort of lies. Especially Gena. "Which is why I needed to speak to Pike. Seems like a lot's happened." Which was an understatement. "And whatever more happens, my first priority will always still be our people." He didn't want her to doubt that. If the Grounders did retaliate, if he had to pick a side . . . he would always choose his people over them. He would always fight for them if it came down to it.

[Gena Martin]

“She listens to Clarke?” Now that sounded a bit far fetched. Maybe it looked like it, but would she still listen if Clarkes opinion were fully against her own. “She hadn’t listened to her in front of the mountain, when she left her and you and your friends to die. What makes her listen now?” It was something the others mentioned over and over again and it stuck, even with her. This woman, this commander had left them to die and as soon as they were probably useful to her, she wanted them to bow to her. But people here were sick of that already. And it pulled her with them. She didn’t want war. She didn’t want more death, but she was sick of the grounders getting to toy with them as well and since her boyfriend was literally in harms way, she was even more aware of what they could do. They could figuratively 

“I don’t think Pike is done yet. He has more planned.” Gena replied. She knew he only honest, but it hurt to listen to it. It hurt to see how he spoke about her safety and to know he would probably go back to Clarke, without her. She might get caught in all of this, while she never even picked up a weapon or engaged in any violence. It was too late for that. The Grounder were dead. If they would retaliate or not, it was no longer in their power. “His ideas are not bad, though. Apart from killing this army, maybe. Nine people, Bellamy. Nine people killed three hundred.” She admitted. “He just wants to secure the future for people here." But if it was a good idea or not, she did not know. She just knew that she was confused and hurt and she didn’t know what to make of all of this, especially not of the fact that she could ask him to stay but at the same time couldn’t because she loved him too much to hold him back. She was pathetic when it came to this. 

“Pike will probably make you chose.” Gena pointed out. She didn’t even know what else to say. Pike would make him do what she couldn’t. “What do you plan on doing? Do you have an idea?”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Gena Martin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy fell silent when Gena spoke the reminder of Mount Weather. His eyes fell down for a moment, forcing back the emotions. He had given the same reminder to Clarke, but it hadn't made a difference. Her, Marcus and Abby had still made them part of the coalition. That, had been their first mistake. To allow Lexa authority over them. The woman who had made them wipe out the entire population of Mount Weather.

The woman who demanded everything from them, but betrayed her part of the deal. Gathering himself, regaining his composure, his eyes returned to Gena, needing to stick to the logic of facts and now dwell in the emotions that this situation caused to arise. "Because she needs Clarke." That was the best way Bellamy could put it, and he wasn't referring to some emotional need. He had no idea about that. He was more focused on the political aspect of it. "Lexa's decision made her weak in the eyes of the other clans. But if she has Clarke . . . if she was Wanheda by her side, it strengthens her position." For now. It wasn't going to last though. He doubted it would.

"I don't agree with their arrangement, Gena. But it's not in my control." He didn't condone it. He didn't accept it. But it was the way it was. And he lacked the power to change anything about it. Clarke was going to do what she needed to, as was Lexa. She then spoke of how Pike wasn't done, how his ideas weren't bad. "I know," Bellamy admitted to both in a low voice. He could understand where Pike was coming from. Which made the conflict stronger. "I understand where he's coming from." He knew the man, he had spoken to him before he was Chancellor and now. He still had respect for him. But . . . things were risky right now. Extremely risky. Gena asked him a question he didn't know the answer to. It would depend on what Pike did next, or Lexa . . . or whoever acted first.

"It's only a matter of time before the Grounders retaliate, and we need to be ready for that." Because it would be no small army. At the same time, the Arkers had technology that had successfully wiped out 300 warriors. They had a chance, but it would be messy. "Our people come first." And he would do whatever it took to protect them. He wanted to make sure that she knew that; that he would never pick the Grounders over the Arkers and just hoped that he wouldn't have to make such a clear cut choice. At the same time . . . it was naive of him to believe that he wouldn't have to.

[Gena Martin]

Commander of death. How long until commander of death was too risky to have around for Lexa? How long until she betrayed Clarke about this? This was in a huge party why Bellamy had stayed in Polis, she knew. To protect his blonde princess, who was in danger in Polis. And she would continue to be as long as this Lexa was around. She left a surely won fight and Bellamy knew it. He had pointed it out for three months, Gena didn’t believe for a moment he truly believed. He knew that Lexa would probably end this wanheda the moment she was no longer useful. Wasn’t that a recurring theme?

Gena looked at him as he said he understood. Maybe he did, but he was still in Polis and she was here, actually dealing with this, being a Farm station girl and being expected to fully side with Pike even though she could not go full on with his methods, his ideas were not wrong. They just got them to the brink of a war with twelve grounder clans – again. Gena still remembered the tense last time after the massacre in a village. This was even worse, it was huge and unprovoked, but why was this damn army even there? Gena started to pace around the room, clearly troubled by all those thoughts and ideas.

“Of course they will retaliate. Nine people killed three hundred soldiers. How could they not?” How could they to begin with. The odds were in Arkadias favor by now and still, why did death always follow by more death. They were always at war. Even if Bellamy and Gena were in the same place, right now they had no future. They would be lucky to survive this, the future was on hold for now. And then there was Clarke. Gena wrapped her arms around herself as she continued to pace. “This is not going to end well, Bellamy. And right now Arkadia is unsave for anyone.” Maybe he should go. If Clarke was safe in Lexas company still, then maybe he was, too. Maybe he should go. It was safer for him. And yet while she knew it was safer, she couldn’t stand it anymore. She didn’t want him to go back. “Please don’t go back.” It was a mere whisper.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Gena Martin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy knew they would retaliate. Which is why he said it was only a matter of time. He wasn't going to think that the Grounders would do any differently this time. All they understood was violence. Which was why they had to display their strength in the way they knew how. Pike had it right in that sense, but that didn't mean that they all didn't fear the backlash and repercussions that would come with it. His eyes followed her as she paced, speaking of how Arkadia was unsafe.

He didn't disagree but at the same time . . . everywhere was unsafe for them. Arkadia was the closest they had ever come to building a home and that couldn't be forsaken now. "It's our home," he stated. It was much like how he had felt at the drop ship. "Besides, there's no where else for us to go. We try to flee, we're just going to be sitting ducks." He'd seen it before. Running was not an option. There was no place else for them. They had a better shot of standing and fighting, defending the home that they ahd build. That others had died for.

"We built this place. Our friends died for it. It may be unsafe, but it's our home. And we will defend it." He was positive about that. And he would stand here and defend it with them. Her last words caused him to stand to his feet, unable to offer her a false promise. "I have to speak to Clarke," he explained to her. It may not be safe for him to be with Lexa and the other Grounders, considering he could be the scapegoat for this attack . . . but he at least had to speak to Clarke. "She'll need to know what's happening." It was not out of any emotional obligation he had to her. It was business.

[Gena Martin]

The irony of it. While he preached that they had to stay, he didn’t. He would go out for Clarke again, to warn her or whatever he was going to tell her. Had they not seen the bodies of the army that the men, nine men, left behind? She should know what was going on. It was obvious, minus maybe what Pike was thinking, but what could she change outside? He had said it so often, this woman belonged into the camp, then why was she not here? Why did he not go and bring her back? Why did it sound and feel so damn hard, like a punch in the gut? He was leaving again. He was leaving her behind when basically everything felt like it collapsed around her. For this woman, for whom he risked his life before. He could die out there. With pissed Grounders she was pretty sure the chances of him dying were higher than his survival. 

Gena let herself drop to the floor. She was frustrated and pissed. She was annoyed for the fact that he was leaving again. For her. Everything was falling apart. Arkadia was, this was, at least all of it felt like it. People she knew died. They were on the brink of another war, nobody seemed to be doing about justice for the dead and he was leaving again. It felt like Arkadia and everything she cared about was burning to the ground right now. 

“Of course you’re going back to your blonde princess.” She whispered bitterly. Because informing her of something that was probably clear to her already was useless in her eyes. She had to come back sooner or later or there was no way back for her and maybe not for him. She couldn’t choose the Grounders over them in a time like this, but it looked like she did. Gena slowly pushed herself up. “I should get back to work.” Though she didn’t have work necessarily, at least not officially.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Gena Martin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Everything about the way Gena said those words, indicated that something was wrong. Her tone sounded almost . . . resentful. Even the choice of words, saying 'your blonde princess'. Bellamy just silently watched her, as if trying to determine what to do or say in this moment. To get to the source of her apparent anger and frustration. He was not used to this. Not used to justfiying a relationship, and his with Clarke was a highly complicated one. He wasn't even certain he had forgive her for leaving, but he had to put everything aside for the betterment of their people. That would never change.

Yet when Gena rose to her feet and spoke of going to work . . . well, Bellamy knew he couldn't let her leave like this. He wasn't sure when he would go and he couldn't depart from Arkadia with things left so tense with the woman that he loved. Before she could get far, Bellamy reached over to her, gently taking a hold of her arm to stop her.

"Talk to me," he said, an underlying tone of pleading in his voice. He looked intently at her face, even if she may not be returning the gaze. "What is it Gena? Tell me what's wrong." Exactly what was wrong. Because he could take a few hints, make a few guesses . . . but why try to do so when there was something very clearly specifically wrong. Was it Clarke? Was it the Grounder? Was it the fact that he was leaving? Or was it all a combination? Whatever the reason, he wanted to fix it. He wanted to make this better as much as he could.

[Gena Martin]

He stopped her. Gena had half expected him to do that, half for him to remain confused. It was painful and obvious to her, but he was convinced what he was doing was right. She didn’t want to tell him what was going on, she wanted him to see it himself, to choose his path for himself and not because of someone else, but he wanted her to talk to him. He could have that, but she knew it wasn’t a good thing, it wasn’t nice. It was how she felt, but at the same time it was disappointing. 

“She left you.” Gena pointed out. She moved her arm out of his hold, didn’t turn around to him yet. She couldn’t face him. “Monty, Miller, Octavia… so many people were there for you, tried to be there for you when she left, to help you to deal while she was off wherever she was, not helping you deal. You did this for her and she left you. And now…" Gena shrugged. 

Now she turned around to look at her boyfriend, to look into his eyes as he stood there, wanting her to talk. And it was hard, she was bitter, pissed, hurt and scared, emotional in ways she didn’t want to be and granted, she was jealous, but it ran deeper than just one of those emotions, which was why she tried, hard not to go beyond what she had said earlier. “You’re leaving now. Arkadia is in uproar, people are afraid, they’re mourning, they’re scared. I’m scared. I’m dealing with the death of people I knew. I don’t know what’s the right way. You’re leaving. For her. How is that supposed to make me feel, Bellamy? I asked you to stay. But you’re leaving for her. She left you when you asked her to stay. She's just going to hurt you again.”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: Gena Martin

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

"She left you." The words hurt. Because they were true. Because he couldn't argue nor justify them. Hell, he hadn't even entirely forgiven Clarke. But circumstances had forced him to put his feelings aside, just as they had when she left and he needed to do so for the sake of their people; for the betterment of the camp now turned city. He remained silent, clenching his jaw with the heavy emotion. He loved that about Gena; her honesty and openness. But right now, it hurt to hear the brutally honest words. She was visibly upset . . . and he knew it gave him less of a right to show the hurt he felt over the truthful words she now used against the situation. Against his decision to go back to Clarke to inform her. He looked down, trying to keep himself composed. But it was a sore spot. Clarke. Octavia. They would always be difficult subjects for him to talk about where getting hurt was concerned. He felt guilty.

Hearing her list off the others who tried to help . . . he hadn't let them. He had focused on them because, he was afraid. Scared to let the true impact of what he had done unleash itself. He had made sure Clarke didn't have to go through it alone, but the cruel irony was that he was forced to go through it alone. Because, how could he burden another? Clarke had that burden upon her and he believed that they could help each other heal. But that didn't matter now. Despite its irrelevancy for what was done was done, Gena's words brought it to surface. Made him remember his hurt and resentment, not that he had ever forgotten it. Clarke was a difficult subject to speak about, especially to his girlfriend for he had no logical way to explain it; no justification for it. Truth was, he would die for her and . . . perhaps it wasn't a mutual feeling, but he couldn't just turn off how much he cared about his former co leader. When Gena was done, Bellamy wasn't even entirely certain how long silence had just followed, before he was certain -- or fairly certain -- that his voice was composed enough to speak.

"It's not for her," he began to defend, though perhaps it wasn't the most wise course of rebuttle to take. His eyes slowly raised to meet Gena's face once more. "It's for our people." Gena asked him to stay, just like he had asked Clarke to stay. And . . . just like Clarke, he was leaving. Granted, the situation was radically different. But the basic gist of it was the same. "I'm leaving for them. For us. For everyone." He had to believe that. It was why he did everything. Why he even still breathed. He lived for others. "But I'm coming back. I . . . " He paused, feeling the sting of tears in his eyes, needing to force them away before they spilled, keeping them held in his ducts so that it only made his eyes moist, slightly glisten with the threat of them. "I won't just leave you. I won't abandon you or our people." The subject of Clarke made his heart ache; for it was also one that he had avoided . . . until brought to surface now with the harsh truth.

"I'm sorry that I . . . " He hated himself. Hated what he was putting Gena through. Hated that he couldn't be more, or better or . . . unconditionally dedicated to her in the way she deserved someone to be. "I can't be what you deserve." This, had always been another crippling fear of his. That one day, she would realize just how unworthy he was of her affections. Of how she deserved far better than a man who would give his life up for another. How did he explain that? Was there even a way for him to do so? His gaze fell once more, closing his eyes a moment before he took in a slow deep breath, once again, trying to regain some semblance of composure. He didn't deserve her. He'd always known that he didn't deserve to be with someone, and his priorities had always made it clear that he couldn't allow himself to be in a committed relationship.

Gena had changed all that . . . and he had let himself be selfishly happy with her, not considering how it would make her feel in a moment like this. But alas, it was inevitable. It was now happening and Bellamy didn't know what to do. Opening his eyes, he looked at her once more. "I never wanted to hurt you." And he had. Being with her, had. He'd known that on some level, but again, his selfish desire to be with her had clouded it; set it aside so that they could just be together. "What can I do?" He wasn't talking about this situation with Clarke, but he meant . . . when it came to them. Could she stay with him, endure him? He wanted to ask her to, to plead with her to. But he couldn't. He wouldn't do that to her. He may not deserve her, but . . . the same selfish part of him that hadn't been able to keep away from her, that hadn't been able to stop their relationship . . . was the same part of him that made him unable to let her go. Not unless it was what she wanted. Because then, there would be no choice.