Post by Seren on Feb 11, 2016 15:10:18 GMT
Lexa’s Pain:
A throne stood upon a raised dais, but it stood vacant and alone, nobody was seated upon it. The Commander was nowhere to be seen, her whole tent appeared to be empty but upon further investigation you could hear a barely audible sound coming from beside the bed, the bed that was loaded with blankets of fur. If anybody cared to look they’d find a girl huddled there at the bedside, her head buried in her arms and the black war paint that she wore was running down her face, ruined by the tears that she had been trying to hold in for too long.
“Why would you do that?!” her voice came out in a hushed whisper, but there was no one to address, the words were obviously only meant for her own ears. “Why would you try to break the alliance? You knew… You knew what I’d be forced to do…” her small frail looking body shook with a barely contained sob; nobody would guess that this girl was a powerful warrior, Commander of the twelve clans that roamed planet Earth after the Nuclear war that took place ninety-seven years previously, wiped out the majority of the human population.
The images kept flashing through her mind; the way she’d had to plunge that sword into the heart of the one she trusted the most. He’d betrayed her trust, fractured the bond that they had by choosing to threaten the alliance. He’d been there when she warned the people of the village that anyone who got in the way of the alliance would pay… With their lives. He had been the only one to stand by her when things got tough. Costia saw the good in him… He’d been her guardian, she’d cared about him more than she’d cared about anything in the world. Lexa sucked in an exaggerated breath as she struggled to calm her breathing.
“Love is weakness” she hissed to herself, repeating the phrase in her head over and over again, it was weakness, a weakness that she couldn’t afford to have. She couldn’t allow her people to see the real her, the scared little girl that was hurting so much. “I’m trying Gustus… I’m trying to be strong, like you told me to be” those had been his last words, the words he’d choked out just before she’d ended his life. Before she’d chosen to end his life… No, she’d had no choice. But his blood was still on her hands.
Costia’s blood was on her hands too, she was another person she’d gotten killed. The moment she’d been chosen to lead her people, the moment she’d become the Commander she should’ve turned away from her. She should’ve told her that they couldn’t be together, should’ve told her that she didn’t want to be with her. But no, she’d been driven by her own selfish desire to be close to her beloved. If she had just been strong enough to let her go, then maybe… No, there was no maybe about it. Costia would still be alive if she’d been strong enough to let her go, if she’d just seen the love she felt for her for what it really was, weakness.
She had to move past this, it would destroy her if she didn’t come to terms with what she had done. She just had to push it to the back of her mind, Gustus was gone. No amount of crying would change that. Suddenly the sobbing stopped and the Commander rose to her feet for the first time since she’d retreated to that corner and become the sobbing wreck that nobody had ever seen before. It was necessary, mistakes had been made in the past and she had to abandon those thoughts, erase them from her mind. Just keep moving forward. Her people needed her; there was work to be done…
@lex
