He Keeps My Heart From Getting Broken

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: John Murphy

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Time was passing and it was all Bellamy could do: take everything one day at a time. Focus on the present, rather than dwelling in the past. It was so much easier said than done, which was perhaps why he didn't say it. Why he could never say it. The Mount Weather Massacre had destroyed him; at least his soul, or whatever was left of it now. He had the blood of over 600 innocents on his hands: he was bathing in it. Drowning in it. The suffocation of his actions made it feel like it was impossible to breathe. Night was the worst where he was left along with his thoughts . . . but he had to move forward.

For the sake of his people. Everyone was slowly healing, at least physically since the psychological, mental, and emotional scars would take far longer -- if they would ever even heal. Physically, Bellamy knew he was fine. After his four day deprivation of rest, water, and food after having been in Mount Weather for so long, he had returned to camp and practically collapsed. But now, it been over a week. Everyone was settling into a pattern. They were even talking about a trip to Mount Weather to gather supplies.

Bellamy had remained silent at this suggestion. Logically, it made sense . . . but he wasn't sure he was ready for that. And yet, couldn't appear weak. Marcus and Abby had given him more responsibility in camp, so if they were to organize such a party, then he could not protest. He was walking out of this meeting in the council room, when he saw an all too familiar face walk through the gates. He heard some people call out for help for him, and Bellamy instinctively went toward the delinquent.

The last reunion they had was filled with punches and ultimately led to the two of them being in lock up together. Now, Bellamy felt no animosity for him. How could he? Bellamy was far greater a monster; more of a murderer than Murphy could ever be deemed as. Speaking of which, the man looked like hell. Bellamy took Murphy's arm and put it around his neck from behind to give him support. "What the hell happened?" He questioned as he began to take him to the medical bay. He had heard that Murphy left with Jaha . . . however, considering that Murphy had returned on his own, well, it was clear that something had to have happened.

[John Murphy]

How long he had been gone, he couldn't say. He was certain it seemed longer than it truly was; thirst and exhaustion stretched out each day so that they passed by with unbearable lethargy. Still, he had pressed on. Survival was an almost persistent intention that he was becoming more and more focused on, even as it seemed to evade him with every stumble, every failure to find water even now he had made it past the desert region. Just when the doubts would grasp him, he'd find a drop to keep him going a little further.

Who knew what he was heading towards? It hadn't been a great deal of time since he'd departed with Jaha and the others on a doomed quest, but it had been long enough for devastation. Long enough for the Grounders or whoever else they faced to wipe them out and reclaim the land they saw as theirs. Last Murphy had known was those in charge were making deals with the Grounders; a fool's pact as far as he was concerned, but who would care what he had to say about it? Hadn't that been a factor in the decision to leave with Jaha? Now that had turned out to be poor judgement too.

It was with both desperate elation and hesitancy that he had approached the camp, a faint smirk appearing as he'd spied the structure of a crashed station rising up as he cleared the treeline. Now he neared the gates, he considered the miracle it was he hadn't been captured on his way home. Home. As if it could ever be that. 

It was only as Bellamy took some of his weight that he realized his weariness, silently thankful for the help as he absently leaned to the other. "Took a walk...guess I took a wrong turn."
It was more or less the truth.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: John Murphy

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Wrong turn. Such a typical Murphy statement. And yet . . . he almost welcomed that normalcy. How far Bellamy had fallen that he was actually relieved to see Murphy alive. He once wanted him dead, he once was so willing to pull the trigger to kill him. And yet now, things were different. Bellamy didn't have to sacrifice over 300 innocent people to save the life of the man he was currently helping to the medical bay. It was . . . almost refreshing. In some odd, inexplicable way. Bellamy could actually look at him, without the guilt consuming his heart. Without the flashes of corpses of men, women, and children. He felt like he could breathe. But of course, Bellamy made no show of this.

Stoic. Composed. Guarded. That was how he had to be at all times. Anything else could threaten to make him unwravel. "Must have been one hell of a walk," Bellamy commented, playing into Murphy's statement. Once they got inside, Jackson was there busy at work. With Abby as Chancellor, she couldn't always be inside but fortunately, they were training others to also be doctors as that was a very valued and needed position. "He needs an IV," Bellamy stated. He didn't have to be a doctor to recognize that Murphy was massively dehydrated.

He helped John to one of the beds, letting him get settled in it, standing near the bed while Jackson hurried to prepare the IV bag and insert the needle into Murphy. "What happened to everyone else?" Bellamy questioned, needing the details of what exactly happened. Did Murphy come alone? Did that mean that Jaha was still out there, or was he did? And the others? What of them? Bellamy needed to check with Murphy to determine whether he just got separated from the others and if they would need to organize a search party to find them.

[John Murphy]

It was as he was being led to the medbay that Murphy cast a glance to his helper, some vague attempt to gauge what might come next, though the other gave nothing away. It was something at least that he wasn't already launching threats and accusatory questions on what Murphy might have done to the others; he'd almost expected it and Bellamy was as likely, perhaps more likely than most to throw them at him. Still, they hadn't hadn't come yet. 

Now inside, an odd feeling of claustrophobia washed over him, subsiding quickly and giving way to the ease of relief once he was on the bed. How was it that only now he lay down every ache and pain deepened, the parched rawness of his throat straining his words a little more. "Guess they took the right turn?" Another quick glance to Bellamy and he continued with a more helpful reply, knowing he wasn't in the best state to take a hit for being himself. 

"The Chancellor had some big plan for us, Caspian and most of the others bailed and turned back... aren't they here?" Adjusting on the bed to lean a little way up as one of the trainees in the medbay tucked something beneath his head, he rested back down with a weary sigh, letting his eyes close a moment. "Jaha lost it... "

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: John Murphy

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Another witty retort of smart assery from the delinquent. But Bellamy did not find it frustrating or infuriating had the circumstances been different. Or had their reunion been at any other time. Murphy did confirm that he wans't the only one who had fled Jaha's leadership; that the others had attempted to come back as well. "A few of them made it," Bellamy confirmed. But he was also aware that not all those who had left, safely returned or made it home rather. Just like not everyone who was captured at Mount Weather had made it.

Fox being one of them. But Bellamy forced such thoughts out of his mind for right now. He could never truly free his mind of it. But Murphy's return at least gave him something else to focus on. "What big plans?" Bellamy further inquired, briefly glancing at Jackson as he put Murphy into a comfortable position and finished setting up his IV. He then scurried off to get food and water for the delinquent no doubt. Hearing Jaha had lost it didn't entirely surprise Bellamy, but it did make him curious as to what exactly had happened out there.

"Where did you all go?" Had they found something? Was it worth going to, even if it was just for supplies? Whatever they could gather, they would need. Especially with the winter season approaching. Bellamy paused for a moment. Whatever he had been through had clearly made him more aware of other people's conditions. Which was what prompted him to say his next words. "If you wanna rest, go ahead. We can talk later." Before, Bellamy was well aware that he hadn't voiced his care for people's state. But things were different now. Much more different. And even Murphy was not exempt from Bellamy's concern.

[John Murphy]

Wincing as another trainee went about doing something to his arm - checking for sand in his veins for all he knew - he focused his gaze once more on Bellamy. There was something about the other that Murphy hadn't seen before. A change; a shift between now and the last time they'd seen each other that he couldn't place just yet, Bellamy's particular brand of strength apparently keeping him all business, but the change was there regardless. What had happened during his absence? 

A few of them? He spared a brief thought for their whereabouts but in truth he didn't care for any of those who'd turned back; it had even been a relief at the time. Now he breathed a humorless comment on those missing, despite no prior explanation on what he meant. "Probably kidnapped by a thirsty desert woman... " A faint sound of amusement escaped with a cough, Murphy settling before he refocused on his interrogator. 

Though it couldn't truly be called an interrogation, even if he had expected one. Bellamy's reaction to his return would have been unsettling if he'd had the energy to be suspicious. For now, it was a rare consolation in which he cautiously took solace. No violent demands for information and even a civil encouragement to rest. A definite change. Still, he offered answers anyway. "The City of Light... Jaha had us looking for it. You missed out on a real adventure... " Another laugh. Another cough.

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: John Murphy

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Dirty thirsty woman. Now that . . . was interesting. It brought back the fact that there was a desert nearby. Or well, perhaps not nearby but it was able to be accessed by walking. Not that Bellamy had any desire to go there. Still, it was interesting none the less. "Sounds like there's a story there," Bellamy commented, almost a tease, but not quite holding the joviality or playfulness that a tease often entailed. There was an underlying tone of curiosity, a silent offer for Murphy to tell the tale if he wished, but Bellamy would not push it. Besides, he knew that his questions needed to be direct and just what was of paramount importance.

John would need to rest up. Though whether he was staying or not . . . that was a question that may come up later. He had returned, Bellamy took that as a sign that he wanted to come back. And the older Blake sibling was not going to kick him out this time. He had already done enough damage to people. He then spoke of the City of Light and Bellamy slightly raised an eyebrow at this apparent location. "What exactly is that?" He wondered, not even certain if Murphy -- or Jaha for that matter -- actually knew. City of Light.

Sounded promising, but it could just as well be a fool's errand. "Likewise," he finished, when John remarked about how he missed out on a real adventure. "I suppose it says something that we both survived them." Murphy had survived his, and Bellamy had survived his own -- even if he didn't always feel he deserved. "Guess a welcome back is in order," he said a bit sarcastically, but not bitterly so. It was just uttered in his emotionless tone . . . waiting to see Murphy's response and whether it would give tell or allow him to determine whether the younger male intended to stay or leave.

[John Murphy]

He managed a laugh as he thought how to explain Jaha's descent into madness, the sound bitter at the edges before it morphed into another breathless cough. As if on cue, Jackson returned before he could voice an answer, offering the returnee delinquent a cup of water and some food, though Murphy was wholly interested in quenching his thirst before anything else. A brief splutter sent a few splashes of water down his shirt as he sat up, the price of drinking too quickly, before he downed the rest of the cup.

Just as he thought to ask for more came the comment from Bellamy that quickly drew his gaze back to the older boy. A welcome back? Offered cynically or otherwise, it was a comment he hadn't expected. Despite the assistance into camp, he'd figured that was out of some vague duty or more likely, to gather information. Now he searched Bellamy's expression for a clue behind the comment, an attack of blame about to launch or a threat that he wouldn't be staying long, but none came. Not yet, at least.

Tearing his gaze away without quite knowing what to make of the other's remark, he went on. "Further we got, the more he started sounding like a crazy preacher. Talking about tests and destiny... " A lingering glance to the food told him he couldn't eat just yet, a wave of nausea and a twist of pain prompting him to avert his gaze from the plate. No matter his hunger, it seemed he'd have to wait. "I guess the unbelievers were too much for the chancellor. He wasn't the one who exploded though." A pause brought a weary grin before he refocused on Bellamy as he gave a further explanation, with a lazy gesture to the blood and goodness knows what body part left stained on his clothes, unaware how much that was now covered by dirt and sand. "Mine field."

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: John Murphy

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy watched and listened to the younger male as he drank the water and proceeded to explain the circumstances that had pulled him from Jaha's company. He remained silent, curiosity peaked when Murphy spoke of mine fields. They had encountered mine fields? By Grounders? Well this was interesting. His eyes briefly looked at the stains of blood on Murphy's clothes before returning to the former delinquent's face. "That's how most of them died?" Bellamy asked, and somewhat acknowledged. There were so many more questions that he wanted to ask, and yet . . . he knew that Murphy didn't look to be in the condition to handle his interrogation.

Though, he was doing a pretty damn good job so far. He wasn't even sure how he felt about the younger male, but he knew that his opinion of him had softened ever since their last encounter. They had lost too many of the original 100 for Bellamy to shun away John now. Besides, as Bellamy previously acknowledged, Murphy wasn't the monster out of the two of them. No. That was him.

"So he's just out there, looking for whatever he was?" Some nonsense that the former Chancellor had been spouting out. Bellamy looked over Murphy, trying to assess how serious his condition was. "You may need to stay here overnight," he stated, posing the possibility of him remaining in medical. "I'll find a room for you." Because they actually had the space within the Ark now. Enough for everyone to be assigned to their own quarters. "If you do plan on staying that is?" He further inquired, curious as to what Murphy's intentions were now.

[John Murphy]

It took him a few seconds to register the next question, though he was still focused on Bellamy, his thoughts momentarily hazy as any faint remnant of adrenaline in his system seemed to ebb away. Eventually his gaze shifted as he did, adjusting to lie back down, even if it felt he'd been pulled with the heaviness in which his back hit the medical bay bed. "Jaha threw 'em... "  

For all he knew he was making no sense now, exhaustion finally forcing his body to stay still, seeking recovery. Still, in his oncoming daze he could feel Bellamy's presence. Like a looming shadow that was somehow both a comfort of familiarity and a threat. Maybe he'd kill him while he slept, he really couldn't be sure, but Murphy thought there had been some change at one prior point before he'd left. A subtle shift between them sealed with a look of... who knew what it had been. Perhaps it didn't matter. Things had spiraled once again following that and he'd left with no reason to stay. 

He only offered a faint nod to the further question regarding Jaha. It was Bellamy's next remark that drew Murphy from the brink of unconsciousness. Staying overnight. He took the comment to mean he wouldn't be staying any longer, that Bellamy would allow him the night to regain some strength and then kick him out of the camp, back into banishment. There was a flicker of hurt but it was swiftly swallowed up by a breath of bitter amusement, all he could manage other than a slight smirk. Of course he would be kicked out. Only with the older male's following words did he realize what the other had meant. The thought of banishment abruptly turned back to a welcome of some kind. A room? Staying? Shadows closed in around Bellamy as he watched him, the other's features blurring as Murphy drifted. "Got no place else... to be." He managed the end of the sentence before sleep pulled him under.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: John Murphy

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Jaha really did sound damn crazy if he was the one throwing them. But Bellamy refrained from any further questions. He could see the exhaustion starting to fully catch up to Murphy . .. and soon enough, his words were finished with the closing of his eyes. His breathing steady, which prevented the older male from any alarm of his health being compromised. He would just need to rest he supposed. The confirmation that he was staying set Bellamy into duty mode. He promptly went to Abby and Marcus to inform them of Murphy's return, and once the room for him was decided, he started to prepare it, ensuring it had adequate necessities.

Once that was done, he continued on with the rest of his tasks. He had to get to his post as he was on duty until late tonight. It was fairly quiet, but that certainly was not unwelcome. The ceasefire allowed them all to take a breath, without the threat of pending war or Grounders attacking them. Some people amy believe it was real peace . . . Bellamy wasn't so sure. He was not an idealist. He was a realist. And he knew that it was only a matter of time before someone fired the first shot . . . or arrow, spear, blade, whatever.

It was the middle of the night when he was relieved of his post, and he made his way back into the Ark. It was quiet at this late hour. He didn't like the quiet. Night was always the hardest to get through, as it left him alone with his thoughts. With what haunted him. So any distraction he could find, he would. He made his way to medical to check on the patients, and noticed that Murphy was no longer where he had been before.

The bed was empty. Bellamy wasn't overly worried, but he figured the guy shouldn't be wandering around in his condition. Though, he also knew better than to even try to coddle him. Walking through the halls, he heard footsteps entering the empty Hangar, which peaked his curiosity. Sure enough, Murphy was there. There had been a lot of changes to the Ark last he was here. But then again . . . he and Murphy were barley present at the Ark when the others had come down. The first room they got familiar with, was the cell. "It's called the Hangar," Bellamy began to explain. "A hang out area for everyone." Though at this hour, most everyone that otherwise occupied the area, were asleep. Including those who worked here.

[John Murphy]

Once he'd passed out, Murphy's sleep was thankfully dreamless, and mostly he lay undisturbed other than the occasional unconscious movement when a member of the medical team came by to check on him. It was needed, the peaceful rest of sorts, even if it was more that his body was simply exhausted and now at the point of forced recovery, lest he decline any further. 

Regardless, he woke with a slight start, with no apparent reason he could discern, but he remained lying on the medical bay bed while he recalled where he was. It took only a few seconds for the recollection of his return to enlighten him, and bring with it both relief and an uneasy feeling that he was still in danger. A lack of belonging. His parting comment to Bellamy before he'd fallen asleep was lost somewhere in the haze of his mind, but it had been true. He had nowhere else for the moment, but he would still leave if he really had to go. 

Eventually, he pushed to sit up, his body still aching and weak but more revived than he felt earlier. The IV had been removed from his arm but still hung near the bed emptied. He had no idea of the state of his face but he noted his torn jacket had been removed and several cuts on his body and along his arms appeared to have been tended to and cleaned up. A deeper wound on his left arm now covered with a bandage. 

With nobody currently around in the medbay other than sleeping patients, Murphy ventured out, unsteady on his legs at first but soon adequately making his way cautiously around. The layout of the camp seemed more organized than the last time he'd been here, he wasn't even sure how long ago that had been. At least the place hadn't been laid to waste by grounders yet. Unless it had and they'd miraculously recovered to rebuild. Murphy doubted that. Now he stood in some area he'd discovered and still nobody was around. It must be late, he figured, or perhaps it was this way all the time. While peering around, Murphy hadn't heard the older male approach, casting a glance towards once the other spoke up to explain, Murphy breathing a quiet sound of amusement as he looked around once more. "Clever... looks like a real lively place."  

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: John Murphy

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

The sarcastic sass was to be expected Bellamy supposed. His previous one liners at such would have ordinarily prompted Bellamy to respond with a 'shut up' . . . but that felt like a long time ago. So much had changed, and yet the younger male's sarcasm didn't. It was oddly relieving, to see that in all this world had thrust upon them, and the hell that it forced everyone endure . . . that some things didn't change. There was still that semblance of normalcy. Still that rebellion against the events to prove to them that they weren't going to be broken down, that they weren't going to succumb to it. Bellamy was still struggling with that constant battle. He wasn't sure if he would win, but he could only take it day by day.

"I take it you're not going back to medical," he both asked and assumed, unsure whether Murphy intended to spend the night there or if he was up on his feet to escape it and take in the surroundings. "I can take you to your room if you want," he offered, revealing that there was indeed a room for Murphy to reside in . . . if he truly meant what he said about staying. But then again, if he didn't . . . well, it would just be temporary then. "Unless you wanna hang out here," he added on a bit sarcastically, though not completely without truth. Hell, even Bellamy found himself here some nights. Though while he wasn't a heavy drinker, he would often take a few chugs of one to help numb the pain on particularly bad nights.

[John Murphy]

Murphy had, without any real thought on it, expected a mildly irritated comeback, but when Bellamy didn't respond with one, he cast a sidelong glance to the other. Too worn out to really think much of it, he subconsciously collected it with the other changes in Bellamy, subtle but significant as they were as far as he could tell. The former 'leader of the delinquents' was different. Not wholly, but just in certain ways that Murphy couldn't quite pin down just yet. Little intricacies of character shifted a touch out of place as if they'd been disturbed somehow. In other ways, it was the same Bellamy he'd known before he left who stood beside him. 

At Bellamy's comment he gave a quiet snort of amusement that confirmed he wasn't going back to medical, absently holding his injured arm closer to himself before he let it fall to his side. "Do you know how much whining goes on in there?" He was lying, or rather speculating. He hadn't heard anything from the other people resting while he'd been in there. The remark was offered in place of the truth, being that he didn't want to be a patient for longer than necessary. Bellamy's offer to take him to his room threw him for a second, having forgotten the exchange prior to him passing out, but it quickly came back to him now. It was still an odd thing to hear from the other. Murphy was glad of the following option, regardless of how serious Bellamy was about it. Being led to a room sounded like he would be packed away to continue his recovery. He didn't want to sleep any more just yet and in some small way he craved some company, although he had no idea if Bellamy would be sticking around. Murphy wasn't even sure why he would want his company but he hadn't seen anyone else, and in truth, just how many choices did he have even if he had? Still, he opened up the other's cue to leave for him, should he want to take it. "I'll stick around here a while, if I can find a space..." He gave a faint grin as he wandered further into the empty Hangar.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: John Murphy

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

The only time Bellamy had to remain in medical was immediately after returning from Mount Weather with the others. He hadn't slept, eaten, or rest for four days and with the loss of blood and decontamination process . . . his body had nearly collapsed. But, it hadn't been an established medical area at the time. So he supposed he didn't really know how much whining took place. "At least it means they're alive," he stated, only half joking.

He'd rather hear the others whine than nothing at all if it meant that they weren't doing so well. Losing any Arker was never easy. Fortunately, with the medical supplies from Mount Weather they were able to treat most of those who got injured or sick. Bellamy watched Murphy as he seemed to mull over the possibilities, eventually making his way deeper into the Hangar. The older male leaned against the thresshold of the entrance, watching the former delinquent as if to decide whether to join him or not. Him and Murphy hadn't exactly had a steady going relationship. It was quite tumultuous in fact.

"Did you eat something?" He finally asked, after just a few moments of watching him. He wondered if Murphy was hungry . . . as Bellamy found it far easier to take care of the others rather than himself. It was easier for the older male to focus on such tasks to ensure the health and safety of the Arkers, rather than be forced to address his own state -- emotional and physical. After all, he had set aside his own feelings for the betterment of the camp turned city . . . and he still hadn't stopped doing so. As long as he had something else -- or someone else -- to focus on.