Catharsis

[Deleted]

Echo had first felt the wrenching sensation when she’d been thrown into a cage at Mount Weather. She’d felt it again in that juddering rocket with death looming around them. And now, it pressed down on her from all sides, every hour of every day. Even in sleep — the little she got of it — she couldn’t escape its unyielding grip. 

There was no explanation for it. There was no word, in Trigedasleng or English, that could define what she felt. Boundless, ever-present, piercing; it made her feel disjointed and put her on edge. Wherever she went on the ring, she could feel herself turning in circles, unable to escape it.

The metal creaked as if alive around them. Beyond it, there was no means of survival. Just the cold vacuum of space pressing against every side of the station. Every wall, nook and cranny, represented a limit she could not overcome. And as someone who’d easily crossed boundaries all her life, containment was maddening.

Raking her hands through her hair, Echo sat up. It was impossible to sleep. The droning hum of the panels was getting under her skin. Not even Raven’s snoring reverberating through the makeshift dormitory could tear her attention away from the cacophonous backdrop of the station.

One of the first things Echo had noticed was that there was no such thing as silence on the station. The ventilation fans whirred continuously. She hated how aware she was of them. The moment they stopped — so would her breathing. It wasn’t a thought she liked to dwell on, but the whirring rendered their reality inescapable.

And sleep, the only respite from it, was unattainable.

Flat on her back, Echo stared into the metal frame above her, listening. The night cycle forced some measure of routine into their lives, but raised on sunlight she was seemingly immune to the effects of dimming panels and cooled rooms. The tossing and turning she could hear over the last hour suggested she wasn’t the only one struggling to sleep.

As the minutes turned to hours, the weight of her thoughts pressed too heavily on her chest. Freeing herself from the mess of covers, Echo sat up. She didn’t glance around before heading for the door, footsteps soundless as she picked up her boots off the floor. It was an exercise in futility trying to be stealthy what with the hydraulic hiss of the door, but with the refreshers at the end of the hall, her exit could easily be explained.

It wasn’t until she reached the end of the hall that Echo slipped on her boots and sighed, loudly.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @echx

Note: Better layout coming soon!

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Sleep eluded Bellamy. It often did. Whether it be on the Ark after losing his mother and Octavia, on the ground where he was part of the reason for the culling, after Mount Weather where the ghosts of those he killed still haunted him . . . or any other massacre that he had been responsible for. These days however, it was mainly the image of the one he left behind that plagued him. Clarke. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her. And he could have sworn he saw her there when they were open to. Maybe he really was slipping into the abyss of madness. Maybe this would be the final life that he could not bare the loss of. The only thing that kept him going . . . was his promise. That she had not died in vain. There were a handful of people on this Ark, and he needed to keep a clear, rational mind. For them.

But the lack of sleep made him restless. The fear of sleep. So he found himself wandering around the Ark. The unsettling familiarity of it and the life he once had aboard. He was so preoccupied with his own thoughts, that he nearly collided into Echo who was at the end of the hall, pausing when he saw her slipping on her boots. "Hey," he greeted. Of all the people he'd ever thought he'd be here with, Echo was not very high on the list of predicted people. But did that make her any less valuable? Absolutely not. He meant what he said to her shortly before they launched. Despite their, tense past. This would at least be a chance for a fresh start. "You ok?" He asked, genuine concern in his voice. Apparently, he wasn't the only one who sleep eluded.

[Deleted]

Glancing up at Bellamy as she slipped her second boot on, Echo jutted her chin out in response to his greeting. She tightened the leather laces on both feet before rising to her full height to face him. The boots felt tight, but there were few choices amongst what had been left on the station, and blisters were better than frostbite.

The sigh she’d ensnared weaselled its way out, features contorting as she yawned. Her eyes watered, and her palms, tender from her nails’ abuse, were quick to wipe away any fallout. As she focused her gaze back on him, she searched his face for context.

“Yeah, just... tired,” she replied after a beat, barely convincing herself. There was nothing to gain from hiding her obvious exhaustion, but she couldn’t give herself away completely. Out of all the people Echo had crossed paths with, Bellamy was one of the few who’d seen her at her worst. In fact, before him, no perceived enemy would have seen her at her weakest and lived to tell the tale. He was, in an immeasurable number of ways, an exception; one she continued to struggle in finding an explanation for.

“Is something wrong?”

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @echx

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

That feeling of being tired but unable to sleep; Bellamy understood it all too well. He gave a short nod of understanding, as she asked him if something was wrong. "Nothing out of the oridinary," Bellamy answered honestly. There was so much that was wrong. So very much. But . . . going on about it was not going to be anything new.

Everyone knew the struggles that they were all under going in their attempt to survive up here. It was part of what kept Bellamy up. What if he failed? What if the others died because he couldn't protect them? A viciously common pattern in his life. "Were you gonna try to walk yourself to exhaustion?" Bellamy asked, a playful tease in his voice as he attempted to smile. A slightly indirect way of asking where she was headed . . . and if she wanted the company.

[Deleted]

Nothing out of the ordinary.

Little about this place was ordinary for Echo, but she was beginning to learn how to interpret that phrase with each passing day cycle. There were often times when she met Emori’s equally blank stare as Skaikru discussed the various systems at play aboard the station, but she was careful to listen closely. It turned out most things were at least named in a transparent fashion, sufficiently so that she could get some clue here or there. It had only been a matter of days, and she had years to get up to speed. Literally.

“I tried that last night; didn’t work,” she replied with a ghost of a smile.

Echo glanced down briefly at their feet before meeting his gaze. He looked tired, no doubt a mirror to her own softened expression and heavy lids. It was more than lack of sleep that was wearing the body down. The waiting game had yet to begin, and until then, it was a matter of facing every new struggle, giving little time for the mind and soul to process the magnitude of what had transpired just days ago.

“I could use the company,” she admitted, tongue darting across dry lips. Having left her coat on Earth, she’d not brought with her the wax she used to battle the effects of cold and dryness. “Unless you’re…” As she said this, she stepped to the side, offering him ample opportunity to turn her down.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @echx

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy could once again, relate to that. Though he hated that she too went through that . . . sleeplessness. There were only 3 of them among the group that keenly felt that isolation and restless more than others. For four among them, had someone to be with. Someone to keep their spirits lifted and offer the comfort of their company in intimate ways. Bellamy's slight smile remained upon his lips as she said she could use the company, but offering him an out of he needed to take it. He adjusted his position so that he was standing next to her, head still turned facing towards her.

He wanted to make it clear that he had no intention of leaving her, especially when she felt like this. "I don't have any plans," he assured her. Though, there was once again a playful tease in his voice, as if to imply that he was otherwise busy. Which, he wasn't. The smile however faded, but softness still upon his expression. "Echo, how are you holding up, really?" Concern in his voice, evident in his gaze, as he intently looked at her. It wasn't just her physical state that he was worried about. It wasn't just about food and drink. But he was also concerned about her mental health.

Her emotional health. She had after all tried to take her life. And he convinced her not to. Which meant, what was endured now . . . well, he felt just as responsible for her as he did the others. "You know you can talk to me, right?" He wanted to be there for her, as he was for the others. They all had a past. Bellamy tried to kill Murphy and vice versa. Raven and Murphy tried to kill each other. And well, the list could go on. But up here, they were all together. The past was behind them and they were one united front, with one singular purpose: trying to survive.

[Deleted]

Echo took a deep breath as he closed the distance between them, and turned her head to regard him. It didn’t take a sharp eye to see the weight upon his shoulders. She’d be damned if she became a greater burden by sharing her insecurities and fears with him. It was too early, too much, too raw…

“I’ll be fine.”

Smiling tiredly, she shook her head while speaking. The hand she flicked dismissively was a preemptive attempt at dissipating the urge she had to cup his cheek. As her hand dropped to her side, she balled her hands into a fist, and released after feeling the grounding bite of her nails in her palm. 

“It's just a matter of time,” she added, glancing past his shoulder, at nothing in particular down the hall.

        …right?

Echo tucked her hair behind her ear to clear her field of vision, returning her attention to him. “And you—” she paused for breath, searching his face. He would be alright, wouldn’t he? Time alone wouldn't heal certain wounds, she reminded herself. She committed herself to her thought: “—can talk to me, too. If you ever want to.”

It wasn't as though he didn't have closer counterparts to share his thoughts with.

Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @echx

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Time. What was that sold saying? That time heals all wounds. But Bellamy wasn't sure he entirely believed that. Time wasn't the only factor that would heal. People. Experience. Circumstance. Those were more effective and yet . . . Bellamy doubted he could every truly heal from all that had happened. From all that he had done. The only thing that kept him going now . . . was the fact that there were a handful of other people up here, that he needed to lead. That he needed to protect. That he needed to help take care of. Such was always the purpose of his life. The one time he lacked that -- that one year from hell that Octavia was taken from him -- he had never felt so, purposeless.

"Well, seems up here we'll have nothing but that," he said in attempt to tease the circumstance that they all found themselves in. Time was something they would most certainly have ample of. Yes, they would have to work, they would struggle . . . but there was a duration of five years planned. A damn long time to be with the same people. Which was exactly why Bellamy knew he had to set his differences aside, so they could all peacefully coexist. He gave a bit of a nod when she offered the same to him. "I'll keep that in mind," he told her, not rejecting of the offer and yet . . . forgiveness had yet to be found when it came to Echo. Trust had yet to be rebuilt. "Come on. Let's go enjoy the view," he prompted. He still remembered Emori and Echo's utter wonder when leaving Earth and seeing the surrounding stars. It was at least a sight that the beauty of could be easily appreciated.