Reyes My Spirits

[Deleted]

Jasper was clinging to Raven like if he let her go, they'd both collapse. Maybe they would, he wasn't sure. His mind was just flooded with so much anguish and shock and confusion. What had just happened? How had it happened? Bellamy was dead, a bullet through his head, on the ground somewhere behind where Jasper was kneeling in the dirt, clutching Raven and sobbing against her shoulder. He didn't know how long he cried and he didn't care. Bellamy was dead, and he hadn't been able to stop it in time, and he'd never heard Raven scream the way she had after the shot rang out.

"How-- how did--?" he managed to say, though he couldn't finish the question. How did this happen? The tears were still flowing when he finally pulled back to look at her, her face streaked in blood. She'd done that to herself. The marks were unmistakable as nail marks where she must have dragged them over her face. She was looking over his shoulder, and he followed her gaze to Bellamy's body where it still laid on the ground, a pool of blood forming around his head. Jasper jerked his head back to Raven, his stomach threatening to revolt at the sight. "No," he said, his voice cracking as he turned her face to look at him. "Don't look. We-- we need to get out of here." He wasn't sure yet if he could even trust his legs to walk, but he pushed himself back so that he could stand, reaching for her hands to help her too if she needed it. He could do this. He could do this. He could focus on helping Raven right now.

Tag: cherry1
ooc: Lemme know if I need to change anything!

[cherry1]

Raven felt numb body and soul. She couldn’t comprehend what was happening around her. Her ears blocked out every other sound, her eyes every other sight. Except for…him. That was the only thing that held her focus. She just couldn’t bring herself to look away. The horrific sight was the stuff of nightmares. Only this wasn’t just some nightmare. Raven wasn’t going to wake up from this and find the world okay and back to normal and just goddamn sane. This was real. Bellamy was dead. Executed, no…murdered like an animal in chains and left on the ground. He didn’t deserve this. After everything he’d pulled them through, he deserved to at least die a hero not like some criminal.

She finally pulled her concentration away when she felt a hand turn her face. And the world suddenly came into focus. She was holding on to someone for dear life. The commotion around her finally registered. Her senses overwhelmed now. But she could at least pinpoint one feeling. And that was pain…complete excruciating pain. Her mind couldn’t quite differentiate the physical from the emotional, so she tried to focus on something else. Finally recognising Jasper as the person she was clinging on to. “We-- we need to get out of here.” Her eyebrows furrowed at the suggestion. She slowed her breathing, holding on to his arm as she followed him up to stand. But instead of turning to him she stumbled in the direction of Bellamy, trying to get her words out…only managing a hoarse whisper. “I have to…we should…” But there was no end to that sentence. There was nothing they could do for him now. The blood still seeping out of the wound was enough evidence of that.

Tearing her eyes away she stepped back towards Jasper, unapologetically leaning almost all her weight on him. His solid body the only thing keeping her upright. While normally she’d avoid asking for help, today…was about as far from normal as you could get. So with that thought she swallowed hard looping her arms around Jaspers neck. “Get me out of here Jasper,” she finally said. Her voice cracking on the last word as she agreed to his suggestion. She needed him…because she was aware enough to damn well know she didn’t want to be alone right now.

Tag: @jasper420

[Deleted]

Jasper felt relieved when Raven stood with him, in spite of her frown, but his heart sank when she turned toward Bellamy. He followed her as she staggered toward the body, preparing to drag her away if she didn't stop. Mentally preparing for her to fight him, and maybe hurt him because he wouldn't fight her back. Had someone tried to drag him from Maya's body, he would have fought too. But Maya had still been alive when he'd run to hold her, and after she'd died in his arms, weeping over her lifeless body didn't help. It might have hurt worse, actually. Bellamy was already dead, and no comfort could be offered to him. Jasper wasn't going to let Raven get close enough to memorize every last fucking detail of how Bellamy looked right now, up close, so it could haunt her dreams forever, worse than what she was already seeing. None of them needed more of those dreams.

He kept his eyes on her back, not wanting to look at Bellamy, waiting until the last second he might have to pull her away, and before he did, she turned back to him. She collapsed against him heavily, and it took a moment to steady his still shaking legs, but he wrapped his arms around her as hers went around his neck. She felt like she would fall if he let her go, but he had no intention of doing that. He would focus on her right now, and deal with his own grief later. "Okay," he said, but where the fuck should they go? He should probably take her to medical to clean her wounds, but he didn't know how safe medical was right now. He thought he'd heard something about people in medical getting locked up.

He had a small bottle of moonshine in his room, though. He'd kept it after the rationing, in case of emergency, and they'd used it to sterilize things before. He'd planned to drink it if things got really bad, but it seemed like the best option right now for cleaning Raven up. "You gotta walk with me; can you do that?" he asked, having nothing to do with her bad leg and everything to do with the way he didn't think she'd even be standing right now without his support. He could carry her if he needed to, but Raven was proud. He was sure she'd rather walk herself if she could.

Tag: cherry1

[cherry1]

Raven nodded briskly at Jasper’s request. “I can do that,” It was her automatic response to someone asking her to do something. Only this time, she wasn’t yet quite sure if she could manage it. Her voice was barely above a whisper, she screamed it hoarse before she was fully aware enough to stop it. Being consumed at the time with the overwhelming desire for the ground to split open and swallow her up and just take her away from this hell. A sentiment she still held, but instead she tentatively removed an arm from around Jasper’s neck, feeling almost safe in the knowledge and feeling of his own arms around her waist, supporting her. He’d catch her if she fell. So with that thought she leaned back onto her own legs, stumbling forward before finally finding her footing.

With each step they took towards wherever Jasper was leading them, Raven realised she could probably walk on her own now, unsupported. But she didn’t dare release her grip on Jasper’s shoulder. Raven needed him with her now. She didn’t care where they were going, or much about anything right now, they could be leaving Arkadia for all she knew, but she trusted him. When they finally got to what she realised must have been Jasper’s room, she paused. Anticipating the inevitable wave of grief they’d both feel when they finally sat down in the stillness and quiet, away from the commotion outside.

“Don’t let go of me,” she said, her voice cracking as she wiped fresh tears from her face. It was probably selfish, the way she was leaning on him, both literally and figuratively. Wallowing in her own grief without giving a thought to his. To what he was probably going through. Bellamy meant something to all of them not just her. But she couldn’t help it. It consumed her. For now at least there was no room for anything else.

Tag: @jasper420

[Deleted]

As they walked, Jasper could feel Raven get more and more steady on her feet. After a little while, she probably didn't need him to walk, but the fact that she kept clinging to him made him feel even more responsible to make sure she was okay. Raven Reyes didn't cling to people in general. When they got to his room, and Raven told him not to let go of her, he tightened his arm around her automatically. "I won't," he said, kicking the door of his room shut behind them.

Somehow suddenly everything felt heavier, harder. Like now that they were shut off from everyone else, it was harder to put on a strong face. But he still had to worry about Raven, so he walked her over to the bed to sit them down, ignoring the tears that started to run down his face again. "I was gonna... clean you up," he told her as he sat down, pulling her down next to him, not letting her go like she asked him to. "I have some moonshine," he said, gesturing at the scrapes running down her cheeks, but until she said to get it, he would keep his word that he wasn't going to let her go. He sniffed hard, wiping at his face as he tried to swallow the wave of emotion suddenly hitting him again.

Tag: cherry1

[cherry1]

How could this happen again? It was like the universe was playing some sick joke at her expense. Another execution of a man she cared about with her standing idly by powerless to stop it. Finn’s death tore her apart and now Bellamy’s was truly the final nail in the coffin. There was no hope for them now, no hope for survival. Because at this point Raven believed whole heartedly that they didn’t deserve to. At least with Finn, she had someone to blame, someone to direct her anger at. The grounders. Her rage and desire for revenge pushed her forward, kept her upright and living.

But this time…it wasn’t grounders. It was their own people. Her people. They all played a part in allowing this to happen. Standing idly by as he was executed in his own home. Hell she might as well have held the gun and pulled the trigger herself. The graphic thought sickened her, especially with the image so fresh in her mind. Raven pulled herself from her thoughts and focused on Jasper. Nodding briskly at his suggestion of cleaning her up, she looked down at her nails as if only just now realising what she’d done to herself. “I don’t…I don’t know how…to,” she swallowed the lump in her throat, unsure of what she was trying to say, letting out a short scream instead. Though this was more out of anger than anguish, fuelled by pure undirected rage. Standing up suddenly, Ravens fingers leaned against a nearby makeshift table, the closest thing to her before flipping it over with another hate filled scream.

“I let this happen,” she finally said after a long pause, her voice filled with anguish before sitting back down. She didn’t deserve Jasper’s kindness. “You should have left me out there.” Tortured by the sight of Bellamy’s body and brains splattered across the ground.

Tag: @jasper420

[Deleted]

Jasper felt a little relieved Raven was going to let him help her, but it was short lived and Raven struggled for words, then broke off in a scream that made Jasper jump slightly. He watched, eyes wide, as she got up and flipped a table, screaming again. It snapped him out of his own sadness again and he refocused on her. He didn't move to stop her, though. He didn't think he could do anything to stop her anger, so he watched as it passed--for now anyway, Jasper knew too well how grief could cause emotions to fluctuate without your control--and she came back to sit next to him.

"Like hell I'd leave you out there," he said honestly. He wasn't sure what she meant by her letting it happen. As far as he knew, she wasn't involved in any of it. Without thinking, he brushed a stray strand of hair from her face to look at her scratches. "And this isn't your fault," he added, then moved to his nightstand to get the moonshine and a small piece of clean cloth.

He sat next to her again, pouring a small amount of the liquid onto the cloth. "I really thought I'd be drinking this," he said, and in any other situation, it might have been a joke, but Jasper couldn't find the tone or the energy to curl his lips. Looking back up, he cupped her chin in his hand as he started to gently dab at the scrapes on her face.

Tag: cherry1