Water Cannot Cleanse My Soul

[Luna]

Kom woda ‘so gyon op, gon woda ‘so kom daun

from water we are born, to water we return

T

he memorial service was commencing soon. Everyone was getting ready, the bodies shrouded with a white cloth. For the first time since her brother, Luna felt the loss of today. Discovery of Lincoln's death had been bad enough. But now . . . she had lost the man she loved. Three people she had loved dearly, three now deceased. Her heart ached at the realization of it. She had chosen a path of violence and yet, it always managed to find her. These incidents only strengthened her refusal to become Commander.

Uncertain as to whether Clarke and the others were aware of this knowledge. And at this moment, uncaring. She wished to bury her lover and friends in peace. If taht world could ever be found again aboard this safe haven. Or a place that was meant to be one. Looking at the now covered body of Derrick, Luna felt she had cried all the tears she had in this moment.

He hand touched his clothed forehead, her eyes wary. She had killed someone she loved. Just as she had her brother. A vow of something she would never do again. She had thought. And it had cost them. She heard approaching footsteps but made no move to part her gaze from the body lying on the ground. She knew who it was from her peripheral vision. She was unsure what words she could have to offer. "The memorial will start soon. Should you wish to attend." She had watched Shay with the Skai Boy. Shay . . . a dear friend of Luna's, another love lost.

tag: @jasper420
notes: first official Luna post!

crafted by Molly Josephine ☁

[Deleted]

Jasper wasn't sure why he hadn't taken the chip. He'd struggled, tried to get the chipped people to stop torturing Luna, and it had gotten him roughed up for it. It had been clear to him after that, watching the chipped people continue to torture Luna as he helplessly watched, that this was all there was in this world. Pain, suffering. It was everywhere, and where it wasn't... well, he and his friends had brought it with them, hadn't they? People on this peaceful rig were now dead because of them, because Clarke needed someone else to bring into their war, no matter what the cost was. He still wasn't sure why he hadn't taken the chip, still half-wished he could go back and make another choice... but he hadn't.

He had no idea what to say to Luna now, really. What was there to say? He'd seen her kill, and then witnessed her wailing in agony over it. Jasper had never seen anyone cry like that. Ever. Even alone, in the early days after losing Maya, after the Mount Weather genocide, he wasn't sure his own his own anguished cries had even come close.

He hadn't known Shay for long, but he'd liked her. She'd made him smile a genuine smile for what felt like the first time in a long time. He'd liked this place, too. People seemed happy here. They sat around and told stories and didn't seemed burdened by what was outside of this place, or by a fear that it could get to them. But it had. And Shay was dead, along with a man Luna clearly loved deeply. And it was all their fault.

She told him he could come to the memorial, and he probably would, but he felt like he shouldn't. He was part of the reason the other man was dead. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, stopping several feet behind her. His eyes stung a little as he looked at her back. He didn't mean he was sorry for her loss, though, although he was, because that never helped to hear after Maya. So he continued. "I'm sorry we came here," he clarified, lifting a hand to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly. He should probably just leave her alone.

Tag: Luna

[Luna]

Kom woda ‘so gyon op, gon woda ‘so kom daun

from water we are born, to water we return

A

pology. Luna should have suspected as much. It did not ease the pain though. Nor did it increase her bitterness. She did not know what to feel. It would be so easily to blame Skaikru. To accuse them that they had brought this upon her people. But what room was there in her broken heart for anger? She was mourning. Murdering the man she loved a triggering reminder of what she had done to her brother. In both instances, it was her own hands that had claimed the life. After a few silent moments, she slowly rose to her feet, turning to face the Skaikru man. There seemed to be genuine apology in his face.

In her own gaze . . . there was no anger. She strove to maintain that same composure that she had so easily found among Floukru. Yet, the place had grown a little darker with all the death that had suddenly been thrust upon them. And it may not even end here. Clarke had wanted her to take the flame. Claiming it was her birthright. Yet, did they not all have a right to live? To choose a life of peace? The blood that coursed through her veins did not change that. The humanity that she had nearly been forced to forsake when engaging in the conclave.

"Of all the losses your people must have been faced with in the wake of war, these are the first we have lost in a battle after years of peace." It was not an accusation, but a remark. A statement. That these losses, were felt. She would not fight in their war. Whether it was against other clans, or against this new threat. "If fighting is all your people know, then you do not belong here." They never should have come here, as he apologized for them coming anyway. It had been Lincoln's name that granted them passage, yet also his name that Luna held honor to. He did not want war either and whatever cost him his life . . . Luna was certain that the violence of war could be blamed for it.

tag: @jasper420
notes: none

crafted by Molly Josephine ☁

[Deleted]

Jasper watched her as she stood and turned to face him. She wasn't a large woman but she had a large presence that Jasper hadn't failed to notice right away. She didn't look angry, though, and Jasper wasn't sure what to make of that. He'd been angry after Mount Weather. He'd been a lot of things, sometimes switching wildly from one thing to the next, but anger had been in there. He'd lashed out more than once. It hadn't helped anything, but it had felt impossible to control at the time.

He pressed his lips together, the corners turning down as he looked down at the ground, her mention of the recent deaths being he first in years of peace bringing tears to his eyes. He didn't cry, though. What right did he had to cry when it was her people that were freshly dead, and his people that had caused it? "I know," he whispered, when she said his people didn't belong here if fighting was all they knew. It was all they knew. Jasper had tried to stay out of it this time, only to get pulled back in when he had to do something to save Raven's life. "It follows us everywhere. I don't know why I even started to hope it hadn't here," he muttered. He he looked back up at her, frowning, expression half pained and half confused. "Why aren't you pissed?" The last time he'd thought someone should be pissed at him and they weren't, they'd been chipped. But Luna had not taken the chip.

Tag: Luna

[Luna]

Kom woda ‘so gyon op, gon woda ‘so kom daun

from water we are born, to water we return

I

t followed them he said. Which was precisely why Luna knew that the only want to escape it, was to isolate herself from the source. From the other clans, from the Mountain Men. From Skaikru. From all the threats, all the danger, all the violence that seemed to plague these people. But now, it had been among her people as well. Forced to kill, forced to engage in this war that she neither wanted nor sought after. It didn't seem like this Skaikru wished for that either. Luna supposed that not every necessarily desired violence.

Sometimes circumstances forced a person. Just like this one had. But then he questioned as to why she wasn't pissed. Why she was not enraged. She looked at him, her expression unwavering, though she noticed the glisten in his eyes. The expression he held. The demeanour of his body. "Anger insights violence," she began to explain. It was part of the cause of violent acts. "Hostility, revenge . . . what good will it do. It certainly will not bring back those we mourn." She saw Octavia, the anger within the woman.

Raging, for the death of her loved one. So much anger. So much hate. Luna could not live that same way. She could not blacken her heart to the color of her blood. "Anger does nothing, but encourage more hate and violence. It is a vicious cycle that I will not partake in nor continue." Not here. Not in this safe haven . . . or a place that used to be safe. Now, Luna was not quite sure. What she had decided though, was that Skaikru needed to leave. For Clarke was relentless, and Luna's instincts told her the young woman would not give up her goal she had in mind when coming here.

tag: @jasper420
notes: none

crafted by Molly Josephine ☁

[Deleted]

Jasper listened to her quietly. He didn't necessarily disagree with anything she was saying, but he wasn't sure he understood how someone could just eliminate anger from their emotional inventory, like it was just some file on a computer that could be moved to the trash and emptied, never to come up again. "Anger's a natural human emotion," he said. "It doesn't have to lead to violence." He scrubbed his hand over the top of his head, then looked back at her. "I don't know--" he looked away again. "I don't know how you can just not feel something." He'd never been good at that. Since childhood, he'd been encouraged to express how he felt, both good and bad.

"Not saying you're wrong," he added after a moment. "The things I've done in anger... they were never worth it." For the most part, he'd used violence to defend his people, not out of anger or desire for revenge. Just to keep his people safe. But what good had tackling Macallan off a piano bench done? What good had throwing Monty against a rover, or shoving him and shouting at him done? He'd been in too much pain and didn't know how else to express it, but it hadn't fixed anything. He was still in pain, but he was coping better. Shay had gotten him to smile. And now she was gone, but at least he was managing not to cry in front of this woman who'd just lost someone she obviously cared so much for. "Just saying, I wouldn't blame you if you hated us. There are days I kind of hate us." The words muttered, his tone clear that he didn't like admitting that.

He looked up, blinking again, because he wouldn't cry, then looked back past Luna at the shrouded form. "He was your... husband? Boyfriend?" he asked, wanting to change the subject way from his people.

Tag: Luna
Notes: 300TH POST!!!!

[Luna]

Kom woda ‘so gyon op, gon woda ‘so kom daun

from water we are born, to water we return

N

o. Anger didn't always have to lead to violence. But more often than not, it did. "And how many times have you witnessed it not lead to that?" She asked him softly, somewhat rhetorically. It was a natural emotion, but the lack of control of it . . . she had seen it start wars. She had seen it cause death. Whatever war Skaikru was involved in, anger most certainly had to do with it. Just as it did from the other clans. She took in a slow breath, trying to keep herself composed when he questioned how she could not feel anything.

"I may not feel anger, but that does not mean I do not feel other emotions." Emotions that she wished she didn't have to feel. She had not expected she'd need to bury the man she loved, dead by her hand. Guilt. Pain. Agony. Emotions that may not be centered around rage, but they were pained ones. Ones that she knew she could not fully recover from. He then spoke ambiguously about things he had done in his own anger.

Yet conceding that they were never worth it. Even further admitting that he wouldn't blame her for hating them. . . as he did. "I can feel that from all of you. The anger. The hatred." So many darkened emotions. Scarred from the world out there that Luna kept herself and others sheltered from. Or well, at least she had tried to. "But where does that hatred come from?" She asked gently, a personal inquiry as to why he himself, felt so much hate.

For Octavia, it was clear. For Clarke, perhaps Lexa's death had elicited such things. But Jasper . . . she did not know. His next question caused her heart to ache. A pain shooting through it, not that it ever stopped. She felt numb, the question not one she was hesitant to answer. But vocalizing it, continued to acknowledge his lacking presence. The fact that he would never hold her again.

She would never speak to him again. She would never see him smile again. So much lost in a single person . . . the most important person to her for so many years. Her head turned to look at the shrouded body, resting there.  "He was my soul mate." The revelation not meant to sound cheesy, or sappy. It was a factual statement. That one word, encompassing so much when it came to their relationship. He was more than just a partner, more than just a companion. He had been a part of her . . . and now, he was gone.

tag: @jasper420
notes: none

crafted by Molly Josephine ☁

[Deleted]

Jasper pressed his lips together when she said that just because she didn't feel anger didn't mean she didn't feel other things, supposing he should have been more specific. He hadn't meant that she couldn't feel anything. He'd witnessed her agony first hand. He'd just meant how could she not feel something, a specific emotion that was normal, like anger? How could she snip it out of her? He didn't know what to say, though, so he let her continue. "I don't... have hatred. Not really," he said, attempting to answer her question, though it was hard, and he heard his voice crack a little. He felt like he might lose this battle not to cry, but he still tried. He should hate Grounders, but he'd felt at ease here, talking to Shay. If anyone had asked him if he hated someone, anyone, he might, if he were in a bad place, say that he hated Clarke. And yet, he'd had the opportunity to destroy the chip she carried with her, to inflict upon her the pain she'd inflicted upon him... but he didn't have that in him. He wished he could hate Clarke enough to really hurt her, but he didn't. He wished he could hate Monty, but he loved him instead, even through his anger. It was what made everything hurt a million times worse, that he loved the people who destroyed Mount Weather. "And I'm more tired than angry lately." If not, he wouldn't have considered taking that chip so strongly.

He watched her look back over at the figure nearby, trying to compose himself again, but when she spoke, a tiny sob forced it's way up Japser's throat, and his face crumpled. He lowered his head and covered it with his hands, trying his hardest not to just fall apart. He was her soul mate. All the pain of losing Maya flooded back, but his mind simply projected it onto this woman in front of him. He'd come here with his friends, and ripped her life apart, like his friends had done for him months before. "I'm so sorry," he barely managed, his voice muffled in his hands as he tried to get it together. Why had it been so easy to stay calm with Octavia when talking to her about grieving Lincoln? Maybe because Octavia had been so angry Jasper tried to balance it out, but Luna... how was she so calm?

"I'm sorry," he said again, but this time he was apologizing for his reaction to her words, starting to wipe at his face, trying to wipe away the emotions there. It wasn't fair for him to cry when she wasn't. Not when everything that happened was his and his friends' fault.  "I should have just let you grieve in peace," he added, tempted to simply bolt from the room.

Tag: Luna