Blaking the Right Steps

[Deleted]

If Bryan was counting correctly, this was his and Bellamy's fourth date. If you counted the first one, where they'd been on different pages entirely, and the meeting in the library as a second date. Both dates, and the third, had ended in Bellamy's apartment, but the second and third dates, Bellamy hadn't pushed for sex--even if they had had a good time in Bellamy's bed. Their fourth date was a little different, though. Bryan was picking Bellamy up from his place, which made Bryan feel like it was more official. He wanted to give Bellamy something to show him how much he was enjoying getting to know him, but he didn't have a lot to offer or trade for.

When he was working, however, he realized that maybe there was something, if his boss would let him have it. Horseradish grew like a weed and produced tiny white flowers, that were pretty much useless. They didn't produce many seeds, and they didn't need the seeds anyway. They weren't edible. They usually just became compost or garbage.

His boss looked at him funny when he asked if he could keep a small bunch, but allowed it, and Bryan found himself carrying them to Bellamy's apartment after he'd gone home to shower after work. He pushed the stems into his back pocket before knocking at the door, not wanting Bellamy to see them right away. When Bellamy answered the door, looking not particularly happy, and asked if they could just spend the night in, Bryan was surprised, but willing. Any time he could spend with Bellamy was welcomed. He liked Bellamy, though he suspected he liked Bellamy more than Bellamy liked him.

"Yeah, sure, we can stay in," he said, stepping inside and keeping his back facing away from Bellamy as Bellamy closed the door. He suddenly felt a little silly about the flowers. What if Bellamy didn't like them? And they'd probably be dead in a couple days anyway, as he didn't expect Bellamy to waste water to keep them alive. Before he could second guess himself even more, he pulled them from his pocket and held them out to Bellamy. "These are... for you," he managed, feeling himself blush. Maybe they would cheer Bellamy up... or Maybe Bellamy would recognize them as garbage flowers and not be the least bit flattered.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @bryanbryanbryan

forgiveness

IS HARD FOR US

Bellamy knew he shouldn't have gotten his hopes up. But he had. And the disappointment he now faced was unbearable. It was Octavia's birthday today and Bellamy had tried to arrange a visit with her. But it was denied. Not seeing her was undoubtedly part of their punishment, but it hurt. A lot. He couldn't even see her on her damn birthday! The guard wouldn't listen, and he couldn't' even get close to any of the council members. It left the date with Bryan on the back of his mind, until he heard a knock at the door. He'd intended to just drink himself to numbness tonight . . . but as soon as he heard the sound, he remembered. Bellamy hadn't told Bryan anything about his family, only that he didn't live with anyone else. Which, the younger male could of course see.

Though, none of this was familiar to Bellamy. He had never had a partner before, never committed to anyone before. Yet with Bryan . . . it was different. He felt like he needed him, in more emotional rather than physical ways. Another rarity for the janitor. Validated by the fact that they had never actually had sex yet. But Bellamy found himself always wanting to be in his company . . . always wanting him near. He knew that dependency was not fair, afraid of the outcome and that it would result in Bryan getting hurt. But his selfish needs prohibited him from ending things. Instead, he encouraged them, with the hopes of developing them further and further. When he opened the door to see Bryan, greeting him and asking if they could just spend the night here.

He didn't feel like going out in the public eye. Bryan agreed to it and Bellamy stepped aside so that he could enter, closing the door behind him. It wasn't until a few moments after that Bryan revealed a bouquet of flowers to him. Bellamy looked at them for a moment, before a slight flickering smile crossed his lips for only a brief moment. It wasn't the first time that Bryan had gotten him to smile, and he doubted it would be the last. The expression was more subdued though due to the circumstances and at the same time . . . Bellamy remained impressed that Bryan was able to draw it from him to begin with. Then again, maybe that was just one of the many things that pulled Bellamy toward Bryan.

He reached out to take the flowers, but his other hand immediately took Bryan's wrist to pull him close, his lips meeting his in a proper form of both greeting and gratitude. Deepening the kiss for a few moments, Bellamy eased out of it to speak. "Thank you," he told him, still holding the flowers in his hand. "These are amazing," he said before giving Bryan another brief kiss on the lips. He had never gotten flowers before and he would cherish these. Just like he was already cherishing the man who gave them to him. "Have a drink with me," he encouraged, his hand sliding from Bryan's wrist where he had held him to take his hand in his own, and moving those few steps to the table where there was already a jar of alcohol in the middle of it.

[Deleted]

Bryan didn't realize he was holding his breath until the tiny smile appeared on Bellamy's lips, He let it out, then let Bellamy pull him close for a kiss. He couldn't help but smile against Bellamy's lips, his free hand moving to cup Bellamy's cheek as they kissed. He made a small pleased noise before Bellamy pulled away. "I'm glad you like them," he breathed, kissing Bellamy again before letting Bellamy lead him toward the table.

"I-- I've never had alcohol before," he said, staring at the bottle. Surely Bellamy would know why. He was underage. And normally Bryan would have just outright said no, but when he looked back up at Bellamy, the sadness in Bellamy's expression tugged at Bryan. Who would ever know he'd drank a few sips of alcohol in Bellamy's apartment?

He sat down at the table and tried to swallow his nerves as he watched Bellamy's expression. "Why are we drinking tonight?"

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Bellamy carefully set the flowers on the table when they reached there, listening to Bryan say that he had never had alcohol before. "You dont have to now if you dont want to." far be it from Bellamy to peer pressure the younger male into drinking. Truth be tod Bellamy wasnt a heavy drinker. Before it had been because he didnt want to compromise himself out of fear of revealing something about Octavia and his family. But now . . . . that hardly seemed to matter. Bellamy began to pour a cup and then another with a little bit, should Bryan choose to drink it.

Bellamy then sat in the chair once more . . . Bryans question a fair one to be asked. Bellamy couldnt avoid answering it any longer. Besides, it wasnt like it was some sort of big grand secret . . . not anymore. He looked at Bryan for a moment, before averting his gaze to rest on the beautiful flowers . . . and then finally answered. "Today is my sister's birthday." The words so unfamiliar falling from his lips. With that, he took a rather large sip of his drink.

[Deleted]

Bryan watched as Bellamy looked at him for a moment, then looked down at the flowers... and then Bellamy words caused Bryan to suck in a soft breath, his lips parting in surprise. His sister? Bellamy had a sister? For several long moments, Bryan just stared at Bellamy, trying to make sense of those words, then he looked away, frowning at the floor in thought. After another moment, he looked up at the beds in Bellamy's apartment, his minds slowly piecing things together. He thought he'd heard something about an illegal child months ago, but Bryan didn't really like the rumor mill, so he mostly didn't pay any attention. Had that been Bellamy's sister?

When he finally looked back at Bellamy, his brows were pinched together, his expression sympathetic. "They floated her?" he said, his tone not really a question. Bellamy had to be the older child if he was alive, but that didn't mean his sister wasn't an adult. It would explain the sadness on Bellamy's face. "And your parents?" he added, because the second bed couldn't have been for someone the Ark didn't know existed.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Bellamy could feel Bryans gaze even without looking. His tone expressive of it. Bellamy appreciated the compassion but it still made it no easier to look at the younger male. Out of sheer fear in Bellamy that he would get too emotional. That he wouldnt be able to contain himself. He slowly shook his head in response to Bryans first question. "They will," he said, knowing that there was no way they would save her. Not with all the population control and she was a direct violation of that. "When she turns 18.. Soon enough. And Bellamy couldnt do anything to save her.

He took another swig of his drink, trying to gather the strength to continue. He began with a slow nod. "They floated my mother." The words came out numbly. And once again Bellamy felt the fear of breaking down in front of Bryan. "Never knew my father," he added on non chalantly, taking another sip. "They won't let me see her," Bellamy said without over thinking the emotional and personal revelation of his inability to visit his sister.

[Deleted]

Bryan listened as Bellamy spoke, explaining his situation, explaining that his sister was in lock up and his mother had been floated. Bryan could tell Bellamy was trying not to get emotional, but how could he not be about something like this? He wondered why Bellamy wasn't visiting his sister today on her birthday, until Bellamy finished. They wouldn't even let him see her. And then Bryan remembered Bellamy's smaller rations on their first date, and finally his shock passed and he felt his eyes prickle. The Ark was punishing Bellamy.

"That's not fair," he said, his tone firm, though his voice cracked a little. He sat forward just enough so that he could drag his chair over so that it was right next to Bellamy's, then immediately took one of Bellamy's hands in his, clasping it between both his own. "How can they do that?" he said, sounding incredulous. After a moment, he lifted one hand so that he could stroke Bellamy's hair gently, wanting to offer support, but unsure quite how. This was not what he'd been expecting at all, but he supposed it explained a lot about Bellamy. And no one should hurt that much; it made Bryan hurt a little for him. "I'm sorry."

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Bryan's words expressing the unfairness of this, was something that Bellamy heavily agreed with. No. It wasn't fair. Not at all. Octavia was being punished when she was innocent in all this. He had tried to appeal to the council, tried to convince them to float him and spare his sister. But to no avail. Bellamy clenched his jaw, trying to keep himself composed. Truth was, he had never talked about this to anyone. He had never opened up about his family situation, or shared with someone the emotional difficulty he faced when coping. This, was an unfamiliar kind of intimacy. All the more evident when Bryan began to stroke his hair, the sensation sending a flood of warmth and comfort through Bellamy.

It wasn't something he deserved. He failed to tell Bryan that he was the reason his mother was floated, and sister was arrested. He had exposed them. But right now, he couldn't do anything but bask in Bryan's touch. Bellamy closed his eyes, instinctively leaning toward Bryan now that he had moved closer, his hand running through his hair, his question of how they could do that . . . his condolences. Bellamy didn't even realize that he had tilted his head a little, so that his lips brushed against the palm of Bryan's hand. This was what he craved, what he had always denied himself . . . what he longed for so much right now. Selfishly.

But without the strength to stop. He didn't deserve this; he didn't deserve Bryan. "Thank you," he said in a low voice, not wanting to dump everything on him on a night that was meant to be a date. And yet . . . this date had already transformed into something far more intimate than Bellamy had ever experienced before. He opened his eyes to look at the man who held the power to crumble his walls. "It hasn't even been a year and I just . . . " His tongue ran over his lips, his nose scrunching a little as he sniffed. A habit; an attempt to withhold his emotions. "Wish I could go back." To the night of the party, and not risking Octavia the way he had.

[Deleted]

Bryan watched Bellamy intently as he leaned closer, turning his head to brush his lips against his palm. He'd never seen Bellamy like this, looking like he wanted so much just to let go, but wasn't letting himself. Bryan wasn't quite sure why. Maybe it was just habit. Having a secret sibling required a level of privacy and secrecy Bryan wasn't sure he'd ever be capable of.

Bryan held Bellamy's gaze when he finally looked at him again, his expression compassionate as it could be, his frown deepening when Bellamy said he wished he could go back. Having to live with such a big secret, never letting people in, sounded like a nightmare to Bryan, but he completely understood wanting your family back. Bellamy's entire life had been uprooted very recently.

Bryan gently pulled Bellamy close, kissing his forehead and then pulling him against his chest, thinking Bellamy might feel more comfortable opening up if Bryan was not staring at his face, but holding him instead. "What happened?" he said softly. "It's okay if you want to tell me."

Still holding Bellamy firmly with one arm, Bryan reached for the cup Bellamy had partially filled for him and took a sip, trying not to react to the burn down his throat. He could drink with Bellamy tonight in solidarity. It might be illegal, but it wasn't immoral, and no one would ever know.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Bellamy nestled his head against Bryan's chest as he pulled him close to hold him. He was unused to accepting such comfort, and he had always thought that the first time he did, it would feel . . . odd. Peculiar. Strained. But being with Bryan, Bellamy didn't feel any of that. The only emotion strong within his heart was guilt; for what he did to his family, for sucking Bryan into his dark world, and for accepting this kind of comfort when Octavia couldn't, and when Bryan was far too good for him. But whatever humanity was left in Bellamy, made hims so desperately crave this contact. It made him weak. Greedy for more, as he just breathed in Bryan's scent, his words an offer to keep telling hi what had happened . . . that it was ok to tell him. Other words that Bellamy had never heard before.

While he loved his family, the pressure and stresses of taking care of them had been severe. And having no one to talk to about it, made him feel this compulsion to finally open up to someone. Not just anyone though: to Bryan specifically. "I thought being a guard could help them. Could help her." His sister. He thought he could better protect his family. Be a reason that his mother no longer had to engage in relations with Grus for information. Be a reason that his sister could safely venture outside the walls of their apartment. "But it didn't. I couldn't protect her." Not only that, he had been the reason for her discovery.

"My sister, my responsibility." The first words his mother had thrust upon him shortly after giving birth. And the pressures of that responsibility, never wavered. Even now. Slowly moving his head up his lips touched Bryan's neck for a moment, before Bellamy drew his head back to look at him. "I know this isn't what you signed up for," he acknowledged. His words would have held a tease, had they not instead held an emotional weight to them. He was giving Bryan an out. A way to get out of the darkness of Bellamy's world and emotions. Because Bellamy lacked the strength to push Bryan away, even if it was what was best for the younger male.

[Deleted]

Bryan felt flooded with... responsibility wasn't quite the right word for it, but he wasn't sure what the right word was. The way Bellamy was nestled against his chest felt so intimate, moreso than they'd been before, especially since Bellamy was opening up to him about his life for the first time, something that seemed to be difficult for Bellamy. Revealing something so personal and painful when you'd lived a life of secrecy must be so hard, and while 'responsibility' wasn't quite what he felt to Bellamy right now, he felt like Bellamy deserved to have someone really see him, really hear him, maybe for the first time in a long time. Bryan wasn't going to screw this up, and send Bellamy retreating back into himself again. He felt... honored to be someone Bellamy would open up to. Honored was the right word.

Bryan was surprised to hear Bellamy had been a guard, and there was a flicker of questioning how he was now a janitor before he realized it must be another punishment by the Ark. They wouldn't let him see his sister. They'd taken away some of his rations. They'd made him pick up other people's trash. Bryan tightened his arm around Bellamy and took another sip of his drink.

"My sister, my responsibility." Bryan huffed a small, almost amazed breath at those words. "That's a lot," he whispered. Sure, he felt a responsibility to his parents, but the way Bellamy said those words sounded like they ran deep, almost Bellamy believed those words where who he was.

When Bellamy pulled back, saying this wasn't what Bryan signed up for, Bryan huffed again, this time his lips curling into a smile that was the farthest from a happy one. "Not exactly," he replied honestly. He couldn't have guessed in a million years he'd choose the guy with the secret sister to date, and that what Bryan thought was a challenge to get Bellamy to smile and open up was actually born of so much trauma. But he'd fixated on Bellamy for a reason, and while he didn't really believe in fate, maybe it was good for both of them to be in each other's lives right now. He cupped Bellamy's jaw against his palm. "But I did sign up for you. And this is who you are." He leaned in a placed a chaste kiss against Bellamy's lips, hoping Bellamy could feel in it what he was about to whisper next. "I'm not going anywhere. Not as long as you let me stay."

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @bryanbryanbryan

forgiveness

IS HARD FOR US

Bellamy continued to feel that security, the comfort of Bryan's arm around him. Holding him. Encouraging him to talk about something that Bellamy had not dared mention to anyone else for his entire life. Or well, Octavia's entire life technically. When he said that it was a lot . . . Bellamy mulled over the words. Truth be told, he couldn't remember a time when he wasn't responsible for his sister. He had felt that pressure the second his mother handed her to him, warning him that they would get floated if she cried.

Whatever instinct he had had taken over, but that fear he felt in that moment, had not once left his heart, body, mind and soul. He'd lived in a perpetual state of both fear and guilt for Octavia not being able to go out. Now, he would gladly exchange that former guilt for the one he had now: because at least with the previous kind, Octavia would still be here. And his mother would still be alive. They were who Bellamy lived for and in their absence, he didn't know what he had. Yet, those words were no longer true. Because right now . . . he had Bryan.

Bellamy listened as Bryan agreed that this wasn't what he signed up for. But then added on that he signed up for him, and that this was who he was. It left Bellamy . . . unable to find words to respond with. He wasn't used to this. Someone being here for him. Letting someone be there for him. It was no default that it fell onto Bryan, but Bellamy already felt guilty for what he'd forced the younger male to endure; for trapping him into his life. Yet, his words, left his heart swelling with emotion. An unfamiliar, emotion.

Bryan was everything he didn't even know he needed in this world. Fortunately, he didn't have to think too hard on what to say because Bryan leaned forward for a kiss. Bellamy closed his eyes, immediately returning it as his hand began to slide up the back of Bryan's head, his fingers running through his hair. Being with him wasn't about the physical need -- not after their first date gone wrong. And it was far more intimate than anything Bellamy ever engaged in before. Which, made it beautiful.

Easing out of the kiss, Bellamy's forehead rested against Bryan's, his words further providing Bellamy with a feeling of security, a safety . . . that it was ok to let Bryan in. Hell, if he doubted it then he never would have gone to him after their first date had abruptly come to an end. "Well then you're going to be here for a long time," he teased him, though there was an assurance in his words that he wasn't going to push him away.

"Cause I don't want you to go anywhere," he added on, giving Bryan another deep kiss, breathing into it as if to solidify his words. Drawing his lips from his own, he moved back a little, but still maintaining some contact with him. "Since we talked enough about my day . . . " And he wasn't going to ruin this date with the dark circumstances of his familial life. Or lack there of. "How was yours?" He inquired, his hand still moving over the back of Bryan's head, through his locks.

[Deleted]

"Well then you're going to be here for a long time... 'Cause I don't want you to go anywhere." Those words made Bryan's breath hitch a little at the promise in them, his stomach fluttering in a pleasant way. It was a long way from the way their first date ended, and swept away Bryan's fears that he liked Bellamy more than Bellamy did him. After opening up to him, and then implying he intended to keep Bryan around, Bryan couldn't help but smile.

He hummed a pleased noise into the kiss, his hand sliding into Bell's hair at the nape of his neck. It felt different. After only a couple of drinks, Bryan doubted he was drunk. But he did feel warm, and Bellamy's tongue felt more tingly against his than normal.

He was disappointed that Bellamy wanted to change the subject, but he could understand. He wanted to ask so many questions: What was it like having a sibling? How had they pulled it off? How old was Bellamy's sister? What was her name? But... maybe those were questions for a night when Bellamy wasn't depressed. He wanted to know all about Bellamy's life, but maybe Bellamy wanted to be distracted.

"Hmm," he hummed. He took a sip of his drink again. It didn't burn so much anymore. "Boring. As usual. Except my boss probably thinks I'm insane for wanting to keep horseradish flowers," he said, smiling faintly at Bellamy. "And... I tried something new," he added, lifting his glass a little. "What is this?"

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @bryanbryanbryan

forgiveness

IS HARD FOR US

Bellamy listened to Bryan explain that his day was boring, and that his boss probably would think it odd that he wanted to keep horse radish flowers. Bellamy's gaze darted back to them, a slight smile forming on his lips at how considerate the gesture had been. It was the first time in a long time that Bellamy had something in his apartment that brought it back to life. That made it feel like a home again. Well, except for Bryan. The man's presence certainly helped have that effect. He turned his gaze back toward the younger male. "I really do like them," Bellamy reiterated, unsure if he had adequately expressed that.

"First time anyone's ever brought me flowers," he told him honestly, the same soft, hint of a smile in his expression. "Thank you." Unable to express his gratitude enough. At the mention of the drink, Bellamy finally reached for his own cup and took a sip of it. "Just a mixture of a couple of things." It was cheap, so he had gotten it. "Not exactly glamorous for your first drink," he added on jokingly. But really . . . it wasn't the most high quality alcoholic beverage. Such things were often reserved for those who could afford it; for the privileged. "Do you like it?" He asked. Bryan kept drinking it so he couldn't be too off put by the taste.

[Deleted]

Bryan's smile widened a little as he watched Bellamy look at the flowers and then back t him, assuring him that he liked them. "First time I've ever brought anyone flowers," he admitted, when Bellamy said no one had brought him flowers before. Bryan didn't return that he'd never been given flowers either. He didn't want Bellamy to think he expected anything in return. If Bryan had had a hard time coming up with something he could give because he didn't earn much, Bryan somehow thought Bellamy was in a worse position.

"It's okay," Bryan said when Bellamy asked if he liked the drink, then took another drink. "It's growing on me," he added with a snort, because he was pretty sure it was only becoming more palatable the more alcohol he absorbed into his bloodstream. "It's fitting, though. There's nothing glamorous about me either." His cheeks felt warm as he smiled, his eyes narrowing in amusement at Bellamy. He realized his cup was empty after a moment and added more to it and Bellamy's too.

Tag: Bellamy Blake