Goodbye, Brother

[Deleted]

As soon as the groups were announced, Jasper made his way across the room to Monty. He had sort of expected Harper would do the same... but she hadn't. Jasper didn't understand why--he knew Harper would want to say goodbye to Monty too--and then it hit him that maybe he was wrong about her not hating him. He didn't really understand that, as Harper had seemed genuinely happy for both him and Monty after the City of Light had been destroyed, when he and Monty had hugged and forgiven each other.

Jasper had left that room intent to put a bullet in his head. He still wasn't sure why he didn't. His finally 'sorry' to Monty had been an apology for what he was about to do.

But he pushed those thoughts out of his head as he reached Monty, immediately wrapping his arms around him and squeezing him tightly. "You better not die on me," he said, his eyes prickling and going glassy. If Monty died, Jasper probably would put that bullet in his head after all. "You have a lot of Grounders in your group." As much as he hated being split up with Monty, he was thankful Monty was with Clarke instead of himself.

Tag: Monty Green

[Monty Green]

The moment Monty noticed Jasper heading towards him, he opened his arms out to receive the hug that he knew his best friend would give him. Jasper gave the best hugs and Monty would miss them while they were separated, he'd miss Jasper completely. He felt guilty for having to leave him even if it was to save their people, Jasper wasn't in a good place right now and to Monty it felt like he was abandoning him when he needed him the most. "You better not die on me" he heard his friend say and he stifled a laugh even though there was nothing to laugh about. "Hey, I'm not gonna die" he muttered in an attempt to reassure his friend "you can't get rid of me that easily" he was aware of the possible dangers of the mission, but he wouldn't die, he refused to when Jasper needed him, he didn't want to think about what it would do to Jasper if he lost him. Jasper was his brother, as good as anyway, this would not be the last time they saw each other.

The grounders did outnumber the arkers in his group and Monty was worried about that, he hadn't had many experiences interacting properly with grounders but they needed each other to complete the mission and while they needed each other, he assumed that he was relatively safe. "I don't think the grounders are our biggest worry at the moment, Jas" he told him, tightening his hold on his friend temporarily. "This isn't goodbye forever, it's just four weeks" he spoke the words to remind himself just as much as he was saying them to reassure his friend "you be careful out there, stay out of trouble... And try not to die" just as much as Jasper couldn't lose him, he couldn't lose Jasper, he didn't know what he'd do without his brother and Jasper was the one more likely to do something stupid and reckless anyway.

@jasper420

[Deleted]

Jasper just huffed a breath that might've been an unhappy laugh if he felt more like laughing when Monty said he wouldn't die, and that he couldn't be gotten rid of that easily. They both knew neither of them could really make that promise with any sort of certainty. They were headed into danger, and while the Grounders and Arkers assembled here were on the same page, who knew what other factions were out there? Who knew if they'd wind up dead or radiation, or killed by some creature or force of nature? He only nodded against Monty's shoulder when he said it would only be four weeks, a temporary goodbye. Neither of them knew that for sure either. But Monty had tightened his embrace, so Jasper did too.

He didn't want to let go of Monty, but when Monty finished, Jasper actually did huff an unhappy laugh. "None of this has killed me yet," he said, finally pulling back to look at Monty, his eyes still glassy with unshed tears, though the corners of his lips curled a little. It was barely a smile, and Jasper knew it looked pained, but Monty was the only person right now that could get even this much out of him. "When have you ever known me to stay out of trouble?" he half-joked, though there wasn't much humor in his voice. "The fact that I'm going is me not staying out of trouble. But as long as you try not to die, I will too."

Tag: Monty Green

[Monty Green]

"Yet" Monty muttered, a small smile appearing on his face when he heard his friends laugh "there's still time" he'd already thought he'd lost Jasper once, he never wanted to feel that again. When Jasper pulled away from the hug, Monty saw the pained expression on his friends face and he wished that he could say something that might comfort him, but he didn't know what else there was to say. They had to go, this was bigger than both of them, it was about saving as many lives as they could before it was too late. The other people in Jasper's group could keep an eye on them, but truthfully Monty didn't trust them to give his friend the support that he needed. Babysitting an unstable teenager wasn't at the top of their list of priorities at the moment, even if Jasper was at the top of his list.

Monty laughed at Jasper's words, it was true that in all the years that they'd known each other, Monty had always known Jasper to run towards trouble instead of away from it. "Well maybe you can just stay in the back, you can be the one that sits there and looks pretty" he joked, trying to make light of their situation and cheer up the other boy. It would be a miracle if Jasper managed to stay out of trouble for four weeks, especially when they had no idea what was going to happen on their journey. "I promise that I will try my hardest to avoid dying, but if you break your side of the deal and die on me then I'll have to kill you, you think dying once is rough, try doing it a second time" humour was the only way that he knew how to tackle the situation, Jasper was usually the funny one, he was the one that made jokes. It seemed like the habit was rubbing off on Monty.

@jasper420

[Deleted]

Jasper snorted at Monty's suggestion that he sit in the back and look pretty. "No chance of that with Lilly in our group." He rolled his eyes a little. "Always a bridesmaid," he deadpanned, implying no one could see him as pretty standing next to someone who looked like Lilly. Lilly was very pretty. Not that that mattered at all right now.

"Or a third time," he said, because technically he had been dying from infection when they first landed. Jasper felt like he knew what dying felt like. At least dying in that way, anyway. He thought a bullet in his brain would be preferable. "I'll do my best," he added. He wanted to tell Monty he didn't think he could go on if anything happened to him. That the surest way for Jasper to give up (again) would be for Monty to die. But he couldn't put that on Monty. Not right now. Maybe he'd tell him when they were reunited. If they reunited. Right now, he needed Monty to know he would try to go on.

They were leaving soon, so Jasper knew they didn't have much time. Harper would want to say goodbye to Monty too, and maybe they'd need more time. Jasper and Monty didn't need to say much to get to each other. "We can get through this," he said, repeating Monty's words back to him, what Monty had said to him after the City of Light fell, just leaving off the 'together' at the end. He tentatively lifted one of his hands, the other raising too, just not as high, waiting for recognition to hit Monty that he was initiating their version of a high five. They hadn't done it in ages. Not since Mount Weather.

Tag: Monty Green

[Monty Green]

Monty gave a small laugh "hey, I think you're way prettier than Lily, don't let anyone ever tell you that you're not" he teased his friend, glad that they could joke around even as they were preparing to leave each other for four weeks. It was a long time for them to be apart when they were used to seeing each other every day. "I'd pick you over her any day of the week!" he flashed Jasper a smile in an attempt to make him laugh. He preferred for them to part with smiles on their faces instead of with tears in their eyes. In truth, he'd pick Jasper over anyone, even if the other person was 'prettier' than him, Jasper was his best friend, he could never choose anyone over him.

"You better do better than your best" Monty warned the other boy, nudging him playfully "because I swear, if anything happens to you..." he trailed off, unable to find the appropriate words to finish the sentence. "Just.. Don't die" he sighed, repeating what he'd said before. There was an element of risk to everything that they did, Monty was confident that if Jasper held himself together on the journey that he'd be alright. He would have the other people in his group to help him through it if he was troubling, if he trusted them enough to open up to them. That was the problem, trusting others with his problems could be difficult.

"We can get through this" Monty stared at his friend when he heard him repeat his own words, the words that he'd spoken to Jasper during the moments after they realised that Alie had been defeated. "We can" he confirmed, he believed that they could get through anything together, they'd find happiness again. Once all the madness was over and the world stopped trying to die. Monty was surprised when he noticed Jasper raise both his hands slightly and he realised what he was doing, they hadn't high fived like that since Mount Weather. They hadn't high fived at all since Mount Weather. Quickly, Monty raised his own hands to mirror Jasper's and clapped them together in their version of a high five.

@jasper420

[Deleted]

Jasper huffed something close to a laugh at Monty's words that he'd pick Jasper over Lilly any day. He knew it was true. They'd had a very strained last few months--they'd almost lost each other--but they were back again. Things weren't perfect, but Jasper felt like Monty better understood him now than he had before, and Jasper was starting to heal. Sort of. Jasper knew Monty would pick him over anyone, and Jasper felt the same way about Monty, even if he got distracted from that from time to time. Monty was his brother.

"because I swear, if anything happens to you..." Jasper watched Monty as he trailed off, again wanting to tell Monty he felt the same. That he didn't think he could live if anything happened to Monty. But he still couldn't say it. "I know," he said instead, nodding.

When Monty recognized the gesture Jasper had started, and they both raised their hands and clapped them at the same time, Jasper sucked in a relieved breath, his eyes filling with tears this time. They weren't quite happy tears, but they were tears of gratitude and relief that they still had this. They were broken, but they still had this. Jasper lowered his head, wiping his cheeks as a couple tears spilled over. "I should get going. I know Harper'll wanna say goodbye too," he said, looking back up at Monty and trying to look stronger than he felt.

Jasper wasn't sure how to say goodbye--what was hopefully a temporary goodbye, but might be longer, might be forever. Before he could think of anything better, he flung his arms around Monty again, squeezing him tightly. For several long moments, he just held him, unable to speak, unwilling to let go. But eventually he forced himself to pull back. He left his hands on Monty's shoulders, though, lowering his head to be eye level with Monty. "I love you." Words they never said, they just knew. But Jasper had to say them now. Even if Monty, who was and always had been less emotionally responsive, didn't say them back. He hesitated for a moment, holding Monty's gaze, then turned to leave.

Tag: Monty Green

[Monty Green]

Monty knew that whatever happened, he’d always consider Jasper to be his brother, it didn’t matter how long they fought for or even if they never spoke again, he’d always call him ‘brother’. He knew that Jasper felt the same way, they both understood that without each other they’d be lost, Monty didn’t know what he’d do without Jasper to back him up. Jasper had always been the more confident of the pair, Monty had been the one to always follow his lead, even if doing so wasn’t always the smartest thing to do. How would he cope without his partner in crime, he didn’t think coping would be possible, not really.

Truthfully, Monty had forgotten that Harper was waiting to say goodbye, he’d been concentrating so hard on saying goodbye to Jasper without falling apart, that he’d completely forgotten that he’d have to go through the process all over again only with Harper this time. He’d give anything to have just five more minutes with Jasper before he had to leave. Even if they didn’t even talk, they didn’t need to talk to communicate, Monty would be content with spending those extra five minutes hugging his best friend and wishing that they could’ve been put in the same group.

Just as the thought entered his mind, Jasper suddenly opened his arms and pulled him into a hug and Monty clung to his friend, letting out a shaky sigh as he thought about how that could be their very last hug, but he couldn’t afford to think like that. All too soon, Jasper pulled back to look at him, although Monty noted that his hands remained on his shoulders and he had to fight to blink back tears. He watched as Jasper lowered his head so that he could be more at his level and actually look him in the eyes before his best friend uttered the words ‘I love you’ and Monty choked, they never really said those words, not out loud anyway… They always just seemed to know how the other felt. When Jasper turned to leave, something finally seemed to snap inside Monty and the boy lurched forward to grab at Jasper’s wrist. “Jasper wait!” his voice came out a little louder than he intended it to in desperation as his hand held onto the other boy’s wrist tightly, as if he was afraid that Jasper would start walking away again if he let go. In that moment, Monty wanted to be selfish, he wanted to drag Jasper back and tell him not to leave, he wanted to suggest that they stay behind in Arkadia together, screw the mission, but he didn’t. Instead he looked him in the eye and muttered “I love you too…” the words almost got stuck in his throat, Jasper had to know how he felt, he needed to know that he still loved him, even after everything that had happened between them.

@jasper420

[Deleted]

Jasper was ready to just head back to his team so Harper could say goodbye to Monty too. They didn't have much time, and he knew how Monty felt, even if he didn't say it. But his heart skipped when Monty grabbed his wrist, and he turned back to look at his best friend, his brother in all but blood.

“I love you too…” Monty said, and Jasper's eyes filled with tears again, just from hearing those. They were so rare and beautiful, and Jasper had too fight now not to just cry and grab Monty again. If he hugged Monty again now, he might never let go. He might beg Monty to stay back with him and let other people risk their lives for their people this once.

But that wasn't an option. So Jasper nodded, ignoring the wetness that rolled down his cheeks when he blinked. "Thank you," he said, then after a moment, added, "Don't get dead," firmly. The he forced himself to walk away back to his group, determined to survive now, if for no other reason that because Monty loved him, and even said it out loud.

Tag: Monty Green