Playing The Harp

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @harpermcintyre

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

It had been a few days after Mount Weather, and everyone was still recovering from the trauma of the events. The physical injures would heal, but the mental, psychological and emotional ones . . . well, those would take a lot more time. Those may never truly heal. What Bellamy had done, would remain with him for the rest of his life. Drowning, in the blood of over 600 people, burdened on his conscience. And the one person who he thought he could get throguh this with, was not here. She had left. Abandoned them. Abandoned him. Bellamy knew that the only way he was going to get through this, was by throwing himself into work. Was to set his feelings aside for the betterment of the camp.

Night was always the worst, so he found things to occupying his time. Kane had offered him a position in the guard, one of high ranking and with that, came his responsibility to the others. And his want to bring them into the Guard as well. One such person was someone he had been told could be discharged. With Bellamy helping get everyone settled into their rooms assigned for them, he had offered to show Harper to hers. She was one of the original 100 sent down to the ground, and Bellamy felt especially responsible for them.

They had lost more than half, and he couldn't bare the thought of losing any more. Harper had been drilled and though she had been able to stand, it was always better to get checked out by their medical professionals. As he entered medical, Bellamy quickly looked over everyone else who was here to rest. His own weak health from the days of lack of water, food, rest, the harvesting and decontamination had brought him here as soon as they had come back. But he refused to spend the night. Seeing Harper, he made his way over to her. "Hey," he greeted. "How are you feeling?" He inquired, concern in his voice, though it was leveled.

[Deleted]

This is my Fight Song --TAKE BACK MY LIFE SONG, PROVE I'M ALRIGHT SONG The drumming of Harper's heart could be heard in her ears, a beat fast enough to dance to. Sweat coated her forehead and caused her thin shirt to stick to her skin as she lay on the bed in medical. Doing what Abby had told her to, she closed her eyes and breathed in deeply through her nose. In her mind, she counted slowly, making it to three before she felt like her chest would explode and had to let the breath out through her mouth. As she woke from her sleep, she kept repeating that, finding that as her heart rate slowed, she was able to count higher. It was calming and it gave her something to feel happy about, even if it was the tiniest bit of satisfaction trying to pull its head out of a flood of fear and anxiety. When she was able to count to ten and has managed that multiple times she let her mind move to things other than her breathing. It was obvious to Harper that she must have fallen asleep again. Which left her feeling disappointed. The one thing that she had been trying to do during her stay in medical was keep awake. That goal had come about when she had first fallen into a deep sleep the day after escaping Mount Weather. It had been the worst sleep she could have imagined, instead of getting the rest that she had hoped to find, Harper woke up from nightmares of the drilling that she had been put through while in Mount Weather. At the memory of the drilling, Harper visibly cringed and tears stung at her eyes. The whole experience was so fresh on her mind, the drilling, the battle, the lives that she knew she had taken alongside the others when they were fighting back against the mountain men. Remembering where she was and the fact that there were so many others around her, Harper blinked away the moisture in her eyes and fought back against her own thoughts and memories. She didn't need to think about them, she didn't need to feel bad and cry and let all the fear she held about it take her over. If she didn't let herself, she would be fine and no one would know just how much the ordeal had affected her. That had been the mask she had worn for the past few days. Even when spending her time around Abby or Jackson, she had tried to make sure they didn't know just how bad she felt. It didn't matter to her that they were doctors, she didn't want anyone to know. She wanted to be strong. Now that she knew she was being discharged from medical she would make sure that she became just that. Anyone who was willing to she would ask to help her train. Knowing how to use a gun wasn't going to help her she now knew, she would need to know how to really fight. She saw as Bellamy walked into the room. Seeing him, she was instantly thankful that he hadn't arrived a few minutes earlier. The last thing she would have wanted was for him to see her in such a state as she was in. Not that he was likely there to see her, she had seen him in and out of medical in the past few days, collecting people to take back to their rooms but she assumed that people had asked for that especially. She knew how many of the hundred looked up to Bellamy, the way he had led them at the Dropship and the way he had helped to rescue them in Mount Weather. He was a hero, at least that's the way that Harper saw him at that stage. So, Harper was a bit surprised when he made his way over to her. "Hey Bell," Harper said, forcing a smile onto her face. It was a lot more difficult than it should have been, even seeing a face as positive as Bellamy's. "I'm fine." It was a lie. Plain and simple. But there was no way Harper was going to say anything other than that. "So, what are you doing here today?" Bellamy Blake || Welcome to Harper who refuses to show weakness! -.-

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @harpermcintyre

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

She was fine. That was always the basic response . . . and he too was guilty of it. To say that he was fine when he wasn't. None of them were fine, but nor was he going to press it. It would only make him a hypocrite, as he expected others to accept his own dismissive response to the inquiry. Her next question could be more easily answered. "I'm actually here for you," he told her with a slight smile, though it was lacking the joviality a smile should carry, weighted by the aftermath of what they had all endured. Everyone suffering in their own way.

"You're being discharged tonight," he explained, unsure if she had been told and if she had, then it was a lead up to what he was going to say next. "Thought I'd show you to your room." He'd helped situate everyone and wanted to personally made sure that Harper was seen to her room, and did whatever he could to help her settle. "Ready to get the hell out of here?" He further asked, knowing that medical wasn't exactly an uplifting place to be. And at the same time . . . at least no one was alone in here. Sometimes, the loneliness made everything more difficult to bare.

[Deleted]

This is my Fight Song --TAKE BACK MY LIFE SONG, PROVE I'M ALRIGHT SONG While Bellamy had obviously made the effort to come over and talk to Harper, she hadn't expected to be the reason for his visit. Since the escape from Mount Weather, she hadn't even talked to Bellamy yet. She was sure she hadn't told anyone that she had wanted to see him either, so it was a surprise to her that he was there specifically for her. It wasn't in any way a bad surprise, however. Out of all the people that she could see, Bellamy was someone that she wanted to see. He had saved them from Mount Weather, made sure that they didn't all die, like he always did. If there was anyone that Harper trusted at that stage to look after her it would be Bellamy. There wasn't any way she could say the same for Clarke. Bellamy had gotten his hands dirty, gotten inside the Mountain and helped them long before she had turned up. Bellamy mentioned her being discharged. That was something that Harper had known but how did he know? Maybe she had said something, when she was tired or off from pain about having Bellamy come to see her. Although she really couldn't remember it. "Yeah, I know," she told him. Her forced smile still decorated her face. "Did I, ah, ask you to come do that?" She had to ask, it was awkward to not know. If she knew and she had, that didn't bother her. It wasn't something that she would feel embarrassed about, she would have planned to see him at some stage soon anyway to thank him for what he did. He deserved to know that they were grateful for what he did and she doubted he had heard anything of the like in the rush and panic of getting everyone back to the camp. Whether she had asked Bellamy to come collect her or not, she definitely knew the answer to his next question. "Hell yes," she said. Her face lit up with a smile that probably held the most sincerity than any smile she had made in over a week but it only lasted a moment. It was then that Harper realised she was still laying on the bed and she sat up. As she did so, she could almost hear the way her sweat soaked shirt pealed away from the bed. That was disgusting and as much as Harper could hope that Bellamy wouldn't notice how she was sweaty and generally looking quite unkempt. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed with an ease that she hadn't expected. There was no pain from where she had been drilled, at least none large enough for her to take notice of. There was a dull ache in her bones but that was more likely from her lack of sleep than anything else. Cautiously she placed her feet down on the ground and pulled herself up from the bed to stand.  Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @harpermcintyre

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy offered the smallest hint of a smile, perhaps with the same feigned sincerity as Harper's first one. "No," he told her truthfully. She had not asked him to do this, but it was something he felt he had to do. Something that he wanted to do. His responsibility to the others was not over. Especially to the 100. Despite Kane's words of not being in control anymore, or him handling everything from here . . . Bellamy couldn't and would never be able to accept that. Fortunately, he wouldn't need to considering the older male's shift in perspective and opinion of him. They were beyond any sort of control and rebellion. Left only was the unity under one common goal: to protect their people. "I decided to do this all on my own," he said almost teasingly, in attempt to lighten the mood. To offer some conversation. To keep himself from getting too deep into his own head.

There was plenty of time for that later. But right now . . . he just wanted to focus on getting Harper settled. He watched her as she moved from the bed, prepared to assist her if need be but she seemed to be moving pretty well herself. And he wasn't one who ever coddled the others. They were all strong on their own. Realizing their potential. "Your stuff is already in your room," what few personal belongings she had. "Along with a fresh set of clothes," he added on, knowing that a change of clothes wasn't something they had the luxury of at the dropship. Their attire had been extremely limited. "Ready when you are," he added, wanting to move at her own pace since she was still recovering.

[Deleted]

This is my Fight Song --TAKE BACK MY LIFE SONG, PROVE I'M ALRIGHT SONG It was a nice thing for Harper to hear that she hadn't asked Bellamy to come collect her, that he had made that decision all on his own. It wasn't that she didn't want to be the deciding factor for him being there, it was just that if he had made that decision, it meant he cared. Bellamy cared enough about her to take the time out of his likely busy day to show her to her room and help her get settled. The smile on her face from that answer had a little more strength to it, a little more sincerity. With everything that Harper had been through, all the pain and torture, that little effort meant a lot to her. It wasn't like there weren't people who cared for her, there definitely were, but it happened to be Bellamy who was there then and willing to help her. "Thank you," she told him, meeting his eyes and hoping that her face showed how much she meant it. "For this and for everything." She made herself stop there, not wanting to get too cheesy or too emotional. There was so much emotion running through her that the smallest thing could likely bring her back to tears. Harper nodded at his comments about her stuff, happy to know it was in the room and that she wouldn't have to go searching for anything. She was also happy about the fresh set of clothes. The first thing she would do when she got to her new room was shower and put those on. It was her highest priority, to get out of her sweat-drenched clothing and have the luxury of something so simple as a shower. A shower was definitely something that they did not get the pleasure of having when living in the dropship and while she had showered in Mount Weather, it had still been a while since her last one. "Oh, I'm ready." Excited to finally get out of medical, Harper took her first step forward. Then her next. While she could manage and she would likely be able to make it quite a far way, there was more pain from walking than she had experienced just from standing. She gritted her teeth together and kept going, looking up after a few steps to check that Bellamy was still with her. That was stupid but there was a part of her that worried she was imaging him, a part that felt alone. Once they were out of medical, Harper watched Bellamy to see which way they would go next. She made sure to follow him, not wanting to get herself lost when she wasn't sure how many steps she would manage before the pain became too much. Part of her wondered how she had managed so well in Mount Weather such a short time after the drilling. Now that it had been days she could seem to manage well at all. And Harper knew she had a lot less pain. She decided that she needed to keep herself distracted and thinking of something, anything other than the pain she felt as she walked. It was good that she had Bellamy with her. "So, is the food here any good?" she asked, nothing serious to her tone. She assumed that the food would be similar to what they had been eating at the dropship. The camp wouldn't have had much time to start farming yet, so hunting and gathering would be their main way of survival still.  Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @harpermcintyre

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Hearing her thank him, allowed him to offer the slightest of smile. Minimal only due to the lack of joviality because of . . . well everything he had done. Had he protected the others better, they never would have needed saving like that. And an entire civilization of people would still be alive. He had sent them into battle, and they had been tortured in Mount Weather for it. But that was not the conversation to be had right now, or ever. It was conversations that he had assumed Clarke would be here for and since she wasn't . . . he would have to keep it inside.

Not wanting to burden anyone else with it. Having to tell the others of Clarke's departure -- including her mother -- had not been easy in the slightest. He didn't know if Harper knew, though figured she would find out soon enough. Right now, they needed to work on her rehabilitation. When she said she was ready, and started taking slow movements, Bellamy watched her, remaining in position as she moved forward. It was only when she paused then he walked to her side. He was standing close enough to give her the support if needed, but he wasn't holding onto her. He knew better than to coddle the others. Besides, Harper was too strong to need that.

The question of food offered a welcome distraction, as he continued to walk, moving at a slow pace for her without needing to state that. "It's a hell of a lot better than it was at the dropship," he somewhat joked . . . though there was truth in his words. The food probably wasn't as good as it was in Mount Weather but the last thing they needed was to draw the conversation back to that. "We have more experienced people in the roles," he added on. Not a bunch of kids who just cut meat and cooked it over the fire. "Are you hungry?" He asked, wondering if she had an appetite and if so, wanted to get her something right away. He wasn't sure when the last time she ate was, and if she wanted something, then it certainly was a good sign.

[Deleted]

This is my Fight Song --TAKE BACK MY LIFE SONG, PROVE I'M ALRIGHT SONG The way that Bellamy quickly picked up on her question and answered was a great distraction from her pain and she let herself give a small laugh at his words, as weak and soft as that laugh actually was. It took a lot to not let the sound turn into one of pain. It was nice to hear that the food was better as well, it gave her something to hope for. After the food of Mount Weather, well, it would probably be horrible but Harper would welcome that. She would welcome the familiar foods that reminded her of the times before the tortures of the mountain. As a flash of pain run through her, Harper bit her lip. She wasn't completely sure whether the pain was physical or more from her head at the thought of Mount Weather but it didn't particularly matter. It was strong than the aching that came from her movement and it caused her to pause again for a moment, reaching out a hand to grab onto Bellamy's arm. When it passed she let go of his arm, continuing on as if nothing had happened and hoping Bellamy wouldn't comment on it. There were better things to focus on, like food. "Burnt meat and nuts not your sort of thing?" she teased, hoping the tone came through in her voice. It was difficult to manage it, difficult to make herself sound happy when she didn't feel happy in the slightest. The topic of food was a distraction, yes, but it wasn't going to make her genuinely feel happy. Part of her wondered if she ever would feel happy again after what had been done to her and if she could, she wanted to do anything to get to that point. Everything she had in mind that might do it for her involved being healthier, however, and the pain that run through her bones meant she was probably doomed to days and days more of unhappiness without any relief.  Blinking a few times to pull herself out of her thoughts, Harper realised that Bellamy had asked if she was hungry. That shouldn't have been such a difficult question to find an answer to. Yes, she was hungry, at least a little bit hungry, but did she want to eat? That was the part that made her hesitate and draw out the time before her reply. With the pain she was in, Harper worried that whatever she ate might just come back up and she didn't want Bellamy to have to deal with that. She didn't want anyone to have to deal with that but herself, no one else needed to. Through her coming recovery Harper didn't particularly want to make anyone go through any gross stuff to look after her. She appreciated what Bellamy was doing now but she wasn't planning on accepting too much more help. "I don't feel like eating right now," she said with shrug. "Do you?" If he was hungry, she would happily go sit with him while he ate. It was a distraction, something to do and if she went back to her room she would probably be expected to rest. Her shower, as much as she felt it was needed, could wait. Bellamy Blake || I can't even remember if we wanted this thread to go somewhere?

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @harpermcintyre
Note: I don't think we actually had anything planned with this thread or where it was going!! Thoughts?? Preferences??

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Hearing her laugh was incredible. A sound that had been severely lacking. One that seemed to re-instill some hope in Bellamy. That it could mark the beginning of a better future for the Arkers. While he knew the war with the Grounders was far from over . . . all they could do right now was move forward. "Not really," he returned in response to her remark about the food. "Especially not the nuts." A reference to what had happened when they ate the ones that had gone bad and everyone started hallucinating.

Bellamy had not been present at camp at the time, but he had heard what took place from those who were sober during it. She then told him that she didn't feel like eating, a flicker of curiosity as to whether she had brought up the subject of food because she was hungry. Or perhaps she just didn't feel like she was in the mood to eat. "You sure?" He asked, just wanting to be certain. "Thought the conversation about it would have worked up your appetite," he stated, offering a slight tease, though he knew his joviality was lacking.

 He couldn't help it. The aftermath of Mount Weather and departure of Clarke had left him feeling . . . well, far from happy. "I'm good," he answered, hunger so far from his mind -- and stomach -- right now. "But if you're up for some company . . . " Another offer, as they drew nearer to her apartment. He didn't just want to escort her and leave her there. He knew all too well what could happen when one was left alone. And besides . . . part of it was for selfish reasons. He'd thought that Clarke would be the one he went to when in such a state. That they could help each other through this. But, how wrong he had been.

[Deleted]

This is my Fight Song --TAKE BACK MY LIFE SONG, PROVE I'M ALRIGHT SONG Harper managed another weak laugh at Bellamy's comment on the nuts. She knew he was referring to when everyone, including Harper, was hallucinating from eating nuts. It had to be one of the weirdest memories that was held about the time at the Dropship and the sight when everyone had come from the effects of the nuts had been one of the funnest things. Harper was surprised no one had ended up seriously hurt from it all, though. At least some of them, herself and Jasper in that mix, were used to drugs but those nuts had definitely been a lot different from any pot that Harper had smoked on the Ark. She could probably do with smoking some now, really. She blew some air out of her nose in a bit of a half hearted laugh at that thought.  As Bellamy joked that he thought she would have grown hungry from their conversation, Harper only shrugged. There wasn't much energy to his tease, not like she was used to hearing, and where Harper might have usually teased him back, she didn't really find enough reason to. "Just don' really feel like eating right now." And it didn't seem that Bellamy was either, so it didn't matter that she didn't want to eat. She wasn't going to leave Bellamy starving by doing that, especially since she sort of wanted him to stay with her for a bit. To talk about how things were more and to just have some company. Sitting alone in a room didn't sound that appealing to her. She wasn't used to being alone anymore. She had shared a tent at the Dropship. Slept in the dorms with the other delinquents in Mount Weather. And of course there had been others around her in medical. Even back on the Ark she'd had a roommate in the Sky Box.  For that reason she was really happy that he brought it up first. It made it easier and made her feel like he wanted to stay with her for a bit, rather than her just hogging his attention when he had other places to be and other people to see. Having him around would also be a good way to distract herself from the pain he was feeling. She definitely felt it less now and she was sure if they actually managed to pick up a good conversation it would work even better. She hoped it would. And when he eventually had to leave, well, she would deal with that when it came. "I'd like some company," she said, putting as much of a genuine smile to her lips that she could, and hoping it also reached her eyes. She wanted him to know that she really appreciated the offer and that she wasn't just being polite or anything like that. They finally arrived at the apartment, her new apartment, and Harper felt her body begin to relax at that knowledge. She wouldn't have to stand much longer and she would be able to sit or lie down for as long as she needed. She definitely wouldn't want to admit that out loud but it was how she felt and she almost felt impatient as she waited for the door to be opened and for when she could go inside. Seeing the inside of the apartment, it was small but honestly, more than she expected to get. She found herself questioning in her mind whether she would have to share it with someone else but there was only one bed so she knew that couldn't be it. That was a bit of a disappointment. "It's great," Harper said, making an effort to sound grateful and happy. She quickly made her way over to the bed, sitting on the edge of it, knowing it would be more comfortable than a chair. Bellamy Blake