Use Me, Don't Abuse Me

[Deleted]

Jasper sat on the edge of his bed, bottle in his hands. He'd drank about half of it, and his head was spinning a little, but it was the only way he'd found so far to stop the bad thoughts, the memories of Maya. Of all the people in the mountain. The moonshine made his mind a much quieter place. Not happier, necessarily, but quieter. Until he went to sleep, which was when the nightmares started. He was determined to find out how much moonshine it actually took to stop the dreams too, even if it killed him. Literally.

But not tonight. Tonight Jasper needed something. Something real. Something to make him forget and make him feel good at the same time. Maybe not emotionally, but in other ways. Which was how he wound up at Bellamy's door with the half-empty bottle of moonshine in his back pocket. Bellamy had been in the control room at Mount Weather. He'd pulled the lever with Clarke, but it hadn't been his call. Monty and Clarke were more responsible than Bellamy. Bellamy met Maya. Bellamy respected Maya. Something Jasper couldn't say about his other friends. Not one of them. If Bellamy felt guilty, Jasper would believe him. Unlike Clarke and Monty. Bellamy had been in the Mountain for days trying to rescue them all. Clarke swooped in at the last minute and murdered everyone with his best friend. Or was Monty his best friend anymore?

Jasper felt like he probably should hate Bellamy. But he didn't. The fact that they'd messed around a little during their first weeks on the ground still held its weight too. Jasper wasn't in any condition to flirt with someone new and get them to bed with him. And Jasper tended to flirt with girls more than guys, and tonight he needed someone as far from Maya as he could get. He didn't want to be reminded of her while doing this.

When Bellamy answered the door, Jasper lifted a hand, index finger raised. "Don't speak," he said. "I don't want you to say a fucking word." He stumbled forward to close the distance between them, pressing his lips to Bellamy's hard as his fingers closed in the back of Bellamy's shirt.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @jasper420

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Nights were always the worst. Bellamy dreaded them. He often found excuses that would prevent him from actually having to sleep in his bed. Alone. But tonight, he couldn't find any. Kane told him he needed to get some rest, and while Bellamy wanted to protest, they wouldn't allow him to patrol or keep guard. Hell, he had even been around Arkadia to try to find some sort of distraction. But it was quiet. Which just added to his restlessness. He was currently sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. He supposed it was moments like these that he thought Clarke would be with him. Where he thought that he wouldn't have to go through this alone. He'd pulled that lever to make sure she wouldn't be alone in what she did. He killed everyone in that mountain after earning their trust.

He killed children, that Clarke didn't even know were in there. And on top of all else . . . she and Lexa had let a bomb fall on Tondc. It was all just too much, for now he felt the weight of all those deaths. Bathing in their blood. Drowning in it. The knock on the door nearly made Bellamy jump, abruptly standing to his feet and taking a deep breath to compose himself. When he opened the door, he saw someone he did not expect to, yet not unwelcome company either. Jasper. Bellamy knew how important Maya was to him. She had saved Bellamy's life and in turn, saved them all. And Bellamy had killed her. After all that she had done for them, he had rewarded her with death. It was taking a toll on Jasper. Seeing him here, before him, probably drunk. Bellamy was trying to figure out what to say, fully braced and knowing he was deserving of the anger that Jasper rightfully directed at him.

Instead, Jasper told him not to say a word. And then leaned forward to kiss him. The contact slightly caught Bellamy off guard, as he stumbled back a few steps, instinctively shutting the door behind Jasper as he entered his room. The kiss lasted until Bellamy could quickly regain control of the situation. His hands went to the side of Jasper's head, easing out of the kiss with an ever so slight breathlessness to his voice from the strength of it. "Jasper . . . " He began to say, opening his eyes to look directly into Jasper's. Bellamy didn't know what emotions his gaze held, but he could see so many in his friend . . . and he wished with whatever was left of his heart that he could absolve Jasper of any pain.

He would gladly take it all onto himself, if it meant that Jasper didn't have to endure the suffering and torment. Bellamy's head rested on Jasper's forehead for a moment, his hands still on either side of the former delinquent's head, closing his eyes once more, before opening them, his line of sight downcast. "You don't want to do this." He had once told Raven something about not being the kind of guy to talk her off the ledge. He wasn't that guy, or he didn't use to be. But he was far too fond of Jasper to just let him do this, and give him something else to regret in the morning. He could smell the alcohol on his lips, but he hadn't slurred his words nor looked to be on the verge of passing out. Still, Bellamy couldn't just let it happen without giving him a chance to think it through.

[Deleted]

Jasper clenched his jaw, trying not to get frustrated when Bellamy pulled back, cupping his head in his hands and saying his name. He recognized that tone. Bellamy was going to try to talk him out of it. And when Bellamy continued, Jasper's suspicion was confirmed. But Bellamy did this sort of thing. One night stands. Everyone back at camp knew, so why would he turn Jasper away? Jasper knew from their past time together that Bellamy found him attractive. Was it pity that made Bellamy try to dissuade Jasper now? Guilt?

"Shut up," Jasper breathed, turning his head to kiss Bellamy again, as he slid his hands up under Bellamy's shirt. The strong planes of Bellamy's back so far from Maya's slight body when he'd held her.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @jasper420

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy's words were met with a blunt Shut up from Jasper. He knew he shouldn't be surprised by it, but he wasn't going to comply with it either. Even when Jasper pressed his lips against his again, his hands snaking up under his shirt. Bellamy breathed into the kiss, though could not yet fully let himself go in the heat of the moment. His mind was flooded with too many thoughts. Ones that mostly involved hurting his friend. Raven had once sought out Bellamy with the same intention. Just sex. Just something physical. Of course, her reasons for doing it were vastly different than Jasper's . . . though both involved the loss of someone. One physical, the other emotional.

But even his words to Raven about not being that kind of person to tell her that she wasn't thinking straight . . . saying them, had indirectly done that. Allowed her a moment to think, process, and be entirely certain that that was what she wanted. Or needed in the moment. But she didn't feel better for it. And Bellamy feared, neither would Jasper. He broke out of the kiss, his hands holding the front of Jasper's shirt, fisting the fabric into his hand as if to hold him in place there. "This won't make you feel better in the morning," he practically warned him. "And I . . . " Bellamy paused, closing his eyes for a moment, swallowing back the pain of verbalizing what he had done.

"I've hurt you enough already." With what he did. The unforgivable actions of genocide. And he sure as hell didn't want to hurt Jasper in this way too. Limiting the possibility of Jasper just kissing him again, Bellamy leaned forward, his lips near Jasper's ear. Not to add to the sensuality or anything, but to actually get an answer from Jasper, and disallow him to silence Bellamy with his lips once more. "How much have you had to drink?" Because he knew that was part of it. At the same time . . . Bellamy couldn't deny how good it would feel to just be with someone. To just, allow himself to feel something other than pain, which he knew was exactly why Jasper was here. And given Bellamy's reputation of his sexual activities, he was a prime candidate for that.

[Deleted]

Jasper heaved a heavy sigh when Bellamy pushed him away again, this time holding him at a little bit of a distance. His eyes prickled a little when Bellamy referenced hurting him, but he didn't cry. He was pretty sure he'd drank too much to cry when what he wanted was sex. Unless Bellamy kept pushing him to think, in which case Jasper would just cut his loses and leave.

He knew it wasn't going to make him feel any better in the long run. It might not even make him feel better in the moment, but but he would feel something that wasn't pain and anger and grief for however long it lasted, and that seemed worth it right now.

When Bellamy pulled him close and asked how much Jasper had to drink, Jasper whispered in his ear. "Enough." He hooked his thumbs into the back of Bellamy's pants. "I know what I want. Are you gonna give it to me, or should I leave?" he asked, turning his head a little so that his lips brushed Bellamy's jaw, not kissing him, but waiting for an answer.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @jasper420

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Enough. He was still coherent. He wasn't passed out drunk; he could still articulate. But Bellamy still wasn't sure about this. And yet, he lived for the others. Since the moment Octavia was born, his life had never been his own. That hadn't changed, not even when he came to the ground . . . and the moment he'd tried to change it, and did something selfish for the sole purpose of 'protecting' himself . . . over 300 people died. So Bellamy knew that he was what the others needed him to be.

He lived for them, breathed for them. He owed them. Especially Jasper. If this was what he wanted right now, what he felt he needed, then what was Bellamy's right to reject that and deprive him of it. He had taken Maya from his friend, and the least he could do wss give himself to him, just like he had given himself to others. Not in the sense of physical relations, but more so his soul. His being. He lived for them, and that was it.

"I am whatever you need or want me to be," he finally told him, hoping that answered his question. Drawing his head back, he looked into Jasper's eyes. Bellamy's hands fell to Jasper's sides, casually resting on his waist. "If this is what you feel you need, then I'm here for you." For whatever physical outlet he needed to take out; for whatever way he needed to channel himself. He was that for his sister, he was that for the delinquents, for the Arkers . . . and in this moment, for Jasper.

[Deleted]

Jasper stared at Bellamy for a moment as he offered to be whatever he needed. Of course. Bellamy did that all the time. Tears stung Jasper's eyes, but they didn't fall as he shook his head and looked away. He slid his hand around Bellamy's waist and pulled away, jaw clenched. He wondered if he should feel guilty for this. For using Bellamy like this. But Bellamy was wiling, and Jasper needed something. And he knew they could make each other feel good, even if just temporarily, even if just physically.

Jasper lifted his hands, hovering around his own face for a moment, and then reaching them toward Bellamy, but not quite touching him. "What part of shut up didn't you understand?" he asked, hating the way his voice broke mid-question.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @jasper420

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Bellamy knew Jasper wasn't in the mood to talk. He knew that feeling so damn well. But at the same time, needed to be certain that he wouldn't take be taking advantage of Jasper. He couldn't do that to his friend. He just . . . he didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to help. That feeling of powerlessness left Bellamy far more vulnerable than it should. If Clarke was here, then maybe she could have helped the situation. But, Bellamy needed to push her out of his mind. She wasn't here. Nothing would change that at this point. He had lost a friend, and in a way, so had Jasper.

He could see that Jasper was getting more emotional, his voice cracking, his eyes moist with unshed tears. Bellamy leaned forward, brushing his lips against Jasper's for a moment before properly kissing him. Slowly. Deeply. Drawing back as his lips dragged along Jasper's cheek and to his ear once more. This time, it wasn't to keep a distance between them or prevent them from kissing. "What do you want?" His voice low, knowing, but trying to help Jasper forget, even just for a moment about all the pain that plagued their lives. "Show me," he added on, his own eyes closed as he kissed the area right under Jasper's ear, moving his lips down along his neck.

[Deleted]

Relief flooded Jasper when Bellamy brushed their lips together, and when Bellamy deepened the kiss, Jasper buried his still lifted hands in Bellamy's hair. He let Bellamy control the kiss, but when Bellamy started to kiss across his cheek to his ear, Jasper let out a shaky breath. This was too tender. Too slow. Too much opportunity for Jasper to think. Jasper didn't have a lot of experience sexually, but he wasn't scared. He didn't want to be treated like he could break. Or worse, like he was already broken.

"Want you to make me forget everything but what we're doing," he said, automatically tilting his chin up to give Bellamy better access to his neck. He slid a hand down to Bellamy' ass and squeezed, pulling their hips together. "Hell, if you can make me forget my own name, even better." His other hand fisted into Bellamy's hair and pulled his head back so that he could capture Bellamy's mouth again in a much more demanding kiss than the one Bellamy had given him.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @jasper420

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

The pace and tone that Jasper was setting was quite clear. With his hands on his ass, he felt the pressure if being pressed against him, swallowing back any sharp breath. He told Bellamy that he wanted to forget everything but this . . . and Bellamy fought the urge to tell him that he didnt have that much power. But he could understand where Jasper was coming from. That desperate need to be free of pleasure. Bellamy could not guarantee it but he was sure as hell going to try. So when Jasper pulled his head back for a less tender kiss, Bellamy responded with a similar lack of tenderness.

He deepened the coax, battling for the dominance of it while his hand went to the bottom of Jaspers shirt and started to pull it up. The gesture cause the breaking contact of their lips, but it lasted only a few moments when Bellamy tossed Jaspers shirt aside and crushed their lips together once more. His went to his sides again, starting to move Jasper back as Bellamy stepped forward to lead them to the bed. If Jasper wanted to forget his own name, then Bellamy would try to make him yell out his.

[Deleted]

Oh, this was better. When Bellamy's mouth went hungry against his own, Jasper's body felt like it was being lit up with passion. This was what he needed. He let Bellamy pull off his shirt, their mouths immediately back together once it was tossed aside. Normally he might be a little self-conscious about the nasty scar in the center of his chest from where he'd been speared and then had infection cut away, but he didn't care right now.

He let Bellamy guide him toward the bed, tugging at Bellamy's shirt until Bellamy leaned back and let Jasper pull it off. His hands then immediately started work on Bellamy's pants, pulling them open as he kissed Bellamy again, making a low, hungry sound as he did. He toed out of his shoes, and slid his hand into Bellamy's pants as they moved, his fingers first only ghosting over Bellamy's length, sliding down to gently close his hand around Bellamy's sac with a little squeeze that was firm, but shouldn't hurt, before moving his hand back up to grip Bellamy.

This was exactly what he needed right now. He needed that inside him. Even if it hurt. Hell, he expected it to hurt his first time.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @jasper420

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

When he felt Jasper tug at his shirt, Bellamy helped with the removal of it, as it joined Jasper's somewhere on the ground. It didn't take long before Jasper was unfastening his pants, moving his hand over him, gripping him, squeezing him. The sensation caused Bellamy to groan through the kiss, nipping Jasper's lip in response as the younger male's touch caused Bellamy's arousal to thicken. Knowing that time was not to be wasted, Bellamy moved his hands to unfasten Jasper's pants, pulling them down as far as they could go along with his underwear. He gently pushed Jasper to the bed so that he was sitting on the edge of it, his body moving along with his own so that he didn't have to break the contact of their lips.

Bellamy leaned forward, moving Jasper's upper body back, though with Jasper's feet still on the ground over the edge of the bed. He then moved his lips from Jasper's mouth, moving down along his chest and lower still, until he reached his cock, now kneeling before Jasper. At which point, he glided his tongue over it, wanting to help build the pleasure for Jasper; wanting to help him forget all else if he could. That was after all why he had come to Bellamy . . . and Bellamy did not want to be a failure at this. Whatever they needed from him. He moved his tongue along the top and underside, sucking on his tip after before taking him into his mouth. He wasn't going to make Jasper orgasm like this, but wanted to further arouse him. Further build the need and pleasure.

[Deleted]

Jasper sucked in a breath as his arousal sprung free when Bellamy pushed his pants down, and then slid his hands into Bellamy's hair, continuing to kiss him as Bellamy guided him back on the bed. When Bellamy started moving down, Jasper clutched as his back, diggings his nail in a little as Bellamy's mouth left a trail of heat down his body, before licking over his cock.

Jasper's breath hitched at the ache it sent through him, and then groaned when Bellamy finally took him in his mouth fully. "Ohhh," he moaned, fisting his fingers in Bellamy's hair as he bobbed his head. he pressed his head back against the mattress, eyes practically rolling back as the pleasure from Bellamy's mouth overwhelmed him. He still wanted Bellamy inside him, wanted to feel Bellamy's weight on top of him, but this was too good to stop just yet. His toes curled against the floor as the hand not in Bellamy's hair gripped his shoulder, and Jasper couldn't stop the occasional noises he was making.

"Want you to fuck me," he panted eventually, his breathing coming heavier than normal. He didn't say it to make Bellamy stop, but to let Bellamy know he wanted more than just a blow job.

Tag: Bellamy Blake

[Bellamy Blake]

Tag: @jasper420

whatever

THE HELL WE WANT

Jaspers verbal and physical response further encouraged Bellamy. The way his fingers gripped his hair, the sounds that escaped him . . . it only caused Bellamy to suck harder, slightly picking up the pace as he moved over him. His words explaining what he wanted was the only thing that brought thought back into Bellamy's mind. For however good Jasper tasted, it was about what he needed. Bellamy worked his mouth over him a few more times before withdrawing him with a wet pop as he sucked off the tip. His lips went to his lower sack of skin, sucking it between his lips for a moment before he rose to a stand.

He didnt want to leave Jasper in a state of descending unfulfilled for too long, so Bellamy began to kick off his shoes. "Turn around," he instructed Jasper. Jasper wanted Bellamy inside of him and he would give him that. Besides, it wasnt as if the thought was unappealing. Bellamy was already aroused from their actions thus far. Once his shoes were off, he pulled down his pants and underwear, stepping out of them. With Jaspers position Bellamy proceeded to pull down his lower layers of clothing, dropping it to the ground so that they were both fully unclad.

[Deleted]

Jasper groaned as Bellamy pulled away and then proceeded to suck his sac into his mouth. When Bellamy stood, instructing Jasper to roll over, Jasper lifted his head to look at Bellamy. He hesitated, watching Bellamy undress himself for a moment, his breathing a little heavy. Bellamy was gorgeous. And Jasper probably shouldn't think so, but he did.

Before he could think too much about that, he did what Bellamy told him to, getting onto his hands and knees on the bed, his breath hitching in anticipation at what they we doing. This wasn't how Jasper had ever imagined his first time to be, but that didn't matter. He reached back and gripped himself, not stroking because he didn't want to come yet, but just giving himself some varied pressure to keep his body on edge, to keep whatever nerves he might have through the haze of alcohol at bay.

Tag: Bellamy Blake